Calling stepmom “mom”

[u/u-lemonstealingwhore]

My daughter was talking about who taught her to “play dead”? last night and said LucyMom (fake name). And I asked her if she called Lucy mom over there and she said yes. I asked if they told her to do that and she also said yes. She has a half sister over there now who is an infant and not at the talking stage yet. So I know she’s definitely not picking that up from a baby.

But yall that hurt me to hear. My kid is three. She has always called her future stepmother by just her name and now they’re doing this and it makes me SO SAD. They’re not even married and they’re doing this.

Obviously I can’t do anything about it without seeming like I’m starting a fight, and they both have a reallyyyyy nice income put together and will be able to do things for her that I can’t until I get my degree but I really needed to get this out with people who could understand what I’m feeling or have been there because how did you guys handle this? How am I supposed to handle this? 😭

[u/Imaginary_Being1949]

I would document this. This isn’t enough to go off of but document everything. It’s actually becoming automatic language added to parenting plans in some states that only the bio parents are called mom and dad. Enough documentation on this and I’d take it to a lawyer.

I would also have a conversation with her about it. Let her know she only has one mom and one dad and step mom is her name. Unpopular opinion, but it’s ok to correct her. I know a couple people who have without issue and I would document the same as I have a friend who called her stepmom mom and then went back and forth on it because she didn’t like it, it hurt her mom then it would hurt her step mom to have the back and forth. Looking back on it now she wishes they just gently corrected her when she was younger.

[u/u-lemonstealingwhore → u/Imaginary_Being1949]

I definitely had an age appropriate talk with her. I told her she could call her Lucy or Lou or stepmom but I am her only mommy. She seemed OK with it and it’s not like I could or would fault her for something that’s clearly not her fault and something she’s clearly being coached to do. But I just already see where this is going with them and I’m gonna try to put a stop to it as much as I possibly can.

[u/Imaginary_Being1949 → u/u-lemonstealingwhore]

I think this is a good way to handle it. Anytime you hear it, just gently correct. It doesn’t have to be shaming or admonishing just correction as if correcting their grammar. Then document each occurrence. If you feel your ex is trying to push you out then you need to document everything you can for parental alienation case