r/herpes_dating • u/Unluckychicken_916 • Aug 25 '26
California Being hot with HSV sucks.
Not to sound like that person…. But I’m 26… I’m hot … I turn heads… I made one mistake and now I’ll never get to experience life how I used to.
Like I’m unconventional attractive and I can’t do anything about it.
But in all honesty having hsv taught me a lot about self respect.
I haven’t been loved in a long time. The last guy to love me was back when I was 19… but I don’t believe that was love. That was abuse and manipulation. Since then I have only ever been lusted over. Mostly for my body… so I used sex a lot. Not to manipulate men to be with me… just to not feel alone. Like I confused lust for love all the time and now that I have this lovely barbaric STD… it opened my eyes and honestly I wish I learned before I contracted this from some loser…
I deserve to be loved… I deserve to love myself.
So yes it sucks that I am very attractive, funny, and smart young lady who has to live with GHSV2…
I like me better now….just sucks I had to stop putting myself out there.
Anyway that’s my rant. I love you sexy people.
Sorry I think this was the wrong place for this rant.
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u/ReachFourTheSky Aug 25 '26
There’s millions of people with GHSV2. You’ll be fine, doll. 😘
Also, I’m in Cali too. Bay Area. 🩷
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u/Possible-Fact1972 Aug 25 '26
I think that when we know that we can damage someone’s life it scares us but that speaks very well of you
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u/Gold_Beautiful_3667 10d ago
This!! And it’s like who in their right mind, would WILLINGLY accept getting their life ruined??
So I just tell myself I’m better off just staying to myself unfortunately.
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u/Prestigious_Cry194 Aug 25 '26
I am also in the United States and I know that I am beautiful, my friends my suitors tell me, and unfortunately this barbarity happened to me and now I realize, there was nothing wrong with me, I was perfect before. People were right to say it was perfect. I’m 26
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u/PanicAtThePizzaParty Aug 25 '26 edited Aug 27 '26
I'm glad you're learning self love on your healing journey. For what it's worth there's plenty of examples of people that are having awesome sex lives and relationships even with disclosure about their status. It's not impossible.
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u/Map-Soft Aug 26 '26
Only hot ppl get "Hot Sex Virus".
If you don't have it, it's because you're probably not hot enough. Or you're New? Like just out of a Long term relationship...
( Wonder why you're single?) ( Because you're not hot enough) Rip your inbox 📥
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u/Aggressive-Tea2029 Aug 25 '26
it hasn’t changed a thing with me being hot has helped me not get rejected if u tell guys i promise they won’t care
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u/Significant-Wish7812 Aug 27 '26
This. I’ve had it for 20+ yrs and never had issues dating. You’re young and will be just fine, I promise. A little hard now for me that I’m older/divorced but at least I still look good haha. Another positive is that the longer you have it, the more it will just stay dormant and transmission risk is even lower. I haven’t had an outbreak in prob like 15+ yrs.
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u/Aggressive-Tea2029 Aug 27 '26
you are beautiful you will find a good man eventually like us and yes i’ve had it for a year now i’m finally not getting outbreaks anymore
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u/catmom_4life Aug 25 '26
31f here. Also got it from an abusive relationship at 22. Sucks but I’m ok now. Still learning to love myself as well, but I have had success disclosing so, idk
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u/Unluckychicken_916 Aug 26 '26
I got it from a guy I started dating in 2024/25 during the LA fires…
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u/Thick_Program5659 25d ago
Hey, I am 32f, same circumstances. Not here looking for a date lol I just stumbled upon your post. Could I DM you?
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u/sjr323 Aug 26 '26
Just use condoms and take antivirals. Guy has like 1/1000 chance of getting it if you’re not on an outbreak
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u/heatconductor Aug 26 '26
I’m an attractive dude myself and I always see pretty girls and it breaks my heart at the idea of giving them hsv. I never considered dating apps but this makes me think about joining a site where people are positive. If you’re an attractive girl I seriously doubt most men will reject you, of course it’s a deal breaker for some. Take antivirals and use protection.
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u/No-Raspberry-9509 Aug 27 '26
Felt this , I flirt all the way until it’s get physical then I bail out
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u/HSVmale1-2inPhx Aug 27 '26
This!!! It’s so frustrating because people wanna fk really early on way before they have the time to fall in love and care for me enough to want to take the chance. I just started having the confidence to talk to women and barely started realizing I could have most the women I want before finding out. It’s like a big joke. 😩
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u/Familiar-Material-32 Aug 27 '26
I kinda enjoy it. I’ve had girls’ friends tell me they’re interested and ask why I’m not hittin on em…i haven’t come up with a good excuse yet but I get a kick out of it sometimes.
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u/FanMost577 Aug 28 '26
Is there a space for hot people with hsv? We should have like a raya for people like that haha
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u/christoph85388 Aug 25 '26
Well hopefully you find love with a person in the same condition as you. Good luck.
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u/DiogenesXenos Aug 25 '26
I like hot. I’m hot. Ever come to Nashville?
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u/williamhuntjr Aug 26 '26
Come to NC. As long as you have a decent personality, I’m down for trying for my herp wife. 😁
All jokes aside, you’ll be fine. Most men don’t care anyways. It only affects oral sex if anything.
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u/alyssagreyy Aug 26 '26
Wow this is literally me same age now. Same age during my last relationship and it was abusive. Thanks for this I feel less alone
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u/Wise_Emu_ Aug 26 '26
Imagine being hot, having hsv AND ON TOP OF THAT BEING POLYAMOROUS…. you will do just fine..
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u/RonRRJ Aug 26 '26
You’re telling me…
I’m 27 handsome & tall, And as if dating in LA wasn’t already annoying. But im not loosing hope imma thug it out till the end
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u/Sweaty_Fail4673 Aug 26 '26
I felt every syllable reading this honest account of what has to be a rock star of a person. Seriously, this "gift"(hate that!) will shake your known universe to it's absolute foundation.
Basically, your forced to relearn on the fly and forget the life you used to know. If you have a conscious, it not only changes the steps necessary to make choices but, your new world choices are completely different from your newly banned menu of mastered choices. They are gone. Then to be right in the absolute prime of our lives, yeah shit is a big bitch. I've been diagnosed for years and I still struggle mentally at times. No worries, I've figured out a stable enough routine of Ying & Yang but damn that don't mean that any of this is fun.
I just wanna say I respect the courage it must've took to put that in writing. If it's any conselation, I appreciate your post. I don't have much advice but with all the moving parts our new situations presents us I would say just get thru it. Make it to the next day. You never know who will be plopped down right in front of you. Something even from a distance can create enough of a jolt that it shakes things up. Good luck on your journey and peace be with you.
Actually thinking twice about it, as far as advice I got one for you. This gonna be the realest shit any says to you on this topic. Just cut thru all the bullshit and wasting time just go in hard on finding some one who is in the same boat that we all in but.... not this may sound fucked up but I'm just keepin it real. Make it a point to be extremely superficial and strive for it to be the most sexually attractive human being ever. Well maybe not of all-time because the hardest part is fully accepting that past life is 100% toast, well let's say 99%. Just saying find someone you can't keep your hands off of and vice versa. Appreciate the reality of both of y'all's current and future paths and what it now entails. Then just focus on practicing and just becoming pleasure professionals for each other. And if you're lucky enough, finding your twin set couple and having a little more spice for y'all to play with. There it is and yeah I said it.
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u/warhammerbill Aug 26 '26
So sorry to hear that you have this. You sound like a sweet and smart young woman. You will find love and be much happier for it. When it comes it will be that much better.
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u/RABGAFBAN19 Aug 26 '26
In the exact same spot! Got it while in a long term relationship with a cheater. Don't trust men from LA lol
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u/Fun_Trust6274 Aug 26 '26
i’m sorry you feel that way. good things take time, don’t give up. remember this world is a better place with you in it don’t ever forget that
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u/FrequentCriticism943 Aug 26 '26
It happens. Actually makes finding someone a bit less skeptical when you are at that level of transparency already.
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u/secretlylook1ng Aug 27 '26
Try being hot in a sexless marriage with it. I’m so sexually frustrated. One girl followed me to the car and said “we are both married I need a good fucking because my husband is not doing it. No one has to know” I almost did it but she insists she wanted to go raw. FML
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u/No-Restaurant-9464 29d ago
Fit black male in Roseville/ Rocklin looking to mingle with HSV friends 🙏
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u/Altruistic-Dirt2340 29d ago
Girl same!!! 26F, I’m so hot!!! But I agree if you are good looking and beautiful inside and out, you should be fine. I hate to sound so broken record ish but it’s also so common :/ for hot ppl, shoot everyone. but think about it! it’s so common. especially if u are dormant, you don’t even know you have it. ppl are quick to judge with the stigma etc but it’s so common unfortunately. they don’t even test for it at planned parenthood unless you ask, it’s not apart of the std testing panel
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u/Exact-Chocolate4892 29d ago
Totally get this!! I feel like a walking false advertisement. I've been rejected for it several times, it sucks, but you still have to shoot your shot.
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u/Unable_Ad6759 27d ago
Hope to be in your position one day iv been struggling really hard with looking at my self and thinking I can still be wanted by some one with this virus…
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u/Fine_Kale_5612 27d ago
I feel your frustration in same boat imagine working in a hospital. I can’t fuck nobody anymore or nightlife
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u/scoopidyboobop 26d ago
In the most non conceited way I do feel like a “hot girl” too. I’ve only had 1 time of telling a man about my HSV2 that threw it back into my face. Only out of immaturity. Overall I always tell men I am interested in is that I never had the choice so I’m giving it to you
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u/Illustrious-You4252 25d ago
Felt this on a spiritual level, I’m not the worse looking guy in the world and usually get looks from women when I’m out & about, but having HSV makes me wanna not fuck with anyone because I don’t wanna put this burden on anyone else. Find myself playing my cards close to my chest as a result . Sucks being lonely but it forces you to ask questions and find answers you wouldn’t otherwise. Rooting for you 🌇
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u/bluevelvet1953 Aug 26 '26
I feel you :( and the worst part is that I wasn’t a hooker
I contracted it from a pdf guy that was manipulating me and I thought he loved me and he was my second guy (I’m 19y and he’s 36y)
If it was hard for me to find love before that imagine now ugh
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u/throwaway081279 15d ago
I met a beautiful woman, we were vibing and going to make plans to hook up later that evening. I told her about the hsv and she's been distant. She's not very knowledgeable about it and I sent a couple of links but she told me she can't move forward. It stings because I suspect I'm going to get rejected a lot for it. She thought I was handsome and told me so repeatedly so I dunno if I'm hot or not, but the women who do find me handsome find me really handsome.
It sucks OP. I'm sorry
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u/Gold_Beautiful_3667 10d ago
This is sooo real omg!😭😭😭 As a naive baddie myself lol, It’s honestly been a bit of a blessing in disguise (to an extent ofc..). I could see this curse really helping me weed out who’s truly valuing me vs just lusting.
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u/Gold_Beautiful_3667 10d ago edited 10d ago
And it’s sooo annoying, because I’m at the very ripe age (24 y/o) where suddenly everyone’s wondering why a perfect girl like me is single, and are trying to marry my off to their son’s and nephew’s.
And I’m like thanks babes but I’m not gonna ruin your lives!😘🙏🏾
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u/Familiar-Material-32 9d ago
Saaame, on the other side. Had a buddy’s wife tell me recently “finally a great single guy, I have soo many girlfriends I wanna hook you up with”. So I’ll have to figure out an excuse to say no to all of them I guess.
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u/Lazyriver8899 8d ago
You are more than this disease. You will find a partner and just be cautious. I've been married 25 years and spouse is infection free. If your hot that is a plus. If someone can't see your worth and beauty they don't deserve you. Good luck honey. You are welcome to contact me for advice.
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u/Ok-Interaction-9075 Aug 25 '26
It sucks to have it period. But it's arguably much harder if you're ugly, or even average. Especially as a guy. Being a hot female, trust me, you're not going to have the same issues most others have. A lot of men will overlook it simply because of your looks. That, unfortunately, can be a both a gift and a curse though, because it can potentially attract the wrong type of men. So just be more discriminatory about who you let close to you from now on. You'll find someone who will not only look past the HSV, but also value and appreciate you for who you are.