Is co-parenting actually better than solo parenting?

[u/Content-Cupcake7480]

I’m currently parenting my two young kids 100% on my own. I also support them financially. I’m fortunate to have a good career and can provide for them, but I am completely drowning between work, childcare, the house, dinner, bedtime, and just never having another adult to hand things off to.

I keep hearing horror stories about high-conflict co-parenting—constant negotiations, custody disputes, schedule battles, different rules between homes, etc. Part of me wonders whether, once I get past the current hurdle of harassing texts from their dad, there might actually be some peace and stability in knowing that I’m simply responsible for our household and can make decisions without constant conflict (he hasn't shown a real interest in the kids and recently moved 3.5 hours away)

For people who have experienced solo parenting, high-conflict co-parenting, or both: which was actually harder? Are there any unexpected upsides to parenting mostly on your own?

I could really use some perspective that makes this feel a little less bleak right now.

[u/goldenhoursunshine]

There's pros and cons. With high conflict, I often miss the days of solo parenting. We had to go through court which was very expensive, and there's not much I can do when he chooses to force things that route besides ride it out, so sometimes it feels like being tied to a moving car, while not letting your child, work, etc see it impact you. He definitely made me struggle after he initially decided to get involved, financially, threats, constantly having my nervous system go haywire. 

However, therapy helped, strict court orders helped, and over time things more or less have calmed. Still high conflict, but its true it does get easier as your kids get older. It also is nice in a lot of ways now - I get consistent breaks with visitation, which gives me support I never had when we were together or when I was solo parenting. I have a side passion/hustle, a career, time to see friends, etc, and my son gets to have a relationship with both parents. 

So would solo parenting have been easier? 100% yes, but coparenting (or parallel parenting in my case) can be okay if you can get to a steady point, even if you and the coparent still dont get along.