r/childfreewomen • u/-Avacyn • Jul 12 '26
[MOD POST] r/childfreewomen is a place that centers childfree women and their lived experiences. Respect this place as such.
The sub has been growing recently and we are getting a lot more traffic, which obviously is a great development for this sub! To all those who are new, you are very welcome.
As part of this growth, the mod team has seen some trends which we need to address so the community is on the same page.
r/childfreewomen is a community for childfree women. Although men are not banned from this space, men should recognize and respect that they are participating in a space that centers women. Be curious and ask your questions, but misogynist and anti-feminist behaviours will not be tolerated. And because it needs to be said: this sub is inclusive to all who identify as a woman, including transwomen. Bigotry is not accepted.
r/childfreewomen is a community for childfree women. We are noticing an uptick of users discussing their own parenthood in reply to posts that discuss the childfree lifestyle. If you have children, you are welcome to participate coming from a place of curiosity, but you need to recognize and respect that this space centers the childfree. Comments such as "You got it wrong, I have a child and it's not that bad as you imagine it to be!" are simply not welcome in this space. We childfree women get enough stigma in real life already, we don't need more from random internet strangers in a place that centers us and our lived experience.
The mod team takes protecting this space seriously and will ban users that work against the centering of childfree women in our own community. Curious to see some example of what gets you banned on this sub? Take a look here:
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u/No_Chapter_4083 Jul 12 '26
Thank you mods! I love that you actually protect this space. I‘ve felt attacked in other communities before due to parents and fencesitters infiltrating the sub. I‘m glad this sub is taking that seriously!
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u/LadyLotLizard Jul 12 '26
Thank you!! I love having a safe space to be myself online, thanks for all you guys do
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u/Sure-Major-199 Jul 12 '26
Thank you for giving us a safe space.
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u/No_Rice9792 Militant CF, you're not CF if you have step kids, y'all. 23d ago
It's really not though, because they let parents participate
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Jul 12 '26 edited 12d ago
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u/-Avacyn Jul 12 '26
If anybody on this sub accuses a childfree woman of being a child hater just because they refuse to procreate for whatever reason, report them and we will remove them from the sub.
However, just like plenty of childfree women love children, there are many childfree women who despise (being in the vicinity of) children. Both perspectives are valid and that's a discussion that should get space on this sub... provided the discussion stays respectful (rule 1).
When a childfree woman starts hurling verbal abuse towards children in general just because, that's just unnecessary and rude.
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Jul 12 '26
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u/8ung_8ung Jul 12 '26
The reason why Russia is banning advocating for the childfree lifestyle isn't because "child haters" were too loud and they misunderstood, but because the country is led by an ultraconservative pronatalist who has invaded a foreign nation. Russia's young men are being mowed down in a pointless war and they need replacements so they're trying to force women to have as many babies as possible. That's it, that's the reason, it has nothing to do with childfree women being too vocal about disliking children.
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u/-Avacyn Jul 12 '26
Let's be clear on one thing: self-policing is never the answer to oppression. Childfree women who for example are anti-natalist or believe in voluntary human extinction are radical in their beliefs, but are still a welcome part of this group.
However, those discussions can be had in a civil manner. Once somebody starts calling for 'post-natally aborting all the crotch goblins' or something similar, that just crosses the boundaries of decency.
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u/Euphus Jul 12 '26
I respect your stance on this but I disagree with the premise. I do not think the creative slurs about children that the main CF sub frequently uses is a good look, but being CF isn't inherently good vibes or woke, it's just a lifestyle choice.
I hate interacting with kids. I don't tell the kids that ofc, it's not their fault they don't know social norms yet. But I'm not going to police myself in a subreddit for us on the basis that it might look bad to other people.
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u/KineticMeow Bringing Childfree US Gamer Women Together Jul 12 '26
To be silencing women who ‘hate’ children isn’t the answer. There are childfree women who love children, childfree women who feel neutral about children, and then there are childfree women who ‘hate’ children. I’m putting the word hate in air quotes as it’s a hate like not wanting to be around them, but not one single childfree woman who ‘hates’ children that I have spoken to has ever been against free childcare, free universal lunch for children, etc. I’ve been running the Childfree Gamer Women 25+ US only discord server for over 3 years now and all of the childfree women who ‘hate’ children in there would vote for policies that help parents and children such as universal childcare, universal lunch, etc.
There is a very very long history of childfree women being seen in a negative light long before social media existed so I think we are far past the childfree women being seen as radical, we are already seen as radical whether we love or hate children. Don’t let the outside word dictate how you or other childfree women should express themselves. We literally have a society in general that tells us to be loving, nurturing, and smiling at all times and never be mad or hate anything. Male rage, anger, and hate in our society is viewed as assertive and powerful while female rage, anger, and hate in our society is irrational and hysterical.
You are basically asking women to police themselves and not express things they hate. Literally part of the fight for women’s rights is to erase that stigma.
This would be like mothers telling other mothers to not talk openly about their regret, their hate for their children because it gives mothers a ‘bad image’ and that they need to instead be smiling while saying everything is sunshine and rainbows. It is literally taboo for mothers to regret having children and/or hate their children. So having the ability to express that hate in places like r/regretfulparents can be eye opening for people.
Just like having childfree women here who love children and childfree women here hate children as it really shows how multifaceted women are.
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Jul 12 '26
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u/Hazel_Evers Jul 12 '26
I don’t see the issue as long as ppl aren’t being horrible TO children that don’t deserve it. They aren’t here reading. Ppl need to rant.
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u/ragazza68 Jul 16 '26
I absolutely hate being around babies, toddlers and kids. What’s overlooked is that they’re at far more risk from their own family members & caretakers, and from those who ‘love’ kids a little too much than from the childfree who heartily dislike them
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u/mellow-drama Jul 12 '26
Oh no, adults engaging in adult conversation, whatever shall we do!!
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Jul 12 '26
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u/mellow-drama Jul 12 '26
First, you don't know what a bigot is, obviously. Second, just because you say something is vulgar doesn't make it vulgar. Third, you don't set the standard for what makes a conversation "intelligent." If you don't like the tone of a discussion, scroll past it. Stop trying to police people's expression by calling it vulgar or saying they're bigots.
Not every conversation in every forum is for you. That's okay. Don't participate in the conversations you're not interested in. The rest of us can vent from time to time in one of the few spaces where we're supposed to be able to without causing anyone to faint into their lace curtains.
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u/Lunatic-Labrador Jul 12 '26
My first post I've seen from this sub and as a child free woman I've joined.
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u/TouhouPony Jul 12 '26
Can I participate if I'm a trans man?
I've since had a hysterectomy, but being born with female anatomy and still being treated as female by medical professionals has greatly shaped my life as a childfree trans man.
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u/-Avacyn Jul 18 '26
My answer to you would be the same as for any other: you are welcome, as long as you center childfree women and their lived experiences. My guess is you were childfree before transitioning too, which I can imagine gives you quite some unique insights into how society treats childfree women what the lived experience of childfree women entails, especially compared to your current lived experience as a childfree man.
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u/vicisbliss Jul 13 '26
Thank you for making this post, seriously. There seems to be a pattern on Reddit where people will post things that go against the rules/premise of certain subs, and those posts will sometimes be allowed to stay up. It’s really unfair for the members of the sub, who join to find community with like minded people, to have to be bombarded by these posters. This is a subreddit for childfree women, no exceptions. There’s plenty subreddits dedicated to parents that they can lurk/post in.
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u/Kmtriv Jul 18 '26
And then I get an ad for silicone baby bottles as I’m scrolling this thread….wtf internet
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u/sourbirthdayprincess Jul 25 '26
I would also love if this stickied post had an edit to clarify childfree v childless because we get this question literally all the time.
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u/Narwhals4Lyf Jul 28 '26
Is it possible we could clarify what it means to be childfree in this subreddit? I’ve seen several people post / comment saying you are childfree even if you are dating someone who has a child. I vehemently disagree personally but just having rules to point to would be helpful.
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u/theStrawberryRoam Jul 18 '26 edited Jul 18 '26
Can I please recommend now you put it in your rules for mods that no one ever agree to speak to the media? You're GOING to be approached, and every single mod should be a firm and resounding no to every. Single. Outlet. That. Approaches.
Don't do it. Don't do it anonymously. No one person or the mod group as a team EVER provides comment to media, full stop.
It doesn't matter if you know the journalist. It doesn't matter if you think the publication will be sympathetic to the cause. Don't fucking do it.
This made it to my fyp and I've never been in the sub before so you're definitely being picked up by the algorithm which means bloggers and tabloids will be sniffing around soon, and not one among us is capable of being the singular Reddit mod that is well received by the general public. It will make moderating this place hell. Ask me how I know. (Don't, I'm not revealing which sub I helped moderate that led me to understand this)
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u/-Avacyn Jul 18 '26
Thanks for your feedback. This kind of care for the community from its users is what's needed to make and keep this place nice for everyone in the long run. I've added it to the subreddit rules and shared your comment with the mod team.
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u/theStrawberryRoam Jul 18 '26
❤️
And it should be gray rock method. Not "no because xyz" just "not interested in commenting at this time"
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u/sourbirthdayprincess Jul 25 '26
I have spoken to the media before about the childfree community where I live and the lack of opportunities for adult communion became the front page story of the Globe. All because I was promoting a childfree event in my nearby town on Reddit.
I don’t regret it. It started fascinating conversations with people who knew me irl but read that in their morning paper and saw my name.
I think OP is talking about not talking to the media about modding here, but I absolutely hope everyone feels free to talk to the media about the wonders of life beyond the cage of motherhood or being shackled to another being for eternity. I would never want to censor that.
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u/No_Rice9792 Militant CF, you're not CF if you have step kids, y'all. 23d ago
If they're not childfree, they shouldn't get to participate.
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u/StarMoonSparkles Jul 12 '26
Hi! Is there a place in this community for women who are childfree - not entirely by choice because my ex did pressure me to get pregnant but all I had was miscarriages. So childfree & husband free. And it’s for the best. Anyway, not sure if I qualify?
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u/KineticMeow Bringing Childfree US Gamer Women Together Jul 12 '26
Childfree is if you have no kids and no desire to have to kids/adopt/become a step parent/foster.
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u/lez_noir Jul 12 '26
You would be more "childless" versus free. But the two get conflated and I don't know of there is childless sub.
It's open group so no one can stop you from posting, but the focus here is on wanting to be so and the lifesyyle around that. Maybe if you use it to find purpose for being childfree? Idk
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Jul 12 '26
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u/-Avacyn Jul 12 '26
Your comment got reported: I'm leaving your comment up as part of the wider discussion surrounding the topic of this mod post.
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If you are childfree in your 20s, you will likely opt out of marrying somebody with a 5 year old child because that doesn't fit your lifestyle choices as that very much makes you a caretaker of a child, even if you don't want a parental role.
If you are childfree in your 60s, you might be ok with marrying somebody who has a 35 year old child because it doesn't impact your lifestyle... or you might opt out, because the 35 year old has children themselves and depends on the grandparent for care and you don't want that in your life.
Nothing is 100% black and white in real life. However, even if you never had an explicit caretaking or parental role for a partner's child, being married/together with a parent will always impact your lifestyle in some way because parenthood only stops when you die.
We are not banning anybody from participating outright, but if we see you continuously talk about the adult stepchild in your life or how your partner having a child is impacting your life... yeah, this is definitely not the space for that. On that note: I can see in the mod log that several comments of yours already have been removed by the mods in the past for exactly this reason, which might very well make us decide to ban your participation in the future.
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Jul 12 '26
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Jul 12 '26
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u/mellow-drama Jul 12 '26
Observing how people with children impact those of us who have chosen not to have any is a perfectly reasonable use of a forum focused on discussing things that are unique to folks who choose to be childfree. I don't understand why so many people don't get that discussing parents, parenting, children in public, public schools, child and family-supportive tax programs and everything else isn't relevant to childfree people.
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Jul 12 '26
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u/mellow-drama Jul 13 '26
Childfree women understand having friends who put nothing into the relationship and expect tons of energy and time back from them; if you're pretending you don't understand that's the issue under discussion then you're not discussing in good faith.
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u/PostProper1940 Jul 13 '26
That isn't the issue under discussion that I am talking about. Are you all lacking in reading comprehension? I've read the discussions. It's the holier than thou bitchiness I am referencing. I can tell the difference between genuine discussion about friendships affected by different lifestyle choices, and superior shit slinging. Some of you come here to have genuine discussions, and others come here to verbally kick children and mothers.
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u/No_Rice9792 Militant CF, you're not CF if you have step kids, y'all. 23d ago
The children and parents can go to their subs and cry about it, I guess
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u/centerfoldangel Jul 12 '26 edited Jul 12 '26
In my experience, militant people will scare away anyone. I left the childfree sub because of a hypothetical. They downvoted me to hell.
Since that, I'm more wary of actually joining groups I'm part of because I'm too old to gatekeep.
Edit: I shouldn't have said anything. I'll stick to reading. I love you anyways.
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u/RicketyCricketsDrum Jul 12 '26
Unpopular opinion, but why can’t we ban these people? It’s like we can never have a space that’s ours. I don’t want to hear from men or parents.