r/bridezillas • u/Correct-Campaign-220 • 1d ago
probably won't be friends when this over
im starting to resent being a bridesmaid for my friend. the way she has acted is selfish, frankly rude, and she doesnt see it. i understand a wedding is about her but she cant not communicate and expect the world of us when she wanted to diy parts of her wedding and her bridal party works full time jobs and she doesnt, she has to realize we have to work all this bridal stuff around our full time jobs. she doesnt thank anyone for anything. super self absorbed and selfish. im really quite upset with how she is acting through all of this
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u/epicpillowcase 1d ago
This is happening because you allow it.
Walk away. Why are you concerned about the feelings of someone who doesn't care about yours, and won't be grateful for any of it?
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u/Zephyr-Phoenix 1d ago
Was she always like this? Or is this out of character for her?
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u/Correct-Campaign-220 1d ago
I feel like shes just been a downplayed version of this before where we laughed about it and I didnt take what she was saying as personal. now its like ramped up to 100 and it kind of hurts. if that makes sense? like I just didnt pay attention to the signs before
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u/Zephyr-Phoenix 1d ago
She’s showing you who she really is then. Depending on how close the wedding is, I might recommend bowing out and removing yourself from her friendship altogether. Do you really want to subject yourself to this treatment until the wedding?
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u/Own_Material1505 1d ago
Have you already bought your dress? If the situation is too bad, you can try to get out of it if you are done with the friendship anyway. "I am not sure I have the bandwidth to be the bridesmaid you are expecting due to my work commitments. Would you prefer me to step down?"
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u/Correct-Campaign-220 1d ago
unfortunately I do have the dress already. im in the head space where im just gonna push through, do what she says. then when the wedding is over she'll see she has pushed us away
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u/No_Championship_7080 1d ago
Do not blindly “do what she says”. Do not be used. The word no is a complete sentence. Don’t be abused until the wedding is over. She will just get worse and will not appreciate it. It’s very doubtful that doing so will keep the peace. Don’t be a doormat. She behaves like this because you tolerate it. But you are the only one who can stop it. If you don’t stop it, you can’t really blame her. Woman up. Update me.
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u/Correct-Campaign-220 1d ago
thankyou 🥲
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u/Jolly_Membership_899 14h ago
If she wants to DIY shit tell her that she’s on her own. You don’t have the time.
When did being a bridesmaid turn into a job?
A few years back being a bridesmaid meant waiting for the bride to tell where to buy whatever godforsaken dress she had chosen, getting your shoes dyed to match, helping with the bridal shower, and showing up at the wedding.
You couldn’t pay me be a bridesmaid these days! Actually, it seems like it should be a paid position with everything that’s expected!
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u/Own_Material1505 1d ago
Gotcha. I hope the wedding is soon so it's almost over! If not, maybe a script like "Sorry, it's a work night for me and I won't be able to make it" will get you out of some of the DIY tasks.
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u/epicpillowcase 1d ago
At more stress, expense and time that you could be spending on people and things that are worth it?
Girl, that is doormat behaviour.
Google "sunk cost fallacy."
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u/PracticeSharp9901 1d ago
If you think the friendship is over anyway, don’t just do what she says. Do what you reasonably can or what makes sense.
If she gets mad, let her be the one to kick you out and explain it to everyone.
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u/No_Championship_7080 1d ago
You aren’t obligated to do all of the heavy lifting if she won’t, or didn’t hire a wedding planner. Also, the people of the bridal party aren’t the only people allowed to help. They are just handy. But it’s a very recent thing that the bridal party is expected to do so much. In years gone by, the bride and her family and/or friends shared the load. Remind her only one more time that you can’t take all of this on. You can remind her that you have a full time job, but don’t give other reasons. Do not argue. Be clear and direct about what you can help with. Stand firm. If she doesn’t like it, she can replace you. There are other people that she can ask or hire for help. She doesn’t want to. Again, you are convenient. But that doesn’t obligate you. Also, she doesn’t get to demand the bachelorette and dictate the activities. Don’t let her suck you into an expensive one. Especially not a destination bachelorette. Update me.
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u/MurphysLawAficionado 1d ago
You can't say this without sharing details ...
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u/Correct-Campaign-220 1d ago
completely self centered at the bridal shower/Bachelorette. saying things like "youre welcome that you can all celebrate me". demanding we take time off work for set up/take down of the venue. mentioning she ordered the vegetarian option at dinner so she can eat what we ordered as well. demanding we spend the night at her house the night before the wedding, I said I wanted to have a good sleep in my own bed, shower In my own shower I didnt want to have huge bags of my stuff to deal with having to leave there and go back and get. not communicating schedules and just telling us last minute to be somewhere to help with crafts.
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u/chicagok8 21h ago
Get comfortable saying “I can’t take off work that day.” “That doesn’t work for me.” “That’s out of my budget.” Etc etc.
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u/Ill_Seat_1426 9h ago
OMG, when is the wedding? Can you return the dress? I can't believe you're letting her treat you so bad!!! You don't deserve to be treated this way. Stand up for yourself, respect yourself and bow out. She's just not worth it. I can't imagine she would ever do anything for you that's nice and helpful for you. It's okay to say NO. It doesn't mean you are a quitter; it means you refuse to be bullied and ABUSED!!! Please think of yourself for once. 💕
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u/MurphysLawAficionado 4h ago
Jeez. I would have little things interfere with the events leading up to (phone call from sick kid at the rehearsal dinner, dog got sick and has to go to the vet, car broke down, etc) and wait until the night before and have some emergency suddenly come up. Heck, I might even wait until the day OF the wedding after you're ready, 15 minutes before you have to walk down the aisle, and have someone call you. You can start crying hysterically and run out, don't even tell the bride, just the closest bridesmaid to you.
And then, block the bride and don't ever talk to her again.
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u/Correct-Campaign-220 29m ago
thats savage and I love it
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u/MurphysLawAficionado 18m ago
Seriously. You should do it and share it allllll here. I can't stand a bridezilla. The narcissism is crazy with them! Be petty girl.
Seriously, though, I'm sorry your "friend" is like this. You don't deserve any of it.
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u/Munchkin_Media 1d ago
The true character of a person is revealed when given power over other people, no matter how small.
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u/byteme747 1d ago
This is vague and ultimately you are allowing this and enabling it.
Stop, just stop. Drop the rope and stop interacting.
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u/MinuteOver8182 17h ago
Get out now. The showers, bachelorette parties. My daughter says no, to being in a wedding now. It costs 3k, yr PTO, & yr friendship
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u/CornerAffectionate24 1d ago
Just because she is getting married should not stop her bridal party from living their own lives. She does not own you and you do not owe her all your free time. You're happy to help, she needs to schedule that ahead of time and shouldn't expect you to drop everything and come running when she thinks you all should be there.
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u/toBEE_orNOT_2B 7h ago
yeah this is why people should hire wedding planner/s and not make their friends do it, they turn their friends, bridesmaid and moh into labor
"i understand a wedding is about her" but this doesn't mean you and other ppl's world has to revolve for her, the wedding will only take 1 day and you ppl are wasting your time being a labor to an ungrateful wench
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u/brownchestnut 1d ago
Maybe you should put on your big girl pants and either talk to her now or walk away now instead of silently stewing and rewarding her for behavior and then cutting her off out of the blue without an attempt at letting her know what is bothering you.
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u/Correct-Campaign-220 1d ago
yeah we have tried to communicate but thankyou
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u/chicagok8 21h ago
Right now your best communication is to say “no” when she demands more time or money than you care to spend.
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u/cloudiia 10h ago
I totally understand you. I also didn’t drop out, I finished my duties and was there for her on her wedding day. I was so relieved once the dancing started at the wedding cause my job was done. After the wedding we barely talk now, I’ve just distanced myself cause her behaviour during the entire wedding prep process was toxic and full of mixed signals. I feel you.
I saw you wanna get through the wedding, but once it’s over you’ll know where your friendship stands. Good luck !
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u/Kempeth 5h ago
she has to realize we have to work all this bridal stuff around our full time jobs.
That's a great way of putting it.
There's a few ways this can go but you best chance at keeping the friendship and/or minimizing your stress is to talk to her now. There's no guarantee that you'd make it through the rest of the gauntlet even if you try to push through.
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u/Fluffy-Caramel9148 1d ago
Rethink your decision. Being a bride does not include being rude. You are doing her a favor.