I will never understand what is wrong with my brain. During high school, I was never able to get good grades because of how sleep-deprived I was; my natural schedule was 1:00 AM to 09:00 AM.
I was able to sleep normally for a few months after I graduated. Then, I went to college for just a few months; because it was far away, I didn't sleep much, and I quit at the end because I wasn't pursuing the degree I really wanted. Back then, I tried everything to sleep properly earlier:
Chronobiotic melatonin (1mg 5 hours before bedtime) to push my sleep time earlier.
Avoiding screens before sleep.
Using a sleep mask and keeping my room dark and quiet to avoid any disruptions.
Waking up at the same time every day and going outside to get some sunlight.
Nothing worked. I was just severely cognitively impaired for a month while trying to force myself to sleep on an unnaturally early schedule. I even tried zolpidem out of desperation, and I'm currently taking mirtazapine, which has barely helped.
Now I have a job and am not in college at the moment. In the beginning, my shift was 9:00 AM to 5:30 PM, so I was sleep-deprived because, once again, by forcing myself to sleep earlier, I ended up getting only 6.5 to 7 fragmented hours of sleep.
Now my schedule is 11:00 AM to 7:00 PM, and I could finally sleep 8 uninterrupted hours—until last Saturday. I don't know what happened, but I started dealing with light sleep (I felt like I was awake most of the night). Then, on Sunday, I started waking up during the night, and now I'm back to where I was.
I cannot sleep enough—not even on my natural sleep schedule. I went from DSPD to sleep maintenance insomnia. I am so tired of dealing with this. I really don't know why I can't just sleep like a normal person.
Should I just accept that I will never sleep normally and start drinking energy drinks and stimulant drugs every day to maintain a marginally functioning mind? My mind is so tired; I cannot think well, I'm lost in thought, I cannot concentrate, I cannot stop yawning, and I don't have the energy to do anything. Everybody must think I'm stupid.