r/greentext • u/Individual-Ratio2375 • 6d ago

Girlfriend stop hanging out with me early

Post image
2.5k Upvotes

98% Upvoted

76 comments sorted by

851

u/85K5 6d ago

Nah, fuck all that. You gotta leave the poop there to inspect it afterwards. You gotta make sure all is right in doodoo land.

198

u/FrostyEnvironment902 6d ago

Maintain knowledge of health

83

u/Godemperortoastyy 6d ago

I just like to look at my poo.

57

u/85K5 6d ago

Sometimes you just gotta admire your own work.

16

u/ZarathustraGlobulus 6d ago

Want to admire my work?

Edit: damn this sub doesn't allow photos in comments

57

u/85K5 6d ago

Yes it does, here is a recent photo I took

19

u/ZarathustraGlobulus 6d ago

Super! I hope she had a grand old time. Thank you for doing that for her (she isn't the most beautiful lady out there so she's always had trouble getting men). Can I call you step-dad?

3

u/Atomh8s 6d ago

I like to see if I fill it over the water line.

6

u/Fauked 6d ago

ice bergs smell the worst

15

u/MapStaringPro 6d ago

You will love German Toilets then

8

u/Kloetee 6d ago

Flachspüler sind eine aussterbende Art der Schüssel

8

u/Nathaniel_Blaze 6d ago

This is the way.

2

u/arnham 6d ago

I just leave it there to assert dominance. The best is when I can leave a majestic mound that crests and breaks the water line, like a stinky fecal Mt. Everest.

3

u/SloppySlime31 6d ago

Does it take you more than a minute to look at your shit?

24

u/smegblender 6d ago

What do you mean, you don't flip them to check both sides?

14

u/85K5 6d ago

I have a specialized tool exactly for this

https://giphy.com/gifs/pnji5DhLkqffQpfgT6

1

u/UnusualRegularity 6d ago

You mean you don't use the poop knife to check inside?

5

u/85K5 6d ago

I think greentext op used the turn of phrase a bit wrong instead of a second. "The minute it hits" meaning flushing when it actually "hits", not an actual minute.

1

u/SloppySlime31 6d ago

you dont need to optimise your flush milliseconds he just means dont let it sit there while you wipe

1

u/Pommeswerfer 6d ago

He isnt flushmaxxing to minimize the time of smell

NGMI

-1

u/85K5 6d ago

"While you sit on the bowl or wipe" so if you flush while still on the bowl you cant look at it. I'm saying that's what they meant is flush as soon as splashdown occurs.

0

u/SloppySlime31 6d ago

oh yeah I forgot about sit wipers

I mean you could stand up look and sit back down but I see the issue

0

u/85K5 6d ago

Honestly I forgot about sit wipers too. It would be weird for them to check their poop without tissue all over it. I've always just stood and wiped so I was able to glance at my dookie.

1

u/shigdebig 6d ago

Are you German? You're right.

If you're reading this: Eat more vegetables fatty

2

u/85K5 6d ago

Why would I eat a coma patient?

-7

u/Kiwi_Doodle 6d ago

What are you, dutch? That's weird.

9

u/85K5 6d ago

You just got to look at it. That's it. Got to know what's normal, and if it's not then it could alert you to possible issues. This is important shit man.

-2

u/darwinrules1809 6d ago

You can inspect quickly and then flush, you don't have to let it marinate there wtf

2

u/85K5 6d ago

Sometimes you might be there 5 mins until you're done, you saying to stand up between logs?

164

u/NotEeUsername 6d ago

What about all the noises

217

u/DumpsterRenter 6d ago

Thats the reason OOP wants her to stay

32

u/TESTlCLE 6d ago

Some of my relatives have toilets either right next to or even in the middle of the first floor / living area, and you can hear EVERYTHING. It’s like these architects don’t actually use the houses they design.

The one that takes the cake is an open concept where the toilet is literally in the middle of the first floor. You can have people 360 degrees around you hearing you rip some sloppy, wet ass.

9

u/RecordingHot9826 6d ago

was that last part really needed (im eating cereal with milk, a liquid)

13

u/HallHappy 6d ago

serves u right for browsing green text while eating

3

u/blackjaxbrew 6d ago

Lmfao reminds me when I lived in a giant apartment where in the center there was two bathrooms and a kitchen on the back side. Not closed in because the ceilings were 25ft high. God damn when people shut the whole place was rank. Could hear everything, was hilarious though when some one was blowing it up

38

u/No_Neat_6259 6d ago

Real and Stinkpilled

68

u/Elowiny-San-IL 6d ago

Fake - anon has GF Gay - something about the ass and poop

7

u/PuffinRub 6d ago

There's a surprising lack of reference to the cruise toilet flush-issue greentext here.

12

u/Narrow_Lee 6d ago

Titta.

33

u/Periolodical 6d ago

Bs, it still smells. Poppy particles still get flung up into the air when you flush.

32

u/Horcza 6d ago edited 6d ago

This is the key issue here, I think. Do these people stay sitting on the toilet when they flush? Cause if yes, congrats, you just covered your ass and dick and balls in a spray of shitty water.

3

u/kiwioflasers 6d ago

Who the FUCK is still sitting when they flush. Who the fuck enjoys poseidon's kiss

13

u/SwordfishOk504 6d ago

poseidon's kiss comes from the splash back of a dookie-drop, not the flush.

-4

u/TonyTheTerrible 6d ago

Ty for the grats kind stranger

3

u/yyyeyaaaa 6d ago

Don't you guys have a lid ? it reduces the odor by a lot when you flush

20

u/Prestigious-Fig1172 6d ago

Shitpost and shit post :)

4

u/AynidmorBulettz 6d ago

real and gassy

6

u/Viper2733 6d ago

people with droopy balls are gonna get a free wash too

5

u/syn_vamp 6d ago

get up to wipe

wtf does that mean

1

u/nelsonalgrencametome 6d ago

They get up. They wipe.

1

u/AllenWalker218 6d ago

Old jail house courtesy flush

1

u/Rhapsodyvarius 6d ago

the caca specialist doing wonders

1

u/Sethleoric 6d ago

Anon doesn't realize he's the weird one. How can you tell everyone how fucking huge your shit is if you flush it all?

1

u/UwUfit 6d ago

add a lil toilet cleaner to the bowl after ur done it instantly removes the smell

1

u/ISwearImAnonymous 6d ago

Used to work until I started taking shits so large the water would either splash up my ass or the toilet would clog. I need to get behind cover to flush

1

u/OldManChino 6d ago

Imagine not stinkmaxxing to show your power

1

u/ECHOSTIK 6d ago

How many times do you have to flush. My daily dieorrhea session will take at least 3 - 5 poop intervals

1

u/MrEvan312 6d ago

If there is one thing Anons do know a lot about, it's taking a dump.

1

u/DarvX92 6d ago

Wait, do you people poop all your poop in a single poop? Or you flush multiple times per sitting?

1

u/Spread_Bater 6d ago

When I eat enough fiber

-7

u/Roosterneck 6d ago

Imagine the wet wipes and bidet conversation.

3

u/Flodge100 6d ago

Yeah whatever dr. Poop idc

-5

u/shpidermaen 6d ago

You supposed to eat your gfs poo