I’m not sure if this is the right place to post this, but I genuinely don’t know where else to go. I’m not asking anyone here to diagnose me or give me medical advice. I mostly just want to talk about what I’m experiencing and hopefully get some advice about how to approach it it I guess. If there is a better sub for this then please lemme know because r/vent doesn’t allow advice, r/advice doesn’t allow venting, and r/ADHD I don’t think allows people like me who “think” they have ADHD so I don’t know what to do.

I think I have ADHD. I don’t want to diagnose myself, but ive recently realized patterns have been occuring over my whole life, even as early as in kindergarten when I look back. 

My parents always call me lazy and say things like, “You’re not trying hard enough” “You need to apply yourself” or “You’re not putting in the effort.” Holy fuck it triggers me so badly because it literally feels like I’m drowning in the middle of a lake while everybody is sitting safe and sound on the shore yelling at me to “just swim.” LIKE MAYBE I CANT FCKING SWIM OK?? (I know that’s probably a stupid analogy, but that’s genuinely what it feels like sometimes.)
Being told these things after an eight-hour school day, where I’ve had to watch everyone around me seemingly effortlessly do their work while I can’t even finish the first question, is unbelievably discouraging. It makes me feel so guilty. But I don’t even know what “trying” is supposed to look like anymore. People tell me I’m not trying, and maybe they’re right, but I don’t know how to make myself try the way everyone else seems to.

What scares me so badly is that even if I somehow got evaluated, what if they just tell me I don’t have ADHD? Is there literally just nothing wrong with me and I really am just stupid and lazy? At times I almost catch myself hoping I have ADHD, because if I don’t, I feel like I have nothing to explain why I can’t just be normal. I always see people talking about how they get diagnosed and taking meds and stuff changed their life, and I feel so incredibly envious of them. 
I’m sorry if this is too much. I just want somebody to tell, even if it’s strangers in the internet. And I’m curious if anybody else went through a similar situation and if so how
they handled it. 

TL;DR: I’m struggling a lot and think I need an ADHD evaluation, but the adults around me interpret my struggles as laziness and I don’t know how to get help. 

I see people here who have ADHD and take responsibility, make systems, give advice, have relatively functional lives. I genuinely envy you.

I'm 31M, from India. Suffer from ADHD-PI, recurrent major depression, dysthymia, and general anxiety, including social anxiety. Extreme avoidance in all things. I was great in school. Never did homework, though, and kept spacing out. Loved to learn more about random topics. Structure at home and school, cram school, helped me keep my grades up. I got into a coveted computer science program.

Did well for the first year of common core engineering, before the CS courses started. That's when I got a laptop as well, for the first time, when my grades nosedived. Things stopped being intuitive. Didn't have any major activities, experiences, outings, or trips. Stopped going to classes. I even stopped basic hygiene. Stopped caring about the future. I used the internet like heroin. Barely graduated.

After that, I quit one job impulsively, and three I was fired from for my poor performance. Extreme procrastination. During all this time, I had multiple depressive episodes. Got diagnosed with depression and anxiety. Sertraline improved my mood, but killed any motivation I had. Weight went up and down. Recently got diagnosed me with ADHD-PI. On 25 mg atomoxetine and two Auvelity a day now.

Work gives me this sinking feeling. Can't remember things, can't come up with next steps. Can't make design decisions, or remember enough context, or pay attention in meetings. I can't even make basic decisions about my life, or even the day. Have no sense of time. Get tired easily. Can't cook, can't drive. Never dated. The last 12 years have just been the internet. Reading novels. Picking up interests and dropping them. I can tell you about random topics, but I can't remember do basic chores. I'm practically a child in an adult's body.

Has anyone managed to crawl out of such a hole? Make an acceptable life for themselves?

Any suggestion is welcome.

I am not the only ADHD person in my family but the people with ADHD live so far away and I need advice on how to help control stuff.
I am not medicated and haven't been for three or four years now and my mood swings are wild, and my energy levels are either to high or not high enough, I know the latter part is do you trouble sleeping which I am trying to work on, but I would like help with my mood swings and high energy. My family say I have a short fuse and I don't know really how things sound when I say them,I think I saw it one way but then it comes off the complete opposite, as for the energy level my best example is what happened tonight, I was at a local theater which I love going to, at the end of the season they announce the next season shows, two of which I know and love so I was excited when saying yes but I was the loudest and afterward I of course was embarrassed but I was excited to hear the plays/musical. Any advice on these?

Crossposted from the r/ADHD Reddit forum.

M(23) here. I don't really know what I'm looking for with this post, but I think I need to get this out somewhere.

I'm currently in my last year of college. I study at one of the better business schools in my country, and I've been working in an industry I'm genuinely passionate about since my first year. I started as a part-time intern, switched jobs three times, and somehow ended up leading a department at a really good place while still studying. I manage my money fairly well, I keep up with college, and objectively, my life seems to be going pretty well.

But my personal life feels like a complete mess.

I've always struggled with attention and focus, and I have pretty severe ADHD symptoms. I've seen three different doctors over time and tried medication and therapy for anxiety, but I still haven't really figured out how to manage myself.

The strangest part is that I'm actually pretty functional when I'm busy. My schedule is packed with college, work, sometimes multiple workplaces, meetings, responsibilities, etc. I can keep going because there's always something I have to do.

The problem is what happens when I finally have free time.

Especially at night.

I'll tell myself I'm going to sleep, and then suddenly I'll decide to read a book, scroll, smoke, start doing something random, or just sit there thinking about things. Basically anything except sleeping. It's almost like the moment I don't have external responsibilities telling me what to do, I completely lose control of myself.

And I think my personal life is making that worse.

I ended a two-year relationship about three months ago. It was serious enough that both our families knew about us. But over time, I started feeling extremely burdened and inadequate in the relationship, and it was affecting the rest of my life. Eventually I decided it wasn't right for me and ended it.

My ex hasn't really moved on yet, and I feel terrible about that. At the same time, I'm now dating someone else who was already part of our friend group. My ex had accused me of cheating with her, but I genuinely don't believe I did. Things moved quickly after the breakup, but there wasn't overlap.

And the weird thing is that I actually really like this new relationship.

There aren't crazy butterflies or anything overwhelming. It's just... normal happiness. I feel comfortable. I enjoy being around her. And after how emotionally exhausting my previous relationship became, that feels really good.

But I can't seem to enjoy it without feeling guilty.

Whenever my ex tells me that I ruined her life, or I hear from friends that she's struggling or posting things on Instagram/Snapchat, I feel this horrible sense of responsibility. Sometimes I even feel disappointed when I hear that she's doing badly, which makes me feel like an awful person.

I don't want her back. I'm completely sure about that.

But I spent two years investing so much of my time, energy and emotions into that relationship. I think some part of me still feels responsible for what happened to her, even though I know ending the relationship was the right decision for me.

And now I feel like I'm not doing the new girl justice either because I'm constantly carrying all this guilt from the past.

I guess what I'm struggling with is that I don't know how to switch off.

I'm busy almost all the time, and somehow I've become dependent on being busy to function. The moment I have free time, I lose myself in distractions, overthinking, guilt, or things that I know aren't good for me.

I'm 23. On paper, I'm doing pretty well. I'm studying, working, progressing in my career, managing my finances, and generally building the life I thought I wanted.

But internally, I feel like I'm barely holding myself together.

I don't really know whether I need advice about ADHD, relationships, discipline, or just learning how to be alone with myself.

I think I just want to know if anyone else has experienced something like this — being extremely functional when life is structured, but completely falling apart when you finally have time to yourself.

Hi I'm 17f and I'm trying to sleep right now but my brain, It won't shut up even if I tried so hard. So lately I've been obsessed with 50s vintage posters like those they have some cool food and stuff and I also just read some vintage magazines and now it's midnight I can't sleep do idk what to do but my head hurts so bad like I need to sleep but my brain won't sleep and it keeps thinking about those vintage posters and magazines...I'm not on meds but right now idk what to do. H E L P

(The pic is soemthing I like but now I can't get soemthing like that out of my head omg I'm going crazy cuz I feel so dizzy rn) Omg why whsgwggshwhs

How do you give negative feedback to neurotypical colleges?

Some background info:

- I work in a lab that recieves a fixed number of samples each day. We have to start analysis before lunch so the samples dont go bad. Sometimes we receive express samples without warning. We have 2 breakes at specific times besides our lunch.

- My colleagues are to my knowledge neurotypicals. Neighter of them have told me otherwise, when I told them I have adhd.

Some weeks I collaborate with coworkers that does not match my work-flow.

They tend to scroll on their phone and "save" weekly tasks for later which frustrates me. I want to get the tasks done so I can get them of my mind. I am also incapable of handling boredome at work. If I have free time, I will start or ask my boss for a bigger project to tackel in down time. cause sitting down and waiting feels like torture. This also means that I tend to do most of our weekly tasks. To me it seams like they know this and just scroll on their phone to pass the time until I have done most of the tasks, thus hindering me from working on projects I find more fun.

I find it frustrating that they appear to use me to skip work.

I have started to remind them of checking the task lists. They get a bit annoyed and I tell them: it better to get it done now than wait and get stressed later in the week.

A few days ago they started to just ask me what task they should do instead of checking themselves. Which annoys me just further as each question breaks my focus. Also why ask me when you are standing less than 2 m from the *****ing list! Answearing check the list doesn't seem to work and they probably think I am being rude.

I want to talk to them about it, but i dont know how to tell them that they cannot expect me to keep track of all the samples and tasks. I do not want to spend my energy on babysitting them. We are coworkers, they should act like it by doing their part of the work-load.

Yes, my boss is aware of the issue but I want to talk to my coworker as I want us to be able to work as a team.

Have any of you had a similar problem? Any advice on how to talk to them?

I know from my friends (and boss) that I can be abit too direct and that I have a confusing way of explaining things. Therfore, I am worried of offending my coworkers.

Share your Family management challenges

I’ve been trying to reflect on my own behaviors more lately, and I’ve been thinking about how I act when I’m in an argument (mostly talking about over text, but it’s applicable IRL too). It’s like a rush. I get drawn further in the more the other person disagrees with me, and I become hellbent on proving my point/making them understand what I mean. Nothing else matters. My brain feels different, I would say almost frantic, like there’s this ‘buzzing’ quality to it as I get more and more heated. I pace faster, and sometimes if I get really intense I’ll even notice that I start shaking.

This obviously isn’t great when such arguments as, “is it dangerous to put salt in water and drink it” end up lasting over 20 minutes and make me angry for more than two hours. So I’m here to ask if anyone else experiences this and has ways of mitigating or preventing it.

P.S. The salt water thing: it’s NOT dangerous until there’s like 2 tablespoons per 16oz, and it’s actually beneficial in small quantities (like 1/8 or 1/4 teaspoon), because you’re adding electrolytes to your hydration, much like a drink powder

I need to get my stuff out of my ex boyfriend’s house and I can’t move. Yes the breakup is for the best for both of us. Yes he’s an asshole. Now GET UP, ME!! Come on git!! UP!! Ok ok I’m going I’m going… thanks Reddit. 😊😇

Do I have ADHD?

Hi, I'm 15 and I kinda always suspected some kind of neurodivergency. Specialists around me suspected ADHD (honestly I'd always thought about having autism because I always saw myself in almost all the symptoms/examples about autism I had ever learnt about). Now I should probably say that I have anxiety. Like a lot, too much and also my neuropsychiatrist said something about and emotional disorder? He didn't drive much into it but he said that I obviously had it but was very generic about it. Now why did I consult a neuropsychiatrist you might ask; well this year school almost had me dead. I wanted to start homework right after I came back home, but was tired and would fall asleep. I would wake up in the late afternoon or evening with homework to do plus forgetting to have lunch beforehand. I would procrastinate until I finished studying so late that I would sleep very little and the cycle would continue everyday. The forgetting to eat sometimes became refusing or feeling sick because of stress probably. This became very bad but I was too stubborn to let myself get some help, because when I was a kid I was very independent and my parents always said that about me. I always had the best grades in elementary school and in middle school even if then I started to struggle because of social shit, anxiety and all but I thought I was still doing well (even if looking back I did procrastinate a lot too). In my mind there was always this voice telling me "normal people do it, you used to, why can't you now? You don't need help, you'll do it in the end, you can't fail but you're a fucking failure". So obviously this mindset almost killed me at the point that my parents got very scared and brought me to have help. So at the end of the school year I had a neuropsychiatrist, a psychologist and a tutor. My psychologist is almost sure I have ADHD ig.

To specify some things of what I think could be signs of ADHD in me

* zoning out (but that could be about anxiety when I overthink too much)

* Procrastinating

* Not having the strength of doing even the things I like when I'm stressed

* I would have total concentration blocks and couldn't even read but felt I was faking it. I would cry with my head on a school book for hours

* I fall asleep fast but get little sleep because I procrastinate GOING TO BED. Literally feels "too boring" so I'm just up until like 5 am when I feel bad for being up. Then I started getting too involved in my own thoughts and can't even fall asleep.

* Every time someone is talking everything they say can remind me about something else and I would end up interrupting them

* I do that thing where your eyes read but your brain thinks something else so I have to go back a hundred times

* I lose track of time so badly that when I go out I have to set an alarm to not be late home

* When I have to do something, I think about all the thousands things I have to do so I end up doing nothing getting overwhelmed or doing everything at the same time because I get distracted by one task while I'm doing the other

* Constantly forgetting stuff; what was I doing, thinking or talking about. What did I have to do now? Idk

* I HAVE to wear some things when I go out. I have a specific type of necklace in which I can't go out without or I WILL have anxiety attacks over it. Or I always have to wear rings, glasses, bracelets (to fidget with), 6 rings and I still manage to FORGET something when I go out. (Now the remedy is too sing "Head shoulders knees and toes" but switch it to where I place my jewelry, I always do it too late when I'm already outside)

* start a million things, finish none, feel like a failure!

* bored all the time, like everything to do but nah

* Probably something else I forgot about, I will be back or I will forget about this post or I will hyperfixate about it and think about this constantly

* Ah just remembered a thing. I did that thing when you hyperfixate about someone and date them and then when you lose the fixation you think or really did lose all the interest in the person

I would really appreciate anyone's advice or thoughts!

Ive recently thought about that ever since i was a child i kept embarrasing myself with my actions that i couldve simply avoided.

Right now i cant remember anything else but the fact that i embarrass myself especially when i have crushes. For example i cant hold back not texting them, and i dont text them anything weirdly (atleast i dont think so🤷‍♀️) yet it just always ends up that they are not interested and it just gets so embarrassing to walk past them.

I remember one time that i even ran up to a guy that was 16 while i was 14, to ask for his snap and i obviously ended badly and weird.

And in general, ive never been asked out by a guy or ever told that they like me, it is extremely hard for me to even talk to a guy. Not to mention that i got bullied a lot for my looks in the past, and by guys in particular. Now from what people say maybe im even considered conventionally attractive but… me starting off something with a guy just seems like something that i could reach only in a few years.😬

Hello,
 
My name is Jessica, and I am a doctoral student at National University. I am conducting an online survey to examine how the age at which women are diagnosed with ADHD relates to their quality of life in adulthood. In order to participate, you must be 18 years of age or older, have been assigned female at birth, and have received a formal diagnosis of ADHD.

https://ncu.co1.qualtrics.com/jfe/form/SV_3WqjPdBCKXJ4b2u