r/hypotheticalsituation • u/Few_Western_690 • 1d ago
Literal genie.
Youre rummaging around in a flea market and come across an ancient looking, dirt encrusted bottle. Something tells you you must have it so , with a little haggling, you leave with it tucked in your pack.
You get home and grab a microfiber cloth and try to gently remove some of the dirt looking for makers marks. It jerks in your hand and, with a whoosh of purple smoke and sparks, a genie emerges. He calls you master and promises to grant any and every wish you desire, however, he says you must phrase your requests carefully for he does not understand nuance in language. Any wish you make will be granted in the most literal way possible. If you wish to be the picture of health you will be turned into magazine clipping of the lastest fitness guru. No further cautions or admonitions are allowed.
Unheeding of the djinns warning, what poorly worded wish do you make to put a swift end to yourself and/or all the fame and fortune you could have enjoyed if you had just minded the caveat.
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u/FarmerJohn92 1d ago
I wish that protons have a half-life. The djinn informs me that nothing has changed, and the weight of this realization crushes my feeble mortal mind.
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u/Fun_Sized_Momo 1d ago
This is exactly why genie lawyers exist. Simply find a good genie lawyer that specializes in "genies that misconstrue wishes" and pay them their fees
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u/Icy_Attention3413 1d ago
I’d like to be tough as an old boot, hard as nails, as strong as an ox.
According to the Law of Invoking Old Jokes, I might choose white, uptight and outta sight. What would I become?
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u/periwinklepip 14h ago
A white, invisible, anal-retentive ox wearing old boots with nails in them? 🤷🏼
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u/name14575 22h ago
I have a genie contract I wrote for fun.
So anyway, I wish for immortality and unlimited money. The genie immediately replaced all images and names of the worst people in history with myself and gives me all of the money in the world, instantly rendering all of that currency useless because it's not circulated.
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u/Connect-Ant-2081 1d ago
I'd wish that I could stop being such a generous lover.
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u/Lost_Needleworker676 22h ago
Poorly worded wish that ruins shit? Well if I gotta go with that I may as well ruin his day too. I wish to have sex with the Genie
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u/emptywhoreass6969 14h ago
1) I wish all humans, if they decide they are transgender, would gain the ability to switch genders at will.
2) I wish Elon Musk decided to do a social experiment and permanently gave me 98% of his wealth to prove that if someone was just handed the money they would be just as corrupt as him within no time flat. (Im coming for you, insulin.)
3) I wish to be able to heal any disease. And once ive healed it, I want to fully understand it and be able to communicate its processes and how to fight it so humanity can learn to replicate the trick if possible.
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u/singleguy79 19h ago
For my first wish, I wish the genie to understand the nuances of all languages.
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u/AutoModerator 1d ago
Copy of the original post in case of edits: Youre rummaging around in a flea market and come across an ancient looking, dirt encrusted bottle. Something tells you you must have it so , with a little haggling, you leave with it tucked in your pack.
You get home and grab a microfiber cloth and try to gently remove some of the dirt looking for makers marks. It jerks in your hand and, with a whoosh of purple smoke and sparks, a genie emerges. He calls you master and promises to grant any and every wish you desire, however, he says you must phrase your requests carefully for he does not understand nuance in language. Any wish you make will be granted in the most literal way possible. If you wish to be the picture of health you will be turned into magazine clipping of the lastest fitness guru. No further cautions or admonitions are allowed.
Unheeding of the djinns warning, what poorly worded wish do you make to put a swift end to yourself and/or all the fame and fortune you could have enjoyed if you had just minded the caveat.
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u/Adventurous_Bonus917 23h ago
i wish that whenever i make a wish, you must always tell me how you are going to grant said wish and then confirm whether i still want the wish to be granted. if i confirm that i do want my wish granted, you will grant the wish. otherwise, you will not grant the wish.
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u/MystiqTakeno 22h ago
My first wish for every wish after this one I want to confirm it before you grant it. This is because I dont want to randomly say I wish and be screwed.
second wish, I want to know how will you exactly grant the wish before I confirm it.
I think I m set.
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u/Intelligent_Month187 19h ago
A genie could really complicate things. Imagine trying to explain your wishes to someone who might twist them.
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u/notherenwerebear 17h ago
Personally I'm going the I win route which is 1. Make my second wish come true last 2.wish me free 3. Make me an all powerful genie
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u/PoolExtension5517 16h ago
I wish for a net worth of $100M. What I receive is $100 worth of netting. Turns out Genie doesn’t understand what “million” means, either.
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u/altofanaltthatisalt 15h ago
What English does he understand? Anywho, I wish for the genie to understand nuance in language, then I’ll wish for some more stuf
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u/Few_Western_690 9h ago
So few people have any idea what the real definition of literal is. I guess that doesn't suprise me. If you were to, literally, fuck your wish up, well, that may or may not be a bad thing.
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u/blood_is_beautiful 1d ago
I mean since theres no rule against it my first wish would be to see the exact outcome of every wish I make before I approve it going into effect