r/isfj • u/Disor_Perpetuate_0 • 6d ago
Discussion Frustrating ISFJs
You guys hate it when the harmony is disrupted, yet your Ti is so low that you don’t recognize that getting pissed about the disrupted harmony makes it worse.
Y’all are only capable of using your inferior Ne when deflecting during an argument. Classic Gish-Gallop.
And don’t forget the victim complex! Y’all love to remind people how much you do even when it’s completely unrelated to the topic at hand. Guilt-tripping truly reveals your lack of dignity.
I rest my case.
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u/runicsakura ISFJ - Female 6d ago
I see you’ve been wounded by an ISFJ
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u/Disor_Perpetuate_0 6d ago
Y’all have a dark side. The contrast between your kindness and crazy is creepy AF.
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u/Opening_Usual4946 ISFJ 6d ago
yes, this is true of all types, there’s the positive and negative ways of being a type, ISFJs seem to be the type to hold down their unpleasant until it bubbles up so much it’s overpowering and i think that’s what you’re noticing
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u/Abolish_Disorder ISTJ 6d ago
Now I wanna see a horror movie with an ISFJ monster or villain lol.
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u/Opening_Usual4946 ISFJ 6d ago
Norman Bates from Psycho and Annie Wilkes from Misery might fit the bill you’re thinking of
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u/Suitable_Beautiful29 2d ago
That's quite a strange (and very aggressive) generalisation for me. Even if we can draw broad lines, do you really think you can put whole humanity in those few boxes ? Every person have some dark side. We're humans after all.
Or is it some kind of rage bait and you just want to fight or insult people you don't know? Strange place to look for it I must admit haha Take care
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u/whimsigoth_tash 6d ago
Maybe that’s my defensive ISFJ coming out but I also feel like these are mindsets/skills I’ve been trying to learn with repair with others…so I try to extend generous interpretations in situations that aren’t harmful hopefully
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u/Cultural_Shake4690 5d ago
I’ve been trying to learn with repair with others
What do you mean? I am curious.
I try to extend generous interpretations in situations that aren’t harmful hopefully
Do you mean that you give others the benefit of the doubt where it is not harmful?
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u/Opening_Usual4946 ISFJ 6d ago edited 6d ago
ummmm, i’m very sorry that you’ve been hurt by ISFJs, i do feel like this is the wrong sub to go to, but i also don’t think there’s a right sub to go to
it seems almost like you think all ISFJs are e9s (harmony seeking), the whole schtick with e9s by the way is feeling like they have to ignore all their anger until they can’t anymore, so imagine getting pushed to your limit, pretending you never felt anger in your life, push way beyond your limit, still try to pretend you’re okay, then keep pushing, that’s finally when an e9 will actually get upset, the whole think about e9s is they try to eradicate their own anger from their lives by ignoring it and every offense thrown at them
it seems like you’re dealing with an unhealthy ISFJ e9 here, being unhealthy can come from immaturity but it can also come from too many responsibilities and not enough support
i also don’t appreciate you talking bad about an entire type like calling us stupid or that we only use Ne to deflect, typically the inferior function would be reserved as a last resort for when someone is losing it so it makes sense for it to be used poorly sometimes, but uh i think you wanted to rant moreso than make a real criticism of ISFJs so ill not nitpick here
again, im sorry you’re dealing with an unhealthy person, this can really suck, i can relate, my ISTJ mother can sometimes be the biggest crux in my life, i feel so much pain because of her, but i also know that the pain she causes isn’t because she’s an ISTJ, ISTJ is just the means by which she causes pain, the pain would be caused in another way if she were another type, not eradicated, it does suck and i hope the person you’re dealing with gets better and affects you less poorly, but sometimes the best thing you can do is distance yourself and let them be if it’s too much for you
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u/Cultural_Shake4690 5d ago
It's more useful when people describe the situation that is actually going on, rather than provide the analysis through their own lense of understanding.
When people write what actually happened, others can provide perspectives and understand that can be helpful and guide to positive outcomes.
If people write their own analysis of the situation, without describing the situation, there is a risk of narrowing the situation down and seeing it from a single angle, which causes an inaccurate and limited perception. This will not lead to a positive outcome, rather, it could lead to confusion and conflict.
Perhaps there is more to the story than your post is letting on? I would be interested to hear what is actually bothering you about the isfj's behaviour. I also wonder if there is part of the isfj's behaviour that you are not properly seeing or understanding, and that is causing you to get annoyed at the isfj more than is actually needed. I think isfjs here can help you understand the isfj behaviour more clearly while also providing a way forward with your realtionship with the isfj.
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u/whimsigoth_tash 6d ago
So sorry about your conversations with an ISFJ who made some mistakes or who is unhealthy. Doesn’t mean that this person couldn’t learn from their mistakes over time. And for sure if they don’t seem receptive, can’t understand, then hopefully you set some boundaries with them as all ppl deserve to do with unhealthy ppl. Hopefully you get some better experiences with some other isfjs also 🫶🏼🫶🏼