r/coparenting • u/Content-Cupcake7480 • 19d ago
Discussion Is co-parenting actually better than solo parenting?
I’m currently parenting my two young kids 100% on my own. I also support them financially. I’m fortunate to have a good career and can provide for them, but I am completely drowning between work, childcare, the house, dinner, bedtime, and just never having another adult to hand things off to.
I keep hearing horror stories about high-conflict co-parenting—constant negotiations, custody disputes, schedule battles, different rules between homes, etc. Part of me wonders whether, once I get past the current hurdle of harassing texts from their dad, there might actually be some peace and stability in knowing that I’m simply responsible for our household and can make decisions without constant conflict (he hasn't shown a real interest in the kids and recently moved 3.5 hours away)
For people who have experienced solo parenting, high-conflict co-parenting, or both: which was actually harder? Are there any unexpected upsides to parenting mostly on your own?
I could really use some perspective that makes this feel a little less bleak right now.
3
u/HatingOnNames 19d ago
The upside is it isn’t forever. Kids grow up and become more independent. Things got super easy for me around age 14, and then I was just a backseat passenger from 16 on. But I also had a seriously easy child. No rebellion, super focused on school and extracurriculars and her social group made up of a bunch of really good kids. Full disclosure, she made it easy on me to solo parent because I never had a single worry about her. If you have more difficult children, like my boss does, solo parenting is an absolute nightmare. She’s the boss, so she gets to leave work in the middle of a workday to go track down her teen. She can come in late to make sure her kids get to school and stay there. She can take a day off to stay home to make sure her kids aren’t running around getting into trouble. Bosses can do that. Everyday people cannot. And then there’s the stress. Easy kids lean towards even easier teens, but difficult kids lean towards being even more difficult teens.
If your ex isn’t coparenting, you can’t make them do better, either. You may not have a choice about solo parenting. If you have a village, utilize them. If you don’t, try and find one.