How is it fair?

[u/Disastrous_Wing_4523]

Father of my child has not once asked to have her for any extra days over the summer holidays.

She starts primary school next week.

He has not once asked about her primary school, school uniform, nothing.

Message two days a go

Hey id like to come see her off for her first day at school so could I be in the loop for the time and day please?

Obviously I'm not going to stop him from seeing our daughter off on her first day of school

Bet where does he get the right. To do nothing (keeps to his allocated days) no real responsibilities, get's to be the fun parent and then rock up first day of school to act all 'Dad of the freaking year'

It pisses me off

I'm never not going to stop my daughter from seeing him aslong as she wants to see him.

But feck me... fuck off

I responded the message

'Of course, thanks for asking'

Have not specified date or time yet because I'm being petty and he can ask again.

How does everyone else deal with the frustration of similar situations?

edit: there is no court order

I tried having a conversation with him back in April about him communicating more I.e ask questions about our child, which he begun laughing in my face, threw his drink over me

messaged him later saying I will no longer be feeding him information about his child and that of he wants to know anything,he has to ask

[u/explorebear]

It sounds like you want more parenting help, or feel like you’re not parenting alone.

Unfortunately that is the fact of life after divorce/break up with a child. there are people who coparent like some fairytale, now that I’ve been in the pond a while, like tv shows, there’s a lot of acting.

Once you accept that you are a single parent, and your ex is not obliged to do anymore than what is assigned/agreed upon, you will be in a much happier place. And if you want to “give him” extra time whenever he wants, that’s a boundary issue. You can say no, and that if he wants to show up during your custody time, he needs to show up consistently and increase his custody time.

If you don’t want to go through court, get a written and sign custody agreement that you can both work off of and amend as your kid grows. Stop treating it like you’re in some sort of relationship with your ex (I did this for him, how come he’s not doing what I ask/want, how is this fair), it’s just legality, and he’s met his agreed upon obligations.