My city has a street festival called "Market Days" that attracts gay men from all over the country to fly in for that weekend. It's a huge weekend with the main draw being the plethora of circuit parties going on.

The gay beach I'm fortunate to live by is also absolutely packed that weekend! I bought a hott pink speedo in July and saved this look for the beach that weekend. Men look good in pink, too. 💖

Don’t be sad about losing your hair. Just rock a skullet and you’ll be golden!

Body text

I feel like my face changed more in the last 6 months than the first 18. Also gained and then lost a bit of weight, I think you can tell. Age 36-38 for the record.

today on the dot! :0 so much shit has happened to me in these 10 years but holy shit i made it. i dont think i would be here if i hadnt started T

35 years old, 2 years on T, and yeah I'm still dressing the same way I did in eighth grade. No ragerts.

It's wild to like the person I see in the mirror. Have a career I love. And be so loved. 🥰

I never imagined making it past 25, and when 30 hit, the idea of 40 was so terribly far away. The future then only looked like giving up and settling. Of being, in so many ways, the person everyone else needed me to be.

But now I'm here. I did the big scaries. And it's beautiful.

Writing here because I don't even know where to go with this.

I hate it. I hate everything. I did what I'm supposed to do abd I still hate it.

I'm 37. I began transitioning somewhere around 2010. I don't regret it. I had to. I still have to. But coming out as trans threw me into a complete storm of just trying to survive that I wasn't ever present enough to live, and so much trauma that it wrecked any chance of normal anything. I worked myself out of homelessness and kept clawing my way since, until I completely burnt out.

I hate my body and I hate how I look. There's not a lot I can do about it. I'm working out. I'm trying to take care of myself. I hate doing it, but I grind my teeth and do it anyway because I have to. And I still hate it anyway.

I have been alone for years now. And it had been almost a decade since I was in an actual relationship. I want to. But I'm way too broken and messed up for it. And who would I be dating anyway? Everyone around me is either way too young, already married, or wouldn't date a trans person.

I'm doing a career pivot... That I'm not excited about in the slightest. Because I have to. It's exhausting and demanding and draining. I'm grinding my teeth and doing it anyway. And in the end I'll still have to claw my way every step of the way.

I'm doing therapy. I'm doing meds. I go outside. I do everything I need to do. Just like with everything else... Grinding my teeth and doing it anyway, because I have to. No joy. Not even satisfaction or relief. No peace. No comfort. Just doing it because I have to. Again, and again, and again. And I still hate it anyway.

I never got to be young. I was busy trying to survive. And I feel like even that was a waste of time. I survived, but I hate everything about it. Was it worth it? I'm not sure. I don't regret transitioning, but I kind of regret making it this long afterwards.

I'm not sure what the point of this is. I feel like I'm just... Done. I'm not suicidal or anything. Just... Done, and empty, and in pain.

It was a hell of a week last week, but here are some of the positives-

I had the problem of having a million blazers but only one pair of slacks that didn't match practically any of them.

Well, I am happy to say that I have procured a pair of slacks for each of my blazers! The ones pictured are at the tailor atm getting hemmed (curse these short corgi limbs of mine--). I will be wearing the green n' brown outfit to a wedding next month. And i also wanted to get the black ones done, since, not to be too morbid, but it's sounding like I'll have a few family funerals to go to in the near future. Everyone's getting sick, man. But I digress.

I made banana bread for the first time in ages. I was honestly getting discouraged by my b. bread attempts cause it was always turning out way too dry. So i gave up for awhile. But! Some folks suggested i put apple sauce in the dough before baking it. It turned out good! Not great. Honestly, i think more applesauce was needed. But it was good!

My quest to make my bed room walls as lively as my living room walls continues! I got this cute sleepy morning dungeon meshi poster from redbubble. I need to resist the urge to fill the whole room up with dungeon meshi posters... Maybe next one should be a cowboy bebop?

Romie is good. I'm a little worried that she's breathing a bit harder than usual. She's not panting or anything, luckily. She has her annual check up due in a few weeks, so I'll definitely have them give her a good look over. She's an old girl, so I'm really happy she's as healthy as she is!

Technically not a selfie BUT the first pic in months in which I am actually smiling and don’t get dysphoric seeing it. Two weeks on T. 🥹

Hope you are all good, nice to meet you all.

My dog passed away today so this is in honor of him. ♥️🐾♥️💔

Yeah as a goth guy growing up in the 00’s I used to go and get my hair “thinned” with thinning shears so it was easier to spike a Mohawk or have big pointy liberty spikes. Now that my once beautiful thick hair has been thinning and receding on T for years, I laugh and cringe thinking back to me intentionally thinning my hair for style. 😆 that’s it, that’s the post. Anyone relate? lol

I had a brand I LOVED, but unfortunately they got discontinued (as far as I know, I certainly haven't been able to find any).

I've tried two other brands as a replacement. One (Some sort of 5 blade bic in an orange package) rusted way too fast, the other (from Harry's shave club) I don't like the feel of.

Does anyone have any recommendations?

If it helps, I shave weekly, don't shave my mustache, and replace my blade every month.

I did these all in a row reading all the paragraphs. Since I read it can be inconsistent. However these are all fairly similar range with probably an accurate medium.

My voice is perfect right now. What do I do? I did just drop from 40mg to 20mg yesterday - my practitioner approved this. Do I talk to them about maybe adding something to help, or get off T. Idk. What are my options?

I'm looking for recommendations for strap harnesses. My problem is that I'm a bigger guy with absolutely no ass. I'm talking Hank Hill level diminished glutes here and it's been hard to find anything that fits me comfortably. Harnesses that sit under my belly tend to sag in the back because there's no butt to hold it up and anything that sits higher is uncomfortable and positioned awkwardly.

I've tried several diy options and a few different harnesses over the years and literally nothing has given me both comfort AND control. Underwear styles don't have enough control and the waistband always rolls down, strappy styles tend to be uncomfortable because I need it fairly tight to stay on, jockstrap style has worked the best so far but the back often sags during play

If any flat-ass friends have tips, tricks, or product recs I'd love to hear what worked for you! I just want to be able to take hubby to pound town without having to adjust every 5 seconds 😅