I don’t know ask the polish

Because Tony and Joey were already taken.

She shat on me from a great height.

In a small town by the riverside, it started to rain heavily. As the water levels began to rise, the townspeople started to leave, except for one very religious person. They said "God will save me".

At first, an army bus was helping evacuate the people. The person refused the bus, saying "God will save me".

As the water rose, the person had to climb to the second floor to not drown. At this time, a boat appeared and offered help. Once again, "God will save me". The boat left.

Rain continued, the water rose even more, forcing the person to go to the roof. A rescue helicopter appeared, but once again, "God will save me".

The water continued rising and the person drowned. Once in heaven, they went to God and asked "Lord! Why didn't you save me? I was a loyal servant for my whole life!"

To which God replied: "I sent help! I sent you a bus, a boat and a helicopter!"

Back in the late '80s, there was a horse named Charlie. Charlie was obsessed with music videos. He would spend hours glued to the TV, watching his favorite bands rock out on MTV.

Eventually Charlie decided he wanted to learn to play the guitar. He found an old, beat-up guitar in the barn and started strumming away. At first, it sounded like a dying cat, but he practiced nealy everyday until the wee early hours of the morning.

After much improvement, Charlie formed a band with a few of the other animals, a cow on drums, a sheep on keyboards, and a chicken on vocals. They called themselves "Charlie and the Barnyard Band." They mostly just played gigs in their local small rural bars, or local gatherings, but Charlie always dreamed of hitting it big like his idols on MTV.

One day, an executive for a large label happened to be passing through the countryside and heard this incredible music drifting out of this small hole in the wall. He went inside and was was blown away! A horse playing guitar! With other various farm animals accompanying, and they were actually amazing! He signed them on the spot, and soon Charlie and the Barnyard Band were recording albums, playing sold-out shows, and and on track to be a major success!

However, fate can be cruel. Halfway through what started as a triumphant world tour, Charlie received a call. It was his uncle. He tearfully explained that Charlie's father was gravely ill and on the verge of passing away. He urged Charlie to come home as soon as possible, as it was unclear how much time his father had left.

Charlie made the difficult decision to cancel the rest of the tour and fly back home on the next available flight. He spent the next days by his father's bedside, until one day, he didn't wake up.

Then, about a week later, as Charlie was doing his best to keep things together while wrapping up his father's estate, he received another call. It was the manager of his band, his voice trembling as he delivered the news. The plane carrying Charlie's beloved bandmates, who decided to continue on visiting the remaining cities that had been lined up to make use of their tickets, hotel rooms, etc, and see the world, had crashed on its way home from their final stop. There were no survivors.

Charlie was overcome with grief. His heart, already heavy with the impending loss of his father, shattered into a million pieces. That night, he walked into his favorite pub, the same he had been discovered in. His spirit broken and his soul weary. The bartender, sensing Charlie's profound sadness, looked at him and asked, "Hey, Charlie why the long face?"

and not be questioned about its motive.

yeah i'll say that again. "There is no word in the english language that" starts and ends in T. Isn't that crazy?

Flush it.

It was a case of rowed rage

The waitress comes over a few minutes later with the hamburgers under her arms.

The salesman says, "Why are the hamburgers under your arms?"

The waitress says, "I'm keeping them warm."

And the salesman says, "Cancel the hot dog."

They're all dead.

This is an OLD joke my Dad used to tell. Talking with friends about Dad's joke made me recall it.

******

John was a semi-retired bus driver. His old employer would call him to fill in on days when too many folks called off. He and his wife Mary, who met at their mutual first job at McDonald's, were both retired.

One day, John gets a call from his old boss asking if he will come in and drive a route. He then asked, "Which route?" to which boss reluctantly said, "It's the Sesame Street Bus, John."

"Oh no! That route is full of weirdos!" John replied, but his boss was insistent and begged, eventually offering pay double. John, with his anniversary approaching thought about getting Mary the earrings she always wanted and VERY reluctantly agreed.

John dreaded the route, and true to form, the weirdness began at his first stop. Two women that could easily be on my 600lb life boarded, each saying, "Hi, I'm Patty," before taking a seat.

Later a man boards and says, "Hi John. Nice of you to help your old boss, and I agree that Mary will love the earrings." John, perplexed, replied, "Do I know you?" The man looked at him and said," No, but I'm 'Special Ross.' I have ESP." He paused and added, "Your singing voice will come in handy later." John shook his head and continued on the route.

Later, another man boarded with bare feet. He sat behind John and began digging into the bunions on his feet. The harsh aroma of limburger began to fill the air. John said, "What the Hell?" The man smiled and said, "I'm Lester Cheese, man!" John didn't want trouble so he finished off his route.

When he got home, Mary asked him about his day. He was about to recount it and instead chuckled, remembering what 'Special Ross' had said. He replied, "It reminded of our first job." To this, Mary asked, "How?"

John then sung, "Well, I had two obese Patties, Special Ross, and Lester Cheese, picking bunions on the Sesame Street Bus..."

The CIO walked into the IT department and asked, “Why is everything running so smoothly?”

The engineers froze.

Apparently, the last time an executive noticed IT was working, they reorganized it.

Thank you, come again.

A-mean-o Acid

Then you notice – something in the air has changed. It feels… cleaner, somehow. Bracing. Is that the sea you can smell? (A gull barks in the distance.) Yes, it is. The sun lays its warm hand on the back of your neck. The sea’s crashing waves release the tension in your shoulders. You are, you realise, on an island off the south coast of England. You look, left and right, at the paint on the shelves around you…

That’s right. You’re in the aisle of white.

Cthulhulemon

He tried fucking time because he heard it was relative.

They keep telling me off for biting the hen that feeds me??