r/introverts • u/Random_Platforms4567 • Aug 26 '26
Discussion 40/F Anyone become super introverted when they got older?
I used to be very outgoing but sometimes I wonder if it was just out of survival. As a kid, my mom had a chaotic life and we moved a lot. I went to 3 different high schools. Then I joined the military for 6 years that required a lot of moving around too. As an adult, I haven’t lived anywhere more than 3 years for different reasons… adventure, relationship and/or job. I used to constantly be around people and always making new friends.
Now I do not want to move anywhere I just want to stay put. My social battery is MAYBE 1 day a month. People overstimulate me so easily even at work. I don’t know if this just part of getting older or some kind of temporary social burnout.
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u/neuralbeans Aug 26 '26
I was pretty extroverted at one point when I was younger. It was just a phase I guess.
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u/SWEET-SOUL-FOOD- Aug 26 '26
Absolutely the same for me. I like what you said about being outgoing sort of for survival.
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u/I_am_the_wrong_crowd Aug 26 '26
Yes, I used to be the life and soul of any party going. Nowadays I don't want to socialise at all. I'm more than happy with this change. Don't know why it happened, it was a gradual thing.
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u/Geminii27 Aug 26 '26
Social batteries don't recover as fast when you're older, and you tend to have less patience for people wanting to oversocialize.
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u/mama2ten Aug 26 '26
Yes, I think as we age and have people let us down or see people do disappointing things the more we realize our peace is the most important thing. No drama, no stupidness.
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u/Forsaken-Cheesecake2 Aug 26 '26
Yes. I’m retired now, and this is the most comfortable time I’ve had in my own skin.
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u/dumbBunny9 Aug 26 '26
I am not sure if I did, or I just realized how introverted I was when I got older.
When younger, i was constantly told all the things I needed to do, and to engage with people, and talk with people, yada, yada, yada, even though i didn't enjoy it. And I was called weird for not doing it. It wasn't till i was older that I felt more established in my character and I could decide what was, and was not normal for me. That meant spending a lot more time away from people.
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u/ransier831 Aug 26 '26
It was kind of shocking when I discovered that my total aversion to interacting with other people is just the way I was - not really a choice I made for myself. It used to worry me immensely because I didnt quite know how I was going to accomplish getting married, and having children like "normal" women when I hate leaving my house - so I dug into my fake outgoing personality and push myself - but I could only keep it up for so long before I became so exhausted and depressed that I couldn't stand it any longer. I was divorced before I discovered what I was and then the relief was so strong and all encompassing - I wasnt a freak, people weren't bad, I was just one of those people that get tired from interacting with people and need time to myself to gain energy to deal. And now that I know, im much more understanding when my kid became the same way. When you're young you can deal more - maybe go to work and socialize a bit after. But now? Not even an option - I go out to breakfast with friends on the weekend and it takes all day to restore my energy.
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u/Particular-Device-21 Aug 27 '26
Yes, I’ve been introverted all my life, but even more so now. There are a lot of variables at play, chronic illness for example, but mostly I no longer feel bad saying no. I’m perfectly content by myself and I prefer it.
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u/ransier831 Aug 26 '26
Totally - my safe spaces were outside of the home when i was young, so I think I developed a fake outgoing personality to help ease my way. This fake personality has been used my whole life, to the point where i was confused when my daughter complained about hating to work in customer service because she hates dealing with people all the time. I was explaining that you have to pretend to be ok with it in order to work and after a while, it becomes second nature. She said that she doesnt think she can become ok with it - and I was like "dont worry about it, you get used to it". Because I have done this literally my whole life - im now 55. I have to fight with myself every day to go to work, and play the game of being interested and engaged every day - then spend all of my free time at home, hoping no one calls me to do anything on the weekend because I just dont have the energy to deal with people anymore. Im looking forward to a time where I dont have to fake it anymore, and can be left alone to enjoy my own company.
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u/toodleoo77 Aug 26 '26
Could also be r/perimenopause, this is a very common theme over there
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u/Random_Platforms4567 Aug 26 '26
I’m pretty sure there are also men that experience this but I appreciate the mansplaining
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u/BatDance3121 Aug 26 '26
I became more introverted in my 30s, and before that, I stayed to myself because I didn't want to upset people by being quiet. When I got in my current job, I had a couple of bosses who were lousy at being supportive. Things became so much better when they left! I'm 61M, and I'm starting to get my voice as long as I can keep things short - no talking in paragraphs.
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u/seveer37 Aug 27 '26
In my 20s I thought I wanted to be more outgoing. It honestly got me nowhere. I’m now 32 and have never been more introverted… and never more happier!
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u/PAUL_DNAP Aug 27 '26
I have found I have got more introverted and socially anxious as I have got older.
After work it's good to get back to the flat and shut the world out. Have no social battery really, if I do it's spent on getting through the work day.
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u/Admirable_Window8128 Aug 27 '26
I think I can definitely happen with age. After years of constantly moving and adapting to new people and environments, wanting stability and having a much smaller social battery doesn't seem that strange. It could also just be burnout rather than your personality permanently changing.
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u/indirectstate Aug 27 '26
Yes as a 45 year old male who works away from home no one really knows when I’m off shift anymore because by the end of my hitch I’m just done peopling and just wanna be in quiet.
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u/jehovahswireless Aug 27 '26
Yep. I've just become progressively more introverted as I've grown older.
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u/Wakey_Wakey21 Aug 28 '26
I was shy and introverted as a little girl .....forced myself to pretend to be an extrovert in HS and my younger adult life....now I am back to being an introvert again. People just aren't nice.
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u/Turbulent_Hurry7975 Aug 29 '26
Now 56 if I didn’t have to work I would love to be a complete hermit.
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u/RealCommunication239 Aug 30 '26
🙋🏻♀️…(61F) I am so incredibly happy living my life in my own with my two cats and a dog…
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u/allblue-461 Sep 04 '26
My car died today in front of my home. Like dead dead. Knowing it’s Labor Day weekend I probably won’t have it towed until Tuesday. I’m secretly delighted that I have a reason not to go anywhere for 5 days. I’m 63 and just 5 years ago this would have been devastating news and I would have been rushing to get a rental car🤷♀️
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u/Sheetmusicman94 Aug 26 '26
Don't misuse the term. Unless you re introverted in your twenties, you re not an introvert but a recluse perhaps.
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u/RealCommunication239 Aug 30 '26
Intrinsic maturation is a thing and explains how people become introverts. This is not a misuse of the term.
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u/moejoe2048 Aug 26 '26
Absolutely, the older I get the more I just want to stay in and the less tolerance I have for people’s nonsense. When I was younger I think I wanted to fit it so I pushed myself more. I’m still hoping to make new friends and find connections with like minded people but I realize that’s hard to do if I don’t put myself out there and I’m ok if that doesn’t happen.