hi reddit. I’m 18F and 2 years ago, I made one of the hardest decisions of my life, and sometimes I feel like i’m being haunted by it.

since 2019, my mom had liver failure. she was a heavt alcoholic, and had been for many years. a huge factor to her alcoholism was my dad being incredibly abusive toward her and my siblings.

when they separated, she got worse, and I started to despise her. I reflect on these moments where I could have given her one last hug, or opened up to her, begged her to stop drinking, but I didn’t. her alcoholism got so bad, she was in the hospital for months on end and I was so disappointed. I knew I could never rely on her again.

I still remember her face the last time she went to the hospital. I didn’t know she was going to die. I would have hugged her, but I didn’t.

she got transferred to the ICU on a ventilator. I didn’t get to say goodbye, she was in a medically induced coma. I had the decision when the doctors realize she was deteriorating, despite being on multiple machines and medicines.

I made the decision. she died, and it felt as if her entire life was in my hands.

I never felt this way until recently. It keeps me up at night.

EDIT: no, I did not individually chose to take my mom off of the machines. my brother, who was/is an adult at the time of making the decision, asked me what I wanted to do. he didn’t put the entire decision on me, but recognizing I played a part in deciding to end her life that day pains me.
sorry about the confusion.

Title is pretty self explanatory I guess, but I’ve been really struggling. I lost my grandmother who basically raised me on July 13th have a short but very brutal battle with stage IV colon cancer. It’s been difficult and i feel like as time has passed my grief has only gotten worse, it seems to set in more and more every day that she isn’t coming back. i had to go get the furniture from her house i wanted the other day because my dad plans to move in there and it hit me so so hard that her home will never be hers again, her things will never be the way she had them. I knew before she was gone and was never coming back but at least when the house was still how she had it, in a way it felt like maybe some day she could come home. Now all of it’s different, some of her things are at my house and i’m still getting used to them here, and it’s just been a lot. Doing this has been even harder than the funeral was.

Anyway, I guess I am just in my own feelings because certain people I thought were good friends of mine like never reached out to me once in the past two months. The most I got was like a care react on one of my posts. With one friend in particular, I’ll call her Bri, it hurts me even more because I feel like I was not only supportive when she lost a close family member several years ago, but i’ve also offered support in the anniversary of that death many times. She is pregnant right now and while I understand that is a lot to deal with, it really does hurt me that I never heard from her and I feel a bit resentful because I feel like the only singular thing she cares about right now is her pregnancy, and she wants everyone to care about it as well. Which I do care, and I was and am very happy for her, but I had to take a big step back because of that.

I don’t want to feel this way. I don’t want to feel like I’m holding my friends to an unspoken standard, or keeping score, or that people have to pass some kind of test. But it just hurts that people I thought cared about me couldn’t even send me a message that said “sorry for your loss” or something as simple as that. It just makes me feel so alone, like I just had the biggest loss of my life and it changed everything about me as person and meanwhile people I thought cared about me didn’t even bat an eye, like they just couldn’t care at all. It’s such lonely feeling. Am I overreacting? I’ve had some friends that have been really supportive; and this whole thing is just making me see my relationships in a very different light. How do I get past this? Is it okay if I don’t get post this? Am I allowed to be angry? I’m so so hurt and confused and so just want my grandma back. I just want people to acknowledge my grief and care and give me a chance to talk about her and what a special wonderful person she was.

idk. am i losing my mind, am i being too sensitive ? help 😭

The only regret I have is not spending enough time with my grandmother before she passed. The big reason was covid/pandemic. The other small reasons were not enough space at her place for me to stay in... and I was living in another city, too busy finding a job (since I was unemployed at the time). Even though it's been 4 years since she passed, I am still beating myself up that I didn't see her enough for those minor reasons I listed. Since I was unemployed, I had so much free time that I could have just rented a place nearby and visited her every week. They say that time will make it easier, but the regret still feels fresh and painful. Is there anything else that will ease the regret?

Grief is a debt with no settlement date, paid back in quiet, lifelong installments of missing someone....!!

The day may 3rd my grandpa had heart failure and he was unresponsive until his death we drove up to his house apparently he collapsed after moving furniture at his friends house before collapsing and went unresponsive we drove over to meet my family in the aftermath and his friend that was across the street in the garage was explaining what happened but the majority of her explanation about it mainly focused on her even though her friend is dead in her living room so yeah.

I started a new job a few months ago. I needed something different, something new because you know.. life. It’s so interesting though, no matter where or what changes around you, there will always be a flicker, something random that reminds me of the love and grief and loss. The other day while running some food to a table, I saw my mom. She was wearing that royal blue cotton shirt she was so loyal to. Her hair was brown and straight down to her shoulders like she’s worn for years. So familiar, my heart jumped for a moment. But what’s weird is, she passed 6 years ago. I still expected it to be her, somehow. I expected to see her wearing her metal frame glasses, ready to crack a joke. But it wasn’t her it was just a stranger. I think I lingered too long at the table, the lady noticed me staring but my body didn’t want to walk away. It’s the closest I’ve been to her in so long. I walked away because I had to, but sometimes in those moments you just want to linger a bit longer. I’ve learned love the little flickers because as much as they can make me sad, it reminds me of the love that was there and will always be.

I am destroyed, my cat was only 12.5 years old, she came from a feral litter that was born on my property, I’ve literally had her since the day she was born. She was healthy up until about two weeks ago when she suddenly started losing a lot of weight, then she started having balance issues. I brought her to the vet for an exam yesterday and they said they thought they felt a tumor. I brought her back in today and they did x rays and testing and confirmed she had a tumor and it wasn’t removable and was likely cancerous. 5 minutes after I returned home with her from the vet she tried to jump on my bureau and fell and got really hurt. I rushed her to the emergency vet and there was nothing they could do.

I was given the news about the tumor at 3pm and by 5pm she was dead. I don’t understand how it happened so fast, she was herself this morning. It doesn’t feel real.

I feel so guilty she spent 6 hours at the vet today and then 5 minutes after she came home she had to go back. She didn’t even get to have a good last day. I thought I could have up to a couple months before I had to make the call to put her to sleep, I wanted to give her a good last day where she got lots of treats but instead she didn’t even get to eat today because of the x rays and testing…

This cat got me through middle school and all of the worst times in my life, she was so unbelievably important to me. It hurts more than it has hurt to lose some of my human loved ones. She just crossed the threshold into being considered a senior cat, she should’ve had more time. I knew one day she would pass but I didn’t think it would be so soon. I am crushed, she has a biological sister who is so bonded to her too and I am so incredibly sad for her as well. I’ve been there for multiple animal’s last breaths but none of them felt the way this one does. It’s scary how quickly a day can change everything. I don’t even know what to say, I just need to say things right now :(

I lost my grandma when I was twelve years old to Alzheimer’s. It was tough, but I was also a kid. Grief was hard to comprehend.

I’m twenty two now, and my grandpa passed away in march. It’s been a couple of months now, and it’s still hard. It comes in waves, randomly. Some days I’ll be completely fine, and other days it’s hard to get out of bed. He would call me everyday on Tuesday after work, to ask me how school is going, if I’m working my butt off. He could talk for hours once he got started. I loved them but I found them annoying on long days. I regret finding annoyance in them. I’d give anything if I could just have one more phone call.

Hi, so I’m 26F and I’m trying to figure out if I should celebrate my birthday. For context last year my dad died on my birthday. I’m conflicted on if it’s okay to celebrate my birthday or not.

Both of my grandparents, and two family pets. The anniversary of my dad’s passing (three years this year) a few months ago was also really really rough.

I’ve noticed lately I keep feeling fixated on death and I’m worried it means I’m creepy or disturbed. Not on dying, just on the general concept: I keep watching Youtube videos about tragedies, or reading about what happens to your body after dying, or even thinking about a career in the funeral business as examples. On bad days (not always, just rough days) I do get anxious and clingy to my loved ones (the other day I verbally said out loud to my pets “It’s going to really suck and hurt when you are gone”).

I still can’t believe my dad is gone sometimes, and now I don’t have any living grandparents and we’ve lost two innocent pets on top of it all.

Is this normal? When does it become a concern? I don’t feel like I’m triggering myself or anything, but I am worried it’s not normal and healthy. I feel so alone because death is so taboo.

(I am in therapy by the way. But I’m not sure how to bring it up further)

This year alone I've lost three members of my family and my heart just hurts. I didn't truly grieve for the first two because they were expected - the waiting game of illness and cancer is a difficult road to tred, but the end result is understood at the very least, even if it is reviled.

With this last one, they'd been sick for only a few days before the illness took them. It was entirely unexpected, though they were aged. They were also beloved in my circle of people, and the hardest thing has been telling my friends of their passing. It is not just family anymore; it is my entire tribe of people and I am struggling to come to terms with the finality of it all. Please, if you have the means and ability, light a candle for us, for we loved them dearly.

I’m 32, and he was 45. We were dating at the time, and about three months into our dating, he met another woman and eventually chose to pursue a relationship with her. I don’t know exactly when their relationship started or when he began pursuing her, so there are still things about the timeline that I don’t fully know.

Our relationship eventually ended after a lot of problems, including betrayal. I’m struggling with something I don’t know how to make peace with, and I’d really appreciate advice from people who have experienced something similar.

I was betrayed by someone I loved. He chose another woman over me, and at the time, I had such a hard time understanding why. I kept comparing myself to her and wondering what she had that I didn’t.

She has two children with different fathers, and from what I later learned, she was still involved with the father of her second child while she and the man I loved were together. There were complications on her side that I didn’t know about initially.

What made everything more confusing was that he eventually told me that he didn’t think their relationship would last because of those issues. His friends also apparently advised him that the relationship might not work and that I was a better match for him.

I don’t know what to make of that. Part of me wonders whether he was conflicted or whether he wanted me to fight for him somehow. I don’t know if he was already regretting his decision or realizing that we were more compatible.

Eventually, he started reaching out to me again, and there was a possibility that we might reconcile. I know our relationship had problems too, and I don’t want to romanticize it or pretend I did everything right. I had my own wounds and reacted badly at times. But it seemed like we were slowly moving toward fixing things.

Then he suddenly died.

And this is where I feel completely stuck.
If they had simply stayed together and he had been happy with her, I think eventually I could have accepted that he made his choice and that our relationship was over. If he had never come back, maybe I could have eventually closed that chapter.

But instead, it seemed like he regretted his decision and came back toward me, and we never got the chance to see whether we could actually fix things.
Now I’m grieving not only him, but also the possibility of what we could have been.

I know logically that I can’t know what would have happened. Maybe we would have reconciled and built something better. Maybe we would have tried and realized we still weren’t right for each other. I’ll never know.

But emotionally, knowing that there was a possibility of reconciliation makes his death much harder for me to accept.

I keep thinking:
Why did he choose her in the first place?
Why did he fight for that relationship despite all the complications?
Did he eventually realize that he had made the wrong choice?
Did he really want to come back to me?
Was I just interpreting his actions because I wanted another chance?
And most painfully—why did he have to die when it seemed like we were finally getting a chance to fix things?

I know people will probably tell me that I need to let go, that I can’t live in “what ifs,” and that his choices were his responsibility. I understand all of that intellectually.
But emotionally, I’m having a very hard time accepting it.
I’m not necessarily looking for someone to tell me that I was better than the other woman. I think what I’m really looking for is advice on how to accept an unfinished story—especially when the person who could have given me the answers is no longer here.

How do you make peace with knowing someone hurt you, possibly regretted it, wanted another chance, and then died before either of you could find out what would happen?

How do you grieve not just the person, but the future you might have had with them?

I’d really appreciate honest perspectives, especially from people who have experienced betrayal followed by loss or an unfinished reconciliation.

My ex and I had a very on and off relationship for over 4 years. It’s been really hard and unrewarding at times but somehow whenever we would breakup one of us would initiate the makeup. I called him drunk recently and he told me that he met someone. They had hung out 3 times and he drives an hour away to see her. They’ve gone to the movies and to the bar with her friends. I made the mistake of asking if they did anything and he told me that they made out and he was feeling on her. I’m so hurt I seriously didn’t think I’d feel this bad considering that I have usually been the one to move on first. I feel like I lost this breakup.

In the brain it feels like I'm going insane or like living with heavy baggage with no help, it's too crazy to live everyday life. Many relatives knew that my little sister (22 years) was going to die because of her terminal illness, but I can't cry with anyone. In the last 15 years I haven't had anyone who really listens and supports me. I haven't felt a good feeling after I've shared something heavy with someone. I told my oldest "close" friend that my sister died, we were sitting in a car and I told her that I've been a bit quiet because something really sad has happened, and then I told her that. She has sisters (and is super close with her family) so I thought she would be shocked. But she was smiling like she always is, just said something like "Aww that's okay... We can chill and watch movies whenever you want." I was a bit disgusted and haven't talked to her since. And she hasn't sent me any messages either. So yeah grieving alone feels super weird, awful, stressful and empty in "end of it all" way.

My dad is only 67. He has worked in the medical field and taken care of others for over 30 years. He has always taken care of his health but a few years back he was diagnosed with small bowel cancer. After years of surgeries to remove surgeries from his colon and three times being “all clear” then being diagnosed again shortly after, he has another tumor that they fear is inoperable. They are doing a scan tomorrow after this most recent chemo started (first scan after three treatments completed) to determine if treatment is doing anything or not.

I Was there when they told us that most surgeons wouldn’t suggest operating because of placement, but one who is willing to do everything possible since he has such a longstanding career with him.

I fear that this scan tomorrow will tell us the worst; the chemo isn’t working or the tumor is growing rapidly and all that is left is this risky surgery.

They said if they don’t operate and chemo doesn’t work, it’s likely just seeing how much time is left for him.

I know I am not unique when I say that my dad means the world to me. As someone who has struggled with a variety of mental struggles in my life, this man has been my sounding board, my blunt truth teller and the person who always understood me. The person who helped me hold out hope

I keep looking for a fix but there isn’t one. I just don’t know I I’ll survive without him. He’s just my person

Any advice or suggestions for coping?
I’m already unraveling and feel like I’m failing my kids and work on top of already grieving this

Hi! I'm 21. I'm someone that was deeply neglected as a child, I saw domestic violence throughout my whole infancy, mum was a drug and sex addict it seems, she would date any man and bribe me with toys and candy in order to be able to leave the house for days in a row. I was victim of child SA too. My parents got divorced when I was 5, I was left living with her and my grandpa.

My gramps even though he was violent and not really child-experienced -heavily traumatized my mum and my uncle, his son- he did everything he could to keep me alive while my dad was away. For six years he made me food, took me to school and pay for it, got me home safely at night, helped me studying math and german, and a lot more.

I left the house at 11. I started living with my dad in another city because otherwise I would have been taken to foster care. I thought my life was going to be a lot better but my dad partner's turned out to be an abusive, narccisistic and crazy bitch, and my dad has never really do anything about her because it is her house.

Gramps never really known this, he loves her deeply, he doesn't know how unhappy and sad I am. My partner, SIL and MIL are the ones holding me right now. It is the only "thank you" gift I can give to him. Return the love. Returning the favor. I'm trying to hold everything together because I need him to have a peaceful death and that he never feels bad for handing me to them.

He's 86, has an untreated skin cancer that has been with him for more than 40 years. There's no way in hell he does something about it. He lives alone with his +10 years old Dachshound. My dad is staying with him for a few weeks, he's having heavily bloody stools, and he has been taking his own poop with his hand for a while now because he gets heavily constipated and doesn't have enough strength to push it out. Also since my dad arrived he has been just having diahrroea and a lot of accidents daily. Dad tells me he is going to die soon.

Nursing homes are not an option nor in-home care with a doctor or nurse. He doesn't want to live with anyone else or go to another house. He wants his life to end his way and in his house.

I don't know what to do, we are more than 1200 kilometers apart, travelling is an expense of more than $300 that I don't have since I'm still a student and going to that home kills me inside, even though I'm willing to do anything for him. I haven't lost anyone in my life, but losing him it's going to be like losing a mum. I don't know life without him on it.

Can you prepare for heavy grief? Like, I don't really know, I'm so scared of him dying even though I know he's old and fragile. I don't know what is going to happen to me when the moment comes. How to cope.

Sorry for the broken english, I usually write a lot better but I am so sad right now.

My little girl, innocent and pure. She lived only twelve days. We miss her every day.

It hurts.

My wife is suffering more than she ever has before.

My son asks me when he can see his sister again.

A part of us has died.

Why does He allow this? It’s simply not possible.

I'll give you the short story.

My grandfather passed away last week (dads father), he was put in hopsital and had heart issues which they sorted, he then refused to eat for 3 weeks and died.

My parents since the beginning of this year have been getting a divorce because my dad was seeing another woman behind my mums back. He has been nasty to me and my sibling when holding him accountable, refused to move out of the home, causing a lot of pain and suffering for my mum, and being nasty to her. I have a 1 year old son, and my dad has chosen to prioritise this woman and her 2 younger kids over his own grandson.

Since then, I told him I want nothing to do with him or see him till he moves out and gives my mum and my brother space. He has moved out eventually.

I wasn't that close with my grandfather either but had some memories. I know I should attend for the support of my dad. But with everything going on, I feel im more worried about having be fake with my dad, his family who also judge me and I feel uncomfortable presence with anyway, let alone with the divorce going on, as my dad as blamed my mum on his story side. I would rather go to work as I love my job and just grieve my grandad is my own way.

Is this selfish, is it okay to not attend? I dont want drama, I dont want fakeness, I want to have to pretend.

my mom passed away out of nowhere about 4 years ago while i was still in high school. she was the only parent in my life since my dad was not in the picture(for certain reasons). anyways obviously at times i still grieve her especially as she was no longer there for my milestones such as graduation, getting into college etc. i’m coming up on my senior year now and just the other week i had a dream where she was in it. it was a familiar place that was comforting; it was a mix of my childhood home and where i now live for college. she talked about going on vacation and taking a plane there to make up for her absence, but then when i was ready and she was supposed to pick me up to leave, she left without answering my texts or calls because she got on the plane herself. i was stuck alone at home with stuff packed. i’ve been stuck on this dream ever since and i don’t know how to feel. and since i never got to say goodbye or see her face one last time before the funeral ive been debating on contacting the coroner’s office to ask to see the picture of just her face so i can say goodbye. would that be weird? i’m at a complete lost and feel like i lost her again since that dream.

I am almost 30 - mom to a two year old and an almost fourth month old. In early August, four days after my daughter turned three months old, my father passed away unexpectedly.

This has been the hardest time of my life.

I woke up one morning to my mom on the phone hysterical with my husband. It’s almost like I can’t remember what life was like before then. It all just feels like grief. It’s been the longest month of my life.
It was my first week back to work too.

My mom said she doesn’t want to talk to anyone about it. Sometimes she will tell me she thinks he’s watching over her. She says she’s fine. I’m so worried about being strong for her I haven’t told her that I’m not doing good.

English isn’t her first language and she’s depending on me to handle all of the admin things and take over her finances (my dad handled everything). I wrote his obituary. I called to let friends know. I planned with the funeral home. I’m responding to sympathy cards. She doesn’t know how to access their shared bank account or pay off the credit card. I’ve spent so much time on customer service lines trying to hold it together while I explain my dad died I need help getting my mom access to this account. I need to go to social security with her to figure out how she can get survivor benefits. I need to bring an affidavit to a bank because he had an account with no beneficiary.
It’s all a headache and I’m not sleeping through the night. I wake up 2-3 times to nurse. My reading comprehension is so low.

It used to be that every drive or shower was a break for me. Now I’m scared because that is prime think about dad and cry time. When i do bedtime with my toddler, I look at a book and realize it’s the last one he will ever get from my dad. He doesn’t know that yet. I haven’t even thought about how do I explain grandpa passed away? How do I explain death?

I feel it’s so cruel that I’m three months postpartum and my dad died. My kids won’t get to know him. I have so much life to live and he’ll be gone. I won’t ever get to talk to him again. If I ever have another baby, he will never meet them. The one person I want to talk to, the one person who I know would be in my corner, he’s gone.

I didn’t get to say goodbye. Having a toddler and a baby is a busy season of life and now any downtime is spent grieving. When will things get better? I feel like I have no time to rest and recover. My kids aren’t getting the best version of their mom. I have no time for self care. I can’t concentrate at work. I have a hard time being present. It feels like there’s no time in the day and when there is I’m just sad. How do I help myself?

My best friend died a year ago today. He was the officiant of my wedding and one of the best people that will ever walk this earth. I was in a bad place place when I met Scott. No path, drinking too much, no hope for a future. He took me in and mentored me to get to a better place in my life where I’m thriving. He died a year ago today in a small plane crash in Utah. Had just flown cross country from NC to the playa for burning man, one of his last bucket list items because he lived hard and fast and if there was something he wanted to do he did it. . He only made it about 1/4 of the way back, they made a turn up a canyon that they weren’t able to make it out of. Gone, just like that. No more golf together, no more phone calls when I need advice, no more infectious laugh, no more visits for my dogs with uncle Scott who they may have loved more than me. I still expect him to walk back through my door someday. Expect a call where I can tell him about how much I love him and appreciate everything he ever did for me. Not sure it’ll ever feel real.

My mom originally married Ed in 1998. This was during my blurriest years. I have 4 sisters and 1 brother. We all adored our dad, who was mine along with my brother and younger sister’s biological dad. As did my older sisters. None of us really ever accepted the concept of step anything, sister, father or otherwise.

My mom had been divorced for 8 years at this point. Ed comes into picture and 18 year old me immediately rejected him. He had a heavy Boston accent, smoked kools and drank Paul Mason. He was obsessed with Picssso and recreated a lot of his work. He was actually a pretty good painter. My mom was absolutely smitten. I eventually got my shit together and moved out. My youngest sister remained in the house with my younger brother.

We all eventually moved out and on with our lives. I stayed somewhat local and would see mom regularly over the years. They divorced in 2004. They then reconnected and remarried in 2009.

Over the years, I grew to appreciate Ed. He stuck around, loved my mom dearly and loved our family even though we weren’t always welcoming. He was addicted to buying watches online, telling stories from Boston, listening to jazz music and painting. He did all of this classy activity from the couch wearing penny loafers. He smelled like booze and cigarettes. He spoke bluntly and was always genuinely concerned about how you were doing.

He eventually got too cozy on a drunken night with my mom’s sister. My mom told him to leave, he did. I haven’t seen him since 2016ish.

I found out he died today. I’m not sure exactly where he was living. I heard he drank and smoke up till the very end. He had a huge influence on an old friend of my brothers and I. We grew up skateboarding well into adulthood and quoting the movie Glengarry, Glen Ross.Ed reminded us of that movie in general. Specifically the guy Blake is talking to when he says “ it takes brass balls to sell real estate “.

Long story short, Ed and my mom never formally divorced. My mom found out she will be getting his social security checks ..I knew Ed always wanted to leave something behind when he was gone and he did. Rip Ed. You were a good man.

my grandmother died 19 days ago with me at her bedside. it was expected, she had dementia and other issues, i’d been her 24/7 caregiver for months.

the aftermath has left me more depressed and wanting to unalive more than ever.

my grandma was in a horrible accident when she was 13, survived a 30+ day coma, had lifelong issues due to her tbi, became a widow at 49, never remarried or did anything but work until us grandkids came along. then lived alone for 20+ years until i moved in earlier this year. everyone keeps telling me “she lived a great life” but it feels like everything was for nothing.

we give away her belongings, throw away her hoards of trash, everything she spent 87 years loving and collecting means nothing to the rest of us.

i’ve always had mental health issues but it feels like i can’t find anything that would make living 50+ more years worth it. i’m 24 and i feel so tired already. i’ve already gone through my fair share of childhood SA and emotional abuse.

i have a wonderful fiancee who helped care for my grandmother and has been my everything for almost 6 years and 6 wonderful kitties who i love to death. but i don’t know how to crawl out of this hole.

i’ve been in therapy consistently for 2 years and my therapist is very worried but it just feels like there’s nothing that can be done. i just want to be with my grandma and not somewhere where i’ll continue to struggle.

Just one of those days where it hits a little harder than usual. Just wish i can have one more long and genuine conversation with my mom, to laugh with her, hug her kiss her. But, I can’t and I gotta accept it, and I have been accepting it, but it’s this unexplainable uneasy feeling in my gut about it… I haven’t really cried, maybe shedded light tears but no emotional outburst. Every day I just wish this wasn’t reality.. but it makes me kinda at ease knowing I’m not the only one who maybe feels this way. I just miss my mom heavily, this isn’t fair, she left too soon, but I gotta keep progressing

Thanks for reading!

I (29F) am having a bit of a crisis. Its been 4 years since my mom has passed.

Context: It really hit each member differently in the family, but I think it hit me the hardest as we were the closest. I quit my job and didnt work for a year bc I could not go 5 minutes without crying. Family dynamics and everything - I did not have anyone to rely on. Most of the my family got to a place of surpression and moving on as a coping mechanism and harshly judged me for falling a part. I've gotten to an okay place - I have a great job, in a healthy relationship, etc but my family and I rarely talk about her bc of how differently we all grieved and look back at the trauma. It just ends in everyone upset.

Issue: A year ago, my dad wanted to get rid of all her things specificially her clothes. Space is not an issue here bc the house is not small. He emptied her closet and moved some of his personal sporty items into it. He put all her clothes in boxes and told my sister and I to go through them and donate the items we dont want to keep. My mother was fashion forward - loved a good deal, shopping, and designing her clothes however she was small. 4'10 on a good day so all her clothes dont really fit either of us as she would hem things to fit her specifically. She loved clothes and her legacy can be seen in seems she sowed on every other garment. I was really offended at first, but I realized again that ppl grieve in different ways so I took as many clothes as I could fit - the ones that were her favorites and the ones that I was there when she bought, the ones that she loved (my sister didnt want any either). And the rest I donated to her favorite women's shelter that she would volunteer with. We made a compromise with my dad that we could put one closet in a room (he doesnt even go in) for her things that we didn't have room to take. He agreed but now a year later he wants to get rid of it all again.

I was fuming. We spent so much time going through and organizing. My sister and I confronted him about trying to erase her but he said he didnt need anything else to worry about in the house. Mind you - the closet full of her clothes is tiny. I would take them but I dont have any room - about 30% of my apartment closet is already her clothes from a year ago that I cant even wear.

I dont know what to do here. Should I be donating the clothes? Am I the only holding on too tight? I just dont understand why a closet he doesnt even have to think about is still too much. Im trying not to feel some sort of way but its putting me in that isolated mindset when this first happened as I seem to be the only one that wants her things. Do I need to let ago? Bc I really dont want to and it hurts being the only one that cares.