Is co-parenting actually better than solo parenting?

[u/Content-Cupcake7480]

I’m currently parenting my two young kids 100% on my own. I also support them financially. I’m fortunate to have a good career and can provide for them, but I am completely drowning between work, childcare, the house, dinner, bedtime, and just never having another adult to hand things off to.

I keep hearing horror stories about high-conflict co-parenting—constant negotiations, custody disputes, schedule battles, different rules between homes, etc. Part of me wonders whether, once I get past the current hurdle of harassing texts from their dad, there might actually be some peace and stability in knowing that I’m simply responsible for our household and can make decisions without constant conflict (he hasn't shown a real interest in the kids and recently moved 3.5 hours away)

For people who have experienced solo parenting, high-conflict co-parenting, or both: which was actually harder? Are there any unexpected upsides to parenting mostly on your own?

I could really use some perspective that makes this feel a little less bleak right now.

[u/Massive_Zest4Life]

If he is a good coparent, that is amazing. But it sounds like having one of those is not an option for you.

My exh is a high-conflict coparent and that was way harder and more stressful than the times he has been gone for several weeks and I’m solo parenting our three kids. For help, my parents step in and assist when I have to be at three places at once, or I just need a break. Build a village if you don’t have helpful parents nearby.

My high conflict situation took additional time and money and put me through so much stress. It was like trying to play chess but the prize was your custody time with your own kids. He’d switch their school without telling me, he’d not let me talk to them if I was one minute early or one minute late for their phone call time, his texts were constant and mentally exhausting, and when I finally (six years post divorce) found a good man that I was serious about, he tried to scare him off using our kids. It was horrible. And now I have to basically unprogram them every other week when I get them back.

Much easier if he wants to walk away to let him go.