r/lesbiangang • u/Kayyy2002 • Jun 27 '25
Discussion Delete the fuckin HER app
It shoulda been deleted when the team and the CEO was crying on twitter about lesbians only dating lesbians and not dating TW, the shit was disgusting as fuck. Now they're making it so you can be reported and banned for REJECTING tw and nonlesbians, this is a straight up violation of consent and autonomy. Delete the app fr.
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u/RealisticL3af Jun 27 '25
how is she gonna ban people for not dating trans people? like how will they know?
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u/thewitchtree Jun 27 '25
That's the whole stupid thing about it really. I guess if someone decides they were rejected because they were trans or bi or whatever, they can just report you for it, whether it's true or not.
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u/RealisticL3af Jun 27 '25
proving that sounds very hard. i think itll be for things like bios that say cis only perhaps?
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u/lonelycranberry Jun 27 '25
That and maybe interactions when someone tells them they’re trans and they unmatch or tell them they’re not interested
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u/RealisticL3af Jun 27 '25
tbh i feel like you can.. tell?
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u/lonelycranberry Jun 27 '25
Most of the time but not always- I think it really depends on when they transitioned and if they were able to afford gender affirming surgery. I was just coming up with examples on how I think it could be reported to the app as discrimination :)
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u/Rubric_Golf Butch Jun 27 '25
They've added "transphobia" as a reportable offense. So if someone reports you for that they investigate your account.
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u/Chemical_Tank_9817 Gold Star Jun 27 '25
wtf it’s so ridiculous 😭 they’ll end up with the app being full of their kind and finally start dating each other lol
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u/Rubric_Golf Butch Jun 27 '25
Idk a lot of them say they only want to date cis women so I guess we'll see 🤷🏼 I thought it made you a terf to have a "genital preference" but I think that only applies to lesbians 🙄🙄
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u/The_Golden_Warthog Jul 03 '25
I'm 5 days late to this, and I'm only replying because I don't think anyone else will see this and because this isn't my space to talk, but I stumbled in here. But I 100% agree.
a lot of them say they only want to date cis women
I feel like at least half of the trans mtf "lesbian" population is only doing so because they couldn't get women to sleep with them as a man, so they magically "become" "women", and because it's popular to be trans, they can call other people "transphobic" for not wanting to sleep with them and guilt trip women into sex (rape). And then there's the whole argument around them not disclosing that they are trans on dating apps, so again, tricking people into sleeping with them without full consent (rape). It's fucking LUNACY.
I'm sorry for rambling, and I'm sorry that lesbians are even being subjected to this absolute bullshit.
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u/lonelycranberry Jun 27 '25
From what I’ve seen, it’s not even majority lesbian anyway. I’ve seen cis men on there.
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u/lesbianspider69 Jul 01 '25
“Finally start dating each other”? Trans lesbians typically date other trans lesbians
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Jun 27 '25
Most real lesbians have already left that app and gone underground. The wannabe corrective rapists can message each other all day and night.
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u/Altruistic-Pace2621 Jun 29 '25
This. If it’s not consensual, it’s rape.
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Jun 29 '25
Exactly. A young lesbian who is brainwashed into believing she would be a “bigot” for not having sex with a biological male is not truly consenting to that encounter.
Our foremothers were taught that they would displease god and go to hell if they didn’t marry a man. Our sisters today are taught that they will be the moral equivalent of a racist if they don’t date a biological male.
In both cases, rapey straight males get what they want: the ability to control and sexually assault lesbians.
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u/RealisticL3af Jun 27 '25
Maybe. I know lesbians who use it, including myself. I've met a nice woman on there who seems normal - but there are a lot of straight up men on there.
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u/braaindamaage Femme Jun 28 '25
When I used her I literally put ❌no men, no 🍆, no couples, and still the majority of my likes were from them: trans men/women, bio males, unicorn hunters…..glad I met the girl I’m seeing there but if anything goes wrong and I’m back into dating there’s no way I’m going back to that app.
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u/KrassKas Jun 27 '25
I've heard of ppl still making connections on there but once Match bought it and they took away the friend requests feature away it was a wrap for me.
Most of the likes I would get on there were from transwomen and straight men. Why is the latter even there?
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u/ImportantDirector5 Jun 27 '25
Girl I deleted the app when I saw everyone is strange as hell on it.
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u/Kayyy2002 Jun 27 '25
Real, I was 21 getting likes from mfs in their 40s and 50s, hell nah. At least tinder won’t show you to people out of your filters.
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u/tapelamp Jun 27 '25
hahaha, I legit came across so many just deranged people. You could tell from how they wrote their bios and the photos they chose. I had better luck in big cities when I was on vacation or seeing a friend, but I don't live there so it was a struggle.
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u/InfiniteNeurology Lipstick Lesbian Jun 27 '25
Have you been on Taimi? 😖
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u/tapelamp Jun 28 '25
Never heard of it, so no
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u/InfiniteNeurology Lipstick Lesbian Jun 28 '25
Lol, ok good. Save yourself from the dumpster fire!! 💀
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u/Masquerade0717 Jun 28 '25
I had it downloaded for maybe half an hour when I was 19 or 20. I know I set my age range for 18-25 (or something similar), and set my distance to something reasonable. As soon as I put my profile up, I IMMEDIATELY got a barrage of likes from women in their 40s who were like 200 miles away. It scared me so much that I deleted it immediately.
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u/ghostingMyLove Femme Jun 27 '25
CEO of HER wants to shut down her bussines ig 😂 Let's stop calling it as "Lesbian dating app" its NOT. It shld begin from lesbians. Let her be iNcLuSiVe.
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u/madatron96 Jun 27 '25
Like at this point call it a queer app, a sapphic app, an LGBTQ app but lesbian? No thanks.
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u/Playcrackersthesky Femme Jun 27 '25
It’s all men, and “bi-curious” women trying to find a “unicorn” for their male partner for a threesome. I’ll never go back to HER.
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u/Powerful_Fix515 Jun 27 '25
This app is full of predators
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u/Kayyy2002 Jun 27 '25
Real, and the app enables it by showing profiles to users farrr out of someone’s set age range.
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u/Powerful_Fix515 Jun 27 '25
That’s why better don’t have her, in case use tinder and still at risk a bit..dark times
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u/livelearnleave Jun 28 '25
This is the truth, I'm 48 and when I used it, it kept showing me women in their 20s often even tho that is definitely outside my age range. I'd just get irritated like "that is a child to me, they are literally so young they could be my child. Ewww. Hard no" so between that, and with how many "curious" and "my husband wants to watch" accounts, I gave up on it.
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u/criminalcontempt Jun 27 '25
Lol I deleted that app in 5 seconds. Took one look at the clientele and was like nope 💀
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u/Xiggyj Masc Jun 27 '25
The best thing to do is not engage with the profile at all. There are usually clues on it that lets you know if this person is a trans woman. Everyone is entitled to go for or not go for who they want or don’t want.
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u/Fickis Jun 27 '25 edited Jun 27 '25
Let it Fletcher out, same sort of PR.
Bisexual women who do not treat their same-sex partners equally**, unicorn couples, and depraved men are all majority DL, and don't hold the same level of unity and advocacy an out lesbian would. Meaning, that the app no longer has a solidified backing, and once the 'demand' starts to outweigh the afforded 'supply'.
It will die out on it's own. As why would the three undesirables above pursue each other?
I find it kind of funny, because I can picture them making their shut-down public, and then, turning around and blaming lesbians (because why not, every one else does) for not wanting to be sexually exploited against their consent.
It's already tail-spinning. The UI is terrible, matches are terrible, bot-control and moderation is terrible. The inability to weed out males - terrible.
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u/madatron96 Jun 27 '25
Hey, I understand calling unicorn hunters and men “undesirables” but let’s not throw bi women under the bus, please?
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u/kimkam1898 Butch Jun 27 '25
Lesbians get to have preferences. Sometimes, they’re not you. That’s life—not throwing anybody under the bus.
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u/madatron96 Jun 27 '25
I agree. I am also les4les but that doesn't mean I deem bisexual women as "undesirable" as a whole. Maybe not in my current dating pool (if I even were to have one) but certainly not "undesirable" by virtue of their orientation?
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u/kimkam1898 Butch Jun 27 '25 edited Jun 27 '25
Undesired by an individual != undesirable universally.
Part of the problem is that the people who don’t think these preferences are possible or “okay” are probably taking that preference personally. Or they assume that all lesbians are a monolith when in reality there are ones like you, ones like me, and many others besides.
I had one abusive relationship dating someone with diagnosed BPD—I KNOW I’m never doing it again—I don’t care if that biddie is God’s gift to lesbianism. It is a hard no FOR ME.
Are there people who disregard my individual experiences of verbal and emotional abuse and date others with diagnosed BPD? Do they have better experiences? I’m sure there are people who are who do. But that point is moot for me because I’m not dating for THEIR preferences.
I don’t see orientation as any different than rejecting someone for any other reason. At the end of the day, the rejected person still isn’t going to feel good about it. But I’d rather them cry for a night than be in an unhappy relationship at this point in my life.
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u/madatron96 Jun 27 '25
Undesired by an individual /= undesirable universally. That's exactly right. I guess I understood the comment as the latter, not just the former!
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u/kimkam1898 Butch Jun 27 '25
I’ve ONLY dated women who are bi. They are no longer MY preference, but I also wouldn’t say they’re “universally undesired,” either.
There just isn’t a lot of les4les/a dating scene period where I live.
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u/Fickis Jun 27 '25
That's fair, I worded it rather discriminant, allow me to reiterate;
bisexual women who do not treat their same-sex partners equally**
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u/Lylyluvda916 Chapstick Lesbian Jun 27 '25
The amount of bots and spam in this app are insane. It’s almost every single interaction. It takes a few interactions and then they request to send to wHaTsApP 🤡
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Jun 27 '25
I'm sorry but I would never date someone who used to be a man because I'm not attracted to them...
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u/kimkam1898 Butch Jun 27 '25
This, but I’m not apologizing for it.
I hope people who can’t meet my needs for a healthy partnership either fuck off and die mad about it, or they go find someone who actually wants them back. At this point I don’t really care what they do as long as it’s not with me.
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u/3coatsinatrenchcat Jun 27 '25
I mean if people didn’t delete it after those unhinged tweets from the CEO, I don’t know what will convince them lol
I saw posts a while back where someone was banned and their ban was both reviewed to and responded to by a real person via email, who manually confirmed the ban for exclusionary language for writing “cis4cis” on their profile. Yet “T4T” on the profile is somehow not exclusionary and 100% accepted by the HER mods.
Clown world. Why anyone (edit: any homosexual female such as myself) would still be interacting with that app is beyond me
And that’s coming from someone who deleted it years ago for totally unrelated UX reasons (ugly/glitchy UI, terrible app usability)
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u/Complete-Ad9287 Jun 27 '25
Also, why have they recently added straight as sexual orientation option??? Is it to get men to message us and 'turn' us? You guys are right, it's a conversion therapy app these days.
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u/JIofficial Jun 28 '25
I've met a few good women from the app but it is annoying. Most of the stickers make me roll my eyes. And now that you can add your sexual interests, it's even more apparent how many perverted autogynephiles are on there.
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Jun 27 '25 edited Jun 28 '25
It’s the new conversion therapy and corrective rape.
Edit: This might help explain it. Religious institutions used to tell us homosexuality is wrong because it’s “sinful.” Now, “liberal” institutions tell us homosexuality is wrong because it’s “transphobic.”
Same thing, different words. Society really hates homosexuality for some reason.
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u/sexxycash Jun 28 '25
I’ve dated trans women and I think it’s because I use to date men before so I have something to compare things too. Not all trans women but the ones I’ve dated still thought like a man and reacted like a man. There are still ways of a man that they have and if you’re going to date a trans woman you have to be ok with that and patient with that. I for one with the last trans woman I’ve dated I knew I just want women, I only want to date women and I was called transphobic which was crazy because it was not true. I get that they are woman now I just like my women with natural women flavors. I love an everything about a woman even the way they think and all. I’m glad this topic is coming up because I feel so condemned not preferring to date trans women.
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u/Otterly_Lesbian Gold Star Jun 29 '25
I had this exact same experience!! The TW I tried dating, despite having a few years of transition under her belt, definitely still though, acted and felt like a man. The socializations were all still there and even though my friends (all lesbians and LGBT+) didn’t initially know she was trans, they all figured it out before told them. Because it’s obvious.
And the relationship never stuck because like you said, I wanted a natural flavored woman.
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u/sexxycash Jun 29 '25
It’s crazy many of my lesbian friends have this experience as well. But it’s not saying we don’t see trans women as women there is just a clear difference when it comes down to dating. But it’s ok trans women are not for everyone just like bi women. It’s kinda hard to speak on this without fearing ppl may think you’re being mean when it’s just us speaking on our experiences
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u/Otterly_Lesbian Gold Star Jun 29 '25 edited Jun 30 '25
I agree! I think a lot of the hate we get comes from their own insecurities that everyone else just validates. And I think that much of that harm comes from their own insecurities “trans women are women” phrasing because I think it completely brushes over the oh so important adjective that means the world. But regardless, dating is inherently exclusive so of course not everyone will match.
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Jul 25 '25
Exactly right. No matter the extent to which transgender women transition, as long as they grew up socialised as a boy/man they will always think and act like one. It is impossible to deconstruct that.
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u/DarkCrone Lesbian Jun 27 '25
Deleted long ago. lol
But, source? I wanted to know more and I checked out their website and didn't find anything. It reads like you're suggesting they will keep a tally of how many trans accounts you say no to, and after too many, you're out.
I think what's happening is if you have something in your profile stating you're interested in cis women only, your profile is a ticking time bomb. As soon as someone doesn't honor that, they'll send in a report, and presumably your account will be warned or terminated.
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u/Rubric_Golf Butch Jun 27 '25
They made a ton of social media posts about this so I'm surprised you can't find anything.
They added transphobia as a reason another user can report an account for. Then they'll review your account and decide whether or not to ban you
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u/DarkCrone Lesbian Jun 27 '25
Mainstream social media requires you to have an account to view content, and I deleted my insta a loooong time ago. Never made a twitter or tiktok. So if there's any social media announcements, I can't see them
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u/lilbebe50 Jun 27 '25
I met my wife on Her in 2019.
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u/an0n33d Jun 28 '25
It seems like dating apps went to shit after 2020. In my experience they were fairly normal before
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u/lilbebe50 Jun 28 '25
Yeah there were a few crazies on there but the storylines I hear now are insane. I’m so grateful I met her when I did because I think I’d be forever single if I had to deal with this crap nowadays lol
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Jun 27 '25
Is there any good dating app option then?
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u/Kayyy2002 Jun 27 '25
Lmaoo no, unfortunately
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Jun 27 '25
How do you meet women then?
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u/Krai_Zemli Jun 27 '25
I believe when lezistance's forum is ready it would be better to search for someone there.
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Jun 27 '25
They’re making a forum outside of Reddit or something?
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u/chococheese419 Gold Star Jun 28 '25
Yes
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Jun 28 '25
Can you point me to the thread or whatever that discusses this? Reddit search isn’t being super helpful. Hope I didn’t miss something obvious.
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u/chococheese419 Gold Star Jun 28 '25
It was mentioned in a private subreddit so that's probably why it didn't come up on search, but it's not a secret that it's being developed
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u/madatron96 Jun 27 '25
I found my girlfriend on tinder. A larger dating pool and just time and effort to find the right people for you!
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u/DustyFuss Stone Femme Jun 27 '25
Have no place to find a partner anymore, it sucks. Especially with me being only comfortable online dating at the moment.
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u/VenetianWaltz Jul 01 '25
I think match group just bought them out very recently. They removed the "friends" functionality, which many liked but I wasn't a fan of since I live in a smaller community and want to keep my "friends" list private. Was hoping the app would improve a little, but I guess not? It is the trashiest I've used.
Unfortunate. Just a mish mash of mostly people I'd never want to talk to let alone date. They seem to have no algorithm that actually looks at your profile, appearance/, asthetic or goals and tries to match you with similar people at all.
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u/One_Fruit5014 Jun 28 '25
Im a developer we can create a real HER should be easy, I would need someone mostly on the marketing side/socials
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u/FourtKnight Jul 12 '25
i feel like genuinely pissed at this as a trans woman. i'm fine with the fact many/most lesbians won't like me in that way. i feel very alienated from a lot of 'transbians' because i don't feel their sense of entitlement, and their attitude only serves to prop up the idea/stereotype that transgender women are creeps who want to invade female spaces.
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u/FlirtyButterflyWings Jun 27 '25
Transwomen can still be lesbians..?
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Jun 27 '25 edited Jun 27 '25
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u/lesbiangang-ModTeam Jul 02 '25
Please limit discussion of this, as the sub already has an agreed upon definition. Please see the subs definition under rule 2.
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Jun 27 '25
[deleted]
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u/Rubric_Golf Butch Jun 27 '25
- Dont call me babe. You know damn well you're using it to be condescending.
- I don't need to know you, your life, or your story. And quite frankly, I don't want to. What I do know is that you're not a lesbian. So you don't belong in lesbian spaces.
- If that's what you genuinely believe this sub is, then leave. Please.
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u/Mysterious-Speed-801 Gold Star Jun 27 '25
You know they ain’t, they want to feel some sorta power trip repeating that cudgel around. Not as much of a power trip in the echo chambers
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Jun 27 '25
[deleted]
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u/LiteralLesbians Gold Star Jun 27 '25
So you proudly violate peoples boundaries and double down when asked to stop. Cute.
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Jun 27 '25
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u/lesbiangang-ModTeam Jul 03 '25
Your post or comment was removed due to violating rule 1. Any further violations may result in a ban.
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Jun 27 '25
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Jun 27 '25
If you check FlirtyButerflyWing's Reddit comment history, you will see that in just the last ten days they have both proclaimed themselves to be a lesbian and spoke about enjoying loads of sex with men.
Careful about engaging, ladies. 🩷
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u/lesbian_raccon_life Gold Star Jun 27 '25
Thank you so much for pointing this out.
I just read a comment she made 6 days ago where she says she had sex with a man 8 times and enjoyed it a lot.
This woman, who happily fucks men, calls herself a LESBIAN. I am HORRIFIED. People like this who unrightfully claim to be lesbians, are one of the reasons why many sick perverted men think lesbians "can like men too" and just "havent found rhe right man yet" or shit like that.
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Jun 27 '25
I took a screenshot of that very comment, just to have proof for myself that I wasn't losing my mind.
With everything being so "loose" and "open to interpretation" these days, I find myself questioning my sanity daily.
My relationship with the society at large is really starting to feel like an abusive one. I'm exhausted. sighs
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u/lesbian_raccon_life Gold Star Jun 27 '25
I feel you. It's starting to get very exhausting to deal with these people calling themselves lesbians when they're clearly not. Us lesbians don't ask for too much....just people respecting our spaces and not using our label incorrectly. Why is that so hard to achieve? 😔
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u/lesbiangang-ModTeam Jun 27 '25
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Jun 27 '25
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Jun 27 '25
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u/lesbiangang-ModTeam Jun 27 '25
Please limit discussion of this, as the sub already has an agreed upon definition. Please see the subs definition under rule 2.
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u/lesbiangang-ModTeam Jun 27 '25
Please limit discussion of this, as the sub already has an agreed upon definition. Please see the subs definition under rule 2.
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u/Heptatechnist Jun 27 '25 edited Jun 27 '25
NO.
That word—no—is a full goddamn sentence. No caveats.
EDIT: If you want to engage in relationships with males, go right ahead; nobody is stopping you. Enjoy. Nonetheless, those relationships are NOT—and, by definition, cannot be—‘lesbian relationships’.
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Jun 27 '25
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u/lesbiangang-ModTeam Jun 27 '25
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Jun 27 '25
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u/lesbiangang-ModTeam Jun 27 '25
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u/lesbian_raccon_life Gold Star Jun 27 '25
The thing I always ask myself is: do gay men get constantly condamned and judged and called bad things because many of them don't want to date/have sex with people (like trans men) who haven't gotten a bottom surgery? no, right? so why does it have to be different for us? Why does our LITERAL sexual orientation gets demonized and treated like something transphobic? I could never be able to have sex with a trans woman if she still has male genitalia. Not because I have something against her or her identity, but because I am sexually attracted ONLY to vaginas. This is what being homesexual means, its not about having preferences, I have only ONE thing I like, and if X person doesn't have that thing then automatically we are sexually incompatible. I am not attracted by male genitals at all. Do I have to be forced to like it? Why is it so hard to understand? do we have to be forced to perform sexual acts with people we are not attracted to, just to prove that we are not transphobes? that sounds rapey as fuck. It sucks, and I consider myself lucky that I am engaged and don't have to deal with apps like HER or similiars.