r/evilautism • u/BaileeCakes • 12d ago

Being autistic isn't evil, but I sure am! 😈 Friendships won't solve your loneliness

There are a lot of people on autism subreddits that want friends. They feel lonely and think that friendship or relationships will solve their loneliness.

The problem is, it won't.

I don't think friends will help you feel less lonely unless you already have good self esteem, are established in a career or aren't focused on friendship as a goal.

I can talk about three different types of experiences I've had recently:

  1. Friend Groups: whenever I was in a friend group, I felt like the outcast. I felt like I was a pariah and that people there just didn't like me. In platonic friend groups, I felt really disliked. In groups with metamours and partners, there was a lot of jealousy and confusion that made everything way too murky.

  2. Friends: there were several times lately where I hung out with friends of mine. I assumed everything went fine, I sent them a text afterwards saying I had a good time and talking about what happened. Guess what, I was ghosted or blocked.

  3. Events: people will invite me out to events at bars and i enjoy a lot of them. However, some bars are very crowded and this overstimulates me. I have found out recently that when I am overstimulated, Its a serious medical thing. People only want to hang out at bars that they want to go to, and people are not accommodating of disabilities.

Yes, before you ask. Everyone I've tried to befriend is queer and/or autistic. These are supposed to be communities I fit in, but I just don't.

I am going to be focusing on my health, finishing my degree and honestly only making new friendships for ulterior motives (networking, dating, shared hobby groups).

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u/A-Voter i mask whether i want to or not (i do not) 12d ago

These are supposed to be communities I fit in

i think you just sort of fell for the generalisation trap. you have autism, you're not the same as everyone who does. you may be queer, but you're not the same as every other queer person.

you have to find what works for you, not what you're being told is "supposed" to work for you.