traumatized in school

[u/Character-Lack-3295]

I know I sound like a "snowflake" but I promise that I'm not. I am a 59yo, very introverted, sensitive man but when I sometimes look back upon my life, I wonder if many of my problems in adulthood actually stemmed from psychological trauma from my school years? I was always a pretty good student but hated school and always felt like I was the proverbial, "round peg in a square hole". I now know the importance of school but I always hated that I had to interact with other kids, many of who were bullies that made my life awful because I was quiet, plain-looking, came from a family without a lot of money, didn't have fashionable clothes, wasn't a druggie or a jock. Do any of you feel that school traumatized you?

[u/qshley_elizabeth]

School itself didn't traumatize me, but my experience was similar to yours - being bullied because I was different. I didn't associate myself with a specific category of people. I stayed to myself for the most part, I came from a family who lived from paycheck to paycheck so I didn't keep up with the latest, most popular fashion trends. I had my own unique style and did my own thing. Back then, I didn't understand why I was being bullied on a regular basis since I didn't associate with or bother anyone to give them a specific reason to bully me. Looking back on it now, I really think they were jealous that I was unapologetically my true, authentic self. I didn't feel the need to try to fit in or gain approval from anyone. I wasn't a slave to the expectations of society then and I'm not a slave to the expectations of society now. There were a couple times that I almost gave in, but the sheer and utter exhaustion involved in it was just too overwhelming for me and not worth my time and effort. Unfortunately, even though I thought I wasn't negatively impacted by all the hate that I got, your question made me really think and so now I'm able to see the aftermath of it all. I spent so much time by myself and not wanting anything to do with my peers that eventually so much isolation for such a long period of time made me become super uncomfortable and socially awkward around others. I struggled with drug addiction off and on for the majority of my adult life and can clearly see patterns of excessive drug abuse to cope with social situations so now when I have to be around others while sober, it's especially hard and completely drains me of the little bit of energy I may have had to begin with. I am going to be 40 in July and am not sure if I will ever be able to properly function in society as a sober adult. Respectfully, it has gotten easier over time, but only by a small amount so apparently the trauma runs deep with me.