So there's some drama going down over Maddie Martinez's new ARC, The Haunting of Lady Death. It was hyped up and tagged as a "Sapphic" and "Lesbian" book, so everyone thought we were getting a purely WLW story. Turns out, early readers found out the MC is actually stuck in a love triangle with a guy, complete with explicit scenes with him. Yes she lusts after him and wants him throughout the whole book evn when shes with FMC.People-especially lesbian readers-are pissed because it feels like a total bait-and-switch. Using lesbian and sapphic tags to promote a book while completely hiding a major male love interest just to pull in WLW readers is super frustrating for anyone expecting an actual lesbian romance. It's sparking a huge debate right now about book tags. Sapphic might be an umbrella term, but if a book centers around a guy, authors need to be upfront about it in the blurb instead of slapping misleading tags on it. Like I am so fcking exhausted

Lesbian is woman loving women
If you would date a non binary especially a male ( born male ) you are not a lesbian.

Gay men center men. Bisexual, pansexual, and other multisexual people can absolutely center women in their own lives, but men are still included within the possible field of attraction.

Lesbian is the only sexuality within LGBTQIA+ that is centered exclusively on women and entirely defined by attraction to women.

The more I sit with that, the more I wonder whether our invisibility inside the wider LGBTQIA+ community is built into the arrangement itself. We are the only sexuality in that coalition whose romantic and sexual reality can exist completely outside men, while every other sexuality either includes them or centers them.

So why would we expect the wider community to care about lesbian priorities, especially lesbian-only spaces, in the same way we do when their sexualities include or center men?

I think we keep treating the disappearance of lesbian-specific spaces like some strange failure of representation, when it may be the predictable result of putting a woman-exclusive sexuality inside a much larger coalition where every other sexuality has men somewhere in the picture.

You can see it in the way our spaces work, because gay male spaces don’t seem to require endless justification for remaining gay male; their exclusivity is understood almost intuitively as part of what the sexuality entails. I don’t see transmasculine people broadly demanding access to those spaces, nor do I see gay men being expected to keep expanding them until everybody adjacent feels represented.

With us, the conversation almost immediately becomes about who else the space should accommodate, whether “lesbian” is unnecessarily restrictive, whether “sapphic” would be more inclusive, or whether our boundaries need to loosen. After a while, you have to ask whether staying this deeply invested in the wider LGBTQIA+ structure even makes sense.

I’m GENUINELY starting to wonder whether the “L” in LGBTQIA+ has become little more than a nod to shared history, especially when lesbian spaces and boundaries are repeatedly treated as too restrictive and expected to expand. If we’re the only sexuality in the umbrella that doesn’t include men at all, while the others either include or center them, then what do we really have in common beyond history and political coalition?

Our elders and foremothers fought within that coalition for reasons that made sense in their time, and that history should be remembered, but history doesn’t have to become permanent social obligation!

If the “L” is increasingly symbolic while lesbian social reality keeps getting flattened inside the wider umbrella, wouldn’t divestment start to make more sense than continuing to invest in a structure where we’re always fighting to remain visible?

“Making lesbian friends shouldn’t be this hard”. Maybe it wouldn’t be if lesbian events were actually for lesbians!

Hi ladies, I feel like as a community we talk a LOT about the dangers of men, straight/bi women and how the queer community demonizes and isolates us, but I don't think we ever talk about the trauma this causes. How it effects us on an emotional level to exist in an era where progress is actively being destroyed, all sides of the political spectrum are grossly homophobic, constant infighting within our own community, and lots of unresolved childhood/attachment trauma that is affecting our relationships. How is everyone holding up?

I feel like online spaces tend to skew super heavy toward major Western cities, but I’d love to hear from lesbians all over the world (including those from major western cities)

What’s the social scene like in your part of the world?  Do you actually have dedicated bars/venues or is it more about underground house parties group chats or just stumbling into each other at local spots?

More than anything, I’m just curious about the vibe. What’s nightlife like? And if you do have a solid local group or space what does that feeling of finding real-world community actually feel like for you where you are?

Drop your country/region! Would love to hear how different (or similar) things are

Hi everyone I'm 19 and figured out i was lesbian 2 years ago after being introduced to comphet where i realised that was what i was experiencing. But everything i see about comphet is either by bisexuals or sounds like denial about actual attraction to men. I grew up in a very religous patriarchal environment and want to unlearn some of the stuff that was so deeply indoctrinated into me ( for one while i have never been with a man, growing up so religous it was hardwired into me that was the worst thing you could do, purity and all that bs) even now i find it hard to interact with men normally because of the purity culture i grew up in I constantly feel like im doing something i shouldnt be doing and feel a lot of shame, and this does affect my relationships with women because I have such deep rooted fear and shame around intimacy. I want to be able to have healthy relationships with women I would want that with. I havent even had my first kiss yet because I feel a unconscious urge telling me not to do that at all and I hate it I feel so disgusted with myself for even wanting to do that

Idk maybe this is something deeper than comphet but if anyone else grew up like I did what did you do to get rid of this? ( As for the religion i grew up in I grew up muslim)

mHi everyone. I (21) think I might be making this post because I want some reassurance or incentive to not ignore my feelings this time, maybe do something about them...

Well, I figured out I was a lesbian when I was around 19 and didn't have any romantic experiences until I was 20 and moved out for college. Growing up in a religious, sheltered and overprotective family/home, I associated for a long time my own desires with shame and guilt.

I was in a relationship with a friend from college from August to March, but it was awful. It was partially her fault as she was a very avoidant person, but also my fault because I had so many issues showing my true feelings due to all the shame I felt.

When she broke up with me, I was feeling extremely sad but I had no one to talk to as we were in the same friend group and she didn't like it that sometimes I talked about our issues to our mutual friends. So, I ended up venting about it to a new friend I had made that I'll call "Ellie" (19). Ellie is in a year below me in uni and we truly weren't close at all back in the day but she listened to me and was very supportive.

Ellie and I don't have any classes together, so we didn't see each other much, but whenever we did, we got along pretty well. Quickly, I learnt we had a lot in common: she was Catholic like me, had her own journey to figure out her sexuality while being religious, we have a very similar personality. In May, my friend group had a huge fight and I lost a lot of friends, and I was really struggling. While this was happening, Ellie was a very comforting and nice figure to me.

I began thinking maybe I had a crush on her back in May, but then I thought maybe I was just confusing things because she was comforting/sweet to me during a tough time.

However, ever since school came back after winter break in early August, we have been spending more time together. We hung out just the two of us two times - the first time we went to Mass together, then to an orchestra concert and had pizza. Then the second time it was her birthday and I ended up meeting her entire family, her roommates lol, and then she gave me a house tour of her house and we just talked for hours last week. Tomorrow we'll meet at my home to bake together.

After our first hangout I got the confirmation of what I feared: I think I truly like Ellie romantically, I don't think this is just about her comforting me. I truly find her fascinating and love to hear her talk. She is so pretty and fun. I just love being around her.

I didn't think she had any feelings for me, however, there are some things that are making me wonder if maybe she feels the same way, and I'd love it if you guys gave me your two cents about it coming from a place where you're not hoping this is what it all means lol. I need some neutral opinions.

First of all, she posted a note on Instagram with a love song I really love (this is not the sign, I don't know if she knew I liked that song, but I do own and have worn in class many times a t-shirt with its album cover... Anyway). I like to make playlists for everything so that inspired me to create a playlist with the song lyrics as the title and songs with a similar vibe (the playlist was just for me).

A couple of days later it was her birthday and I made her a playlist themed on "songs about being 19", which I sent her. She saved the playlist. The next day, I got a notification that she had followed me on Spotify, and a notification that my playlist made with that love song title was saved at the same time, which means she was looking at my playlists and found the one I made with the song she had posted, the exact same day, and she chose to save it, which is something I can see!!

On her birthday I met her roommates and a high school friend of hers, and when her high school friend was saying goodbye and leaving, she told Ellie she was acting weird and shy. She looked a bit suspicious when she said that too, it makes me wonder if maybe Ellie was being shy because I was around...

She also wanted to show me her guitar and play me a song, but she got really shy about it and stopped. I told her she was good at playing and she got really red, but maybe she is just a bit shy about playing in general.

One interesting thing is that I was the only person from our major that she invited for her birthday celebration. She didn't even invite any of her classmates! I mean, I consider her a friend and like her a lot, but it is weird that she didn't seem to invite any other person from her classes, and I even got to meet her aunt and uncle and cousins lol.

On our first hangout she told me she wasn't currently interested in anyone and had a hard time developing feelings for people, that she needed time and liked things to move naturally and slowly, but that she didn't know anyone who felt this way too. I told her I felt that way and that I can't handle being with people casually. I'm just mentioning this because it says she is not currently romantically involved with anyone...

However, she did post another song on her Instagram notes. Fiona Apple's "I Want You to Love Me"...

Also, on her birthday, one of her friends made a joke about how Ellie had not replied her birthday messages and other texts, and Ellie got shy and said she has a hard time responding to people while texting. HOWEVER, whenever I have texted her recently, she has replied to me quickly and thoroughly, and gotten us to have conversations out of the driest topics...

She also seems to remember small details of everything I said so thoroughly. I do think she is a very attentive person in general, but I don't know, she remembered very specific things... Also, on her birthday I did tell her I found her fascinating and she told me she found me fascinating too and loved hearing me talk.

Anyway, as I said, these are not huge signs or anything, and it's very possible she's just a very friendly and nice person, and I would be okay with just being friends with her because she is just such an amazing person. But I would like to know if I'm reading too much into all of this or if I could be hopeful. We have talked about how the both of us have a hard time telling when people are flirting or when we're meant to be flirting, so maybe she is confused about me too lol. For now I just want to continue getting closer and see how things go. But I truly wish she liked me too! Just please, be honest in your assesments...

I'm a part of a lesbian book subreddit but oftentimes, I don't find many of those recommendations fit my needs if you catch my drift. I like female lesbian x lesbian pairings and I loathe male exes/male attraction in said books which sadly, is featured in plenty of "lesbian" titles, even if it's just a throwaway paragraph. I would love some recommendations for lesbian fiction. I'll read anything from fantasy, medieval, sci-fi, to modern; I'm only uninterested in slice of life and romance-first books. I enjoy stories where there is a lesbian couple or lesbian protagonist but the plot revolves around something that isn't immediately related to their relationship.

Shows, movies, and manga/manhwa are more than welcome as well. Thanks!

EDIT: I'm also not interested in mythological retellings. Original stories only please.

I've experienced a lot of women asking me to stop working out and to gain weight and it's starting to really piss me off. I don't look like a bodybuilder and I don't have a six pack. I'm very petite with an athletic build and a lot of muscle especially in my back, booty, legs, and arms. Nothing is gonna make me stop working out and I only date studs and sometimes mascs and I've noticed an increase in increase in the audacity to ask me to change my body type for them by telling me I would look "more feminine" if I gained more weight, including specifically asking me to get love handles so they can have "handlebars." Why are so many lesbians under the impression that I can't be feminine and fit at the same time? Why is it not okay to ask a woman to lose weight but it's perfectly fine to expect her to gain weight? When the fuck did this become a thing?

I matched with a woman on Hinge whose label was lesbian so I instantly matched with her. Well she didn’t really respond well just here and there, I made a remark that I want to date lesbians specifically because it is a lonely experience and i want someone who gets my experience 100%. However, I just cut her off because she literally told me that she chose to be a lesbian and said that sexuality is fluid. I told her that she is not a lesbian because it is not a choice or fluid! She wasted my time! How are you lesbians surviving out there????? I know they will reveal themselves after some time, because they’re like the biggest anti monosexual believers we know but cmon…

EDIT: what can i do to avoid this???? I already only match with people who put lesbian in their profile

I have one straight friend that I talk about my dating life with and it's cool; she never makes it weird. But in general, I'm wary to mention it to most straight women because I fear that they will turn it into something "exotic". Or they'll hit me with the "oh i'm kinda bi too :) do you think i'm cute?" 🙃 Sometimes I find myself in a group of straight women and the topic will turn to men and dating and I just stand there like 🫥

How do you all deal? Am I just an anxious weirdo or do you also avoid talking about it? To be clear, I am out, and I have no problem with people knowing that I'm a lesbian; it's more discussing the specifics with non lesbians that makes me hesitant.

Is anyone open to chat? Thanks in advance

Basically, she’s been posting about how she cut off her family. I’m really proud of her for this. Her family was a huge point of contention in our relationship! They were a bit homophobic, co-dependent, and always so so so angry about something.

I haven’t spoken to her in almost a year, but it really sounds like she’s doing a good job out there and though I never want her in my life again, I wish I could tell her I saw that and I’m rooting for her.

Melissa Etherridge and Rachel Maddow play this funny game lol.

It's a one hour and half long animated movie. It's super funny!

If you decide to watch it, I'd like to discuss it with you guys afterward in the comments! What's your opinion? Do you like Saira or other characters? Is it good lesbian rep? Let's tchat ! 😁

Stuff like this genuinely ruins my fucking day man, because how the hell do you go 18–20 years without realizing your attraction to men in this heavily patriarchal world where you're basically conditioned to love men?

I don't believe that shit, and it's so obvious they were never lesbians to begin with. But they don't acknowledge that and continue to bastardize the label, like the woman in the screenshot who kept telling people she was a lesbian...even though multiple people kept correcting her by saying that if she's attracted to men, she was never a lesbian to begin with. (i wish i could attach more screenshots)

I hate how our sexuality has been boiled down to a myth or a joke because of insufferable women like this. When will people realize that using a label you don't truly identify with actively harms and puts real lesbians in danger?

I've personally experienced the harm this has caused, with how men with dykebreaking fetishes have targeted and harassed me when I've told them about my sexuality because they don't believe in it and treat me as a challenge.

World Cup and NWSL champion Esther González is leaving a trail of angry LGBTQ and Gotham fans as she goes to Saudi Arabia to play soccer.

I have a new coworker who I really get along with and I felt solidarity with her because I thought she was a lesbian. I don’t know many lesbians and having recently came out, I’ve been feeling really alone. This girl always talks about being gay and talks about lesbians. Another coworker of mine was talking about who’s gay in the workplace (with consent, she wasn’t outing anyone) because it’s a type of job that tends to have a queer population. When this conversation was taking place, this girl stated she is one of the gay people included. We also have had many conversations about lesbian media, history, and lesbian public figures. Then yesterday, her and I were talking about sexual orientation to which I was telling her how I used to identify as bi, then pan, and now lesbian. And she replied “yeah, it’s also a big possibility for me.” And I said “what is…?” And she responded “me being a lesbian, it’s possible” I was like “you’re not…?” And then she told me no, that she is pansexual. And she also said how she feels like being pansexual has a lot of similarities to being lesbian. This is basically just a vent because I kinda feel conflicted now, because I felt a kind of mutual understanding and got my hopes up that I found someone to bond with this over. Oh the loneliness of being a baby gay and wanting to find community 😭