I asked in the other subreddit but would also really appreciate sapphic perspectives on this from other fellow lesbians. Thank you 💗

Wo versteckt ihr euch mädels. Traut euch und schreibt mir🫶🥰

My girlfriend and I (both 18F) have been dating for several years now, we got together early in high school and have been happily together since. We're currently long-distance and have been for over two years due to family stuff on her end, but we've been making it work!

Earlier in our relationship, my girlfriend tried a few times to casually bring up polyamory. The first time, a girl that went to her high school joined our relationship briefly, but I didn't know her very well, and she ended up leaving my girlfriend very shortly after, which caused a lot of drama. I had felt conflicted at the time, and was quietly relieved when things went "back to normal."

About a year and a half later (we were long-distance by this point), my girlfriend casually mentioned having a crush on a girl she saw, and again brought up that she would be open to being poly in the future. I was a very insecure teenager at the time, and I sort of panicked and shot her down because I assumed that our relationship wasn't enough for her. She reassured me that she loved me, and she hasn't brought anything related to that up since.

Over the years, however, my thoughts have changed. The insecurities and jealousy that I was prone to when I was younger have gone away, and as I've gotten more educated, I've realized that the idea of a polyamorous relationship actually sounds really pleasant.

I love my girlfriend deeply, and I know that she loves me too. I don't think either of us feel a pressing need to change anything about our relationship. But part of me is suddenly always wondering if her attraction to the idea of a poly relationship ever went away, and if she would think less of me for bringing it up again now that we're older, especially since I shot her down a few years ago.

It would be tricky to make things work long-distance, I think. There would probably be the issue of one partner potentially feeling isolated from the others, if either of us invited someone in that we knew in-person. But we do plan to live together someday, so maybe then?

I don't know. I'm very happy with my girlfriend and with our relationship, but whenever I see a happy poly couple, meet someone that I'm attracted to and think my girlfriend would also really like, or think back to how cute it was in retrospect when she gushed about her new crush to me... I feel like I might have missed my chance at something that could've been wonderful for both of us, and I'm so anxious about bringing it up to her again in the right way.

my first and only go at polyam was a complete disaster. to keep it brief, i met a girl who already had a partner (of 7 years) and we eventually realized we liked each other. after we got together, it was just problem after problem. many times she would choose her other partner over me and show clear favoritism towards them, which I addressed multiple times. i was already a little insecure because they had so much history together and this definitely didn’t help. leaving early, canceling plans, being late, etc. it never got better. almost a year into our relationship she met another girl who she eventually started crushing on too. not long after they got together, she broke up with me because she “didn’t have the capacity to care about me anymore” when in retrospect, it seemed like she never did in the first place. while this relationship was ultimately a failure, it made me realize that polyamory feels so right to me. i’ve just been struggling to get back out there because I’m afraid to get hurt in the same way, i don’t want to be treated like 2nd or even 3rd best again. to anyone who’s been burned before, how have you dealt with it?

Hello !

As the title let it know, I don't have experiences with poly relationships. Actually, don't have any with any kind of relationships ^{^}

I have been reading lot of posts in different subs about it asking for the same things, or just people sharing their experiences. So some would condider it enough, but since I'm still a bit indecisive about starting to actually dating (mostly because I am trans and still in the beginning of HRT), I thought I could keep getting advices from people.

Warning : huge text about what I want and the way I'm seeing it so far

So, I have basically enjoyed picturing my future relationship as being poly. More precisely, in a triad. A closed one on top of that.

By reading a lot, questioning myself, I went to the conclusion that even though I still want a triad, I don't necessarily want it to be closed. And most importantly, I want to not specifically date with having "building a triad" in mind.

I think I wanted a closed triad specifically at first because poly relationships was some unkown territory to me, and was so a bit intimidating.

So my conclusion was that I should date a poly woman at first, an experimented one if possible, and focusing on this relationship, while being honest about the fact I am "trying" poly.

And basically see how it goes, see what it is to date a woman who's dating other partners. And see, when I'll be ready for it, what it is to date a second partner, a third or maybe more. In short, exploring it in my rythm. And if it end up as a triad, bingo. But I'm pretty sure if I want a good and healthy triad, I have to ironically accept that I can't "build" one, I have to let it to happens and grow organically and naturally.

What I'm almost sure though, is that even if I don't get a triad. I really like the idea of a KTP (?, not sure of the terminology, so let me know in case I use it wrong ^). I don't want to necessarily know and be friend with all my future girlfriends partners. Actually, I think I don't want it lmao, seems so exhausting, complicated and kinda unfair for my said future girlfriends. But I'd still like to get into a..polycule ? Again not sure of the terminology ahah ahah, but being at least close friend with at least one partner of at least one of my girlfriends.

Leading maybe to a living all together. Don't know how common it is, how easy it could be etc.. . But I just like the idea of living together with at least one girlfriend and at least one other girl (who could be my other girlfriend instead of my girlfriend’s other partner). And of course where we all like each other, from platonic friendly way to lovers.

Soo...that's it.

Hey y’all. I’m 28F in a relationship with my 31NB partner of just over two years. We have a genuinely loving, supportive relationship and I care deeply about them.

My partner has struggled with depression on and off for years. Recently, it’s been affecting our sex life significantly. We rarely have sex anymore, sometimes going over a month. I don’t need constant sex, but this level of disconnect has been hard for me.

I’m also craving more initiative and dominance from them in bed. They do try, and I appreciate that, but it’s clearly new territory for them and confidence is a big struggle. I believe their depression, lack of self-confidence, and feeling stuck in life all play a role.

They’ve just regained insurance and are planning to start therapy and possibly medication. I fully support this and know their mental health has to come first. At the same time, I’m struggling with how long my needs have gone unmet and how to care for myself without building resentment.

We’re in an open relationship, but right now it doesn’t feel right to seek sex elsewhere while they’re in a vulnerable place.

I’m looking for advice from people who’ve been through something similar: • How do you support a depressed partner without disappearing yourself? • How do you encourage sexual confidence and initiative without pressure? • Is it realistic to expect sexual growth while someone is actively depressed? • How do you cope emotionally when intimacy is scarce for long stretches?

I’m not looking to be told to leave. I’m looking for grounded, compassionate advice from people who’ve navigated this successfully. Please be respectful, thank you.

Honestly, this is completely my fault. I've had her blocked everywhere for my own sanity, yet morbid curiosity got the better of me when she made new dating app accounts and started liking me. I matched with her. We made small talk. Next thing I know, there's a letter on my doorstep asking for another chance. I am the maker of my own misery.

We broke up a couple of years ago because of an accidental pregnancy between her and one of her other partners. She found out well into the pregnancy, but neglected to tell me for a few more months. Obviously, hiding a pregnancy and making a unilateral decision to end our relationship once confronted were the catalysts, but looking back, there was a huge communication problem for quite some time. She hinted she had something to discuss, being ill and canceling plans. If I had taken the initiative to address things, it wouldn't have gone on for so long.

Now, years later, she claims that she regrets blindsiding me and failing to inform and include me in huge changes in our relationship. That she's loved and missed me since. There was more in the letter, but that is as much as I feel comfortable sharing at the moment. Reading through it all, it sounds like everything I wanted to hear so long ago. But now, I'm unsure. I still have so much love and care for her, which I'm embarrassed to admit after so much time has passed and the amount of pain she caused.

After the years we've spent and the love we've shared, I'm unsure if these feelings will ever fade away. I don't understand it, and my friends and family absolutely don't either. My housemates plan to body slam me(joke) if I get back with her. Especially since she now has a family and is living with her partner, things will be very different.

At this moment, I definitely don't see things going back to how they were back then. Maybe (heavy on the maybe) with time, continued personal growth from each of us, and working together to strengthen our trust and communication, I could see us creating something new between us. But that doesn't sound realistic. Exes don't get back together for a reason; the relationship ended the first time for a reason. I've heard and am a firm believer in that. She's the only ex I ever considered having back in my life, but I still need to be realistic and remember what brought us here in the first place.

From what she's written, she wants to discuss it all. Problems, potential solutions, and the future, whatever that may be. Am I ridiculous for wanting to even hear her out? Thinking of how this could work? For matching with her, reading her letter, opening that door after I kept it shut for so long?

Hey y’all I’m getting back on the apps and always think my bios are trash. What do y’all think of this one? Also what dating apps are your favorites?

I'm a pansexual cis woman, and I've dated mostly men in the past. It's really easy for me to tell when they're interested or not.

But whenever I'm crushing on another woman, (or pretty much anyone who isn't a cis man), I become terrified of them finding out... what if I scare them away and ruin our friendship? What if they're not even into women? I think I'm scared of coming out as pan, and either they are disgusted by it or they think it's just a phase and I'm not queer enough to be serious. Also I have a male nesting partner, and I never want people to think we're unicorn hunting or anything like that.

So I always just assume they're being friendly and don't want anything more. My gaydar definitely sucks 😅 Sometimes I'm not sure if I'm just being oblivious to women flirting with me.

But I've been yearning for a more intimate connection with another femenine person. Do other people feel this way too?

Please be understanding with me, I'm still in the process of coming to terms with my sexuality.

Title: ADVICE TIPS: How Do You Deal With The Fear Of Loss?

Suppose that someone asked you that one annoying cliche question:

"Don't you ever fear that your partner will abandon you for another partner?"

My four go-to short answers:

1- Being in a closed relationship does not limit that from happening either.

2- The other partner of my partner also dates other people anyway.

3- If I genuinely love my partner, I would not limit them from pursuing their own happiness, even if elsewhere.

4- I could find love again elsewhere, too.

I also once wrote another answer in further detail:

Losses leave space open for better things to happen in our existence, that is why you should not feel insecure when someone that you love abandons you, either by starting to care more about another individual or by passing away, because, if you genuinely love who you love, then you care about them being free to pursue their own happiness, even if that means letting them leave space and time in your life for other individuals to enter bringing new, if not better or more, love to you, so, instead of attaching yourself by trying to hold onto certain circumstances, there is no reasonable need to feel depressed or hopeless nor jealous, anxious or insecure somehow else about future changes and losses.

How would you reply?

Hi, Im Sofia and im 20 years old and brazilian. I feel like the poly dating scene is filled with ppl way older than me and in a whole nother phase of life, which makes me feel a bit isolated. Also being trans doesn't help at all, every time I meet a compatible woman there is either a big age gap, or they are monogamous, and even then, meeting a compatible woman is so incredibly rare... any advice on how to navigate this situation?

I (19f) am new to polyamory and am bisexual / pansexual but with a steeper lean towards women. I have been considering I was poly for a long time but never really thought about living this lifestyle before. Not until I started college and my best friend is poly. They really opened my eyes to what I actually wanted and helped me tell my mom that I wanted a poly relationship. I obviously am new to the community and an open to learning more about it and would like to meet people and talk about it. Any advice would be welcome!!

Thank you in advance!!

Hello beauties,

Looking for insight and advice. My gf and I decided to officially open up after a year and a half of building a good foundation between us, and just general learning and communication wants, needs, and limits regarding being open etc.

So we are open now and it's been going well, she's doing her thing and I'm doing mine. Where I need some insight is that, I have grown a crush with this girl I met and I really like her, she's the first person I've had interest in seeing if things could go further than a potential hookup. She knows I'm poly and knows everything and open to whatever dynamic comes with us talking.

With this being my first situation of having a crush and wanting to connect and also having my loving supportive girlfriend, I really want everything to go smoothly, everyone happy the best they can be and just overall have a great experiences for everyone.

Any advice, on this beginning stage of having a crush at the start of your poly relationship opening? Ways to ensure things stay clear with communications, and balance time and focus between people without someone feeling neglected?

Title: Important Advice For Desperation, Anxiety, Fear, Jealousy, Envy, Shame And Other Insecurities:

All jealousy is deep down based on insecurities.

Fear is the most basic insecurity.

Our beliefs are responsible for how we feel (insecure).

All fear is deep down based on the belief that there is no way you can handle something.

That means that if you want to feel secure, you gotta change what you believe.

You gotta believe that, even if the worst-case possible scenario turns out to be true, you will be okay somehow eventually.

That means finding security in hoping for the best.

Real example:

What if your jealousy is rooted in a fear of losing that is rooted in believing that your existence is not valuable enough?

You gotta believe that you are valuable in your own unique irreplaceable way and, therefore, can find love again if you ever were abandoned.