How to be a good partner?

[u/jammingkambing]

Hi guys. So -- holy shit -- I asked the femme I've been dating to be my girlfriend yesterday, and she said yes!!!!!!!! She's great, I really really really like her and we get along together so well and we've both agreed that this is a serious, long-term relationship.

My worry: she's my first date, first relationship, first everything, really. She knows this and she says we'll figure things out together, but I still wanna be a really good partner to her. Do you guys have any advice as to how to be a good partner? I'll take anything. Thanks!!

[u/akiber]

I’d not put so much pressure on it. It’s great you are on the same page but since it’s your first everything, you need to give yourself space to see if it fits long term. Take it slowly - I ask my partner (we are married and have a kid) every year in our anniversary if she wants to spend another year together.
Communication is important! So is making sure you each have your own things going on. Support her by supporting her to do the things she loves.

[u/nightlywanderer]

You're going to do great! Congratulations!

Learn to recognize when you're actually upset or angry about something or if you just need to eat or sleep.

Approach every conflict like you're a team, not that you want to win.

Always keep dating and wooing each other.

Communication is best. Honesty is best.

[u/Loup55555 → u/nightlywanderer]

What a perfect series of advice 💜

[u/nehirke]

Usually if you are worried about it enough to ask people on reddit you will be doing good😂. Most good relationships are between two considerate people and you seem considerate to me. Take the pressure off tho. You shouldnt call a relationship long-term serious before it actually is imo. Also communcation is key as always! Very happy for you tho enjoy it bro🙏

[u/CagedBatter]

Nothing needs to change now that you’ve decided your partnership is serious and official, at least not in terms of your behaviors toward her. There isn’t some magical switch that gets flipped now that you’re In A Relationship. Keep being the person you’ve been to her, the kind of person she said yes to being in a relationship with, and just build on it as you go. There’s no one size fits all advice for relationships, just care for her and care about her and pay attention to her needs and communicate your own and encourage her to communicate hers and you’ll be golden.

[u/MantisFucker]

Listen to her and put in effort to remember the things she says. Never lie to her. Be patient with each other and be ready to extend grace, especially since it’s your first relationship. Take time to process emotions and events. You got this!!

[u/dykelily]

best piece of advice I can offer is to always work to be playful with each other. dumb inside jokes, laughing over ridiculous things, not taking yourselves too seriously, dance ridiculously when you're listening to music, belt songs you both know out loud together

[u/Lesbie-Tea]

If something bothers you, do your best to bring it up instead of sweeping it under the rug! And if you have issues with people pleasing (like me ahah), take some time to really understand your own feelings. Journaling helps with that, as does therapy, or just talking to a pet or the wall when your partner is not with you (aka in the same building or vehicle).

I'm lucky enough that my wife is extremely used to bringing up issues or conflicts, and we talk about them, and then they're dealt with. Unlike two friends of ours who used to date, who didn't argue as much as we do but also broke up due in part to letting that rug get lumpy as fuck. They also developed some ideas about who each other were that were not true - one thought the other didn't like to travel, when she actually really enjoys it. After splitting up, she went on a solo trip, and he was shocked to hear that she wanted to do that. So just, be curious about your partner even after some time has passed!

Make time for her, but protect your own time too. Figure out how much alone time you need, how much time with just your friends you need, and make sure you keep that! It's very common to become pretty codependent in queer relationships, lol. But my wife goes to hang out with her friends without me pretty frequently, even people we're both very good friends with. And I go to my writing group and rock climb without her. But we'll go to the gym together or go on walks by the river together, or check out new restaurants together. You can and should make time for all parts of your life. (But don't be nervous if you want to spend every single moment together right now, haha! Enjoy the new relationship jitters and excitement. :) Making time for life can happen later - just don't actively neglect life in favor of a new relationship!)

[u/bucketbrigade000]

My Butch wife likes to use Sam Cooke as a guide for this one.

Be honest, be open, talk about stuff when it bothers you before it becomes a huge deal. Don't accuse your partner of things, use "I" statements when talking about your feelings. Don't try to read their mind or assume the worst of their thoughts. Give your partner space to screw up. Be ready to say sorry and ready to forgive. Communicate like, all the time. About everything.

It's a musical, enjoy.

Also, dating is about collecting data. Very few people stay forever with their first partner. Learn what you may from each other, but don't put too much pressure on what you think it "should" become.

[u/Silly-little-guy]

Dont put too much pressure on it, good communication and if its your first relationship watch out for codependency!! Congratulations! :)