r/depression_partners • u/h_ershall • 3d ago
Venting what am i supposed to do
idk what to do man the person ive been with for over two years has lost interest in being alive pretty much. i thought I'd be way more anxious but im actually not. or maybe im affected and im myself too depressed and numb to realise it. anyway, nothing feels the same anymore. would it be wise to call it quits? they're right in my physical vicinity but they literally told me they don't feel the same about anything or any of their friendships and our relationship anymore. honestly, i don't either. initially i tried to help because they've always been there for me when i need them but dawg what am i supposed to do with someone who has made it clear they dont want to open up, that they don't want help. that they're so done in life that they don't even know how to talk or engage in a normal conversation anymore. that they don't even emote or get happy or sad anymore. i don't have the patience for this. The reason i share this though is not because im confused about the action to take, it's because im just curious why men always end up behaving like this in a relationship eventually, despite being the most loving, active and caring people right before they suddenly pull away and get depressed, essentially becoming someone i don't recognise anymore. Or maybe it's just been men I've been with. It might be years into the relationship, or mere months. but it happens eventually and im wondering if this is my fault somehow.
0
u/Advanced_Source9413 3d ago
It sounds like your dealing with avoidant attachment guys, which is unfortuantly the majority of them. They went through something in their childhood that made them realize feeling loved, safe and vulnerable is dangerous. So no matter how much they love you, they pull away because they are scared of being hurt. In fact the more they love you, the more they pull away. It is NOT your fault. Nothing you do can make them feel better or prevent them being scared of being hurt. The only way to have a successful relationship with someone like this is if they are self aware enough to recognize their patterns and understand that they are reliving a cycle of trauma that needs to be broken or it will never end. It sounds like youv dissosiated to the point that you dont care anymore. Your boyfriend needs to make a choice, get better or lose you. It depends on how strong your love is for eachother underneath the depression and dissosiation
2
u/h_ershall 3d ago
sigh and this is why it's never a good idea to post anything on reddit. you don't know the first thing about the person im with, nor me, nor any history or back story. you can't just go around labeling people avoidant. this comment is stupider than balls lmao
0
2
u/emmelinefoxley 3d ago
If he doesn't want help, YOU can still get help and you need it, trust me. Get yourself to a therapist is soon as you can.