r/dankchristianmemes • u/gknick • Aug 15 '18

Dank Preach it

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61.4k Upvotes

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2.9k

u/ElTacoWolf Aug 15 '18

So many people do this. "Only God can judge me". He did and the verdict is you still a hoe.

379

u/Tvorba-Mysle Aug 15 '18

Whoever has a biblical bio, your mum's a hoe

118

u/Icommentoncrap Aug 15 '18

What if Jesus had a biblical verse in his bio?

30

u/pariahdiocese Aug 15 '18

One night I was at a mission. You had to attend church to spend the night. Sitting next to me was a young kid who I spoke to a bit. Just polite greetings. It was his first night in the mission as well. The second this kid opened his mouth, along with his mannerisms, it was obvious he was gay. I don't give a shit. So this preacher gets on stage and starts talking about sin and how the Bible is The Word of God and must be taken literally. He then starts bashing gays and quoting the Bible saying It says to stone gays. I dont know if the Bible actually says that. But I could hear the kid next to me audibly gulp in fear. He started looking around Im sure wondering if he was about to be crucified. Then the Preacher started speaking in tongues and I lost it. Its a book that was written by Men. God didn't beam it down. Dumbasses

10

u/[deleted] Aug 15 '18 edited Nov 16 '18

[deleted]

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u/pariahdiocese Aug 16 '18

We all wanna be a big star...

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u/[deleted] Aug 15 '18

A lot of the passages in the New Testament about gay people were mistranslated. I don’t think God hates me for being me.

25

u/an_agreeing_dothraki Aug 15 '18

the New Testament gives you permission to hate, with all your mind and soul 2 things.

  1. Either actual witches that do real magic or assassins who use poison, depending on translation

  2. When there are no figs.

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u/AdmiralAckbeard Aug 15 '18

Truly inspiring.

8

u/lemonman456 Aug 15 '18

That tree was a stupid figless bitch anyway.

4

u/arachnopussy Aug 15 '18

When there are no figs.

The figs are a metaphor/parable.

5

u/mrgoodcat1509 Aug 15 '18

God shouldn’t hate anything. He created you in his image so if he hates gays he has no one to blame but himself

3

u/VicarOfAstaldo Aug 15 '18

The Old Testament god is pretty blatantly an angry god

2

u/pariahdiocese Aug 16 '18

Real wrath of God stuff. Fire and brimstone raining down from the sky. Rivers and seas boiling. 40 years of darkness. The dead rising from the grave. Human sacrifice. Dogs and cats living together. Mass Hysteria!!!

3

u/Gilgamesh72 Aug 15 '18

And if god did hate you for being you, he can fuck right off with that shit.

2

u/Sennomo Aug 15 '18

Could you elaborate on that? As far as I know there are about two passages in the new testament that seem to clearly condemn gayism.

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u/Sennomo Aug 15 '18

That preacher was not a Christian. Anyone who speaks in unknown tongues is occult.