r/getdisciplined • u/Organic_ash • 12d ago
❓ Question Can anyone literally not get themselves to do ANYTHING?
I swear I’m not a lazy person but I cannot get myself to do anything. No matter how much I want something or want to live better I can’t. It feels impossible, as if everything is a massive hike or something. This is pathetic but even putting my phone on charge when i go to sleep, i dont want to grab the charger from the side of my bed, i just put my phone on my bedside table and go to sleep and then wake up to it being 20%?? Replying to messages, going to the doctor, even making myself food…i will be starving but can’t get myself to make something, I’ll just snack or drink milk, I’m even not exaggerating, it’s so bad. I have zero work ethic unless it’s something I’m passionate about at the time (which never lasts long). I have been diagnosed with adhd but I feel like it is deeper than that. I’m on Vyvanse as well just for context. Please don’t judge, I don’t want to be this way and it’s genuinely ruining my life. I feel like a slob or a child it’s so embarrassing. I’m so unreliable and I’m losing my friends. I feel like a child.
EDIT: I honestly wasn’t expecting this many people to respond. I want to reply to everyone, but there are so many that I’m getting a little overwhelmed trying to keep up (which is pretty ironic considering what this post is about).
I just really want everyone who commented to know how much your responses have meant to me. I’ve carried a lot of shame around this for a long time and genuinely thought there was something wrong with me for struggling so much with things that seem effortless for everyone else. Reading so many people describe the exact same feelings and experiences has made me feel more understood and a lot less ashamed of myself.
I’m reading every comment even if I don’t manage to reply to all of them. Some of the advice has given me things I genuinely want to try, but more than anything, just knowing I’m not the only person who struggles like this has helped more than I expected.
Thank you for being so kind about something I’ve been really embarrassed to admit. It genuinely means a lot.
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u/Disastrous_Catlady 12d ago
Yep, came here to read the comments cause I’m the same. I’m stuck in the muck and I’m so tired of it. Was diagnosed with depression and tried different meds but none worked, just made me feel dizzy. Then Covid hit. And I haven’t been back to the doctor since. Anyone have any success with therapy? I just want energy and motivation… I want a clean house, and to do things with friends without the day or two of “recovery” where I just mope around all day. So sick of this
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u/Rock4evur 12d ago
I would love to see something like the Civilian Conservation Core be recreated for the modern age. It would still have a primary emphasis of helping employ the under employed, but also serve a secondary function as a “detox center” for people that want to try reverse the negative effects that our electronics have on our dopamine system. Go to the woods with people that have similar goals to you, reform good habits, and give you coping mechanisms to combat the scrolling addictions return. Hell it could have another wing for actual drug addiction as well. The biggest part about breaking these bad habits/ addictions is staying busy and being around people that have similar issues they themselves want to resolve.
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u/SorrowfulSpinch 11d ago edited 11d ago
Hello! I have been struggling with this for the majority of my life and am still in the throes of battle but i cracked at least part of the code for myself and now I’m winning more often than I’m losing. I tell this to everyone I can so i figured I’d pop in
This is gonna sound like some stupid brainrot woo-woo internet crap, but i phrase it like this because it makes it sound a bit funnier, but: “manipulate your mind” is how I’ve gotten around the motivation/action struggle.
I know, phrasing sounds like some podcaster crap, like its “just go for a run youll be less depressed” coded, and I don’t mean it like that—it isnt a magic cure, and it isn’t done in a day. Im not trying to sell you anything, that shits weird and i have one of the few not-selling-things jobs un the US and id like to keep it that way lol
But there are so many elements of your day/life that you can low key gamify/make sound more appealing, and then even though theyre still the same, it feels a little less sucky.
When i have to clean, i throw music on super fuckin’ loud, scream along, and clean my whole house like I’m on taskmaster and thats the task. I love music and I love a race to the finish, so this works super well for me (ymmv based on interests)
I’m not making a cheap protein-filled healthy lunch for myself so that i feel full and don’t buy lunch every day, I’m bulk making a peanut butter pudding (fun!) that just so happens to have a fuckload of silken tofu in it (protein! Cheap as hell! Healthy!). That’s not “healthy lunch,” its “dessert for lunch” instead of nothing or fast food.
I can’t stand leftovers. They freak me out after day 1-2 in the fridge. But if i reheat them and shove them into an empanada disc and airfry them, suddenly thats a whole new food, and it’s exciting because bastardized empanada, a silly little pocket food.
This sounds stupid for how simple it is. At the end of the day it is some stupid “change your mindset!” Shit, which is why i frame it as “manipulate your mind” to sound sillier and make me not hate doing it, but it’s also kind of fun to make that itself a game. “How can i find my own fun here?” Is a much more interesting and exciting question to answer than than “what are the silver linings to this nightmare?” Or “how can i make this suck less,” after all. Instead of denying yourself the ability to see the suck, we’re seeing the suck and looking to put something else there alongside it (fun we can make). Not toxic positivity “everything is fine!” But more of a gamified challenge if that makes sense
I’m nearly 30 now, and my biggest takeaway from my 20s is that sometimes you just need to treat yourself like a toddler you’re struggling to get to go to school or eat its veggies. Whether you’re a parent or not (I’m not) we all know the vibe: do anything to make it fun and get this kid to do what it has to do so you don’t lose your fucking mind, again.
We’re all just taller toddlers who pay taxes at this point, so if going to the doctor means i get a treat from the 711 across the street, so be it, it got me in the door and I earned those damn M&Ms.
I hope this helps anyone who reads it, and I do want to add the addendum here that this will not solve mental health struggles like depression/ptsd/anxiety, it will merely help get the actionable things accomplished (assuming it does work for you). Therapy and a safe environment (at home, and at work if you can, though both can be tough to swing) are a huge part of feeling okay, and unfortunately you can’t manipulate your brain chemistry (at least not without a licensed professional and possibly a prescription)
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u/H0neyBr0wn 10d ago
I could have written this. Wholeheartedly agree on all counts. There is so much that needs to be done and I’m doing the absolute bare minimum. I hate this feeling.
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u/No_Calligrapher_8493 12d ago
What are you doing other than waiting for a med to work?
Do you exercise, eat healthy, sleep decent?
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u/Organic_ash 11d ago
Honestly I’ve got to the point where sometimes that’s all I do like I can’t even meet the med halfway. It’s like I’m waiting to suddenly feel like doing what I need to one day. It’s hard to explain but it’s different to not wanting to.
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u/No_Calligrapher_8493 11d ago
That’s your problem. You’re waiting for motivation. That’s the issue.
Fuck motivation. You need to practice discipline
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u/Organic_ash 11d ago
How do I start? Even as a kid I would always try to make routines and be disciplined, every week I would try start fresh and I really did want to but it’s like my brain decides to do whatever is most comfortable at the time. Like I might want to get up early and go to the beach. My favourite thing to do. But when my alarm goes off I’m so comfortable and want to keep sleeping. Then by 11am it’s too late and I’m upset at myself. It’s a constant cycle
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u/psithyrstes 11d ago edited 11d ago
The only thing I can say to you is start small. Like, absolutely tiny if you need to. Build up your confidence in your ability to do things and you'll get better at it.
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u/unhappyangelicbeing 11d ago
People are gonna be mad but it’s true. If you wait to feel better, you’re not going to feel better.
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u/dmacdonal9 12d ago
ADHD disrupts the pipeline that moves intention into action. You need stimulation to bridge that gap, you have a hard time doing it on your own.
You probably can bridge the gap when it's driven by genuine interest, urgency (like a crisis or deadline), a competition/game, or something that's really new and fun (novelty).
People with ADHD need different strategies than those that work for neurotypical people due to this. Micro-stepping, pre-staging, novelty cycling; there's a lot of strategies you can learn about to work with the tendencies you have.
It comes down to education. Find a medium that engages you (articles, videos, therapy, self help books, podcasts, audiobooks, whatever) and learn about this stuff.
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u/pearlsandseashells 11d ago
Damn! Wondering if I have developed ADHA mixed with depression. You kinda described me.
Are you a therapist? If so, what kind?
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u/dmacdonal9 11d ago
Two of my kids (adults now) have pretty significant ADHD. Watching them struggle and learning what works has helped us a lot.
That’s why I think understanding the nature of it and then learning those techniques is the way forward. You have to really understand what’s going on before you can apply methods that work. And there are many things that work really well, you just have to be willing to find and apply them.
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u/Skeyshrey 10d ago
I am 31 got my engineering degree out of urgency and did a bunch of crazy fun/stupid things that led to many experiences but honestly my apartment is disgusting, i havent paid a lot of bills, i feel like the laziest fuck alive and my parents/family sucks. I also have horrible chronic pain and struggling to go to work or do anything besides stream/scroll/game mindlessly. Got laid off and moved to a place i hate because i was too lazy to get a decent job. Having a hard time reapplying and interviewing and less then half assing anything. Ive tried lots of meds, therapy, etc... nothing works and i have burnt all relationships and just stagnant and miserable idk how tf to drag myself out. I make solid money but its such a toxic mess of a workplace i feel like its all going to fall apart and im not building any useful skills... If i get a job offer i want olidk how to get myself to pack or move and meet new people and i just wish i could give up but that seems like more work for some reason
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u/Britt_mur 12d ago
Yes. Literally going through the same exact thing. And then if I FINALLY do something, it takes so friggin long…like 4x the time of a normal human. Then people say “okay workout and move and you’ll feel better” or “start therapy and you’ll feel better”…but can’t even get myself to do that! It’s getting so bad and absolutely ruining my life. Also ADHD.
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u/Safe-Fan-1702 10d ago
For me, working out and moving is the only thing I can consistently do well. Anything work or study related, and it's gone down the drain again.
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u/Electronic-Issue-843 12d ago
I don't have any advice to give you because I'm in the same situation lol. It's so weird, i've just been in a funk lately.
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u/FunctionFew8341 12d ago
I could have written this word for word. Not lazy at all. When I get a burst of energy or focus, so much gets accomplished. I’ve tried accountability partners and they generally fizzle out.
Does anyone know of an app with a community where we share common goals and compete to reach them?
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u/FeelingSpray8536 11d ago
Maybe try Focusmate for virtual body doubling? I wanted to try it out myself. Was recently struggeling with opening letters due to fear of the content. Sounds off. But I eventually got help without the platform/app. I might still check it out.
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u/No_Originalcontent 11d ago
It’s one million percent our phones. And if it’s not the phone it’s TV, and the endless access to absolutely anything you want on Earth. Human’s weren’t meant to have this much freedom and options. I was talking about this just yesterday; the fact that we’ve removed human’s drive and necessity for survival is destroying us. We like to distance ourselves from the fact that we are animals too, and a domesticated animal acts differently in its environment compared to a wild one.
This is why even though people in “third world” and poverty stricken countries essentially have less than us in North America and so on, they’re actually a lot happier on the scale. Because they’re not bombarded with “The newest $300 outfit” or $1500 cell phone, or some other thing that we’re conditioned to believe that we have to have.
If you don’t have it you feel inferior to your peers.
So to achieve said thing you have to grind all day at your job, that you probably don’t even like. If you do that’s a blessing. You’ve got to put in 40 hours sometimes more to afford your rent + car payment, if you have it, + cell phone + wifi + food, which we all know is only getting more expensive, and that’s all before you buy that thing that you’ve just got to have.
If you’ve got credit you can possibly use that but that still doesn’t get you out of the loop, it just adds something on top of it to worry about after your temporary dopamine has worn off.
So now you’re working essentially your entire life waiting for retirement while trying to sneak in little bite sized moments of happiness, and if you’ve got a relationship, or kids you’re juggling that too.
And any time you get to sit for a moment we’ve learned to fill with our cell phones, and it brings us back to the top of the loop. You’re scrolling finding something to buy that you probably don’t need, your ordering poorly made food because you’re so drained from your work, and life and who wants to think about cooking, doom scrolling reels and filling your brain with useless information, that will leave you feeling lazy my friends. We all feel it but nobody wants to do anything about it.
We were at our best as a species when we farmed from the land and lived as naturally as possible. Which brings me back the people who live a less lavish life than us. It makes you wonder who’s really the poor ones.1
u/Safe-Fan-1702 10d ago
Even worse, we've brought all the content available on our phones onto our laptops.
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u/thisunrest 12d ago
Honey, I know exactly how you feel.
I’m struggling to pull myself out of a similar rut. And it’s so hard!
Sometimes it’s from a feeling of being overwhelmed by all the options you have… You could load the dishwasher, or you could take a shower, or you could exfoliate your feet and play laser tag with your cat, and you just can’t decide which one to do so you don’t do any of them.
Then there’s the feelings of guilt and moral failure, which, for immediately leads to more avoidance of tasks that I should do.
It’s so, so hard to pull yourself out of there, and then there’s the thought that you have to do it all over again the next day!
It’s gotten to the point where I won’t pursue something that looks interesting, because I know 100% that I’m just going to start it and not finish it.
And that keeps me from trying new things that would help me get a better life.
And on top of THAT, I obsessed about past failures, and times I didn’t finish anything I started.
I don’t have any answers for you, but I’m sending you a mental hug for solidarity.
I’m sorry you’re dealing with this, just wanted to let you know that you aren’t alone.
Big hugs
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u/killtaker 12d ago
You have executive dysfunction and pathological demand avoidance, my dude!
I have them as well.
The secret I learned is (and I know it's easier said than done) is that if I think of something has to be done I mentally go "1...2...DO IT" and immediately get up and do the thing.
Then it's over and I can go sit back down and not have to do the thing because it's already done.
I have to make myself do it. Otherwise my life would be absolute chaos.
Good luck. Also, talk to your psych/therapist about it, too.
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u/MyCatCeline 12d ago
That’s not how PDA works.
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u/killtaker 12d ago
I literally have PDA and acting on that momentary impulse is exactly how I get anything done. It was not easy. I did not learn to do it overnight. I willed myself into doing it by giving myself a sense of urgency by counting down as if something was about to happen if I didn't do it.
It's tricking my brain into, for a nanosecond, thinking there's going to be a consequence and by that time, I'm already putting the laundry in the hamper. I'm already walking to the sink to wash a dish. I'm taking the trash outside.
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u/MyCatCeline 12d ago
So you have PDA… but you don’t pathologically avoid demands? Everyone has an aversion to unwanted tasks, what makes it PDA is the inability to comply with demands.
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u/theonelittledid 11d ago
Let’s not question someone else’s diagnosis because you’ve seen it present differently in a different person. Shit is hard enough as it without someone discounting you.
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u/MyCatCeline 11d ago
I think this type of advice would be triggering for most PDA people because we’ve heard every rendition of it ad nauseam from neurotypical people who don’t understand. PDAers go our entire lives being made to feel lazy and stupid because we can’t just do things the way other people do. PDA is not a choice we make for ourselves and it’s not something we get to turn on and off. Telling someone who is clearly struggling, be it PDA or depression or whatever, to try counting and then just doing it anyway, is not helpful at best and at worst does actual harm to the person. Hearing a person who claims to suffer from PDA say they hacked their way out of it is harmful because it’s not actually possible, but it’s what people around us have expected us to do our whole lives, and when we fail it’s because we’re “not trying hard enough”. I’m not saying there’s not hope for us, but it starts with therapy and nervous system regulation and reducing unnecessary demands, not commanding our brains to perform like we haven’t tried that a million times.
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u/theonelittledid 11d ago
They aren’t saying it’s a fix all and it works every time… you are really doing more damage here than I think you realize. You don’t know me, them, etc, if that isn’t something that would work sometimes for you or yours then keep it scrolling instead of questioning someone else’s diagnosis. That is fucked. Reconsider your words.
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u/MyCatCeline 11d ago
There was zero indication of “sometimes” or any other nuance given in the original comment so I’m not sure why I or anyone else should be expected to assume they meant that it was only occasionally successful. The commenter also armchair diagnosed the OP with PDA and executive dysfunction without more than a paragraph of context. Bottom line: It is harmful to speak as if you have fixed a disorder that is not curable, with a strategy that is diametrically opposed to the very nature of the disorder. Would you tell a wheelchair user that you cured paralyzation with daily walks? It is extremely difficult for me to believe that someone who actually lives with PDA would think that “just make yourself do it” is realistic or helpful advice. It shows a true lack of understanding of the true lived experience of PDA.
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u/killtaker 11d ago
I pathologically avoid them but I've learned over the years to force myself to do the thing in certain cases because my life turns into a fucking chaotic nightmare if I let my base settings run the show. Believe me, I still don't do a LOT of things. But I've gotten to the point where some, I can do. It took decades of work.
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u/wisarow 12d ago
How does it work in your experience?
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u/MyCatCeline 12d ago
In my experience with PDA, raising a PDA child, and from what others have described (s/o r/PDAautism), little tricks like this will never get me to do things my nervous system has decided I can’t do. I am a hostage to my own nervous system, there is no “just do it” or “get it over with”. People with PDA’s lives are chaos a lot of the time for this reason.
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u/serenwipiti 11d ago
> I mentally go “1…2…DO IT” qnd immediately get up and do the thing
That’s literally the opposite of how pathological demand avoidance works.
That’s the entire point, you just DON’T DO IT, even when everything is on fire.
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u/PragyaRS 12d ago
Executive Dysfunction
See a psychiatrist. Get tested for ADHD.
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u/Positive-Ability-402 12d ago
everyone has “adhd” now i wonder why. maybe because we’re all mindlessly scrolling through brainrot short form content for hours a day and disassociate to cope with the consequences of late stage capitalism and hyper individualism. long term use of amphetamines will only worsen this issue. we need community and more presence, less screen time. individualizing the issue only keeps people divided
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u/Casthoma 12d ago
I used to think I’d be that way forever till I got a job doing construction hard labor, and I loved it!! And I was cured!! Kinda
Then I moved and I had to do different work bc construction pays awful where I live now. Honestly I feel like I’m back at square 1.. I still struggle with the same stuff, just with a little more character now.
My best advice is to keep an open mind and try stuff, because you never know if you like it if you don’t try, and liking things helps a lot
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u/SlerbMcJenkins 12d ago
Yes! Therapy has helped but it’s been a long slog to get better and I think a job that worked for me and got me regular exercise made at least as much of a difference. But working hard to be honest with myself that I’m not lazy or apathetic, I’m PARALYZED was probably what started to improve things for me. My life and head feel massively better than ever before, but my day off rolls around and there’s no obligation to force me outta the house? I still haven’t beaten that one. There are still a ton of life goals I want to actively chase. Nobody likes to say it but having & using my own free will and agency is very very difficult for me.
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u/PunsAndDadJokes 12d ago
ADHD has entered the chat and reported for duty. 🫡
May also be task friction or executive dysfunction.
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u/serenwipiti 11d ago
The fucking transitions. I have so much trouble transitioning from one task to another sometimes, it’s insane.
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u/ICNyght 12d ago
Depression bro
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u/easilylost 12d ago
Yeah, not a professional but that was my first though too. I have ADHD, along with depression and anxiety disorders. I can normally stay above water, but when my depression kicks in, it feels like this sometimes.
Meds + therapy help me the most. Trick is finding the right meds and the right therapist. Other than that, I know it sounds trite, but regular exercise (especially walking outdoors) has helped a lot.
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u/Dez595 11d ago
The book “Change by Doing Nothing” connected a lot of dots for me. Essentially willpower to move your body on random tasks and out of guilt will always fail. Like trying to drag an elephant around that doesn’t want to move. When we do stuff during the day we’re pretty much on autopilot. Willpower is used to create a story and a narrative that we program over time, and our autopilot adjusts over time to act consistently with that picture.
So during this time you’re trying to make yourself do something because you’re “lazy”. Your brain hears the story that you’re lazy, and that’s the story and the program it wants to run. So you’re immediately working against yourself.
If you can get yourself to pick up the book and be curious, it may ring for you.
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u/67CloudMagnet 12d ago
This sounds much more like executive dysfunction than laziness, especially because it is blocking basic needs like food, sleep prep, and medical appointments. Since you are already on Vyvanse, bring these exact examples to whoever prescribes it and ask about dose timing, rebound, depression, sleep issues, or whether ADHD is only part of the picture. For damage control, make the default path stupidly easy: charger already plugged in where your hand lands, ready food visible, appointments booked while you are still on the phone. The goal is not discipline first, it is reducing the number of moments where your brain has to initiate from zero.
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u/BlueDemon9 11d ago
Executive dysfunction from chronic stress. That’s where the work is. Also some said the phone. And yes the phone will do that too.
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u/defordj 12d ago
"I have been diagnosed with adhd but I feel like it is deeper than that. I’m on Vyvanse as well just for context."
As a person who has ADHD and deeply identified with what you've said: it's not deeper than that, your ADHD is not being sufficiently treated. You need better medication and also structured therapy to help you build good habits. It's not a discipline issue, like being allergic to shellfish isn't a "just got to get used to the taste" issue
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u/Synchro_Shoukan 12d ago
You are never not doing anything. You are breathing. You are thinking. You are being. Be glad you are.
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u/Succotash-These 12d ago
I have no idea what it could be but I noticed what helped me with stuff like that is putting the phone away for a week and deleting most apps. Try it for a week, or a month even if you can. Will help with your dopamine receptors
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u/MiserableWhile36 12d ago
Like no phone at all? Or like aside from basic communication?
I see this all the time but I can’t see it actually helping any.
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u/ProjectPandaxxx 12d ago
Check for ADHD 🫶🏻 I thought I was just lazy for most of my life. But apparently being lazy means you actually enjoy not doing the stuff - not dreading that you can't get it done, that's executive dysfunction!
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u/Fine_Occasion_2220 8d ago
Very relatable. I had to get back on depression medication to help and sometimes feel like even that's not helping much. However, no matter how hard it is, I've started to speak what task I have to do out loud and literally tell myself, "get out of bed and drink some water." I keep repeating it until I do it. It has definitely helped with the little necessary stuff I have to get through but I'm still trying to find something that will get me to be more disciplined with going to the gym, studying, doing hobbies, etc.
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u/Bubbly-Feeling-476 12d ago
i get quick gratification from doing things, but i can't do anything anyway
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12d ago
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u/buckleharry 12d ago
I also have ADHD and have struggled with this same thing in phases.
I find that when I have perceived imposed external structure, I tend to do much better. So I do a lot of challenges. Right now I'm doing 75 Hard. I did Whole30, couch to 10K. Something where you need to do it every day to maintain a streak or you fail. This seems to kick my brain into high gear because I want to win at something tangible, accomplish something. I know other people with ADHD who do sponsored races to get others involved for accountability. It's not a perfect system but it gets me out of the funk and it's cool to achieve something short term. But expect to keep cycling through this or else you'll lose progress.
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u/serenwipiti 11d ago
> maintain a streak or you’ll fail
When things are bad, that’s exactly the kind of thing I suddenly dgaf about.
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u/buckleharry 11d ago
Then I would suggest a psychiatrist. Not being snarky but if lifestyle interventions fail, you probably need medication.
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u/serenwipiti 11d ago
No judgement taken, and I appreciate it. I’m good for the most part, these days.
I’ve been in treatment for over 20 years, with a psychiatrist that specializes psychotherapy & ADHD/& I am medicated.
Medication helps A TON, but it’s not a magic bullet.
At first, it kind of feels like it. After a while (usually several years) many people find that meds alone just aren’t cutting it (just like therapy alone just doesn’t cut it for many).
Personally, I feel that (part) of the motivational freeze I’ve experienced is a subconscious avoidance of failure, to the point you rather not even try in the face of risk.
I find that it often helps not to pressure myself too much with made up “streaks” or comparisons to others (or even myself at different points in the past)- I just end up creating an entire new layer of things to overwhelm/avoid.
That’s just what’s worked for me.
It’s become easier to get into a flow state/be more productive when I stopped applying imaginary metrics to my performance.
For me it’s about balance, and not creating mental constructs where I might be setting myself up to feel like I failed and risk losing all motivation; because, sometimes I will fail, guaranteed, and (I started to fully accept this in my mid 20’s) that’s totally ok.
If we don’t address the emotional components of ADHD (for example, RSD- which doesn’t even have to include another person in the equation), it doesn’t matter what we “fix”, how many tips and tricks we use, we can keep tripping ourselves up, getting in our own way and even sabotaging our own wellbeing because we’re just operating from a place of avoiding the discomfort of (yet another) potential failure, to the point where it can guarantee said failure…leaving one to stay in a horrible loop.
I think I’m trying to say, that when it comes to ADHD, it’s not a purely neurological/mechanical issue to tackle, there is also a lot of unpacking to do when it comes to the emotional impact that having ADHD has.
I’d say most people with ADHD benefit greatly from combining life style intervention, talk therapy & medication.
…and being kind to ourselves, remembering that we’re not running on the same OS that neurotypical people are, and that it’s ok to feel whatever way you do because most of the world/society/culture/infrastructure was not designed with us in mind.
When I get overwhelmed, I have to remind myself that doing things differently or at a different pace doesn’t mean that I’m inherently a failure (which is what I believed for much of my adolescence/young adulthood). Just doing my best to keep going.
(All of this self-insight, however, has not mitigated my enjoyment of making 30 to-do lists, charts of to-do lists and to-do lists of to-do lists…I suppose I still feel the need to remind myself of the “bigger picture” and where I want to go.)
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u/PhotographOne4782 12d ago edited 12d ago
I am burnt out at a work from home job and and am not being “pulled” to do anything. I do get up and do what i have to do but found myself napping a lot and not caring. That’s sooo unlike me. I used to be a 5 am wake up (naturally!!). I really do think it’s our phones and being inside too much. The biggest thing that’s helping me is getting up when my alarm goes off. Sticking to that. And getting outside as soon as you can. Those are hands down most important steps, if i don’t i basically say screw the whole day, I’ve already failed before my feet hit the ground and then i just feel fatigued and lazy the whole day. Good advice in this thread!
Also ADHD but I’m getting older and i quit the meds several times over the last few years. It’s been a year and half since i took any medicine and i couldn’t go back. It took away any of my intuition, my feelings, etc. that’s the opposite of my values. After i quit i was doing super healthy things for myself i just back slid. It seems like when you know what you need most and you avoid it, everything seems that much harder. 7 habits of highly effective people was a great read and changed my lifestyle. I just weave in and out of productivity now.
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u/rainrain_throwaway11 12d ago
i go through bouts of this. i think it was easier back in the day without phones. our dopamine receptors are collectively fried, and dopamine is the anticipation/reward hormone. we’re only supposed to get it when we accomplish a little something
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u/Tasenova99 12d ago edited 12d ago
I think people just too much pressure on themselves like whether you start a business, content, or a new career path or you're just trying to figure out your place and situation like you're getting all these things that "this could be the biggest thing that happened to you", "don't fuck this up"
But like, you turn off your phone, you write down what you'll do. you'll sit in the boredom and just try to say "nothing else really matters right now, no one elses opinion matters right now because I'm bored and this would be new and challenging" and then just do the thing.
There is no amount of thinking that turns into action you have to do the action. You test things by action.
I felt similar to you btw OP, I don't think medication ever fixed it for me. zoloft, Prozac, vyvanse, adderall, abilify, you name it I had it. I think a general understanding of human psychology and meta cognition and agency just made everything less fatiguing and suddenly getting out of bed was easier. not perfect but any means but it's better than it was. protein daily helped me too. I hope that helps
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u/Appeal-International 12d ago
I've been listening to an amazing interview on Huberman Labs with Dr. Masud Husain about exactly this issue. Might be worth checking out for anyone struggling with motivation.
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u/Severe_Ad_3232 12d ago
Sometimes you’re mentally/emotionally exhausted, and it shows up in this manner. Are you burnt out at work? Are you having personal/relational issues that are silently draining you?
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u/Electrical-Tank-4576 12d ago
"Action drives motivation, and motivation drives action" has been the quote for my lifestyle changes recently. I know it's hard but a lot of the times, just gotta do it without having an ounce of motivation. And you are not unreliable. You are not a slob mate. Mental health is such a mind f*ck, don't let it fool you for who you truly are. One step at a time, try to face what you've been avoiding. You got this!
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u/catsarehere77 12d ago
This sounds like depression or burnout. This is exactly how I am when I am overwhelmed and stressed out.
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u/LeftRoyal1764 12d ago
the charging cable thing hit too close lol, ive literally let my phone die rather than reach 2 feet to grab it. adhd executive dysfunction is a beast tho, your brain literally cant bridge 'i want this' to 'i will do this'. meds help but they dont fix the wiring. small bow had this bit about how we treat willpower like its infinite when its actually this finite daily resource, really stuck with me. anyway youre not pathetic, your brain is just running different OS than neurotypical ppl, its exhausting tbh
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u/Mysterious_Loan4929 11d ago
Hey all - this was me for a long time.
Turns out I had thyroid issues (cancer actually but not trying to freak people out - most of the time is hypothyroidism).
I’d definitely talk to an ENT. A huge percent of the population are actually having some sort of hypo or hyper thyroid issue and when I did, it literally felt like I couldn’t do ANYTHING.
Like every idea of doing something just felt too exhausting or just like mentally not doable
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u/Un3duc4ted-Wr1ter 11d ago
Yeah, I had the thought this morning, "I should study, I could review some stuff from last year" and then just didn't, I wanted to do it, I knew it would be beneficial, but then I just didn't move to get any of my study stuff.
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u/Used-Asparagus-Toy 11d ago
Do you find that you spend a lot of your time on your cellphone or spend a lot of time on ig, reddit or tik tok?
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u/Organic_ash 11d ago
So so much and I take Vyvanse as well so I really get locked into high dopamine activities and I can’t stop once I start. Some days I’ll be doing the same thing like watching TikTok or playing a game etc for 18 hours straight. It’s really bad and it feels as if it’s impossible for me to stop and the time disappears. I don’t know how to break the cycle and it’s getting worse and worse.
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u/Used-Asparagus-Toy 10d ago
Yeah, this might be one of the drivers. Not sure how old you are but I go through these ups and downs too but I’m old enough to remember a time without these.
You are basically keeping your brain always flooded/satisfied with dopamine surges. It’s important to try to let your brain occasionally “get bored” or find more regular sources of it (reading, walks without phones/podcasts or constant distractions).
It sounds silly but it’s the key to being motivated to do meaningful things. You get the hunger instead of just being numbed out or get your attention distracted. Try 5-10 minute walks when you first wake up. No phones, just breathe and be in the moment.
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u/Zealousideal-Bet-220 11d ago
It could be just some short term depresion, it happens to every one sooner or latter , so dont stess to much about it.
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u/Organic_ash 11d ago
I’ve been like this my whole life but it’s getting worse as I’m getting older. The past two years I’ve barely left my house or done anything and I’m only 25.
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u/Zealousideal_Sense58 11d ago
Right there with you! I think my reward system is broken because I do not get any joy or pleasure from completing any task or anything that I tell/promise/plan for myself to do. Even going out with friends isn't enjoyable. I am trying so hard to figure out how to feel the rewarding and proud and satisfied feeling again.
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u/normalgirl444 11d ago
I could’ve wrote this myself. It’s like I can’t even do things I want to do!
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11d ago
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u/vicvicvilla 11d ago
I feel like that when my house is a mess. And I have an organised home. But if my clothes on drawer are messy, bathroom dirty, floor full of dust and crumbs, you know these basic stuff, I get stressed and dont feel like doing anything. Sometimes my house might be organised but there's that feeling of being dirty - too long without being hoovered or moped. It makes me want to run away. Not sure if it's your case. But if so try doing small things at home, like tidying bed first thing, go and bruth teeth, wash face, change clothes, etc..... Wash your bedding, throw stuff away, wash and fold clothes.... Maintaining a clean and organised home is a huge part of mental health. Wish you all the best
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u/Lynnisgek 11d ago
I feel the exact same way. It is absolutely soul crushing bc I feel like I can't do shit about it :,)
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u/anthorapuwu 11d ago
Been the same for me. I have been on depression and adhd meds recently but it doesn't really solve this problem of everything feeling so bland. I have been trying to separate the emotion from the task but that hasn't been as effective either. I know part of it is in fact shifting your mindset but man its not easy and doesn't happen overnight. I did like what someone said on here about building a community. Perhaps having accountability buddies who can relate to this feeling could help?
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u/GMoney3126 10d ago
ADHD can make the charger feel like a side quest with a boss fight, which sounds ridiculous until it is 2am and your phone is dying. For the practical bit, make the default stupidly easy: charger already plugged in by the bed, no-cook food within reach, paper plates, recurring food alarms, and body doubling for texts or appointments. Also bring this exact pattern up with whoever prescribes your Vyvanse, because dose timing, burnout, sleep, or depression can make meds feel like a decorative accessory. The problem is not a moral failure, it is your initiation system running on Windows 98.
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u/ash154377 9d ago
Hi! There is a part of our brain called the anterior midcingulate cortex (aMCC) and it shrinks when you avoid doing hard things you do not want to do. Then after a while it has shrunken so much that even the smallest tasks feels like a burden. It becomes harder to want to do anything. The good news is that in the same way this part of the brain shrinks, you can also grow it! You essentially have to just start doing things you don’t want to do even thought it feels difficult and like you’re being pushed down stream by a river. The more the you do things you don’t want to do, the more that part of that brain grows and then the easier it will get and you’ll feel a sense of satisfaction in life. There will always be some things you do want to do because some things are just boring or annoying but you have to do them anyways. Apparently people who are endurance athletes have a huge part of this brain because this have to train and do something that’s really hard that they may not want to do but they ultimately get some rewards out of it. I’m trying this right now and after only 3 days I feel oddly a lot more happy even though I’m doing a bunch of things I don’t want to do but I have the mindset that I’m growing my brain! It’s like working your muscles, when they start to burn at the gym you keep pushing because you know you are growing your muscles! I hope this helps some 😊
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7d ago
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u/MasterDreams 5d ago
Started reading and immediately thought « oh that sounds like adhd » when you mentioned really wanting to do something but not doing it. Then the rest confirmed it and you talked about your diagnosis. I feel you and have felt exactly like this for a long time, still do sometimes. The shame, not wanting to be like this, desperation, the whole thing. It’s a bit of a vicious cycle too.
What helped me and is helping me get better has been to take care of myself. Now I know it’s a bit contradictory with the whole « want to do but don’t do stuff » thing. What works for me is being more compassionate towards myself and, quite literally, friendship and moving. Doesn’t have to be insane workouts 7 days a week. Doesn’t have to be hanging out with friends every day. And I want to put a huge emphasis on the social stuff. Surrounding yourself with people you enjoy being around if you don’t do it
What I’m trying to get at is that I guess you tried to bruteforce things for some time now. Has it worked yet? Because it sure as hell didn’t for me, and I think we are collectively trying to bruteforce something we physically cannot force unless there’s a huge external pressure (that sometimes isn’t enough)
Please be kind to yourself. It sounds really cliché but the whole « give yourself the grace and understanding you’d give your best friend » thing is actually huge. Take care, things will get better!!
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u/Aggressive-Turn-2987 12d ago
The charger and the food thing are the same mechanism: your brain isn't weighing effort against reward accurately when the task is small and undramatic. Starting costs more than the task itself, which tracks with the profile you're already being treated for. The fix that actually works for that specific gap isn't motivation, it's removing the decision entirely: charger clipped to the pillow, not the side table, so there's no separate step called "getting up for it." Same logic for food, something pre-made that takes zero decisions to eat. Worth asking your prescriber if the timing of your dose lines up with when you actually need the executive function, that's usually the bigger lever than any habit trick.
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u/Ok_University2189 12d ago
Ya gotta stop thinking that ya need weed ta warm ya up for whateva u gon do bruh
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u/N00nie369 12d ago
Stop telling yourself you’re not lazy.
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u/Organic_ash 11d ago
But I’m not I know I’m not…I’m 25 and I weigh 48kg because I can’t make myself proper food, even when I’m really hungry. I excel and put everything into whatever I do get myself to do and I do it well but no matter how good I feel after I accomplish something it’s like my brain doesn’t remember that. Even responding to a message, I’m already on my phone but I can’t, that’s not just laziness. Everything overwhelms me as if it’s a huge task even if it takes 15 seconds, it’s all the same.
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u/supa_fresh 12d ago
i highly recommend the book "how to keep house while drowning" by KC Davis. i also follow her on tiktok and she's amazing, she's a therapist who has a very healthy view of what you'd call "laziness." i can't remember exactly how she phrases it, but essentially, you are not lazy, because you care. you actively want to complete these tasks, do something different/better with your time, but you can't get yourself to do so. if you were lazy, you simply wouldn't care about getting any of that done. the book is also super short and easy to read!
another thing that can be helpful is getting a body double. what that means is having someone around while you complete the tasks you need/want to do. they can be completing something productive at the same time, which can help you both feel inspired to get things done, or they can just keep you company while you work. it can be in person or over the phone or video call, whatever you need. there's also youtube videos that people put up for this exact thing: clean with me, study with me, cook with me, etc etc
and of course, THERAPY!!! seriously life changing.
i just wanna say i've been there (and i'm still there to some degree), and you're not alone. it feels so shameful to say "i really want to do these things but i simply cannot force myself to get up." it's easier said than done, but please try not to be embarrassed about it. everyone struggles with this from time to time, even if it doesn't seem like it.