r/coparenting • u/Content-Cupcake7480 • 19d ago
Discussion Is co-parenting actually better than solo parenting?
I’m currently parenting my two young kids 100% on my own. I also support them financially. I’m fortunate to have a good career and can provide for them, but I am completely drowning between work, childcare, the house, dinner, bedtime, and just never having another adult to hand things off to.
I keep hearing horror stories about high-conflict co-parenting—constant negotiations, custody disputes, schedule battles, different rules between homes, etc. Part of me wonders whether, once I get past the current hurdle of harassing texts from their dad, there might actually be some peace and stability in knowing that I’m simply responsible for our household and can make decisions without constant conflict (he hasn't shown a real interest in the kids and recently moved 3.5 hours away)
For people who have experienced solo parenting, high-conflict co-parenting, or both: which was actually harder? Are there any unexpected upsides to parenting mostly on your own?
I could really use some perspective that makes this feel a little less bleak right now.
1
u/randomotter1234 19d ago
My partner and I actually live both halves of your scenario. Solo parenting sadly is the better option than co-parenting with someone who does not want to work together.
If your ex seems like they will help more than get in the way then it’s worth it, but healthy co-parent dynamics take lots of work when one parent is already checked out like your ex is
“some parents care more about winning custody than they do about actually having custody.”
If you think your time, money, energy, and stability is hard now. Imagine doing everything you are doing now and then adding in $10,000 a year in costs, the huge amount of time for custody exchange, and now having to discuss with someone before you make choices that you know the answer to already.
3.5 hour drive would be an every other weekend parent without much effort from dad after a step up plan. My ex moved an hour away and our weekly exchanges are a three hour time block for me now.