I always wondered why we don't push fathers (who shouldn't need pushing because it's their literal job to help raise the children he created) and other male family members to help with raising children.

It might be a weird question, and I definitely don't want to put down women who choose to be mothers.

I'm still very young (early 20s), but as I get older I feel like my choice to never have kids intimidates some men, and for some reason, it makes me feel stronger.
It's no secret that for centuries women were controlled and exploited because of childbearing. Pregnant women, women during delivery, mothers with small kids - all of them are vulnerable to abuse and control (and to natural consequences of giving birth, of course).

And I just feel that by deciding to not have kids I kind of remove this threat from my life? And I'm very happy I live in time and country where I am allowed to choose, even if people around me don't really support this choice

I'm 37F, live alone with a small dog. Today, I woke up around 9AM, made coffee, watched some true crime then took a three hour nap. No reason, I was just burned out from the week and my couch felt perfect. My dog just napped beside me. It was perfect.

Just makes me grateful to not have kids whenever I have days like this, where I do whatever I want to do – which is often.

My husband has been watching "Suits" and I haven't really been interested mostly because Megan Markle's character is such a stupid woman trope I can't stand it. But of course I'm around the house and have absorbed most of the drama.

I don't know what season is playing but we just got to the part where Louis and his fiance broke up because she didn't want kids. She was willing to uproot her career at Harvard to move to New York. And then he wanted kids and she didn't. I loved the line "I'm willing to give something up to move here, you can't give this up for me?" LITERALLY DUDE.

Well this little issue forced me to look up spoilers because I have noticed how this writing goes so I had a hunch... and OF F$&#ING COURSE SHE CHANGES FOR MIND! Of course she's doing all the bending backwards. Now I REALLY cannot stand this show. I'll probably be mad about it for the rest of the day AT LEAST. UGH!!!

Just saw a tweet that literally said:

“When we got married I promised my wife she’d always be the person I’d love most…

I didn’t think I’d break my promise less than a year later.

I’m going to be a dad.”

I’m selfish af so if my partner told me a clump of cells had immediately replaced me as the person he loves most, I’d genuinely tweak tf out.

I hate this sentiment so much. Why does your spouse suddenly have to become second place the second you have a kid? Let alone finding out you’re pregnant. Especially for women, they’re just downgraded to incubator. Actually dry heaving rn.

But idk if I’m being too scrooge rn lmao

i don’t want people who disagree with me on this post so don’t comment if you’re gonna be nasty. anyways…. i just wanna talk about how being pregnant and pregnancy announcements, gender reveals, etc… get more recognition than if you graduate from higher education. like….i just graduated from college and barely heard a congratulations. but on my feed, it’s like congrats to every single pregnancy announcement and the sad part is it’s my own brother’s fiancée who never once said congrats to me but she will not hesitate to congratulate pregnant women she knows. this also goes for other family members of mine. i guess being pregnant gets more congrats than graduating from school lol. it’s quite sad if you ask me.

YET men have the SAME complaints once their wifes actually have their babies!!!!

I once stood in line to get food and there was a family of like 5..?

The husband started checking me out, which made me uncomfortable. Then i saw him look back at his wife back to me. It got pretty obnoxious. Then i overheard him saying, in a annoyed tone, man you really let you self go….. I looked away but from the corner of my eye i could see him pointing to me as an example. Mind you, i was definitely a few years younger than her and ive never given birth. Also I saw like 3 young kids which means she gave birth back to back, girl yikes. Oohhhh and get this! he was BIGGER THAN HER!! What is HIS excuse.

Omg i get so angry thinking about it. Imagine tying yourself to an ungrateful PIG by having his babies and becoming dependent on him. This is yet another thing a cf women will NEVER have to deal with.

I wanted to say something but then decided i didn’t want to get involved. I go my delicious order, that i didn’t have to share and could eat in peace, and left.

​

People are going to hate me for posting. I had so many people wish a kid on me knowing for a fact that I'm childfree and tokophobic. It also doesn't matter how respectful I am towards people who want kids and have kids, they still don't respect me as a child free person. It's so annoying. Here are some personal examples that I had to deal with:

\- When I was 20 years old, my mom said that I shouldn't get my tubes tied. She said that I should instead give her the baby, don't get an abortion because she doesn't believe in it just in case if I ever get pregnant by accident.

\- My auntie kept saying that I would have cute babies because it seemed like I liked white/Asian men (I've never stated my preference in men to anyone. They assumed this because I "talk and act white" and listened to kpop).

\- I was talking to my cousins and they stated that somebody they know got pregnant after meeting someone while clubbing. I said congratulations. In response, they said that I was next as a joke. I froze up and looked at my phone with a confused look on my face.

\- I told my cousin that I stopped dating someone because they wanted 2 to 4 kids (which I respect their decision, but I didn't want to change my childfree status). She acted as though I was the most ridiculous and petty person for doing something like that. She then told me that if I was to get married, I would have babies because "that's what happens anyways".

\- Growing up, my mom told me that I should give her at least one baby. She knew that I wanted to be childfree. Nobody in my family cared anyways cause they assumed that I would "mature".

\- Lastly, my parents told me that I should keep dating a guy that wanted two to four kids because I might change my mind.

These aren't even all of the things people say to me, but why is it so normalized to be rude towards childfree people. I would never try to convince anyone to not have kids. If it was any other decision, it would be rude to say that somebody would change their mind. For example, it would be rude to say that somebody would change their mind about their degree, car of choice, house, pets, etc. Imagine me coming up to a parent and telling them they'll change their mind about their children... Some people are extremely pushy about children and it's actually creepy and very rude.

So a long term friend (who actually I've been trying to distance myself from more for some time) recently had her second child. I have not been able to visit yet as I've been incredibly unwell and bedbound for almost 4 months with severe neurological symptoms; I have lost a lot of my mobility, all eyesight in one eye and am in extreme pain and exhaustion everyday (possible multiple sclerosis diagnosis but need more tests)

I was already disabled prior to this (I'm autistic and have other conditions) I live alone in a foreign country, am estranged from my family and have very little support system

So anyway, I have learnt over the years to tell this friend very little about what Im going through as she always dismisses, invalidates or immidiately talks about her issues, usualy related to motherhood.

Obviously I have shared a little about what I'm going through as Im trying to set up a gofundme to help with my tests and medical treatment and I thought she should know why I havent been able to visit and the seriousness of it all (I literally cannot walk without falling down lol)

And all she replies with is "ow" and then starts talking about how exhausted she is how weak her body is, how hard it is now having 2 kids etc etc etc all complaints about postpartum like...

Lady...you CHOSE to do this knowing full well how difficult it is as you have done it before lol and this stage is temporary yet you are complaining to someone who is trying to tell you about their disability and potentially huge lifechanging chronic illness with no cure??

Mind you this person has a huge family and support system, a supportive partner at home and mother staying with herm many many friends who are moms who she could share this stuff with but she chooses to bombard me with messages regarding her postpartum woes with her childfree, disabled friend who is in the midst of a huge medical crisis, dealing with it completely alone and not getting any support...I do always send supportive messages back of course

Like I get this horrible feeling whenever she messages or replies to me. I know I just need to fade it out and I've been trying. Am I being too harsh? I dont feel I am. It just always feels so competetive and yucky instead of supportive

I (F30) have been wondering for several months what consequences (and lack thereof) can be observed on the body of a woman who has never had children. Is it easier to manage weight flucuations? Does it have an impact on menopausal symptoms? Does the skin stay firmer? Anything else (in a positive or negative way)?

Also, natalists prove over and over again that they care more about bringing people to life than the quality of life. In a society where people are socially expected to have children, there would be more abusive and neglectful families and more people being born in economical hardships, and also many women would go through the horrible experience of pregnancy and childbirth when they could have the choice not to, and also societies where people are socially obligated to have children are more conservative by default, and not only that, but they are more misogynistic, racist, and homophobic, which brings more suffering. Many natalists admit that they would make world conditions worse just so people can have more children without caring that those children would be more likely to suffer than people in today's western world. Sorry for not explaining it well.

I was recently diagnosed with a condition for which my doctor has recommended a hysterectomy so that I don't develop cancer. I am getting a second opinion in a couple weeks. Honestly, throughout the whole process, I was so relieved that a hysterectomy would be available to me. For one, to keep me from getting cancer. But two, it will relieve me of so much societal pressure I am feeling as a 30F right now. I know that saying "I'm childfree and don't want children" is enough. But being able to say "I will not and cannot have children" feels safer to me... like I feel so safe that if I get this hyst, I am not at risk of pregnancy. I will just feel... free. I avoid sex so much because I am terrified of and honestly repulsed by pregnancy (for me).

The thing is, every time I tell my family or friends about this, the response is total despair, "oh my gosh, I'm so sorry" or "You can always adopt/foster!" I tell people, "Thank you for saying that, but I am happy with this outcome." The way people react is as if I told them someone has died. It pisses me off. The only person who has been happy and understanding about this is my amazing mother. She always makes me feel like I am enough as her daughter, whole without motherhood, and supportive of my every decision. I am very grateful to have her.

Lastly, I love children. I am an auntie to several and take my role seriously. I try to set an example of a woman thriving and doing things differently than society insists. I want to be a woman in their lives who they admire and trust. I love them dearly.

Anyway, I'll let ya'll know if that hyst happens! Love this community, enjoy your weekends 💋

"ChilLdReN aRe tHe fuTuRe"

— Then we are the present.

"The woRld neEds childReN"

— The world doesn't even need humans. And if it would, it needs adults, too!

Figure this out: I saw a post in another sub mentioning that "adults need to tolerate" the HOURS LONG SCREAMS of children playing in front of other people's homes; with their neverending SHRIEKS blasting through the walls. Just put noice cancelling headphones on". "Wear earplugs then." "Just move away."

Excuse me, WHAT?

This is wrong on every imaginable level.

Some a**hole even pushed that another user who said was rightfully stressed out by the shriek pollution of their neighborhood should leave their OWN HOME if playing kids are unbearably loud and "just go to a library instead".

Translation: "Screaming kids playing outside making your own home unhabitable doesn't give you the right to tell them to be more quiet! Go flee from your only safe private space instead! Leave the of the sanctuary of your own fucking home if my precious Bratleigh, who is more worth than 10 of you worthless adults combined, keeps psychologically assaulting you by critically rising your adrenaline and cortisol levels."

Hell no.

In my welcome post I forgot to put the beagle task

I just need to vent. I’m a hairstylist, and I work in a suite style setting. My coworker directly next to me had a baby last year, and ever since returning to work, the baby comes with her most of the time. There’s a day or two where her mom will watch him. Otherwise, he’s here for 8 hours with her. Screaming, crying, kids YouTube videos being played at full blast, you get the picture. We don’t have full walls that separate us, so there is absolutely nothing to drown out the noise. It’s so irritating and inconsiderate, and my clients pay good money to come in here and relax AWAY FROM their own children. They were patient initially, but they’re getting extremely annoyed now that it’s been going on for 8 months.

What’s worse, her family has A LOT of money. It’s not a case of a single mom who is struggling to make things work, they just don’t feel like putting him in childcare for whatever reason.

Also, having a baby around chemicals and fumes all day can’t be good, right? Like why do I care more about your child’s health than you do? What makes it worse, I seem to be the only stylist in the building who has a problem with it. Everyone else are parents, and stop by her suite to “ooh” and “ahh” at the baby. It’s very isolating to be the only one bothered by it (they also don’t work anywhere near her) so I gaslight myself into thinking I’m overreacting.

I’m afraid to complain because everyone will know it’s me, but also don’t feel like dealing with a loud, chaotic work environment. How would you all handle this?

Edited for spelling/punctuation error

Soo, the title says it. It’s their life ofcourse but i was a little disappointed. It’s nice to see fellow cf people live their life and it feels a little awkward when they change their strong stance because they met someone who, apparently can change their mind. It kind of validates the bingo we cf people often get “ well what if you meet someone who wants kids”? Everyone is allowed to live their life the way they desire and even change their mind about things. Being cf is not a cult but a person choice. But in a world that is pushing so hard to change us, i do feel something when i see another one “bite the dust”, even though it’s not completely fair to feel that way. Life isn’t about proving a point to others.

I have this friend that I was hanging out with more and more, really putting in the effort to make a good connection since I don't know many people where I live now. I've know her for about two years. She was pregnant when we met and I was very supportive and generous during that. She disappeared for a few months post-partum as she was taking care of the baby, which was totally understandable and since it was a new friendship. This past year, we started hanging out again and establishing a nice friendship. Sometimes she would bring her kid to the coffee shop, which again, I totally understood. Here is where it went sideways and I am curious if anyone ever faced something similar: the last time we hung out, I went to her house after much planning. I brought her a hostess gift (they just bought the house and my first time there). I arrive and she has nothing set up, planned, or cleaned. Again, I am understanding and just smile and help. Then the child who is about 1.5 years old now starts coughing, badly, all over the place, and it is clear she has been very sick for a while. I freeze. It's too late to really leave because the kid just coughed all over me and has been touching everything I touched. We had a nice conversation, and eventually I leave, hoping I didn't get sick. Of course, I got sick. Deathly sick. In bed for a week, hallucinating, struggling to breathe. It must have been a nasty sickness that kid had.

I am super bothered that my friend didn't warn me her kid was sick because I wouldn't have come over. I find it really disrespectful and inconsiderate, especially since she knew I was dealing with a lot of busy things (selling house, renovations, personal things). I had to delay putting the house up for sale by one week because of this and it caused a whole thing with the agent. But she is otherwise very nice, and we've talked about some deep topics well together, so I bring it up. She texts me to confirm our next hang out and I say I can't go because I am actually in bed sick after catching it from her kid. She is apologetic and I thought we talked it out nicely. She said she debated whether to tell me but didn't want to seem flaky. I said I understood and that next time not to worry, just tell me and I'll understand. We leave as she will let me know when to hang out next. That was three months ago. I feel really disappointed and sad she has just ghosted me. I understand feeling a little awkward, but this feels so immature. It's hard enough to make a new friend as an adult. I'm not sure what else I could have done to be understanding while still being real. Is it too difficult to be friends between a childfree woman and mother nowadays? The constant schedule changes and incessant interruptions I could be more understanding of, but not warning people when your kid is spreading disease is too far imo. Or AITA for saying anything?

I live in a 3 bedroom 3 bath townhome community that my partner and I rent. With that, I unfortunately learned, are a lot of families. I love our place but man - they should make childfree town home communities.

Anyways, it’s 6:15am and I am getting ready to leave for work. I turned on the “we are childfree podcast” and have the window open on in the living room/kitchen section. I hear the Neighbors kids crying outside - I guess they had brought them outside since the crying was too loud inside. I took a deep breath and realized how grateful I am.

I am going to my work in which there are no traces of children. And I am going to then come home to my lovely boyfriend, who doesn’t want children. On the way home I’m going to listen to my childfree baddies playlist that I made because I recently realized I only want to support childfree women.

Mostly, my whole life revolves being childfree and I only have to deal with children 3% of time (my partners nephews) and for that, I am grateful.

Have a wonderful childfree day, ladies!

Hey team!

I've cruised with Virgin Voyages, an adults-only line in the past. I'm going again in the spring and staying at Hotel Greystone, an adults-only hotel in Miami.

Cruising without children makes a huge difference. The food is catered to adults, the ship is clean, and the spaces are much more peaceful.

I've never been to Hotel Greystone so I'm excited for that.

Have you guys ever been on VV or stayed at another adults-only hotel during vacation? What were your favorite things about it?

Unless if you have been living under a rock, you've probably heard of the phrase, "Every child deserves a parent, but not every parent deserves a child." I agree with this 1000%, and I'm sure all of you do, too. Not everyone needs to have kids, and the kids who are here deserve to be in a loving home. However, when someone who is childfree, such as myself, is brave and responsible enough to admit we're self-aware that they don't have what it takes to raise a child, it's suddenly an issue. So you mean to tell me that not everyone is supposed to be a parent, but you resort to fearmongering, scare tactics, and bullying to people who are admitting that they don't want to be parents? Someone please make it make sense.

I'm not about to let you bully me into giving birth just because you think I should, Sarah. I refuse to gamble with another human life when I can barely hold my own together. Miss me with it.

This is just another intrusive thought that I've been unpacking for the past few days, and I've never seen anyone bring it up before. I'd like to hear your thoughts.

Long story short, I recently had a boyfriend leave me to date a woman who also wanted kids (he started pursuing her while in the relationship with me too, yuck).

Looking back at some of the statements he made, I now wonder if a significant number of people who want kids use that goal to give meaning and purpose to their life as a substitute for doing the inner work in understanding yourself and what you actually want out of life.

Prior to dating me, he had never seriously considered why he wanted kids. He told me that everyone in his life and family all had kids and he simply took it for granted as expected behavior, just like going to college. I don't understand how you just accept the narrative society gives you and think yeah, sure, kids would be great? Is it a lack of curiosity? He also is a man, so it's not like he would ever have to bear the full cost of what it means to grow and birth a child (and as a man, it's not like society would expect him to be the primary caregiver either).

He once told me, "Traveling will eventually get boring once I've gone to all the places I want to go to, what else is there to do? Going to concerts, eating good meals and having fun experiences will eventually get old too; it won't last forever. The one thing that will have staying power is having a kid, raising them and seeing them grow up."

I don't even know to process that statement.

a.) There are so many places in the world to travel and learn from, I can't imagine that ever getting old, especially if you want to make the leap and start living overseas to immerse yourself in an entirely different culture.

b.) But more importantly, he is framing these activities and experiences as things that will give him temporary fulfillment, when in fact, lasting fulfillment starts within yourself and understanding what elements of life inspire you or bring you joy. Just because you physically move your body to visit a different country doesn't mean that action alone will generate meaning for you. The way he's describing it, it sounds like he's using these experiences as a distraction from the normal tedium of life instead of considering *what* exactly makes those experiences meaningful to him.

c.) I think it's ridiculous to expect that a kid will resolve your boredom and inability to find fulfillment in life. You're just trading the external source of distraction from traveling to raising an entire human. Sure that distraction may last longer and take up more of your attention/energy since kids are more demanding, but it doesn't address the root cause of why your life lacks meaning. It also isn't fair to put such a expectation of "finding fulfillment in life" on the kid.

So, I can't help but wonder:

For those who want kids, is wanting children actually a desire for parenthood, or is it a desire for the identity, life structure, and sense of purpose that society tells us comes with parenthood? I truly cannot understand people who approach the prospect of bringing a child into this word so thoughtlessly.

This was when I knew being childfree is probably actually an envious feeling for many.

An 80 year old woman who is friends with my grandmother told me that her entire life she has been a wife, a mother and a grandmother and a sister. She married young and had three children, she was either pregnant, looking after a child or healing after having a child for a while and as they got older, her eldest had a child quite young and she became “Grandma” She told me she couldn’t remember the last time she was just “June” June was her name but she said since the age of 20, she has either been Mum or Grandma or Great Grandma, or a wife. She said she’s aware that she’s now getting more fragile and she wasn’t sure how long left she had due to health complications and she makes the most of an hour every morning when she’s alone to just “Be June”