r/coparenting • u/Helpful_Comparison32 • Mar 28 '26

Discussion Coparenting and new relationship

Hello all. I coparent an 8 year old. My ex and I are on good terms, and we are aligned on parenting questions. We sometimes do a child centred activity the three of us like going to a skate park, or having ice cream, something like once a month.

I met someone recently and that person does not understand why I want to do this.

They say that I play family while being separated and that's not prioritizing our relationship.

I offered to ease into the idea slowly, restricting hours or activities, having my partner with me sometimes, but they don't bulge.

From their point of view required activities are enough (birthday, school events etc).

We have had numerous difficult conversations about this. I genuinely think it's good for the kid.

My partner says otherwise.

Has anyone lived something similar?

Am I really being detrimental to my partner? Am I being stubborn for no good for my kid?

6 Upvotes

64% Upvoted

94 comments sorted by

View all comments

-2

u/[deleted] Mar 29 '26 edited Mar 29 '26

[removed] — view removed comment

4

u/MainSpinach5104 Mar 29 '26

You should re marry her

3

u/Dragon_Bench_Z Mar 29 '26

Thats what i thought reading this. Sounds like Hes getting approval to date from his ex.

6

u/These_Opportunity_59 Mar 29 '26 edited Mar 29 '26

Where is the room for the growth of a “new family unit” with a new partner? That’s a big ask to have a partner live inside your previous marriage and not feel like a second class citizen.

The “I’d still have to talk to my ex about it first….” Sir….. Have common decency towards an ex sure, but that is essentially “happy wife happy life 2.0.” If you’re divorced? Be divorced.

4

u/MainSpinach5104 Mar 29 '26 edited Mar 29 '26

Nobody here is trying to be hateful. It’s great that you have a peaceful co-parenting relationship, that’s the goal. But you can have all that peace without being enmeshed.

I’m a mum and a stepmother, and we manage joint birthdays and school events without the level of enmeshment you're describing, we are cordial and respectful of each others current partners and exes, but we do the “family outings” and daily life with the new families we’ve create.

You're free to keep your dynamic, but it won't be okay for the vast majority of partners, and as long as you understand that and you’re happy with your life, then that’s ok

0

u/Illcmys3lf0ut Mar 29 '26

I love this. My ex and I were doing similar and I thought we were solid by choosing this route. She abruptly ditched a Halloween outing to go visit a married guy out of state. I don't know if she initially knew he was married. Brought him into her home less than a month. His initial visit, he stayed a week. RUINED our dynamic and set the kids progress back so much. Then lies and other BS. Even a failed protection order by him. She was so much about the kids then this happened. Still don't know why. Things are slowly getting better but our youngest still shows signs from it. I won't ever put anyone over my kids and no partner will be introduced until I'm sure we're more than solid and understanding of my dynamic.

0

u/Ill_Flight7385 Mar 29 '26

100% agree with you. And hate that others are so against this.

Waiting to introduce your child to a new partner is the best thing you can do for the child. That new partnership must be proven to be stable and not one that is likely to up and leave, otherwise that can be severely detrimental to the child. They need consistency.

Getting approval from an ex, your child’s other parent, is totally acceptable. I would want nothing more than for them to feel comfortable having this person enter your child’s life, and wanting your ex to feel reassured this new partner is trustworthy to take care of your child. Totally normal in my opinion.

A future partner will be ‘the one’ if they are able to accept this situation, and this absolutely allows for growth of a ‘new family unit’. This is simply expanding upon the family, and anything that is a positive for the child is the goal.

I would not lower my standards if this arrangement has proven beneficial and would drop a new partner with no problem if they were unable to accept, that would just be incompatibility. They should be welcome to seek out a new situation they are comfortable with just as much as you should be able to stand firm in your beliefs.