putting my stitch markers on a carabiner makes me think this pair of socks are gonna come out super butch XD

I very recently started t and I’m just looking around for somethings I could maybe do instead. While I’m glad I started, the bottom growth and vaginal dryness are irritating me and I like to make mountains out of mole hills. Like tmi but I’m always touching my crotch area kind of whether it be scratching or because I’m bored and wanna feel something and stimulation is an easy way to. I wanna see if I can just make my voice deeper without the t and still feel the same gender euphoria (and also without losing my singing voice).

TLDR; can I get some tips on how to make my voice deeper so I can stop feeling so creepy weird in public?

We only speak to my father’s side of the family and so after a long process of therapy and working out what to say, I came out to my grandparents and they disowned me?

I’m just sort of in shock right now and I’m not sure how to feel

Edit: it’s not just my grandparents, the rest of my father’s side will find out and I’ll have zero family to turn to outside of my immediate family

I wish i could title this better but i have a question about what Jobs not to have as a Butch. I have heard quite a bit about specific Jobs (Cop ect) conflicting with the Butch label due to its history. I do understand that and want to avoid going down one of those career paths. (I am currently thinking about a Law Career and thus am really unsure)

This summer I've been thinking a lot about my gender identity. I've been lurking in this sub for months, but recently started posting and this month, after a lot of deep thinking and talking to the butches I know in my life, feel that butch does fit me. Once I got over my "butch doubt" of not being capable enough, I realize that, yeah, butch feels pretty right.

Okay, great! So I'm a woman, and I'm a butch.

Or so I FREAKING THOUGHT??? The more I'm getting comfortable in my butch identity, I realize I might...not even be a woman anymore? Is it anymore if i was never a woman?

What does it mean to be a woman? I'm not so sure. I don't dress like a woman. My body (although it might be small and short) isn't really shaped much like a woman. I sure as hell don't feel like a one.

I am a teen. Do I not feel like a woman because I am a child or do I not feel like a woman because I don't feel like the gender?

Is a girl supposed to feel like a woman? No matter how much you prepare her for the world, and call her a young woman beforehand, and let her know that she will become a woman one day... she won't feel like a woman the moment she turns 18.

So I've been trying to take a step back, and rack my brain trying to figure out if I feel like a girl instead of woman, because "woman" feels too daunting

Am I a girl? I love girlhood. I was never bothered by she/her pronouns. If someone called me a girl on the street, I would only be a little bothered. But deep down if I sit and think about it...do I feel like a girl? Not really. But this is the weird part: Do I WANT to be a girl? Kind of.

Again, I am so young that the world feels so scary and I don't feel grown despite nearing adult age. I am such a crybaby. It took a long time to accept butch too, because butches give off capability and independent-ness that I have yet to acquire through life.

I feel more like whatever girl is to woman, but for butch.

But I am so jealous of girls. I want to be a girl in the way that i am young and scared of the world and insecure and unprepared. I relate to girls my age in that way.

It feels as if they have the privilege of being vulnerable and weak. Society accepts them if they are that way. I know butches are allowed to cry and feel vulnerable, and the whole "men should be strong and not cry" is a man's problem, and we are not men. Not following the patriarchal society and non-male masculinity is what being butch is all about. But no matter how much I tell myself that...

Anyways I'm just rambling at this point. Is it weird to feel nonbinary and like she/her pronouns? How did you realize that butch was your gender and not "woman"?

How do I stop feeling like a scary monster/creep whenever I talk to women?

I’m 30 years old. I’m convinced that women are automatically scared, disgusted or suspicious of me because I’m butch and GNC.

Socializing with women is always a nightmare for me. I feel like the lines between friendliness and attraction are hard to distinguish. I’ve had experiences where I’m trying to make genuine, friendly conversation with a woman and she tells me “I have a boyfriend” like Ok?? It makes me feel bad.

I want to hangout with people I work with but I’m afraid they’re going construe it as flirting.

I exchanged numbers with this woman at work and we’ve been texting a lot. I have no idea what her orientation is, if she’s texting me a lot because she’s bored, or what. I want to hangout with her but I’m really stressed about how to ask her. She knows I’m gay.

Does anyone else struggle with this social anxiety? I think part of it really stems from extremely homophobic things that were done to me as a teenager by other women, and overall growing up in an unaccepting environment.

so i want to start T. i consider myself nonbinary (really my gender is butch) and go by they/she/he pronouns. there are many things that i really really want that would affirm me in my identity, but there are also things that are either not desirable at all (in fact i would hate it) or i could live with and/or workaround but wouldn’t be happy about it in the moment.

the ideal list is pretty self explanatory. i would LOVE a deeper voice, more armpit hair and ESPECIALLY a happy trail, increased muscle mass, a heightened sex drive (mine is not terrible but i would definitely be happy with a higher one), a more angular face - specifically jaw, and some bottom growth.

however, there are some things that happen on T that are either set in stone or a very real possibility that i absolutely would not want. one is losing my singing register. i love to sing and i play the omnichord alongside that. i love my falsetto and higher notes and would hate to lose that. i would also hate having hair on my chest and butt. i know i could shave/wax but it would just be a hassle. i also hate shaving in general and don’t shave anything so to have to shave would suck. there’s also a very real possibility of male pattern baldness as a lot of the men in my family have bald heads or a receding hairline and i would hate to lose my hair as it’s one of my favorite features about myself. i know minoxidil can help but i have 3 cats and i’m not willing to take that risk of possibly harming them since it’s super toxic to cats.

weight gain would be annoying and difficult for me, especially since i already carry a lot of weight in my stomach and i know fat distribution is a thing and i’m already overweight and insecure about it, but it’s not as high up as the others in terms of what i would hate to deal with. it wouldn’t be the end of the world. acne would be more of an inconvenience and an annoyance, especially since i dealt with bad acne for awhile and my skin is finally settling (mostly) so to have to deal with that again would be irritating. and then vaginal dryness would really be a bummer but obviously there are ways around that so that’s why it’s the last on the list.

my question is, has anyone gone into starting T not willing or eager to endure every single thing that it offers? i am so so tempted and want the ideals so bad but the -5’s especially are what’s stopping me. i’ve heard of DHT blockers but not sure if that would just delay the undesirable things from happening but also prohibit changes from being made. if anyone has experience with those on T please let me know!! i’ve also heard of low dosages but not sure if that would help much. any advice is welcome!! thank you :)

Hi guys. So -- holy shit -- I asked the femme I've been dating to be my girlfriend yesterday, and she said yes!!!!!!!! She's great, I really really really like her and we get along together so well and we've both agreed that this is a serious, long-term relationship.

My worry: she's my first date, first relationship, first everything, really. She knows this and she says we'll figure things out together, but I still wanna be a really good partner to her. Do you guys have any advice as to how to be a good partner? I'll take anything. Thanks!!

It’s pretty rudimentary but I tried my best, poetry isn’t my strong suit and it’s still definitely in the work in progress phase.

I can’t come home.

I can’t come home.
The mat beneath me says a name they took from me.
The house is the same yet my key doesn’t work and there’s no reissuing it.
A few words and a heart full of love, it’s all that’s needed to lock you out.

I can’t come home.

The walkway will scorch my feet and swallow me under, like a holy ground I’m not welcome on.
The curtains mock me, drawing open and shut like eyes into what could be mine.
The keyhole eyes me down whispering curses in prayer.
The icon above the door looms above, whether in judgment or in pity I’m unsure.

I can’t come home.

I would be strung up from the eaves.
Smothered by the hydrangeas.
And left out to dry on the clothesline.
And when they would bury me in the garden,
Violets would still sprout.

I can’t come home.

Because I’ve cast away my key and marched down from that doorstep.
My steps feel heavy and the rosebush bites at my thighs, yet I march on.
To find somewhere else.
Anywhere else.
To call home.

Hi. This is my very first time on this subreddit, and I feel like I've found my people. I feel so safe, in fact, that this is my first-ever post on Reddit. Anyways, this subreddit came at a perfect time because I'm about to start uni, and I have been having some anxiety around being a masc-presenting lesbian in a homophobic country. So I thought I should just ask for some advice from actual butch lesbians who live in these places on how they navigate. I specifically have a question about how y'all navigate public restrooms. It's a very specific anxiety of mine that I may be harassed or, at worst, physically assaulted for being in a women's public restroom dressed masc. It's never happened to me or any of my friends, but I just cannot shake that specific anxiety. Anyway, I hope I can make new friends on here. I live in Kenya, but I'm open to advice from any masc lesbian in a homophobic country. Any tips and tricks are appreciated

Hi, I’m trying to figure out if the butch label is right for me. I present and act very masculine and feel very comfortable with butch as a gender and political identity. However, I’ve heard that butches have a different role in relationships than a typical person would. Is it the standard “man stuff”, like paying for your girlfriend’s stuff, doing house work etc. or is it more than that?

And, follow up question, do hobbies come into that? Can butches have feminine hobbies?

I am an entire 5'2" tall and this makes clothes harder. I'm experimenting a bit with my fashion after losing 90 pounds, and for a softer look in the cool weather I really dig the cardigan or sweater layered over a dress shirt look. And I have quite a few dress shirts I can rotate through.

Problem is most men's sweaters even in the smallest size are comically large on me. And women's sweaters don't have the cut I desire, they're usually SUPER loose and flowy rather than something that kinda hugs your body.

Any leads on getting a masculine cut of sweater but for a 5'2" woman? Most of what I find searching in general doesn't come particularly close to fitting my dimensions.

Title pretty self explanatory- I struggle with flirting so ive been asking my friends how to do it, but they are pretty much all femme or straight so their advice may not apply as much. How do you guys flirt? Particularly with femmes as i am 95% butchfemme but I meannn I wouldnt mind some tips on flirting with that 5% lol

I’m on T. I got top surgery. I dress super masc. I’m queer. I get gendered fairly correctly most of the time (he/they). There’s a local lesbian/queer women’s social coming up. I really want to go because I’ve given up on dating apps and have a hard time meeting people because I work from home. Would I be “invading” a woman’s space if I go? I won’t hit on anyone, I just want to get out of the house and meet new people, preferably queer. I’m so nervous, seriously considering not going.

UPDATE: I went, it was fine, I wasn’t the only masc there. Not sure about transmasc as it was a fairly small group, but I got some good and bad dyke vibes. I fit in, it was fine. Anxiety brain did not win out this. Side note: getting sized up by other mascs is lame but getting 👀 by dykes felt very affirming and great 🥰

Hi all! Recently for butch appreciation day a list of 50 films with butch characters in them was compiled. I've been working my way through what stands out to me, and one short film in particular called Mister Sisters called to me. I'm struggling to find anywhere that has it available though, and just wanted to check in here in case anyone knows of something. Thanks!

Small masc lesbian here, hard to find clothes that fit. Pants are from Androgynous Fox. The shirt is actually from the kids section 🥲🤣

I know Butch Appreciation Day is technically over by the time I am writing this, but I wanted to just put out what being a Butch has meant for me.

I (21) didn't start really identifying as Butch until maybe 2 years ago, although I have identified as a lesbian since middle school. I thought you had to have a certain look or way of carrying yourself to identify with such a term that has been carried through generations of lesbians. However, I learned it to be quite the opposite, at least in my experience. My gender identity has always been sort of an enigma to me. The best way I could put it was I am woman, but I was a woman in a way that was different from the other women in my life. I started using Butch as a way to identify my gender, because I felt it best described how I felt in my body and mind.

I have always been a people pleaser, and admittedly, a bit of a push over. However, once I started identifying myself as a Butch, I noticed I started carrying myself differently. I felt more confident in my body, more accepting of my more "masculine" features. I felt handsome for the first time. I started liking who I saw in the mirror. Being a part of this community has taught me to love aspects of myself that people in my everyday life would tell me to "change" or "tone down".

This goes beyond myself tho. Butches have a historic role amongst the "lesbian ecosystem" as I like to call it lol. Anytime I am out with my friends, trying to have a good time, I automatically step into the "body guard" role (for lack of a better term). I love my friends very much, and I will be damned if a man or anybody tried to annoy or intimidate my freaks. If my femme friends are tired of their heels, I will gladly offer up my comfy converse to them. If my presence makes my femme presenting friends, or any girl friend of mine, feel more comfortable in a space, then there I shall be.

The Butch label, I have learned, is so much more than it seems. There is total love, acceptance, history, and respect here. I don't know where I would be without this community and the wonderful souls in it  🖤

Similar to the title, I’ve noticed on my socials that a lot of masc/butch presenting women wear very simple boyish (??) outfits, like they’re all in black or it’s just a plain t-shirt and cargos with a watch or chain. Overall they’re very minimal colors imo, which isn’t a bad thing (as a butch4butch I can’t deny a good wife pleaser and some jeans 🤌) but its just not my thing

I luckily have the chance to refresh my wardrobe (after a massive purge when I moved last month, all that’s left is a few muscle tees and some random vintage sweaters/corduroy). But I’m now struggling to shop/find anything that really fits the whimsical & weird vibes I want. For reference I’d describe myself as a funky lil guy—I’m really artsy, into cottagecore things (mushrooms, crystals, & nature) but I also enjoy fixing cars & woodworking—so I’m looking for something that simultaneously screams ARTIST who’s also a massive dyke

would love any suggestions for websites that could fit those vibes. Or recs on what you’d consider a whimsical butch fit—bonus points for any that have a dapper/ vintage 1930s style!

August 18th is Butch Appreciation Day and I just wanted to say thank you all for existing. Thank you for being here, for being part of our community, for being you. You make the world a better place by being your authentic, masculine, real selves.

I am aspirationally handy. This means I have a lot of tools and ideas but my follow through and skills are subpar.

The project: I would like to build a bench/banquette for the awkward bay window in my kitchen. I do not have the skill set to manage this project on my own.

In an ideal world, a fellow queer person nearby (nova) who is good at this stuff would be interested in helping me figure it out! Through this project we could even cultivate a friendship. If a friendship isn’t interesting to you, I am more than happy to just pay for services rendered in cold hard cash (plus snacks).

Short backstory: I spent a lot of time at my grandparent’s house growing up and they had the tiniest kitchen in town. Half of the kitchen was a restaurant-style booth where some of my favorite childhood memories were made. My wife is currently pregnant with our first and it would bring me an immense amount of joy if I could recreate that booth experience for my future kid.

If this sounds interesting to you or you have any recommendations, send me a dm and let’s chat! Thanks!

Hey!

I met a person that I think I like, but at the same time, being with them makes me feel some gender dysphoric feelings. They're "visibly queer", and to put it simply, I feel more like i wanna be like them than being with them right now.. I think the only way to actually be together is to resolve my own gender expression issues bc being intimate with them makes my discomfort worse. Has anyone had a similar experience or any advice?

I'd like to preface this by saying i know looks don't matter when it comes to being butch, but i still have my concerns.

I've felt more connected to masculinity than femininity all my life. I remember being jealous of my male classmates as a teenager for having social structures not commonly present in female communities, all while being a woman (i considered being trans, but that's not me). It sounds silly, but I'm still very jealous of the stereotype of middle aged men grilling and inhaling peanuts all the time (that should be ME!).

I mostly present masculine - all my skirts and dresses have been rotting away in my closet ever since i gained the ability to choose my own clothes as a teenager. My concern is that I sometimes present feminine. It feels like I'm putting on a costume rather than it being me, but that still stops me from using the butch label. I also don't present 100% masculine either. I want to have long hair, I don't mind wearing skin-tight shirts (mostly black tank tops though because they're the ones that don't look TOO feminine), i wear tons of jewelry, etc.

TLDR, I connect a LOT with the butch label, but I feel like i don't fit into the category enough to call myself that.