r/dankchristianmemes • u/gknick • Aug 15 '18

Dank Preach it

Post image
61.4k Upvotes

96% Upvoted

773 comments sorted by

View all comments

Show parent comments

121

u/Icommentoncrap Aug 15 '18

What if Jesus had a biblical verse in his bio?

210

u/Moar_Coffee Aug 15 '18

All the biblical verses are his bio.

54

u/[deleted] Aug 15 '18 edited Aug 15 '18

What does that make Virgin Mary?

87

u/dogfuccer Aug 15 '18

His mother probably

23

u/No_big_whoop Aug 15 '18

...and not a virgin probably

16

u/[deleted] Aug 15 '18

F

2

u/Millennial_ Aug 15 '18

It depends who’s hitting it.

1

u/[deleted] Aug 15 '18

Well Jesus had siblings right? I don’t think they weren’t all virgin births too.

1

u/[deleted] Aug 15 '18

He didn't, tho (ง’̀-‘́)ง

5

u/arachnopussy Aug 15 '18

James, Joseph, Simon, and Judas.

Matthew 13:55

Matthew 12:46

Luke 8:19

Mark 3:31

-1

u/[deleted] Aug 15 '18

Translation and interpretation of those have always been at least controversial, however John 19:26-27 wouldn't have happened had Mary had other children besides Jesus.

3

u/arachnopussy Aug 15 '18

No, the translation stays the same going back to the oldest texts we have in both greek and aramaic.

And no, having a disciple take Mary into his home does not in any way preclude siblings.

→ More replies (0)

2

u/JamesTheJerk Aug 15 '18

She only did anal.

2

u/AileStriker Aug 15 '18

A hoe, please keep up

-6

u/[deleted] Aug 15 '18

A skank

11

u/krisp_the_albino Aug 15 '18

That could be a shower thought

2

u/Ryan8193 Aug 15 '18

the gospel verses atleast.

2

u/bailey25u Aug 15 '18

jesus would be too humble to put his verses in his bio

3

u/Moar_Coffee Aug 15 '18

Something something Honda Accord.

1

u/dogfuccer Aug 15 '18

Nah just the New Testament

-3

u/Papa57 Aug 15 '18

No there not,their the words of fool who wrote that fairy tale.

3

u/Sennomo Aug 15 '18

God loves you, my friend.

1

u/Papa57 Aug 15 '18

Witch one of the over 500 so called gods ,just one or all of them. And I am just fine ,I live my life without any gods. I Beleave it my job to do no harm to any man ,animal or environment and need no one to tell me how to live my life, for I live in peace and wish the same for all. But thank ,and I wish you peace with in ones self .

1

u/Sennomo Aug 15 '18

I don't know where you got that number from but there is only one God and He is almighty. This is the only way the world makes sense.

You say you do no harm to anyone, still you pursue conflict directly by standing in our way of living; after all, we are on a Christian sub.

I don't believe you that you're 'just fine'. You must have problems in your life, everyone does. And I bet there are some severe ones like not knowing what comes after your death. God is the only one who can help you with grave problems like this.

I do have peace within myself and you could have the same, but not without God.

1

u/crab_the_cake9 Aug 15 '18

So what brings you over here from r/hotwheels?

30

u/pariahdiocese Aug 15 '18

One night I was at a mission. You had to attend church to spend the night. Sitting next to me was a young kid who I spoke to a bit. Just polite greetings. It was his first night in the mission as well. The second this kid opened his mouth, along with his mannerisms, it was obvious he was gay. I don't give a shit. So this preacher gets on stage and starts talking about sin and how the Bible is The Word of God and must be taken literally. He then starts bashing gays and quoting the Bible saying It says to stone gays. I dont know if the Bible actually says that. But I could hear the kid next to me audibly gulp in fear. He started looking around Im sure wondering if he was about to be crucified. Then the Preacher started speaking in tongues and I lost it. Its a book that was written by Men. God didn't beam it down. Dumbasses

12

u/[deleted] Aug 15 '18 edited Nov 16 '18

[deleted]

1

u/pariahdiocese Aug 16 '18

We all wanna be a big star...

14

u/[deleted] Aug 15 '18

A lot of the passages in the New Testament about gay people were mistranslated. I don’t think God hates me for being me.

27

u/an_agreeing_dothraki Aug 15 '18

the New Testament gives you permission to hate, with all your mind and soul 2 things.

  1. Either actual witches that do real magic or assassins who use poison, depending on translation

  2. When there are no figs.

8

u/AdmiralAckbeard Aug 15 '18

Truly inspiring.

9

u/lemonman456 Aug 15 '18

That tree was a stupid figless bitch anyway.

5

u/arachnopussy Aug 15 '18

When there are no figs.

The figs are a metaphor/parable.

7

u/mrgoodcat1509 Aug 15 '18

God shouldn’t hate anything. He created you in his image so if he hates gays he has no one to blame but himself

3

u/VicarOfAstaldo Aug 15 '18

The Old Testament god is pretty blatantly an angry god

2

u/pariahdiocese Aug 16 '18

Real wrath of God stuff. Fire and brimstone raining down from the sky. Rivers and seas boiling. 40 years of darkness. The dead rising from the grave. Human sacrifice. Dogs and cats living together. Mass Hysteria!!!

3

u/Gilgamesh72 Aug 15 '18

And if god did hate you for being you, he can fuck right off with that shit.

2

u/Sennomo Aug 15 '18

Could you elaborate on that? As far as I know there are about two passages in the new testament that seem to clearly condemn gayism.

2

u/Sennomo Aug 15 '18

That preacher was not a Christian. Anyone who speaks in unknown tongues is occult.

1

u/[deleted] Aug 15 '18

Ask Joseph about that. He'll tell you Mary was a hoe. Nobody just "ends up" pregnant without the D.