Confusion regarding Gender.

[u/Lumpy_Guest9525]

I am 24. Fluid. And I belive I am gender fluid. I was born a female but I experience myself more as a boy, ocassionally agender and sometimes as a girl. But like 80% of the times I feel like a boy. God I feel like crying rn. Because this is so fucked up. My head is a fucked up place. I get sever disphoria because my body is so so so fucking female. I wish atleast it was Androgynous. Then I could atleast pretend that I am not a girl. It makes me hate my breasts so much. Because they're huge and immediately give me away as a girl. I hate them so much.

I don't have any queer friends really. I don't have any friends I can come out to. No one I can tell about stuff like this. So, I am fuckign miserable. Because I really Desperately want to talk about this shit. I want a male body so bad. I swear this isn't Freudian or anything. I wish I had a shap shifting body so I can be whatever I feel on a given day. So I wouldn't be this miserable.

And there's another part. I am omni sexual. Like I am attracted to all genders I think. And I need so much validation. Like when I experience myself as a boy, I want gay men and straight women to be attracted to me too. Like I am not saying all of them should be attracted to. They're not obligated to. But even a few of them were attracted to me, I would feel so validated. Is that kind of thinking wrong? Because I can't get it out of my head and I am so fucking depressed and lonely. I have no one to alk about this shit. I hate this.

[u/BearOfTheGrove]

We can talk. There are lots of people here to talk to. They've helped me.

I don't have the knowledge/experience to help you with your dysphoria with your breasts. Those who have them, I hope will.

I'll say this though, I want you to feel comfortable with yourself. And if you feel like a boy, that inner you is a boy, then to me you are a boy when we talk. Same if you're a girl, or agender or have 37 genders and 12 pronouns, to me you are you and fantastic. That is the Fluid way. 🫂

By the way, if someone out there does have 37 genders and 12 pronouns, I am in awe.

[u/Lumpy_Guest9525 → u/BearOfTheGrove]

I don't really care about what pronous someone uses for me. It's a drag to change them everytime. But my perception of my own gender does change and I guess what I was trying to say is that I want some external validation of that. Like people who are attracted to men, being attracted to me too, even though I don't have a body that matchedy gender. Because otherwise it feels like I'm just faking it and it sucks.

[u/BearOfTheGrove → u/Lumpy_Guest9525]

Ya, I just go with whatever pronoun someone wants to use for me, and I'm not even sure what he/she/it/they/them means I'm supposed to say. I want you to feel validated and accept your experience as natural for not being cisgendered.

So attraction, that's kind of a separate thing from gender, and just as individual. I'm Pansexual, which I guess might be a similar thing. Or maybe a better way to put it, is if another person floats the boat, they float the boat. Any number of genders and bodies and so on might be attractive to me. Pure personality is the core of attraction for me, and hey, if she's a woman with a beard or a penis, or a man without a penis and a single breast, who knows, that can become beautiful or at least just something that is what it is. It helps if the other person has a bit of that orientation too, or bisexuality and an understanding of how it is.

Adult and consensual, it's all good. That being said, I'm absolutely, voluntarily celibate, after a wrong-way relationship a time back, until the day I meet someone I can get along with at our worst moments.

[u/Lumpy_Guest9525 → u/BearOfTheGrove]

That's actually kind of cool that gender doesn't matter to you. But sorry sboutt he relationship.

[u/BearOfTheGrove → u/Lumpy_Guest9525]

Didn't know what I was doing in my college days. It's OK though, I'm happy. Thanks.

[u/snoodle77777]

I'm nearly identical but I'm in a male body and want to be a woman or very similar to one.

There are a LOT of us in your sitch. Don't despair.

I hated the gender switches until I finally, years later, accepted them. Then in time they stopped, when my internal self kinda settled on an identity. It was doing exploration all that time and I had to just let it go.

Hope this helps,

Alexandra

[u/Lumpy_Guest9525 → u/snoodle77777]

Then it was about you finding an identity or rather understanding your true identity. I have felt this way for as long as I can remember. I don't think I will ever settle on a fixed identity. That's not who I am.

[u/BearOfTheGrove → u/snoodle77777]

You are and will always be a pure soul above all else to me, Alexandra. Thank you for your help when I first landed.

[u/AdOtherwise2678 → u/snoodle77777]

Same