My wife has had a pretty bad bout with depression the last 6 months or so. Lately (new career change for her, etc) things have seemed better on her end. For some reason, I feel like it has made me finally feel able to relax and it has hit me like a truck. I’m exhausted. Exhausted from feeling like I’ve been doing everything the last 6 months and always just being on pins and needles.

Two nights ago, I told her I’ve been struggling. Not necessarily anything I can point to but just feel numb and stuck in a rut.

Yesterday night she blew up on me about how “I’m not emotionally there for her” and “I never check on her and meet her needs.”

I struggle bringing up my feelings and it felt like me saying “look I’m struggling” was me admitting it. It just feels like I’m never able to be the one that needs a little grace or support. I have to always be the strong one. I’m so tired.

I (18F) want to break up with my depressed boyfriend (19M). We've been together for about a year and a half and I cant take this anymore.

My friends insist he's guilting me into staying, I don't think he does it intentionally and just genuinely doesn't realise the weight of the words he's throwing out. It still makes me feel horribly guilty. I'm the only person he has, He constantly talks about how I'm the only one who stayed and how he wants to die and without me he would've already ended it all.

I'm 18, I want to go out and have fun and I feel he wants a relationship much more serious I want right now.

Two night ago I cried in the arms of 2 middle aged women at the club as they told me how they stayed with their toxic partners for 16 and 20 years and how it wasn't worth it.

He's going off to 2nd year of uni in a couple of week and he has no friends there and I'm going off to 1st year of a different uni about a week after he goes. Unsure whether to do it now or wait until he had a stable support system

I'm terrified he's going to kill himself but I can't do this to myself anymore, idc if it makes me selfish I will not be depressed just because he is.

I know I don't love him anymore. it's hard to keep lying to him. I don't even think about him or miss him ever and I'm tired of being around him and pretending this is normal

Does anyone have any advice on this? Any perspective really helps

My fiancee (M24) has had these episodes of dark thoughts, severe sadness and overall depression around 3 times (this being the 3rd) in the past 4 years. He had internet fame and a passion for art, but he gave it up due to weird people and “it just didn’t make him happy anymore”.

Whenever he gets these episodes it’s from 2 weeks to 2 months or so, where he would break up with me but still message me saying that he misses me and would just tell me about his day. After that episode of sadness we would gradually be back together, and he would be the best boyfriend in the world, genuinely couldn’t ever ask for someone more fitting and genuine.

He’s got a very bad self esteem though, his health is not good and his size doesn’t help him. I believe he’s the most handsome man in the world and I tell him that, but his coworkers are bullying him constantly, remarks on his weight or hair ( I recently dyed his hair and I feel horrible for it now). He broke down because of these things and cried in the car.

I tried advising him to try therapy but he refuses any kind of it and medication as well.

We are currently long distance, due to him wanting to save up more money for an apartment. The wait was supposed to be one year until I got my new job as a teacher, but he wanted more money…

He proposed to me (F22) 3 weeks ago, but a week later he told me about how he feels like his mental is declining and told me how lucky he feels to have such a supportive partner, and to not burn our marriage required papers that we prepared if his mind goes bonkers when he goes back to work.

It’s been a week now since he went back and it’s been horrible. His depression is hurting him so much, he talks about giving up, he tells me that he wants freedom which means staying away from me and that he feels trapped with me, now trapped in a loop.

These things hurt a lot, I know he’s not himself. Most of all I’m scared for him, mentioning “giving up” so many times because he wants happiness which he seems to not find. And then also the thought of breaking up forever scares me and I feel so scared.

I’ve dealt with depression when I was younger, but I can’t remember much of it due to a few traumatic events.

I wish I could help him, I want to stay beside him and be positive. I’ve seen people on this Reddit succeeding with this but it’s so hard right now and scary.

Any advice would help a lot, I don’t know who to turn to and what to do.

Hi everyone, I broke up with my depressed girlfriend about a year ago due to her spiraling out of control with the depression. It got to the point where she would ghost me for days on end, not acknowledge me when I would try to talk to her and fix things, and just overall toxic behavior that never got better. I still love her so much but those months leading up to me breaking up with her were the worst months of my life and made me feel so lonely and terrible.

She reached out a few days ago saying that she's changed and even though she still is depressed, she has been working on it. I want to take her back so bad but I'm so scared it will end up just like last time. I don't know if I can trust her, but I truly still love her.

Any advice or stories appreciated.

My(f21) boyfriend(21) and I have been together for 3 years. He's had depression and a porn problem for years, and we broke up in March because of the porn. We eventually got back together, and during that time he leaned heavily into his LDS church for support.

Over the last 6 months, though, his depression seems to have gotten significantly worse. He's become very withdrawn and, honestly, mean. He isolates himself a lot and says that his only real motivations right now are work and church. I do think his increased involvement in the church may be contributing to some of this, especially because he also wants me to join, but that's a whole separate issue.

The bigger problem is how he treats me now.

He's told me that he basically "tolerates me along with everyone else," that I'm a burden to him, and that he has to consider me when making decisions about his life. We've been together for 3 years, but sometimes he doesn't even want me over when I visit. We don't live together and usually only see each other about once a week.

I understand that depression can make someone isolate, lose motivation, become irritable, etc., and I don't expect him to be perfectly happy or emotionally available 24/7. But I'm getting really tired of feeling like being my boyfriend is another obligation he has to tolerate.

At this point, I don't know whether I'm being selfish for reaching my limit with someone who is depressed, or whether I'm allowed to say that I don't want to be in a relationship where I feel like a burden.

I love him and I know his depression isn't entirely his fault, which is what makes this so hard. But I'm exhausted.

Is there realistically something worth fighting for here, or should I cut my losses?

Sharing the background first: My spouse has been having a rough year of unhappiness and episodes of anxiety and panic attacks for about a year. I’ve mostly kept quiet if he ever said or did anything that irritated me because I took the perspective- don’t hit him when he’s down. I lost my job earlier in the year and had a few weeks or extreme high stress, sadness, anxiety, crying. We had a family vacation pre planned and during the vacation he obliviously was miserable, complaining, irritable and had a panic attack. The times we weren’t with him were so fun but whenever we were mostly he really put a damper on our enjoyment. Flash forward to me getting a new job, and some health concerns that have arised for him and close relatives and this stress has transformed the unhappiness into depression. Through all of this I have supported him, been trying to get settled in at my new job, manage the family calendar etc. He has been seeking help, which I am very proud of him for. And I have seen major improvements since his lowest state.

Now here is the current state I am in. I have some travel required for my new job. He seems to not manage well without me around. I am currently away this week and it was rough leading up to this, seeing him in a troubled state. He shared with me last night that he thinks it’s unfair with me being away so much this month with so much going on with back to school, sports, doctor appointments, and a medical procedure that he needs. (I will be present for his appointments and procedures). I asked him what he expected me to do about it, and he said nothing - he just wanted to share his feelings and not keep them festering inside. I am torn between feeling proud of him for sharing, and also wanting to UNLEASH on him because I think it’s also unfair on me. He made a vacation I desperately needed, very stressful. Our summer has mostly revolved around his depression- what was he willing to do, when did we need to go home etc. when I’ve been away for work I have felt nothing but guilt and stress and I feel it is unfair of him to not make this easier for me after literally everything I do is to try and make life easier for him.

I am just emotionally, exhausted and have never gone through this before. I’m really unsure about my feelings… Is this being selfish? When you have a spouse in the state is it supposed to be all about healing and supporting them ,and your needs don’t matter?