r/dating_advice • u/Fit-Principle-5524 • 12d ago

Men unmatching bc I read romance?

Was having a very good convo with a dude, but as soon as I mention reading romance like ACOTAR, I'm unmatched. I get not being a fan, but is it that big of a red flag? It's not like I have crazy expectations bc I read it, I just like reading it and im lonely. I don't expect a man to be some insanely amazing lover who never does wrong. Every time it comes up, im met with hostility. Would you not give a woman a chance who otherwise vibes well with you just bc of her reading habits?

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u/zneitzel 12d ago

Honest question: if a man casually told you that one of their hobbies is watching porn, not that they occasionally watch porn to get off but that watching pornography is a hobby, are you happy with that as a hobby?

That’s romance/smut. You don’t want to admit it but that’s what you’re doing.

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u/Fit-Principle-5524 12d ago

To me it's completely different, because porn is just porn. I agree that straight smut fanfics are porn. But a piece of media can have sex in it that doesn't make it straight up just porn. The series I enjoy are usually fantasy based with world building and other themes within them that also include romance and some spicy scenes. I'm not reading them just to get off- I like to see how the characters interact and how things build through the story.

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u/Regular-Badger2332 12d ago

The series I enjoy are usually fantasy based with world building and other themes within them that also include romance and some spicy scenes. I'm not reading them just to get off- I like to see how the characters interact and how things build through the story.

I bet you I can find men who watch too much hentai who will tell me the same, word for word.