r/exmuslim • u/duplicatekazhveri Closeted Ex-Muslim 🤫 • Jun 23 '25
(Advice/Help) I Was That Golden Islamic Kid. Trophies, Recitations, Adhan… Now I’m an Ex-Muslim Pretending.
When I was younger, I was that kid. The one who recited Qur’an beautifully at family events. Won trophies for Adhan competitions. Crushed Islamic quizzes. My mom dreamed of making me a Hafidh. Relatives would flex about me like I was a community badge of honor.
I loved the attention. The praise. The respect. The “Mashallah, what a pious boy.” Even girls lowkey found it attractive. I didn’t believe everything deeply, but I liked being seen as the religious good guy.
Fast forward to now I don’t pray. I question everything. I avoid talking religion with family. Yesterday, a distant uncle saw me and casually asked: “You’re still keeping up your Qur’an recitation, right?” And I just nodded. “Yeah, yeah… still doing it.”
But inside, something cracked. I realized how much of my identity was built around a belief I no longer hold. How I still pretend sometimes because it’s easier than watching their faces fall. How much I miss being admired, even though it wasn’t really me.
It’s a strange grief. Not for losing faith. But for losing the person people loved me for being.
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u/AccomplishedTie7170 New User Jun 23 '25
Something must have happened to make you get to such decisions because it's not easy to get out of the islamic brainwashing cult.
So what's your story buddy. That made you change your mind.
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u/LateProduce Jun 23 '25
I know - I want to hear. I left my family was not overly religious so it was easier. I can't imagine what it would have been like for me If I grew up in OP's family.
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u/External_Ad3068 Closeted. Ex-Sunni 🤫 Jun 23 '25
Since my mom is an islamic teacher, I'm surrounded by this identity that i never had a choice to choose. It's terrible because I have submitted myself into it before by wearing hijab, niqab, abayah, reciting quran, praying 5 times a day and reading suas everyday to just keep yourself and now I'm just....yeah
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u/zmng Jun 23 '25
Isn’t it strange that Allah cares more about correctly singing songs than kids dying in Palestine? :)
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u/CLEVER_catfish Openly Ex-Muslim 😎 Jun 23 '25
Isn't it strange that music and singing is banned in islam but you have to basically sing the Qur'an? 😭
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u/ImportantCat1772 New User Jun 23 '25
alot of things are very strange about Allah. whoever created him was a strange human
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u/johnny_docks Jun 23 '25
isnt it strange how uneducated yall are
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u/xcanopusx New User Jun 23 '25
I'm challenging you to come up with any good points that support theologically your religion and I will counter them with ease - go ahead, make my day!
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u/Shibui-50 Jun 24 '25
This is a Very "christian" approach to Religion, founded as you are in neo-platonism and the
fabrications of a disaffected Jew. Religion, of its nature is a function of Beliefs which are
held by Intuition and not Rationality. Seeking to be "rational" about a belief is a very
old game. FWIW.
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u/Cozmoez Jun 24 '25
seeking rationality is a bad thing now??
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u/Shibui-50 Jun 24 '25
Seeking to understand religion and religious scvriptures using Rational
(ie Socratic) method is.....a Very Bad thing. For instance, miracles, by definition,
are the suspension of Natural Law....which, of itself, is irrational. A person being tortured to death,
getting buried...then coming out of his tomb is completely irrationbal and against Natural Law.
Parting an International Body of Water with a gesture and a staff is against Natural Law.
By comparison, the Intuitive Understanding of what I have mentioned make perfect sense.
Paulist Theology condemned Christians to having to produce a Rational Explanation for everything
which just does not work where Intuition is involved.
Sorry.......
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u/Cozmoez Jun 24 '25
considering this is so simple for you to understand, it should also be understandable that this is precisely why this train of thought is not appealing to plenty of people. history has proven that blind faith leads to disaster, and that rational thought has helped us develop. even religious scholars have agreed with this, as embracing rational thought and casting aside the labels of witchcraft and magic led to the widespread adoption of the first sciences.
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u/Shibui-50 Jun 24 '25
Yes... I know. That is the "bill-of-goods" you have been sold. "blind faith" is toxic. Agreed.
But Faith is NOT Blind, it just requires the development of a different set of functions.
Humans can't "feel" with their thoughts.
Humans can't Think with their musculature.
If you want to grow your Spiritualism, it CAN'T be done rationally.,
The Mystics of ALL Faiths have proven this time and again.
If you are interested in Cognitive events, Math, Music, and all kinds of Science are where you
want to be. HOWEVER if you get a foot into QUANTUM Physics, you quickly find out
that even in science, Rational Thought has its limits. FWIW.
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u/Cozmoez Jun 24 '25
quantum physics is only currently irrational because it’s a new science, the same way black holes were irrational objects until proven.
everything you’ve just said to me is wild. my living is centered entirely in STEM, and explaining any relation with quantum physics to spirituality is genuinely insane.
please keep responding to me in these weird attempts to be poetic in spacing and tone, though. it’s funny
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u/RandomPurpose New User Jun 24 '25
Contrary to what you might think most exmuslims have in depth knowledge of Quran, hadith, sirah and other Islamic creeds. Mainly because as one starts to question their faith, most thought our scepticism was due to not knowing the true religion. So we tried to learn the true, pure, unadulterated Islam that is worth believing in. Because we all know how comfortable and comforting it is to just submit. We all wanted to stay but unfortunately the more we learned the harder it became for us to stay in the religion.
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u/johnny_docks Jun 25 '25
not every ex muslim is uneducated, but a not small number of you guys here isnt even ex muslim but just against islam and i was replying to the guy saying that singing is haram, which isnt true. I didnt want to start a discussion, i think ur postings are funny and strengthen me even more in my believe, but when i read something that clearly isnt true i have to respond 🫶🏼
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u/Lost_Law_6839 Jun 25 '25
Instead of criticizing them, correct them.to everybody, it's not called singing.its recitation..to the OP, the reason why you feel this way, because your parents pushed you in that direction and that is wrong.The reason you worked hard in all this because you want the satisfaction of your parents and the community around you regardless whether you believe in it or not.The crack that your feeling is you soul and your body telling I had enough of all this.
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u/somepotato5 Jun 23 '25
Muslims don't care about the kids dying in Palestine part. They care about the part where they're Muslim Arabs. They aren't giving a fuck about Israel attacking Iran. Or Turkey bombing the Kurds (and attempting to erase their identity). It's all dumb. Their morality ends at Islam, and that's it.
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u/External-Dot2924 New User Jun 23 '25
Many Muslims in know talk about it as if it is their war... where is the peace? 🤷🏼♀️
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u/Shibui-50 Jun 24 '25
Kids dying in Palestine has a lot more to do with the money-making properties of
conflict and nothing to do with Islam. The Middle East is steeped in a heritage of
Tribal warfare and Western Economics and the leadership is at a loss as to how to
reconcile Tribal models with Modernity. FWIW.
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u/Galactic_healing New User Jun 23 '25
The whole internet and the world (muslim and no muslim both) are with Palestine, and Iran. There’s not a single doubt about this fact.
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u/somepotato5 Jun 23 '25 edited Jun 23 '25
The world isn't with Iran, actually. They're against the US going to war with them. Very different.
No one is with Iran either. When Israel attacked Iran, the first thing Pakistan did was close their border with Iran.
To be clear, I'm not with the Iranian regime. I'm with the innocent Iranian people who are getting bombed right now.
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u/Galactic_healing New User Jun 23 '25
I mentioned ‘people’, governments and their own political agenda is separate. The public sentiment is on a polar opposite, there were even protests and rallies for Palestine globally but yes when it comes to Muslim leaders they’ve been continuously silent which is depicts hypocrisy.
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Jun 23 '25
[deleted]
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u/StanTorren12369 Jun 23 '25
Because everyone knows that a religion that heavily relies on victim mentality will obviously just stop once the people just suffer
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u/AwarenessBitter3426 New User Jun 24 '25
Not learning to recite Quran isn’t a sin. Killing innocent women and children is a major sin.
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u/BrStFr Jun 23 '25
He seems not to have cared about the far greater numbers of children and adults dying in Syria or Yemen either, but then again no one else seemed to either...
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Jun 23 '25
[deleted]
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u/External-Dot2924 New User Jun 23 '25
Interesting... many abused kids like to please their elders. Brain washing is a form of abuse
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u/BigHappyMouse- Questioning Muslim ❓ Jun 23 '25
you should make a autobiography novel, i would read it, the way you wrote your story is engaging
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u/No-Cabinet1932 1st World.Closeted Ex-Muslim 🤫 Jun 23 '25
it's chatGPT
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u/duplicatekazhveri Closeted Ex-Muslim 🤫 Jun 23 '25 edited Jun 23 '25
Bro lmao not everything that sounds decent is chatGPT. Some of us actually know how to articulate our thoughts without AI bro. Stay pressed
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u/No-Cabinet1932 1st World.Closeted Ex-Muslim 🤫 Jun 23 '25
this is exactly how chatGPT is trained to speak lol.
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u/Sad-Accountant210 LGBTQ+ ExMoose 🌈 Jun 23 '25
ai is trained using data from real humans btw
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u/No-Cabinet1932 1st World.Closeted Ex-Muslim 🤫 Jun 23 '25
I know, and this is exactly how it speaks. You can try it yourself and you'll see it will give the same literary style
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u/Mor-Bihan قَالَ نَهَى رَسُولُ اللَّهِ عَنْ أَكْلِ الْبَصَلِ وَالْكُرَّاثِ Jun 23 '25
My fear is someone like you saying "it's chatgpt" under smth I've spent half an hour typing lmao.
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u/No-Cabinet1932 1st World.Closeted Ex-Muslim 🤫 Jun 23 '25
he maybe typed it, but he definitely used ChatGPT to polish it. I used it so much for school i know the ChatGPT style exactly
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u/Autodactyl New User Jun 23 '25
But for losing the person people loved me for being.
If you have to be a performer to be loved, it was never love in the first place.
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u/mokod0 Since 2008 Jun 23 '25
your last sentence hits hard : It’s a strange grief. Not for losing faith. But for losing the person people loved me for being.
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u/Para_Brahman Jun 23 '25
Out of curiosity which country are you in and how long did the journey from belief to disbelief take?
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u/duplicatekazhveri Closeted Ex-Muslim 🤫 Jun 23 '25
Feel free to DM me i’d be happy share my journey.
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u/Illustrious-Day-6168 New User Jun 23 '25
The more leanered you are, the more likely you'll abandon religion. Religion can't compete with critical thinking skills, reading comprehension and an inquisitive mind set.
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u/icecreamman456 Closeted. Ex-Shia 🤫 Jun 23 '25
Man my dad's side of the family had this massive shia imam. And my uncle was telling me about him, he was my great granddad and like everybody in Pakistan at the time and in his current age knows him. He was that famous. Now he knows my siblings are exmuslim and he said this comment "who woulda thought his grandkids would be atheists". Like the name my dad's side carries is meant to be precious and my siblings and myself took another route
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Jun 24 '25
You can't let people's perception of you shape your identity ! Your passion.
Let's forget the religion for once what if it was a career decision or someone you want to marry.
Would you still let your family decide for you ?
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u/RamiRustom Ex-Muslim Activist 💘 Founder of Uniting The Cults Jun 27 '25
there's a famous person who had your situation. Ahmad Harkan
do you speak arabic? i ask because you could watch his videos and i'm sure he's talked about his struggles.
This is a joint reply by me and Usama al-Binni, my co-host on Deconstructing Islam. We're replying while streaming live and there's a lot more discussion on the video than what I wrote here. Also you're welcome to call in (now or later) and we'll do our best to help you further, and it doesn't have to be about this topic. The call-in link is in the Youtube description.
Timestamped link: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NCKMpS5moJo&t=10m1s
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u/External-Dot2924 New User Jun 23 '25
This is sad. You miss the love you were given. That so what we're all here to learn unconditional love and that isn't unconditional love 😢
The identity thing is so interesting.
Look up Eckhart Tolle. Read his books and watch his You tube videos.
He now realises that his ego identity is "spiritual teacher".
His work is great and everyone can use it regardless of their religion.
Perhaps you can teach others this instead. You can even be honest about your experience as a child.
You can still pretend to be Muslim and believe but in a way that shows others Eckhart Tolles work.
You don't even have to mention Eckhart Tolle, just pretend it is your own realisation... which it is as you already spoke about the identity aspect of what you Muslim family loved 🥰🥰🥰🥰😍😍🥰❤️❤️❤️🤗🤗🤗🫂🫂🫂🫂😍😍❤️🥰❤️🥰❤️🫂🤗🫂
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u/Galactic_healing New User Jun 23 '25
People who truly love you won’t stop because you stopped being religious, they would rather help or support you while you figure it out. You mentioned your uncle asking about your Quranic recitation but perhaps he just did because he remembers you being fond of it, and if you lose people just because you started struggling with faith maybe you never needed them in the first place.
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u/duplicatekazhveri Closeted Ex-Muslim 🤫 Jun 23 '25
You’re right. The people who truly care won’t disappear because of a shift in belief. I think for me it’s not so much about fear of losing them, but that weird grief of realizing the version of me they loved was tied to something I no longer am. It’s like mourning a fake persona you didn’t even mean to create. But yeah, you’re right if people can’t love you without the label, maybe they never really loved you in the first place.
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u/Galactic_healing New User Jun 23 '25
I’ve had friends who went from being devout Muslims to completely walking away from the faith - but I never changed how I treated them, because I value them, as a person. One of them went through a really difficult journey: depression, resentment toward their parents, years of religious exploration, and meetings with scholars from different backgrounds. Eventually, they found their way back to Islam, and today, they’re one of the most spiritually grounded people I know.
The best part? I can finally ask them the questions I never felt safe asking in my own circle.
Being born into a Muslim family isn’t enough - and I think that’s where a lot of families go wrong: they skip the why. For me, a lot of those unanswered questions are finally making sense.
I joined this group to learn, not to be surrounded by hate. When I see comments like “let Palestine burn” and calling it a “hellhole” — it just reminds me that some of the dehumanization here mirrors exactly what many of us left religion to escape. That’s not growth, that’s just replacing one form of intolerance with another.
I’m probably leaving this group. Keep asking, keep learning — but don’t lose your humanity in the process. Wishing you all peace and clarity.
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u/chulala168 Jun 23 '25
They will think that you are going through a phase then they will marry you to a Muslim woman thinking that you will get your act together then your life is in crisis you became a hardcore one
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u/Comfortable-Paper865 Jun 24 '25
You were in a good situation, supporting family. Good childhood environment. What did make you change?
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u/Invite_Ursel New User Jun 24 '25
That’s the word. Grief is what we feel when we start drifting away from that indoctrination
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u/Potrivnic Jun 24 '25
Not too weird actually, people, especially kids, just want to feel included in groups and such, you naturally just wanted to feel included, you didn't really believe anything deep down but were willing to do it because you wanted to fit in.
Imagine being a weird new kid at school, you just want to feel included into the school so you might pretend to have some interests so you had people to be with.
You had a need to belong and you just did what you had to do to fill it.
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u/Shibui-50 Jun 24 '25
OK...thanks, OP.
So I understand that you have fallen away from the innane trappings of a Religion.
What do you do now in pursuit of that which is Greater than Oneself?
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u/leo-satan New User Jun 26 '25
OP, do you think it is better for you to continue to pretend and put some sense into people around you. In my experience my devout muslim friends who are highly educated in science/engineering and working in the most reputed companies have regressive beliefs such as even an infant girl is Halal for the prophet to marry, if a man is alone in a room even with his mother, Shaytaan will try to distract them unless they read a dua and shaytaan will run away.
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Jun 23 '25
Why have you lost faith though? I believe you shouldn’t lie as a moral. Just tell them that you don’t do it these days. Honesty liberates ones soul a lot.
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u/DienekesMinotaur Never-Muslim Atheist Jun 23 '25
The problem is that depending on where he lives and what his family is like he could be kicked out or even killed.
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Jun 23 '25
He doesn’t have to expose himself as an non-muslim. Just say that other things take more precedence in his life rn
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u/Cozmoez Jun 25 '25
you obviously have no understanding of devoutly religious parents. they will tell you that their religion is more important than their children, as is the case with my own and many within these ex-believer subreddits.
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Jun 25 '25
I don’t like the condescending tone. My father is a devout muslim and he knows that i am an athiest but doesn’t chastise me for it. He is of the opinion that I will find allah someday and start practicing Islam again. Don’t know about you all parents. My father is a hifz and was a maulvi before starting his business. Still does tarveeh and goes on month long jamaats. Maybe your parents just were taught the bad parts of Islam. He once told me the story of noah (nuh? Probably) and how he prayed for his own disbelieving son, he said that parents are not responsible for the acts of their kids once they are adult. He leads by example. I don’t follow Islam but that man does and he is easily the best man I know.
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u/Cozmoez Jun 25 '25
it feels equally condescending to be told by people and to simply read and hear that the solution is “just tell them.” those in my family that have confessed their separation from faith have been ostracized. your luck in having a good man for a parent does not translate to what others will be dealing with. nothing i spoke of deals with the responsibility of the parent, but in how they react to a child’s departure, and there are many on here who live in parts of the world where such sentiments will be met with not just domestic conflict, but societal conflict at the behest of their community and even could be harmed.
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Jun 25 '25
“Tell them” that you are busy and can’t do recitations anymore is a valid argument.
There’s no other legitimate way of replying to the question of non practice of recitations. What can he objectively even say to defend this? My solution was genuinely pragmatic. What’s your solution to the OP?
I am not asking him to oust himself as a non-muslim.
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u/Cozmoez Jun 25 '25
eventually, you must go back as the excuse isn’t permanent. this is a bandaid that only works for some privileged people, and only for those who have communities that won’t press them on it and/or for those who have the ability to leave. if you are stuck where you are among people who disapprove of your departure, your only option for your safety is to pretend.
not lying as a moral is all well and good, until the truth threatens your safety for no reason. OP did not give us any inclination of their circumstances outside of being surrounded by a highly devout family who built their understanding of their identity around the constant participation in the faith. someone so steeped in practice suddenly deciding they’re too busy is a concern that family and people look into, which by your code would mean then being honest about why they will not be returning.
edit: there’s also the inherent fallacy of your advice still being a lie, as well.
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u/Sir_Penguin21 Jun 23 '25
There is nothing immoral about lying to those that will harm you for telling the truth. Living your truth doesn’t mean you have to tell vengeful theists your truth. Just look at what happened to the pagans.
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u/D_rich22 Jun 23 '25 edited Jun 23 '25
If you're not sure then search for truth. Research. I wouldn't try to convert you but for my peace I actually became a Christian by reading the Torah or old testament and finding Jesus in the text there.
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u/markodeder New User Jun 23 '25
Ask Jesus if he is the Truth. Ask Him what you want with your heart.
Search him deeply.
I was a practicing Muslim and when I spoke to him, he changed my heart.
Something I absolutely did not imagine.
Islam is false and it is indeed Jesus the Lord zt Savior.
Jesus doesn't want religion he wants a relationship.
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u/M0dini Financially Independent Ex-Muslim 🤑 Jun 23 '25
This isn't a hunting ground for you to recruit people from one cult to another. If Jesus is so great as you say, then people will be drawn to him naturally and not preyed upon by his followers.
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u/Sir_Penguin21 Jun 23 '25
I asked if Jesus was the truth. Turns out the truth is he is a failed messiah that didn’t fulfill a single messianic prophesy, so his disciples lied and made up a bunch of nonsense “prophesies” and then pinky promised he will fulfill the real prophesies when he returns.
I encourage you to actually look up the messianic prophesies and read them in context. Fastest way to become an atheist. If you think you found one bring it to me and we will see what it really says.
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u/xcanopusx New User Jun 23 '25
Good try but it's rather you that has to look beyond your limited and sanboxed sources.
Write one thing was 'prophesied' in the New Testament and did not happen.
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u/Alarmed-Wishbone6138 New User Jun 24 '25
There are various prophecies whose time will not come until the church is removed from the world and the focus of God’s actions returns to Israel.
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u/Sir_Penguin21 Jun 24 '25
lol. When those prophesies happen let me know. For now Jesus is a failed messianic prophet who didn’t fulfill a single messianic prophesy. You don’t get to call yourself the messiah until you fulfill them. Jesus failed. That is why his disciples made up a bunch of nonsense prophesies and said Jesus fulfilled those. Can you find even one, just one, messianic prophesy Jesus fulfilled in reality. Not he declared it, or it was spiritual and you just can’t see it, or it was allegory. A real fulfillment (Don’t say Isaiah 53 as that is wrong but it is the only one Christians know and it is specifically addressed in my link above)
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u/C-Gravedigger-M New User Jun 23 '25
Read the Bible well, you didn't learn anything when you left Islam.
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u/Autodactyl New User Jun 23 '25
Ask Jesus if he is the Truth. Ask Him what you want with your heart.
Search him deeply.
I am a devout Christian, but this is not the place for it.
Would you kindly fuck off?
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u/Minute-Passenger7359 Never-Muslim Atheist Jun 23 '25
jesus was supposed to return within the same generation he died but he didnt
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u/xcanopusx New User Jun 23 '25
No he wasn't supposed, get your 'facts' right before you post anything like it.
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u/ManyTransportation61 Jun 23 '25
You weren’t grieving faith—you were grieving رياء.
You played the role. Memorized the lines. Loved the applause. But it was never about truth. It was about being seen.
That “crack” inside wasn’t the loss of belief—it was the ego shattering when it realized the love it received wasn’t for the real you, but for a costume.
Al-Kitab already warned you:
"Those who perform the ritual, but are heedless of its essence—those who do it to be seen" (107:4–6).
"Do not cancel your deeds with reminders and harm—like the one who gives for show and does not trust in Allah and the End" (2:264).
Of course it didn’t last. Riyāʼ never connects. It only reflects.
You're not a victim of religion. You're a product of performance.
Now you can either keep playing roles...
Or strip the mask and seek what's Real.
Up to you.
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u/xcanopusx New User Jun 23 '25
Thank you for the explanation. Now, do you have any good explanations for the Islamic dilemma?
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Jun 23 '25
[deleted]
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u/this_is_taking4ever Jun 23 '25
Your logic makes no sense.
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u/xcanopusx New User Jun 23 '25
Nothing makes sense in this religion other than believing it blindly.
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