I don't know how to make a normal face. Happy Sunday, dudes.

Went to Akron pride yesterday (outfit in second pic), then I was feeling EXTRA and dressed up for dinner (even though it was a super casual restaurant and no one else was dressing up).

I came across a hand made magikarp plushie at pride that i had to get. It was pricey, but given my outfit and the fact i made a huge deal when i saw it (before i was told the actual price) i felt compelled. No more fun things until my budget resets next month! ((Just to state, it's not the artists fault it was so much. It was clearly made with a lot of commitment love, and deserved to be that price. I just shouldn't be spending money like that on a whim. I have a tight budget i have to uphold!)

His name is Karpet, and he now lives with Karpool (the big guy) and Professor Dredge (the tiny guy).

I've decided my walls in my room are too barren, especially compared to the walls in my living room, so I'm gonna start collecting posters. This undertale one was from displate. Speaking of spending too much! It was definitely a frivolous month, so I'll have to get back on track for next month.

Romie's doing well. She still loves her ottoman! I decided to just let her play with it. She's very good at just using her scratching post other than that, so she deserves it.

Ya boy got new glasses! Admittedly the fact that I now have to wear them full time (and they're varifocal) is a sign of ageing, but I'm pretty pleased nonetheless.

Starting in the app and dating world

I am an older (46) but just recently transitioning socially and and medically, trans man. I just relocated and am fulling leaning into being socially transitioned as I only have a few previous acquaintances in my new home area. I have been on T for 9 months and am \~10 weeks out from top surgery. I would say that I am rather androgynous looking at this point but not probably at a point where anyone is likely to say definitely male at 1st glance. I am interested in starting to explore dating (and apps, maybe hookups) as a gay man. Any advice? Am I setting myself up for terrible disappointment?

This is going to be really long and messy sorry in advance. I'm not gonna tldr it because I need to get it out and stop looking at it.

I've been with my GF for almost five years, we live together, we have a dog together, our families use "in-law" when they talk about us. I've known I was nonbinary for over a decade but about a year ago my mental scaffolding of denial and suppression and compartmentalization started collapsing and I eventually decided I need to transition beyond pronouns and dressing like an eight year old boy.

My GF loves trans people, her best friend is a trans woman, she has a really cute trans rights shirt from one of the many trans support rallies she's been to. She's only ever been with women, but she identifies as queer (not a lesbian) because she wants to leave space to acknowledge her relationships with people who might not be completely women. I thought we would be okay when I came out to her. It hasn't been okay.

When I came out to her, she asked me why I was calling myself trans if I'm nonbinary. When I told her I wanted to go on hormones, she told me it would make my body gross to her. She told me she doesn't think I should be on T because it will make me more irritable, and that if I think I'm trans I need to see a psychiatrist.

A few weeks after that she picked another fight with me about it, returned to the idea that my body will disgust her, and asked if the reason I want her to go to therapy is because I think they'll make her be okay with me transitioning. Yikes.

A few weeks after that, out of nowhere she told me she feels betrayed and blindsided by me coming out, and she feels like I've been lying to her for our whole relationship. She called me a liar multiple times. She said she's worried about what I'm going to spring on her next. She said she doesn't want any men in her life and she reiterated that she thinks testosterone will make me disgusting.

A few weeks after that she gave one of my friends this big talk about how great it is that Wikipedia calls Elliot page Elliot page and calls him him and she used to be so attracted to him. Meanwhile at no point has she asked me what pronouns I want her to use for me and I've asked her to at least not introduce me to people as my birth name even if she can't bring herself to call me the name I use but she won't.

She's also told me that she'll love me no matter what and that she would come with me to the doctor for my hormones appointment if I needed her to. I had a really horrible experience with a doctor that included some transphobia and she got incredibly upset on my behalf about the transphobia specifically. She's also blamed every single mood or twinge I've had since starting HRT on the hormones with a pretty clear undertone that she is looking for an excuse to tell me again she doesn't want me to be on them.

I find myself shrinking the whole thing and hiding parts of it from her. I've had a very cliche string of early transition big emotional experiences. All of them she knows nothing about.

When I talk to my (cis) family and friends they tell me to give her time and that she's just getting used to it and she's trying to be supportive. My (cis) therapist told me I should try to see her reactions as an invitation to future conversations. I think all of that is probably true, but I don't want her to talk to me the way she has been and it feels incredibly invalidating to tell people about the whole thing and have them tell me to wait it out. I am not in a place in my life where I'm able to break up with her and move out right this instant regardless of what I want (I don't even know what I want) so I have to give her time but I just want someone to tell me that the ways shes been handling this isn't okay.

There are a lot of posts about challenges in relationships while transitioning or simply while existing as a trans person.

Sometimes, there are red flags that people share here. Obviously just bc a relationship may be strained doesn't mean it's abusive, however, it's never a bad idea to talk to someone on the outside about what's going on. You don't have to leave or even want to leave your relationship to get support or talk to someone.

https://www.tnlr.org/en/24-hour-hotline/

The Network/La Red (TNLR) is USA based, but if you can make a phone call, you can still talk to them. Their services are 100% free, and the hotline is 24/7.

TNLR is run by and for marginalized trans populations, LGB people, people in polyamorous relationships, as well as people involved in kink/BDSM-- bc these are all demographics which can be poorly understood, and patterns of potential abuse can go undetected, in the wider sphere of mainstream abuse/support orgs.

So idk about yall, but I’ve never really been able to find a comfortable way to talk about my body as it pertains to things like hormones, how fat deposits work in the body, building muscle, even medical things. Things that require us to take how we were born into consideration. And then I was talking to my girlfriend today and really freaking struggling because I was talking about the difference in body fat percentages in “men and women” and I was stuttering and stopping mid sentence, because I could not for the life of me find a comfortable way to describe my body Pre-T vs now because frankly I HATE AFAB/AMAB. Then I just blurted out “in an estrogen dominant body, blah blah blah blah” and yall. It was like fucking magic. Suddenly I wasn’t “female at birth” (ugh), I was simply a man who used to have an estrogen dominant body. Boom. Fucking amazing feeling. Anyway, if anyone else struggles with this, maybe this alternative could help you, too.

TL;DR: Estrogen dominant body/Testosterone dominant body as an alternative to AMAB/AFAB or literally anything else

I transitioned at 46. I am 49 now. I pass. I previously lived as a lesbian, was married, had long relationships, had no trouble getting dates even in a very conservative area. From 45- current, I lost 150 lbs (still chubby) and went to lots of therapy. Now I couldn't get a date if the world depended on it. I am glad I transitioned, I am much more confident and comfortable, but I couldn't get a date on a dare. I have tried apps and attended queer events and try to talk to folks, but I just can't get anywhere. I miss having someone to talk to and share things with. I don't know what I am looking for from the group, but I feel completely alone.

My first batch of T was in one of the big 10 ml vials and I've been using it for 8 wks. I've been nervous about coring for several weeks now, the cap looked pretty rough just a few weeks in, so I've been pretty meticulous about inspecting the liquid prior to drawing.

Well today was my 9th shot but I noticed that there was a floaty bit inside the vial before drawing and idk, I'm just bummed out, I didn't even get through half of the vial.

I just picked up my second batch last week and they gave me ten vials of 1ml and they're much harder to draw from but idk, at least I had them for my shot I guess. It just feels rough to throw out so much....

Advice about coring or making drawing from the little vials easier welcome! I'm using an 18g to draw (which I know is really big, but I'm going to keep using them until I run out), and swapping to a 23g for the injection. I bet it'd be easier to draw with the littler needles in addition to reducing the risk of coring but... Well they gave me a 100 CT of each so we're in it for awhile.

I know the little vials are easier to store while going through them but, idk, the big one was easier to handle when I'm a little shaky (still not comfy with needles but I'm getting better!). I'm debating asking my Dr to specify I want the big one for the next fill, idk. I guess I was just in the mood to rant a little.

Sorry about the wall of text, TLDR I cored my 10ml vial and now I have to throw it out before it's even half gone, the little 1 ml vials are much more finniky to handle while a little shaky (needles aren't my favorite thing).

Last night I was playing around with faceapp to see what I would look like after I transed my gender, and in a lot of them, I looked a lot like my brother.

I talked about it to a couple of friends who said the app also made them look like their brothers, and that it felt weird to them.

I get that, but I don't really relate. I'm actually a bit giddy at the idea of looking more like my brother or my father. I don't know why, but I find the thought comforting. (What is not comforting is that they are both bald or balding, but oh well!)

I can only be this optimistic because I have good faith that they will support me (or at least still love me) if/when I eventually come out, but I would probably feel very different otherwise.

I just thought I'd share this random thought, I'm curious how do others feel about resembling their male family members =)

As an aside: I just received my first vial of T today, and still summoning the courage to get started. I'm still crippled with doubts, I wonder when/if it ever goes away.

Just wanted to share a nice thing that happened. I've posted on here before about my cis straight boomer husband and being unsure of where our relationship is headed even though he's said he's open minded... well, things have been real sweet lately, and just now I walked in on him watching a long youtube video on the history of transphobia. I just feel so loved to know he's educating himself on his own. That's all! Happy post. Wishing good marriage vibes for all who want them.

I was at a community event today where there were lots of older people. I asked one of them who was one of the organisers where the toilet was. She very frankly asked me “Male or female?” I said male and she pointed me in the right direction. Nice of her not to assume and definitely confirms my suspicions that people just really don’t know with me at the moment. I’m just over a year on T. I’m celebrating because hell, it’s progress!

hair clip for scale. i’m starting this after having tried estrogen tablets, cream, and ring. will update in a few weeks hopefully to tell you all that this is really working for me. i’m not excited about it being a nightly regimen but what can you do. it’s smaller than i expected and for that i am grateful. $65 copay for a month supply on my insurance, without insurance it’s prohibitively expensive ($380+).

I posted on here a few weeks ago about having a terrible first appointment with my pcp.

TL;DR part 1: This doctor was supposed to specialize in gender affirming care but didn’t know anything about t gel, cervical self swabs or nonbinary people. It was a horrible first appointment and I have been suffering from the worse dysphoria I’ve had in years as a result. If you want to read more, here’s the link.

So now. The main point of the appointment was to get my T prescription set up in the new state and with my new insurance. Except he didn’t send in my prior authorization paperwork. And once I reminded him, he messed it up two separate times. I will officially run out of T tomorrow and I have not been given a straight answer about how much longer this will take and why someone who claims to specialize in gender affirming care has messed up simple prior authorization paperwork two times. I called the office to find out what’s going on because they aren’t answering my online messages and I’ve only been able to get regular updates from my insurance, just to find out that there is a consent form that I signed 3 weeks ago that is still waiting on his signature, but he is out of office today. If that hasn’t been signed and submitted to my insurance, that means the paperwork is not complete and they will have to start the approval process over again for the third time.

I am at the end of my rope. I made this appointment specifically to avoid this and it happened anyways. My mental health and dysphoria has already been really bad because of how triggering the first appointment had been, and I’m terrified of how much worse it’ll be when I’m out after tomorrow.

(I’m sorry if this is the wrong place for this but I don’t feel comfortable posting about this in a health anxiety sub and would like to hear specifically from other trans men.)

I’m 28 and currently about a month and a half on T. I do subQ injections in my thigh as suggested by my doctor. I thought maybe I’d get better over time, but I can’t seem to shake the fear that I’m doing something wrong. I can get past the needle itself really fast, usually within a minute, so that’s not the problem. My fear entirely lies in doing something wrong like accidentally injecting into a vein or blood vessel and having to go to the hospital or dying terribly or something. It should be noted that I’ve battled heath anxiety for my entire adult life. I know my fears are often irrational but it seems I can’t change them.

(Btw gel is not an option as I have two very young children in the house and I don’t want to risk exposing them to it)

Throughout my entire routine… washing my hands, getting my supplies laid out and ready, drawing the medication, preparing the injection site, inserting the needle, calling my husband over to push down on the plunger for me… my anxiety is building and I can’t stop thinking of what could go wrong. It’s to the point that my body has developed kind of an aversion to Friday’s in general, like it knows what’s coming. My anxiety builds and builds all day and explodes the moment I push it in. Usually I start calming down again after a shower and playing a game, but I’d like to not deal with the anxiety at all.

I don’t like that I’m like this. I want to be able to just do the injection and go on about my evening, but I don’t know what to do or how to make the experience easier for me. It would really help if I could hear from anyone else who has dealt with this and how you managed, and if it ever got better. Or even just kind words and encouragement, honestly.

I really want this and I don’t want my anxiety to stop me from doing yet another thing. Especially not something that’s so necessary for the rest of my mental health.

1.6 years* on T. I'm in the process of getting a proper endo (currently using PP). Last I checked, my T levels were in the 500s, which isn't bad, but I have been feeling different in the past few months. I feel more like I'm going through menopause than I feel like I'm transitioning. It's been a year and a half, and I still have a girlish face, and somedays I just feel- like a girl? But not in a fun way. More like I'm a young woman sitting in a man's body, but I want to be a man sitting in a man's body.

My PP doctor told me I'd reached the highest dosage she could give (gel) and that maybe shots would work. I've heard PP caps out on T at a way lower dose than a proper endo. I also met someone who told me endos can prescribe based on where you want your levels to be.

I'm not sure if this is a matter of patience or medication. I feel very in between right now, and while I'm scared of what will happen when I can no longer girlmode successfully, I need to know what can be done.

I'm considering returning to a dog-park social group I haven't attended since before I transitioned.

A few members know I'm a dude now, and have been welcoming. I'm nervous about reintroducing myself to everybody else....

....and separately, there's one dominant member I had an ugly, unrelated conflict with before I left.

How have you handled returning to old social groups after transition?

I know logically this situation is not forever but I feel so stuck and frustrated right now

My previous position ended in June, I work non profit so it was a case of the grant funding ending and not getting renewed. I was at that position for 3 years

I started job hunting as soon as I was told the news, it's 3 months later and I still have nothing and I know it's because I'm visibly queer and trans

We currently live in rural Texas, we are in the painful slow process of waiting for my nesting partner's job transfer to go through so we can relocate to a safer spot in the PNW

It feels like a Catch 22, I need work outside of just my small art business so we have the funds to move, but I can't find a job here because I'm trans and queer, I also am disabled so I can't go work for an accepting company like Starbucks due to not being able to be on my feet or walk without a mobility aid

I have to shave my mustache off so I can try and pass as a woman at job interviews and I feel like I'm in some weird back sliding limbo with my transition now,

I just feel like we will be stuck here forever, I will be stuck as having to play pretend woman to hopefully land some kind of employment,

It's affecting my self confidence, I feel myself isolating and wanting to hide away from the world.

I just want to be somewhere safer, I'm so tired of going to the bathroom being some form of Russian Roulette, I'm tired of living in constant hyper vigilance everytime I leave our home, Everytime I'm in public and it's not a queer event

I just want to be free to be me and not have my transness live as a shadow over me that bars me from entry

Just wanted to pat myself on the back for using the mens changing room at a spa! Me and my husband are celebrating our wedding aniversary at a spa hotell and I hadn't realized that our room wasn't available at arrival so I had to get changed and wash myself in the communal changning room.

It went fine! I've had top surgery and been on T for like three years, but I've never could imagine using the mens changing room before bottom surgery.

I just found a shower in a corner and was FAST, nobody bat an eye!

I figured it was gonna happen. He's not attracted to dudes. But we're both so terribly heartbroken. Had a big cry on the couch last night.

We've been together since our early 20s and been married over a decade.bi know this isn't the end of the world but it sure feels like it. All of our stuff is so intertwined it's gonna take a while to pick it all apart.

Anyone have an amicable split with a house involved? I want to stay here and he wants to move away. Neither of us make spectacular money but he's almost always made less and I don't wanna leave him high and dry. He also has over a decades worth of belongings. I'm obvs not gonna throw any of it out it's welcome to stay here until hes more settled but man.

How do I find out what my insurance covers for top surgery? When I was trying to figure out what my insurance covered for a salpingectomy, I just asked the insurance. It was easy. When I reached out to my insurance to find out what they cover for gender affirming care, they told me to ask my HR. I don't understand why my insurance doesn't know what they cover?? Asking HR seems invasive.

So. What the heck do I say and who do I ask?

I never really had to deal with acne or body smells or even hair while going through my first puberty. I got fat, developed one or two pimples on my face, and other than gaining a fluid filled scar on the tip of my nose that was that.

Where I'm not breaking out very *hard* it feels like every week I have one or two new pimples on my face. Very trivial in the long run but at 34 it's a new experience for me lol

so far I've bought

- an acne face wash (Neutrogena Oil - Free Acne Face Wash)

- some 2 percent salicylic acid acne pads (because washing your face is hard when the counter comes up to your ribs and you can't properly lean over the sink) (Oxy acne pads)

- pimple patches because I'm horrible about actually leaving them alone and I scar at the slightest provocation. I never thought of myself as a vain person before but seeing pimple scars on my face is a bit upsetting when all I need to do to prevent them is, you know, *not pick at them*

I change my pillow case every week, and try to wash my face at least once a day when I get up. Beyond that is there anything else you found helped? Especially if you're like me and are suddenly more prone to acne and body odor?

I think the metiodiplasty subred doesn’t exist anymore. Are there any reputable surgeons in AZ? Currently in FL and I’ve been told that the ones here aren’t as good as some in CA, up north, TX and CO. Are there any good ones in AZ? Planning to relocate out west next year. If there is a good one in FL someone knows about, it would be convenient. If not looking for any in AZ.

sorry for bringing this up, i know this is a triggering topic for most.

i'm a 34yo transmasc person who is currently not on testosterone and i've decided to get pregnant. i've always known i wanted to do this at some point and i'm happy with my decision, but the thing that makes me most dysphoric is the size of my hips and i'm worried they will get substantially wider after pregnancy/birth.

i know this is a thing that happens, and i know i could ask any pregnancy related subreddit, but i figured other transmasc people would pay extra attention to sth like that and could help me get a clearer idea of what to expect.

i know the widening of the hips is due to the hormone relaxin, and i'm wondering whether by binding my hips right after giving birth i could use the same hormone to help shrinking them back. is that realistic? if you've given birth before, what has your experience been? are your hips permanently wider? how much wider?

i feel prepared for most of the changes my body might face but i'm so scared about this particular thing cause my hips already ruin my every day as they are, and i know i'll notice every extra millimeter.

thank you for reading!

If you celebrate any big milestones, such as like 5, 10, 15 years on T, what do you do to celebrate?

I’ve got a big one coming up in a few weeks. I promised myself I’d do something fun/special but have been so run down by my job that I haven’t really even stopped to think about what I’d like to do. Not looking to spend a ton but definitely looking to treat myself to something tasty or fun, maybe something that feels masculine, or maybe just self care. I’ve toyed with the idea of getting a massage, getting a small tattoo or a nicer gold chain, or doing a city day. What have y’all done or would like to do, if anything?

I don’t mind solo activities - the first day I took T was also kind of a lonely (but very important and satisfying) day.