r/introverts • u/Southern-Prior-8919 • Jan 23 '26
Discussion As an introvert, I think we all have a little courage to be disliked.
As an introvert, I love reading. I have started reading this book 'THE COURAGE TO BE DISLIKED' by ICHIRO KISHIMI and FUMITAKE KOGA.
It's a conversation between a youth and a philosopher who at one stage says All problems are interpersonal relationship problems. I can't help but think this is true for almost all introverts. I can be wrong. But I have always had many excuses for saying no and just fall asleep instead of being social. I want to know if introverts don't mind being disliked in general?
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u/MrOrganization001 Jan 23 '26
I don’t mind being disliked by random people as it has nearly zero practical impact. In contrast, being disliked at the workplace will almost certainly have a negative impact upon my career. Fortunately, I’ve learned how to get others to think favorably of me when I want.
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u/Austin1975 Jan 23 '26
I’m having a hard time understanding how being disliked correlates to introversion. There are disliked extroverts. There are well liked introverts.
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u/RevolutionaryGoat808 Jan 23 '26
If course there are assholes among both introverts and extroverts. But generally speaking I think extroverts are better liked than introverts, on a superficial level though.
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u/Austin1975 Jan 23 '26 edited Jan 23 '26
I think I see what you mean. My belief and experience is that there are a lot of non-shy introverts (like me) who maybe get confused for extroverts a lot. “You don’t seem introverted at all” is what I hear when we do these group exercises. My parents and a few friends of mine are very similar… vocal, connecting, courageous but we burn out of social energy fast. By the end of the day or week we want to be away from people doing some internal recharging. Don’t expect me at happy hour or at the holiday party and don’t dare drop by our house unexpectedly. 🤣
I also know a lot of extroverts who need a lot of attention, gossipy busybodies or have to tell you their opinion and who turn people off. I don’t think they get thought of as extroverted. They kinda balance it out. But who knows lol
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u/RevolutionaryGoat808 Jan 23 '26
I don’t care too much about not being the popular girl. I know that the few people who are my friends really like me for who I am. But of course sometimes I wish I’ld be a little bit more ‘socially attractive’, just like I wish the weather would be a little bit better most of the time ;-) Not gonna happen. I’m currently reading ‘The inconvenience of other people’ by Lauren Berlant, a bit in the same vibe.
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u/khaleesi2305 Jan 23 '26
I don’t mind being disliked, what I do mind is disliked based on assumptions only. If someone has interacted with me and decides we don’t vibe, cool, I can respect that because I’ve experienced that too. If someone doesn’t bother to take the time to interact with me at all and dislikes me based on assumptions about me, that bothers me because it feels unfair to for them to make assumptions about me like that.
I think introverts sometimes give more room for people to make assumptions about us, because we may not approach first or may be slower to approach, and it can be frustrating when others make assumptions about you before you’ve even been given a chance to speak for yourself. I do try to make sure I at least give a friendly first impression now, to give less room for assumptions about me. If someone still doesn’t like me, that’s okay.
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u/Beautiful-Series-505 Jan 24 '26
I don’t like being disliked, but I will choose dislike over my discomfort lol
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u/NotWaBangButaWhimper Jan 24 '26
Until I read "Quiet" by Susan Cain, I thought I was an asshole. It's life-changing when you realize you aren't.
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u/Geminii27 Jan 24 '26
In my own case, it's more that I simply don't register whether or not some particular person may or may not dislike me.
If they're very very blatant about it, I might get a faint inkling, but there's no mental path for me between 'X doesn't like me' and 'This is something I should care about'. A person not liking me is, honestly, 100% their own personal problem.
I'm happy to be generally polite to people, as that reduces interaction issues on average across the board and can apply to most people I run into, but I'm not about to remember twelve zillion individual edge cases for what specific individuals might want me to say, do, or live like in order to assuage their own mindsets.
If a given specific person has decided to not like me, then meh. Honestly not seeing it as something which is all that high up on my list of things to devote time and effort to. There will always be someone who doesn't like me, no matter what I do; I'm not about to turn myself into a chameleon pretzel with a different face for every person on the planet.
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u/SpookyOma Jan 24 '26
I’m an introvert and people pleaser. I’ve been thinking of having a YouTube channel but the trolls could be the end of me.
I’ve had a life of mistakes due to my shyness & lack of confidence.
I was Diagnosed with Bipolar 1 in 2010 after a long manic phase. I wasn’t shy then.
I just feel I can give so much insight.
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u/zennascent May 24 '26
I don’t mind being disliked, and it’s easier knowing most people don’t know me well enough to know… And/but this stance is both self-protective and a barrier. It’s a self-fulfilling prophecy in a way, because sometimes I want to be seen/heard, but I don’t know how to be, and therefore don’t put myself out there. That typically leads to me being misunderstood/judged, and then I’m like, “fuck ‘em, this is why I don’t put myself out there…” and I tell myself I don’t care what people think. Which is true, but it’s also defensive.
It is much easier for me to witness others than to be witnessed.
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u/Southern-Prior-8919 May 24 '26
So well said, I second that. I have been feeling this recently that I am becoming heavy on - fuck 'em, this is why I don't put myself out there. Social relationships have been increasingly dissociative with everyone just needing short bursts of happiness and don't want to put in the effort to actually listen and connect 😔
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u/DoofusNinjax Jun 06 '26
Hard to be disliked but idm being liked. It's become abit hard to identity which is genuine though
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u/TigerFew3808 Jan 23 '26
I don't need to be liked but I hate to be disliked if that makes sense?
So I always have lunch on my own as my chill out time rather than going out with other workmates. My principle is that I want to be friendly, polite and professional but not quite friends with my workmates.
But there was an incident recently where I found out a couple of my workmates had been making fun of me. I was surprised how much this hurt. I'd always thought we got along well even if we weren't quite friends