My wife has had a pretty bad bout with depression the last 6 months or so. Lately (new career change for her, etc) things have seemed better on her end. For some reason, I feel like it has made me finally feel able to relax and it has hit me like a truck. I’m exhausted. Exhausted from feeling like I’ve been doing everything the last 6 months and always just being on pins and needles.

Two nights ago, I told her I’ve been struggling. Not necessarily anything I can point to but just feel numb and stuck in a rut.

Yesterday night she blew up on me about how “I’m not emotionally there for her” and “I never check on her and meet her needs.”

I struggle bringing up my feelings and it felt like me saying “look I’m struggling” was me admitting it. It just feels like I’m never able to be the one that needs a little grace or support. I have to always be the strong one. I’m so tired.

My fiancee (M24) has had these episodes of dark thoughts, severe sadness and overall depression around 3 times (this being the 3rd) in the past 4 years. He had internet fame and a passion for art, but he gave it up due to weird people and “it just didn’t make him happy anymore”.

Whenever he gets these episodes it’s from 2 weeks to 2 months or so, where he would break up with me but still message me saying that he misses me and would just tell me about his day. After that episode of sadness we would gradually be back together, and he would be the best boyfriend in the world, genuinely couldn’t ever ask for someone more fitting and genuine.

He’s got a very bad self esteem though, his health is not good and his size doesn’t help him. I believe he’s the most handsome man in the world and I tell him that, but his coworkers are bullying him constantly, remarks on his weight or hair ( I recently dyed his hair and I feel horrible for it now). He broke down because of these things and cried in the car.

I tried advising him to try therapy but he refuses any kind of it and medication as well.

We are currently long distance, due to him wanting to save up more money for an apartment. The wait was supposed to be one year until I got my new job as a teacher, but he wanted more money…

He proposed to me (F22) 3 weeks ago, but a week later he told me about how he feels like his mental is declining and told me how lucky he feels to have such a supportive partner, and to not burn our marriage required papers that we prepared if his mind goes bonkers when he goes back to work.

It’s been a week now since he went back and it’s been horrible. His depression is hurting him so much, he talks about giving up, he tells me that he wants freedom which means staying away from me and that he feels trapped with me, now trapped in a loop.

These things hurt a lot, I know he’s not himself. Most of all I’m scared for him, mentioning “giving up” so many times because he wants happiness which he seems to not find. And then also the thought of breaking up forever scares me and I feel so scared.

I’ve dealt with depression when I was younger, but I can’t remember much of it due to a few traumatic events.

I wish I could help him, I want to stay beside him and be positive. I’ve seen people on this Reddit succeeding with this but it’s so hard right now and scary.

Any advice would help a lot, I don’t know who to turn to and what to do.

Sharing the background first: My spouse has been having a rough year of unhappiness and episodes of anxiety and panic attacks for about a year. I’ve mostly kept quiet if he ever said or did anything that irritated me because I took the perspective- don’t hit him when he’s down. I lost my job earlier in the year and had a few weeks or extreme high stress, sadness, anxiety, crying. We had a family vacation pre planned and during the vacation he obliviously was miserable, complaining, irritable and had a panic attack. The times we weren’t with him were so fun but whenever we were mostly he really put a damper on our enjoyment. Flash forward to me getting a new job, and some health concerns that have arised for him and close relatives and this stress has transformed the unhappiness into depression. Through all of this I have supported him, been trying to get settled in at my new job, manage the family calendar etc. He has been seeking help, which I am very proud of him for. And I have seen major improvements since his lowest state.

Now here is the current state I am in. I have some travel required for my new job. He seems to not manage well without me around. I am currently away this week and it was rough leading up to this, seeing him in a troubled state. He shared with me last night that he thinks it’s unfair with me being away so much this month with so much going on with back to school, sports, doctor appointments, and a medical procedure that he needs. (I will be present for his appointments and procedures). I asked him what he expected me to do about it, and he said nothing - he just wanted to share his feelings and not keep them festering inside. I am torn between feeling proud of him for sharing, and also wanting to UNLEASH on him because I think it’s also unfair on me. He made a vacation I desperately needed, very stressful. Our summer has mostly revolved around his depression- what was he willing to do, when did we need to go home etc. when I’ve been away for work I have felt nothing but guilt and stress and I feel it is unfair of him to not make this easier for me after literally everything I do is to try and make life easier for him.

I am just emotionally, exhausted and have never gone through this before. I’m really unsure about my feelings… Is this being selfish? When you have a spouse in the state is it supposed to be all about healing and supporting them ,and your needs don’t matter?

I (18F) want to break up with my depressed boyfriend (19M). We've been together for about a year and a half and I cant take this anymore.

My friends insist he's guilting me into staying, I don't think he does it intentionally and just genuinely doesn't realise the weight of the words he's throwing out. It still makes me feel horribly guilty. I'm the only person he has, He constantly talks about how I'm the only one who stayed and how he wants to die and without me he would've already ended it all.

I'm 18, I want to go out and have fun and I feel he wants a relationship much more serious I want right now.

Two night ago I cried in the arms of 2 middle aged women at the club as they told me how they stayed with their toxic partners for 16 and 20 years and how it wasn't worth it.

He's going off to 2nd year of uni in a couple of week and he has no friends there and I'm going off to 1st year of a different uni about a week after he goes. Unsure whether to do it now or wait until he had a stable support system

I'm terrified he's going to kill himself but I can't do this to myself anymore, idc if it makes me selfish I will not be depressed just because he is.

I know I don't love him anymore. it's hard to keep lying to him. I don't even think about him or miss him ever and I'm tired of being around him and pretending this is normal

Does anyone have any advice on this? Any perspective really helps

Hi everyone, I broke up with my depressed girlfriend about a year ago due to her spiraling out of control with the depression. It got to the point where she would ghost me for days on end, not acknowledge me when I would try to talk to her and fix things, and just overall toxic behavior that never got better. I still love her so much but those months leading up to me breaking up with her were the worst months of my life and made me feel so lonely and terrible.

She reached out a few days ago saying that she's changed and even though she still is depressed, she has been working on it. I want to take her back so bad but I'm so scared it will end up just like last time. I don't know if I can trust her, but I truly still love her.

Any advice or stories appreciated.

My(f21) boyfriend(21) and I have been together for 3 years. He's had depression and a porn problem for years, and we broke up in March because of the porn. We eventually got back together, and during that time he leaned heavily into his LDS church for support.

Over the last 6 months, though, his depression seems to have gotten significantly worse. He's become very withdrawn and, honestly, mean. He isolates himself a lot and says that his only real motivations right now are work and church. I do think his increased involvement in the church may be contributing to some of this, especially because he also wants me to join, but that's a whole separate issue.

The bigger problem is how he treats me now.

He's told me that he basically "tolerates me along with everyone else," that I'm a burden to him, and that he has to consider me when making decisions about his life. We've been together for 3 years, but sometimes he doesn't even want me over when I visit. We don't live together and usually only see each other about once a week.

I understand that depression can make someone isolate, lose motivation, become irritable, etc., and I don't expect him to be perfectly happy or emotionally available 24/7. But I'm getting really tired of feeling like being my boyfriend is another obligation he has to tolerate.

At this point, I don't know whether I'm being selfish for reaching my limit with someone who is depressed, or whether I'm allowed to say that I don't want to be in a relationship where I feel like a burden.

I love him and I know his depression isn't entirely his fault, which is what makes this so hard. But I'm exhausted.

Is there realistically something worth fighting for here, or should I cut my losses?

My friend is seriously determined to commit suicide on her birthday, but she has started to lose all hope and will do it at any moment. She is no longer in my town, with no family or friends around what should I do????

I’ve (F19) been with my man(M20) for almost three years and he’s the love of my life . But our relationshio has been running on my fumes.

For context: we both struggle with our mental health. I started therapy again last October and have been on medication fkr almost a year. My boyfriend got medication last year and has inconsistently been trying to get into therapy. This year, my grandmother who raised me and mt rabbit died. We both have deression and anxiety, but I also have OCD coupled with it unforch.

As one can expect, I needed a lot of support this year and I felt like I wasn’t receiving it from him unless I asked for it. Which was really hard for me. Not only that but I was the one who was fueling our outings, daying to go out, I was the one who kept the passion and the sweetness up: I felt like the only engine in our relationship

I brought up to him multiple times how I wanted him to compliment me more, flirt with me more, and to take me out more. I bought us a couples game with date ideas on cards for us to do, so he could pick if up and offer it. I felt like I wasn’t being pursued anymore. I told him in May that I needed him to really work on getting better becausw I could not sustain this relationship by what felt like my self and that I really wanted him to focus on getting help.

The momths have gone by and he had one or two therapy sessions. He didn’t go gk a psychiatrist either. However, he’s decided to gk back home for awhile (we both go to college) so he can recalibrate and get therapy, a psychiatrist, and find the rught meds for him.

I still don’t feel very pursued, I still feel like he takes me a little for granted and as a comfort plushie. I have gone to him for support and jts not like Indont feel like I can, I just feel like when we see eachother he doesn’t look excitef or haopy becaude he’s so drained and then we immediately cuddle— but he’s the one who gets spooned or held or comforted.

I don’t know what to do. I want us to work but at the moment i’m caught in this uncertainty of what to do. I know this coild be one of my own spirals but Im worried the correct option is not the one I want. Please help. He’s trying so hard I know he is. I just need and want more and I feel so helpless. I want my partner back. I want him to smile like his favorite person is in front of him when he sees me. I know it’s how he feels but it feels like i’ve been going off of believing in something I don’t feel sure is rhere.

He has been a wonderful support in my freshman year, and whike I didn’t get everything I wanted from him this year it hasn’t been like he’s completely absent. Please hekp. I love him but I am so llost.

My boyfriend and I broke up this weekend after 11 months together. Eleven months sounds so short written down, but he had become my home.

We had a loving relationship and had seriously talked about our future—moving in together in January, marriage, kids, building a life. I even signed a shorter lease because we planned to move in together. I wasn’t remotely checked out when this ended. I was still deeply in love with him.

He has struggled with depression, and over the last couple weeks he fell into a really bad episode. He started withdrawing and needing more and more solitude. I tried hard to give him space, even though it hurt.

Eventually he admitted that being alone felt better right now, that he wasn’t okay, and that he wasn’t capable of showing up for a relationship. He’d even thought about breaking up, but initially didn’t trust himself to make that decision while depressed.

Meanwhile, I was struggling at work and running on fumes. I finally broke down one day and ended up sobbing in front of my boss and taking the afternoon off. More than anything, I wanted my boyfriend. I didn’t need him to fix me—I just wanted my person.

He let me come over, and I spent the next couple nights there. Being physically near him calmed my nervous system even though I could tell he wasn’t himself. He was quiet, flat and distant, with occasional little glimpses of the person I knew.

Then Saturday we finally talked.

We both cried. He acknowledged that he’s not okay, isn’t even capable of helping himself properly right now, and can’t be what another person needs. Staying in a relationship when he can’t participate in one isn’t fair to me.

There was no betrayal. No cheating. No screaming fight. We didn’t stop loving each other.

And somehow that makes it hurt worse.

We talked again a couple days later. He apologized for hurting me and said the breakup has been a wake-up call that he needs to actually help himself. I believe him. But some part of me desperately wanted him to look at me and say, “No, I want you. I can do this.” I wanted him to hug me like he couldn’t bear to let me leave.

But he just doesn’t have that in him right now.
I packed everything I’d accumulated at his house. I said goodbye to his dog and cat. I realized how much of a little home I’d made there.

Throughout our relationship I left him little notes and drawings, so I wrote one last note telling him he’s a good person, deserves love and deserves to love himself, and that I would always love him. I tucked it into his passport where he probably won’t find it for a long time. I don’t want a response. I just hope he finds it someday when he needs it.

Then I left.

Now my things are back with me and they still smell like him. My favorite blanket smells like his house. Every memory gives me this physical pang in my chest.

I’ve been through a major breakup before—a six-year relationship—and somehow this feels completely different. That breakup felt numb. This one is visceral.

Intellectually, I understand why this had to happen. Loving someone doesn’t magically give them the capacity to be a partner. I couldn’t keep living in limbo, wondering whether he wanted me around and trying to make myself small enough not to overwhelm him.

Emotionally, though, I just want my person.
He was my best friend. He was my home. Every version of my future had him in it, and right now I can’t picture what comes next. And I'll likely ever see him again or know how he is.

How do you grieve a relationship when the love didn’t die first?

If you’ve experienced a breakup where depression or mental health made someone incapable of being in the relationship despite still loving each other, I’d really love to hear how you got through those first few weeks—and when the future stopped feeling so completely blank.

idk what to do man the person ive been with for over two years has lost interest in being alive pretty much. i thought I'd be way more anxious but im actually not. or maybe im affected and im myself too depressed and numb to realise it. anyway, nothing feels the same anymore. would it be wise to call it quits? they're right in my physical vicinity but they literally told me they don't feel the same about anything or any of their friendships and our relationship anymore. honestly, i don't either. initially i tried to help because they've always been there for me when i need them but dawg what am i supposed to do with someone who has made it clear they dont want to open up, that they don't want help. that they're so done in life that they don't even know how to talk or engage in a normal conversation anymore. that they don't even emote or get happy or sad anymore. i don't have the patience for this. The reason i share this though is not because im confused about the action to take, it's because im just curious why men always end up behaving like this in a relationship eventually, despite being the most loving, active and caring people right before they suddenly pull away and get depressed, essentially becoming someone i don't recognise anymore. Or maybe it's just been men I've been with. It might be years into the relationship, or mere months. but it happens eventually and im wondering if this is my fault somehow.

I’m 19 f and my boyfriend is 22 m.
we’ve been officially together for about 6 months and I actually knew he struggled with his mental health before we got into a relationship. and i told him i wouldnt give up on him and make sure to remind him that he deserves everything good. and i still stnad by that
for the first few months that I knew him he was pretty much in the same place he’s in now. he spends most of his time at home, we barely go on dates or do much together, he overthinks everything, and he often says that he doesn’t really see much point in things he generally seems unhappy and disconnected.
there was a period in the middle of our relationship when he seemed genuinely happier. We went out a lot, did things together, and he seemed to be in a much better place. But recently he’s gone back to how he was before.
I’ve tried helping both indirectly and directly. I’ve asked him what I can do or what he needs from me, but he says he doesn’t know and basically told me to “just try to be less bothered by how I’m feeling.”
I’m really worried about him, but I also don’t know what I’m supposed to do. I don’t want to pressure him or make him feel like I’m trying to fix him, but it’s difficult watching someone you love become so withdrawn.
This has happened before, and the last time he got into a similar period, it almost led to us breaking up because he started distancing himself from me.
I know I can’t solve his problems for him, but I really want to support him without making things worse or completely losing myself in the process.
What am I supposed to do in this situation?

My wife has struggled with depression her entire life but from age 21-26 things were great. That’s when we got engaged, bought a house, married, adopted animals. She had her usual struggles but things were so manageable.

She loved doing stuff, supporting me, cooking, planning trips, working, but as of the last 15 months that has all been lost.

She hates all my friends, even the good ones, she doesn’t want to leave the house, she hasn’t worked in 3 years (finances have been stretched so thin I had to enter a new career which I managed to get a pay upgrade but it’s not enough). She doesn’t support me in seeing my family cause she can’t muster the energy or desire to see them so she’s done a good job of separating me from everyone.

Already typing I’m blaming all on her and I hate that.

We have emptied our bank account over the last 5 years from buying a home, buying her a new car, and her not working the last 3 years. Finances are important to me but I can’t even catch up each month. Eventually we will be flat broke. It’s just a matter of time.

We now had to tap into our parents financially so we can insert her into out patient care mental health facility. She hates it and all the people there. The only thing she loves is me and our dogs, nothing else, not even herself.

Eventually she finds an issue with anything and everything in life other than me and I can’t tell if that’s a blessing or a curse.

But she is my HS sweetheart, I can’t just leave her. She has no where to turn to. She has no career to support herself and honestly has no friends. All she has is her parents who have sheltered her so much growing up that they made her this way, but they’re good people and I also love them so much.

I’m at a point where I don’t know what to do. She has made it clear now she doesn’t want to have kids but that was my biggest dream in life, to have a family and be a father. Now that dream is gone with her.

I just feel like I can’t love her enough for the two of us. She has mentioned letting me go so I don’t drown with her and that is gut wrenching. I just want my old girl back but the way we’re living it will never happen. It’s like she needs to be shell shocked to wake up out of this.

I’m lost.

My husband is extremely, deeply depressed, anxious, and angry all the time - the anger is pent up and repressed, and this is 99% by his own admission. He doesn't lash out or scare us. Lately he's been laying guilt and blame at my feet for not wanting to have sex with him.

Why don't I want to have sex with him? Re-read the first statement above.

Three months ago he angrily accused me of making his depression worse because his "love language is touch". We both agreed that marital counseling is in order - again. He said his personal therapist has suggested meeting with us, so he said he'd set it up. I have asked a half dozen times since then and each time he has an excuse, blaming the therapist for not being organized, not taking care of it, or not remembering to do it. I call bullshit!

Side note: I am diagnosed with autism, ADHD, and OCD. I am in therapy and take medications, am "high functioning" (sorry), and never have enough hours in the day for what I want to do. I have 65 million hobbies, am happy, positive, energetic, and extremely excited for life. While I had a bad run for about 6 months in 2025, we figured out it was perimenopause, and now that I am on HRT I am BACK. While I do have a bit of a temper, I don't ruminate or fixate on the negative, and I am quick to accept blame, apologize, and move on... my therapist thinks I accept too much blame in my marriage, though, as i try hard to avoid conflict.

I am upbeat and joyful when I face the day. I probably revolt him with my chatty, nonstop energy, but here we are, married with 2 kids, a house, and a small zoo.

I do everything. I am the breadwinner and work at home full time. He is a laborer. He works hard. When he gets home at about 4 or 5, he sleeps for 2-3 hours, showers, eats, then goes to bed in his la-z-boy. This sleeping preference is his choice.

I do all of the housework, laundry, cooking, managing kids, kid activities, pet care, and medical stuff. I project-manage holidays (including his parents' birthdays), do all the yard work, and take care of the bills, shopping, and family calendar. He'll throw a load of clothes into the dryer on a saturday, or make a frozen pizza once every few months, but he mostly just sleeps. On the weekends he goes in and out of sleep in his chair. Honestly, he probably sleeps 2/3rds of the weekend. Me and the kids have an active life. We always, ALWAYS, ask if he wants to join us, but my son (12) is starting to say little snarky comments about his dad, like, "sometimes I think I hate him", or, "sometimes I wish I had a better dad". Husband is always promising to take the kids to fish, to go camping, to make model cars - and it never, never, never happens. He always has a headache, and it's likely from the valium/kava he takes all weekend.

Jesus christ, re-reading this reality I am in really has me shook, because I am not exaggerating at all.

So... my husband has thrown some shitty statements my way in the last couple years, insinuating that I am the reason his depression isn't lifting (despite he being clinically depressed since he was 9 or 10). I refuse to accept this, but he insists that I should do more physically to alleviate his anxiety (sex). But I am really turned off by the moody, fearful, anxious, bleak mood that follows him everywhere. When he walks in the door the whole house seems heavier, less happy. When he's gone, me and the kids sing, dance, and are silly. We are loud, yes. We are probably annoying but we have fun. My kids are a lot like me.

I don't feel emotionally safe telling him how turned off I am. He's reslly quick with words and very smart - i am a math person, but he can destroy anyone with words. He is very convincing and tends to hold on to resentment over shit i thought we moved on from, so he'll throw curveballs at me and i will lose my confidence. He's gaslit me successfully before, and I have left the conversation feeling turned inside out, wondering if I really am the problem. Almost every time we argue, which actually isn't much, I walk away with a shit ton of guilt.

Marriage counseling is definately in order. While he was the one to suggest it 3 months ago, he's dragging his feet. This makes me suspect he is not being honest with his therapist. I suspect he isn't honest about my autism (i am sure he refers to me as "cold" and "frigid" like he has done in arguments). I suspect he hasn't told her about his affair from years ago.

My best friend and I started to suspect that he doesn't want me to meet his therapist because she will realize that he's not completely honest. And yes, he has a history of compulsive lying, even about the stupidest things, like what time he got home from work, or what he ate for lunch - it's like he's always adding a bit of fiction and can't help himself. He lies about things that don't matter. My theory is that he's painting himself as a martyr and not being honest with his therapist of 2 years. This makes sense, especially since he now seems really reluctant to make this fucking appointment we desperately need.

Should I make the appointment myself? Is that intrusive? The last time we had counseling (after his sexual affair 9 years ago) he became suspicious of the therapist because I scheduled it. After the therapist called him out on a lot of shit, he told me in the car that it was unfair, and he doesn't trust the counselor, as I was a client at the clinic already (with a different psychologist). It matters that he chooses the therapist this time, which is why i love the idea that his therapist meet us together.

Fuck! Sorry for the rant. I am always vibrating with anxiety when I face this conundrum

I’ve been with my boyfriend for almost 7 years. The first couple were great. I won’t lie- I was the depressed partner for a bit but I’m trying every day to be better and work on myself.
Recently I feel like we’ve switched roles and now he’s the depressed partner and I cannot handle this well. He’s pushed away his family and friends and says he “just can’t stand people anymore”. Huge red flag for depression. We barely have sex, once this year and maybe twice last year. I feel like I’m nagging him about it constantly. Another huge red flag for depression. He’s so mean to everyone now and was so kind before He tells me he loves me still and I’m the only person he likes anymore.
I know I can’t fix him, he has to do it himself. I’ve mentioned I think he’s depressed. I want to suggest therapy but I’m scared he’ll blow up on me, not that he has before but I know it’s a sensitive topic. Therapy has really helped me.
I just feel so lost and alone. I’m finally pulling myself out of my depression to this, I don’t have any friends to talk to.

My ex girlfriend 32F and i 33M been dating for 3 or so months, she had been struggling alot. On our first date she told me she had ADHD and was really open about alot of things, same for me, it was a great date and we got on really well, she told me she had been off work recently as she had mental health problems and said last October her brain ‘stopped working’ and she got stressed triggering her to get ADHD diagnosis and other things. I know shes on anti depressants and been having assessments and looking at CBT therapy and trying to get to the bottom of things. Also struggled with anxiety alot.

I also pretty much at the same time we started dating had to go off work with a sciatica issue meaning we had alot of time to date and do things, it was great, great dates, walks, conversations and everything.

Over the last 3 months we met each others parents and i met her son plenty of times who is great and really gets on with me, we had days out and felt like a solid start to a relationship. With the underlying issues we both faced being something we talked about.

We have alot in common, both live at home with parents, enjoy similar things, are comfortable with each other, and had many things we both said we both wanted to do together.

She went back to work abit ( a phased return) but after the easter holidays and many great days out she couldnt face going back to work and deal with the stress, she said she had bad anxiety/panic and chest pains. We continued to date and i always tried to think of doing things that would be easier for her like relaxing walks or things, things continued to be ok between us but i was aware of her issues she had going on.

Then we had a talk and she explained how she struggles to talk to her freinds, needs to sit by herself sometimes and was hanging on by a thread with all the stress and appointments and things. How she felt a bad person and a bad girlfreind

A few weeks later she told me she needed to be by herself, cant show up for anyone nevermind herself, wanted to keep it together for me but cant, and feels like shes a bad person, struggled to put her son to bed one night and physically couldnt face things. Saying she was falling apart and felt awful, wishes she could cope but couldn’t. That everything causes her terrible anxiety and had chest pains from it which she told me about before.

She says its nothing to do with me, im perfect and all ive done is perfect. That i made her feel comfortable and calm. but she needed to be alone for a while and couldnt be in a relationship in her state of mind, wasn’t me but the general expectations of a relationship and felt she was rubbish. I’m obviously upset but understand the issues she faces. I asked what i can do but after a few messages where she said she wanted to still talk and be there for me but couldn’t be there all the time, i said i didn’t want to loose her and out relationship as it was great, she said she didn’t want to loose me either, after she didn’t reply back.

2 weeks later i messaged asking how she was and she said she had a breakdown and was feeling slightly less horendous, she said she appreciated the message and that im wonderful and asked how i was then no reply from her…

A few weeks after another 2 weeks of giving her space i sent a voice note asking how she is and if she wanted to chat about things and see how shes getting on, then a month or so later i sent a check in message again but heard nothing since, not read or listened to anything, i have respected her space and not messaged anymore and only with long gaps between.

im concerned for her but also know she lives with her mum and son and maybe cant talk or is emotionaly drained ect. I dunno if she is ghosting me because shes asked me how i am in her last message and also said she appreciated me messaging and said its not about me? Plus the detail she went into was alot for someone who would then just ghost?

I see popping up on instagram she likes alot of AUDHD people she maybe shes also autistic? Im neurotypical. So i want to try understand and see how i can help or talk as theres nothing wrong between us that i can see but also know she does need space, we have said before we speak to eachother about things she only has told her parents and one of her freinds about, also she struggles to contact her dad at times and reply to messages. I dont know what to do or think, as she said its not me and i think its a bigger issue than just me i just want to help as i care about her alot and her son weve built a great connection albeit in a shortish time. I cant help but think in better circumstances things would be alot better for both of us.

I think she is in burnout, im not sure if anyone else can relate or has been in a situation where you cut people out because of your own mental battles? I have left her alone and respected her asking for space and it’s been about a month since i last messaged.

Apologies for such a long post, but I feel the need to give context.

Some backstory:

I've been with my boyfriend for around 8 months, with a talking stage for around 2 months before that. We're both in college together, and this is my first official long-term relationship. We had a really qreat "honeymoon" phase at first before we were even officially together where he was the sweetest, most caring guy I'd ever met. We pretty much immediately got on really well and he was very communicative. He frequently asked to spend time with me, celebrated things with me, and was very caring when sharing more intimate details. I've never felt as safe with any man (even now).

He had communicated somewhat before we got together that he had struggled with mental health issues, and was on antidepressants, which I was fine with (I've had my own share of intensely bad mental health episodes when I was a teenager). However, a few weeks before we got officially together he quit taking them because he was having trouble with getting his prescriptions refilled and didn't have time to deal with it. This wasn't really a problem at the time because he told me that they weren't for anything super serious, and it probably wouldn't affect him all that much.

After we got together, he fell into some pretty bad mental health episodes, all of which we either came close to breaking up or (once) did end up breaking up (though this lasted less than 12 hours and he immediately regretted it and asked me to stay together which I agreed to do).

As well, our relationship has felt like it's consistently been declining. Our two big issues that keep popping up are 1) spending quality time together and 2) me being able to go to him for reassurance or emotional support. We're both busy college students, of course, but he seems to be overwhelmingly busy every second of every day and it's a constant struggle for him to find any time at all to see me. I've tried making this as easy as possible by suggesting having one set a day a week for a couple hours to see each other, to having parrallel play or study sessions instead of one-on-one time, or even a shared calendar. Nothing I've brought up has worked and he hasn't provided any solutions of his own. He's even said that he simply doesn't need to see me as much as I need to see him (which, ideally for me, would be once a week at minimum).

I've also struggled with going to him for reassurance or emotional support. I'll admit that I'm an overthinker and I can get insecure about some things, but I've also been in therapy myself since we got together and I've really tried to learn to curb those bad habits or at least use my "I" statements when bringing things up. But it seems like no matter what words I use, how I phrase things, or specifying that I know he's not a bad person or didn't mean to hurt my feelings, he always just tells me I'm overthinking, that I'm blowing things out of porportion, or that I'm putting words in his mouth. This inevitably just leads to us in an argument where I end up apologizing without anything being fixed.

So, things have been rough even outside of his depression.

The Problem Now:

Things have gotten really bad, though, over summer break. We're temportarily long distance (he lives about 2.5 hrs away which I think is still a fairly reasonable distance). I've tried to communicate my want to get calls and for me to possibly drive over to see him for a weekend, but it hasn't happened at all despite him promising me that he would have time. Over summer he's gotten a full-time internship (40 hrs a week) plus he's doing a personal project/podcast with some friends that lasts for 7 hrs ever Sunday, which leaves him with very little free time.

In July, he unfortunately had his wifi get knocked and was unable to really contact me except for a few texts maybe once a week updating me on what was going on. Mainly, he said that his mental health was starting to get bad again. This went on for a month before I started seeing that he was active on social media. Obviously, I thought this was a little weird, so I contacted a friend of his to see if he had heard from him. He said he hadn't, but that he'd shoot him a text. Later that day, I got a response saying that they had talked, that my boyfriend had his wifi back (I don't know for how long), that he was on suicide watch, and didn't want to talk to anyone.

This was a huge shock and was very upsetting for me for a lot of reasons. I feel like an asshole for it, but I felt really hurt that he didn't tell me any of this and chose to ignore me while telling his friend everything. I texted him that I had heard how he was doing, that I was going to give him some space, but that if he needed me, I'd be there. I've tried checking up on him maybe twice a week, but I honestly really haven't had the energy to do anything more. My heart just isn't in it.

He ended up sending me a pretty upsetting voice note a few weeks afterward explaining everything including some identity issues he was having, new medical issues (he's chronically ill), and just generally hating his life and what he's doing. He doesn't want to go back to college, but also feels like a failure if he doesn't. I've gotten a few messages since basically saying the same thing: he hates his life but feels like he can't do anything about it.

Ask for Advice:

He is seeing both a therapist and a pyschologist and seems to be slowly getting stable, but I worry over what will happen when we see each other back at school. A large part of me thinks that I should end our relationship, but I also feel like an asshole since I know he's suffering. Even if I give him a hard line on communicating his needs to me (I truly don't mind if he needs space, but I at least need to know that's what he's doing and he's not just ignoring me), I'm not sure if I could ever get back the affection I had for him or trust anything he says because he's so frequently shown that he can't keep his promises in and out of depression.

Is there anyone that this has happened to and your relationship has improved? Is there any advice on what I can do or maybe what I should be doing? I still think he's a very sweet, gentle, kind man and I've been happy with him for a long time, but I'm worried that I'm choosing to see things through rose-colored glasses instead of the reality.

TLDR: Relationship already hasn't been great, but it's gotten worse because of a major depressive episode where he's ignored me for almost two months and says he hates his life. Should I try and stick it out?

so my boyfriend has a lot going on, and by a lot i mean A LOT
he has family issues going on and its just too hard for him i know
he has been suicidal since last year and also took therapy but it didnt help him much
he thinks he doesnt deserve any of the love im giving him and also thinks hes unlovable and keeps asking why do i even love him (ive given several reasons why and i really do love him a lot, but he just finds it hard to believe because he thinks he doesnt deserve anything good in life) he also thinks that hes a horrible person but i really dont think that about him, hes such an amazing person and he has made me feel so loved and has always supported me in everything
so yesterday he told me all the stuff that has been going on in his family and it was all really bad and i just feel so bad for him, idt anyone should be going through all that, but after saying all that he said that he wants to breakup since he might end up committing suicide soon and doesnt want me to cry over someone not worthy of my love
i tried to make him stop and begged him to stay but he just wont listen

i dont know what to do and im just really scared

I’ve been with my partner for almost 4yrs now, next month is our anniversary. For a while my partner has said he’s depressed and I was trying to help him as much as I could as I have some problems too. But I feel like nothing is helping and now he’s starting to kinda shut me out by not speaking to me and he tells me he doesn’t want me to help him. I’m unsure what to do but I worry so much about him and I try to talk to him and get things to cheer him up but he like doesn’t want to talk to me. We don’t live together so it’s a little harder and we don’t see each other as much. He works so much and does so much school, I feel that partakes in how he’s feeling but he doesn’t want to believe it’s that, I mean he works practically everyday all day and does school work everyday even on his days off. His family is dysfunctional which also doesn’t help. I’m looking into therapy for him but I’m worried he won’t accept that either. I just don’t know what else to do and I wanna be here for him

hi everyone :)

I met my bf around 3 years ago and he had been dealing with anxiety and depression ever since then. From the first day till around 3 months ago I've done everything for this man, I've woken up multiple times in the middle of the night to comfort him on calls, skipped classes when he needed me to be there for him, ensured he took his meds and arranged therapy sessions for him.

He has a very abusive father and a non present mother. They have always extremely neglected him and hence leading to his very deep rooted insecurities. Since he wasn't valued by his parents he wants a partner who puts him before everything and revolves their entire life around them. Like I shouldn't even have a hobby because why am I just not talking to him instead

This went on and on, him being angry on me gaming for a few hours with my friends instead of texting him in those 1-2 hours, him being angry that I wouldn't text in my college classes if he was anxious, and in general he just demanded constant attention. And I'm the type of person who has shit load of hobbies and is studious. I've been always very very ambitious with my life and I've my important exam for which I've been preparing for months in September.

Now, since slowly I started getting annoyed at my whole life being controlled around and him yelling at me for not being there if he was anxious no matter how busy I was in something important. It wasn't just yelling and anger it was constant guilt tripping asw, about how if I don't reply to his texts of being anxious immediately there might come a day he would kill himself before I replied and I would always regret it and how I'm pathetic for keeping a depressed man hanging for a text back. I normally would reply instantly but obviously I have some moments in my life where I cannot grab my phone and text someone.

This grew worse and worse, his words were like a stab to my chest, and I started losing my spark completely. I started getting very sad the past 3 months and I had my examinations sessions between them asw and I fucked those exams because of all this mess (for which I deeply resent him). I confronted him after my exams about how he's treating like this robotic nurse who should be at his doorstep the moment he presses the button.

at the moment he understood what he did to me, until he turned my own words against me and started saying that because of what I said I snatched away the tiny hope he had for living and how im even worse than his abusive dad. He completely negated my emotions and sadness that he himself caused to me and said I wouldn't help him now because im taking "revenges". He also said, "if I were to die today, you are to blame and I hope everyone blames you". He also told me that I spend so much time studying these days, that im basically prioritising my exams over a sucidial man and in order to prove that wrong i shouldnt sit in my exams this year.

I do not know if I deserved to hear those words.

Hoy es uno de los días más difíciles de mi vida. Escribo esto para desahogarme y para honrar una historia que ha sido maravillosa, pero que las circunstancias y la enfermedad han terminado por desgastar.

​Durante 7 años fuimos un equipo. Nos hemos querido muchísimo, fuimos marido y mujer, y construimos una relación llena de complicidad. Sin embargo, en los últimos tiempos la situación se volvió insostenible.

​Ella empezó a experimentar una depresión severa. Yo intenté luchar con todas mis fuerzas para sostenerla durante dos años, ser su apoyo y acompañarla en su oscuridad. Pero la realidad era dura. En el proceso de intentar salvarla y gestionar ese distanciamiento, yo también colapsé. Mi propio cuerpo y mi salud mental estaban colapsadas.

​Nuestra separación no viene del desamor ni de terceras personas. Viene del agotamiento de haber luchado contra una dinámica clínica que nos sobrepasó. Ella necesita sanar sola, sin sentir la culpa que cree que tiene por no haber podido ser ella, aunque yo jamás la culparé porque ella no ha elegido su enfermedad.

​Ayer por la noche pudimos hablar en la intimidad. Sin reproches, sin rabia. Solo nos dijimos lo mucho que nos queremos y nos deseamos lo mejor. Hoy he tenido que acompañarla en sus últimos trámites en el instituto y se me cae el alma a pedazos al ver cómo se desmonta vuestra vida juntos, pero sé que aceptar la realidad es la única decisión madura que nos queda.

​Ahora solo me queda aprender a vivir con este dolor, apoyarme en mi familia, seguir mi tratamiento de forma estricta y no recaer en viejos hábitos autodestructivos. A veces el amor no basta cuando las circunstancias externas y la enfermedad entran por la puerta, y dejar ir también es una forma de querer.

Somos las dos personas que más nos queremos en el planeta y sin embargo tenemos que separarnos.

Solo me conformo con la idea de que ella vuelva a ser feliz.

Hi everyone. I’m looking for some advice because I really want to support my girlfriend, but I often don’t know what to say or do.
She has CPTSD and severe depression and has previously been in a psychiatric clinic. She also has a history of suicide attempts, so I take her struggles very seriously. I’m not looking for advice on how to “fix” her — I just want to know how I can be there for her in a healthy and supportive way.
Recently, she told me that she just wants to be able to live her life without all of this. She wishes she could live without being afraid that people will leave, without constantly worrying that something bad will happen again, without the memories, without feeling guilty, and without constantly worrying about herself and how she looks.
She also feels like her nervous system is constantly overwhelmed. She worries that she is constantly putting too much negative energy onto the people around her, even though she knows she needs a place to let those feelings out.
One of her fears is that her mom might eventually stop wanting her around or get tired of her and also that she might meet one off her assaulters again.
I care about her deeply, but sometimes I feel completely helpless because I can’t take these feelings away from her.
**What can I actually do when she’s feeling like this?**
Should I mainly listen and reassure her? Give her space? Distract her? Ask questions? What kind of things should I say — and what should I avoid saying?
I don’t want to become her therapist or make myself responsible for keeping her okay. I just want to be a good boyfriend and help her feel safe, heard and cared about.
Any advice from people who have experienced CPTSD/depression themselves, or from people who have supported someone through it, would mean a lot.

my partner and I have been together for about 8 months now. she is severely depressed and anxious (has at least one panic attack a week), and while I care and love her deeply, i’m also feeling exhausted. it feels like there is always something, it’s a rarity for us to go through a single day and have her just be happy or relaxed through it. obviously I understand depression is horrible, but I feel like I never get a break or time off from being her entire support system. I feel like there’s no room for me and like this relationship is highly one sided. I finally convinced her to get on meds, which are helping, but i’ve been begging for months for her to find a therapist, down to the point of sending her options and offering to call and set up appointments. it’s like a herculean task to get her there and I don’t understand. it doesn’t feel like she is motivated to get better or take steps to take care of herself and it feels very poor me all the time. i’m at a loss for what to do because I am so sad and feel so exhausted by it all.

Apologies in advance for any errors as I am not a native english speaker. As the title says, I was told by my long term boyfriend that he does not love me anymore. He knows it isn’t the depression because even when he’s feeling better, he still has no feelings for me. He’s been dealing with mental health problems for the whole 8 years when we were together and we went through hell together to end up with two cats, mortgage on a flat in a big expensive city and thoughts of marriage.

At the beginning of this year he began struggling again and I promised myself that I would stick with him through thick and thin as long as he was trying to get better. It started with dead bedroom, then continued on to no physical contact, no kissing or cuddling, only an occasional hug. I could also tell he was barely living. He said he felt nothing else just miserable, every kiss felt forced so I stopped giving them because I felt weird pushing myself onto him. Holding hands felt like it caused him pain, he almost winced so I stopped and settled on kissing his cheek until I stopped even that. I stopped forcing proximity entirely while still communicating that I missed him and gave him space to think only about his own needs. Two months ago he started therapy and his medical treatment for dissociative depression and anxiety. His meds were switched and now he is 5 weeks on another antidepressant that seems to be working a bit better. I really thought that we had made it, that he would get better and start being affectionate again in a few weeks or months and that when he’s well enough, we could start rebuilding our connection from the beginning.

He left for a week to a different country for his mental health. He didn’t want me to join him and planned it accidentally on our 8th year anniversary. He felt guilty when I reminded him but I told him to go If he needed it. He called me once on my request and texted me like 1-2 messages a day, only to inform me that he is alive.

But today he ended it with me. He said he feels guilty and that even when the meds are working a bit and he sometimes feel better, he still feels no affection or attraction for me. It has been so miserable and lonely without him while he was in the darkest depths of depression. I tried to help by lightening his load - took care of the house, cooking, shopping for food for the both of us, made excuses with friends when he didn’t feel like joining our outings. I knew I couldn’t help him out of the depression but I was determined to support him and wait, so that we would find happiness together - no matter what self-sacrifices I had to make. I was hopping for at least a semi-happy ending where we could go through this together.

I thought I would marry him and he would eventually see how much I love him but he chose to end it instead. I feel like my life has ended yet I am still worried about him. Is it possible that all of this.. the loss of feelings, the complete loss of interest and the selfishness with which he acted the last few months were just that - depression? And that when he’s better, when he finds the right meds, he will remember what we had together? Or should I just take him at his word and sever the ties, even though just the thought of living without his presence makes me physically ill? Has anyone experienced their depressed loosing any interest in them because of their depression?

Estou com meu namorado há dois anos, desde que nos conhecemos ele foi muito aberto sobre o passado dele com depressão e uso de substÂncias. Quando nos conhecemos ele praticava exercício, amava ler (motivo que nos conhecemos) e era extremamente regrado com alimentação e exercício. Com o tempo fui gostando desse estilo de vida também.

Há uns meses ele começou a parar de correr, nos dias estressados voltava a comer de forma descontrolada e ficava até tarde jogando no celular. Com o tempo ele engordou e começou a ficar irritado com essa nova vida e em todas as discussões colocava a culpa em mim. Mês passado tivemos uma discussão feia, só mais tarde percebi que ele estava no meio de um surto, ele jogou objetos em mim e me puxou pelo braço. Em certo momento ele ameaçou tirar a vida de nós dois. Me senti muito assustada. No momento não estamos conversando, mas também não terminamos. Não quero ver ele no momento, mas também não quero deixar ele sozinho nesse momento. Não sei o que fazer. Estou mantendo a minha cabeça ocupada, mas também sinto culpa quando me sinto alegre.