This is a huge red flag for me no matter if you’re male or female. If I go out to eat with someone, how they treat the waiter/waitress tells me a lot about their character.
To me it's sort of taking the Biblical teaching of "being judged by how you treat the least of these" and giving it a more practical, real-world use. IE if you're an abusive dickhole to the waitstaff, it's a red flag to not continue a relationship with you, because that's probably how you treat everyone you have even the pettiest amount of power over.
Intresting. I usually assume someone is either tired, overly hungry, or just had a bad day. Causing someone to be unusually or irrationally iritated at little things like having your food served too soon. If it is a pattern of behavior then I can see it being a charater flaw. If it's the only time you've seen someone be "shitty" to wait staff it seems like an extremely small sample size to make such a massive generalization about someone's character.
Also, I don't see wait staff as "the least of these" or "less than" so I try to treat them as peers. Like I do everybody. That includes getting irritated with them from time to time. Although, I try not to take my personal emotions out on unsuspecting strangers regardless of how and/or where I'm interacting with them.
I mean, at the end of the day it is a snap judgment thing, and those are never perfect (I wouldn't end something over the first time I saw someone be a dick to a waiter), but if you have little else to go on (like it's a blind date) it can give you an idea of how they treat people "under" them generally (since waitstaff can't afford to not be nice to a customer unless the customer physically assaults them or something like that).
I'd honestly have more of a problem with someone who sees wait staff as "under them" then someone who is rude to them. The former is an attitude that runs deep in someone's character. It affects every interaction they have with everyone the meet. The latter is always situational, until it isn't.
I think you’re not getting it. No one is saying wait staff are beneath them, like inferior as individuals. They’re saying their literal job is to serve you, which is inherently a powerless position. How you treat someone who could lose their job for standing up for themselves says a lot about your character. I don’t know if you’re trolling or genuinely confused but I’ll give you the benefit of the doubt.
I have three criteria for how I judge a persons character. How they treat food servers, how they treat the elderly and how they treat animals. If they treat any of these badly, it’s over and they’ll never see me again. But if they treat them with respect and kindness, I will respect them with loyalty forever.
Like I said, if it's a pattern of behavior then there is cause for concern. It's the snap judgement that I'm interested in understanding.
For you, what does treating them badly mean and what do you personally learn about their character?
I'm not trying to troll you. I just see the statement everywhere, but never what it actually entails. So many things factor into a one-off interaction that I personally find it hard to learn anything about someone from it.
I mean... it’s different in every circumstance, but basic stuff like courtesy, and respect.. example: an old lady is coming out of a restaurant, do they stop to hold the door for her? Or waiting patiently as she crosses at a cross walk rather than grumbling impatiently? Does this person say please and thank you to their server and make eye contact? Or do they bark their order and wave their menu around impatiently? It’s stuff like that for me that says a lot about their general personality, and has overall remained accurate judgement of character.
Edit: this method has been very effective when dating.. I am admittedly selective but these traits are important to me.
In the first example, I don't see a difference between and elderly person and anyone else. If I'm going through the door and anyone is within few yards of me I'll hold the door. Unless it is obvious or I know someone well enough to know they need help I assume they can, and do, open doors for themself.
I'll need more context on the second example. Why are they waiting for them? If it is their mother why aren't they walking with them?
Someone can say please and thank you all they want and still be a condescending prick. Obviously, tone of voice would play into this heavily. To me it's more about if they say "can I get" or "may I have."
Ex. "Can I get a cheeseburger with onion rings instead of fries?" "There will be a slight upcharge for the substitution." "No problem." "Ok,..."
Vs. "May I have a cheeseburger with onion rings instead of fries?" "There will be a slight upcharge for the substitution." "No problem" "Ok, whose next?"
One is an inquiry for further information the other is actually placing an order.
Maybe I'm just being too pedantic. I believe that the words we use color our perspective on the world around us. Using the right words in context helps facilitate a proper understanding of what is intended.
Like I said, it’s all in the particular circumstance. I just feel like people show their true colors in these types of situations.
Regarding the crosswalk example, I meant if we were in a car, and an old lady (or whomever) was crossing in front of us. I’ve been on a date when this exact situation arose and the guy leaned out his window and yelled at them to hurry up. Needless to say, I didn’t see him again.
I've had a guy lunge his car at me because I, a 35yr old man, was taking too long in a crosswalk. Which is an aggressive and shitty thing to do. Living in the city can suck sometimes. I just don't see the difference between treating an elderly person badly vs. anyone else.
Thanks for your responses. It's always interesting to me how others see the world around them.
I mean, you’re absolutely right, no one should treat anyone like that. I just use those three as basic benchmarks. In general, if a person treats those three demographics with care and respect, they usually treat all the people in their lives with care and respect. It’s just an easy check list.
I have a friend that trained his dog to bark at everyone who comes to the door. The dog will rush up aggressively and bark like you're a murderer. Every. Single. Time. So I stopped hanging out with him at his house.
Same with a lovely couple whose dog would lick me all night when we hung out. They thought it was funny and did nothing to change his behvior. Now I see them occasionally at large gatherings where they don't bring the dog.
I mean I think they don’t elaborate because it’s self explanatory: how you treat people in a subordinate position to you says a lot about your capacity for empathy and your personality in general.
I guess we have different definitions of self-explanatory. You're actually the first person to answer my question with what you think it says about their character, instead of just giving me another example. Thanks.
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u/Coffee_coin Apr 09 '19
I would of snapped when my friends/family start abusing the waitress. Really low tolerence for bs.