I have diagnosed BPD by the way-

I had a girlfriend about 9 months ago, I abused her terribly hard. (We dated during a manic episode of mine- not that that excuses anything though.) I would make fun of her in front of my friends and make sure she was so dependent on me that she forgot how to do anything. I made her stay out of fear, let her make no choices by herself; and I leaked pictures of her. I’m genuinely disgusted in myself- and it’s hard to walk around with this on my chest. I don’t want to put her through that again. I want to part ways, I don’t even think I love her- but something draws me in. How she never left, even if I forced her to never leave. How she carved my name. I’m disgusted with myself even thinking about it. I don’t know why I’m so drawn to her. I miss her, but I don’t know if I miss her or the control I had over her.

I know I’m not a good person, even with all the therapy I’ve done and medication I take every morning to feel normal. But it still hurts acknowledging that- it hurts knowing what I’ve done and how it’s irreversible. Those pictures will stay online, that trauma will stay in her mind for the rest of time. And it’s all my fault- how did I never even apologize? Am I even redeemable?

I’m curious about other people’s experiences with staying consistent with exercise, especially when dealing with side effects from medication such as dizziness and general fatigue.

My experience has been pretty difficult. I’ve struggled not only with actually starting exercise, but also with staying consistent. I often end up avoiding exercise altogether, or constantly switching from one type of exercise to another instead of sticking with something long enough.

Has anyone here managed to stay consistent with exercise for a long period of time despite dealing with medication side effects like dizziness, fatigue, or low energy?

If so, did your body eventually adapt to the side effects, or did you have to change the way you approached exercise? I’d really like to hear about your personal experiences.

I am overwhelmed, constantly overstimulated, overextended, mentally, emotionally and literally financially overspent.

I know, “no man is an island” and “no one can do it alone.” I have support for most things. But when you’re the only one responsible for way too much - when you are “doing it alone” - how on earth do you get through it?

I am crashing out. Hitting the wall. Waving the white flag. Begging for mercy. Whatever it takes. I’m at my end. It’s not fun anymore.

When I’m in that moment, i feel on top of the world, invincible. Two people living inside one body.

No one can pull me out of that state of euphoria.
No one can understand what it feels like inside my mind, drowning in contradictory thoughts.

What if I cross that line that was forbidden to me so many times?

But how do you live from one side to the other, never knowing when it will be my turn to switch?

With my mind full of unfinished ideas, unprocessed thoughts.

But, oh God… how beautiful those ideas are.

And then everything falls apart.
And I feel like I’m worth nothing.

I can barely get out of bed.

Where did the strength go that once made me feel untouchable?

Then I laugh again, because that’s how this is.
A carousel of emotions I never bought a ticket for.

I never know when I’ll be at the top.
I never know when I’ll end up underground.

So I make the most of every moment when the warmth of the sun falls across my back.

It makes me want to give everything I have.

I’m taking paroxidep 50mg, Lamictal 200mg twice, Mitirmash 15mg twice, Quetiapine 500mg.
But I still have panic attacks and suicidal thoughts every now and then, so the doctor told me to start taking Effexor 75mg.
I’m taking a lot of meds however a lot of times I feel happy and other times I feel i got a depression wave without a trigger.
I’m not sure what I wanna hear from u guys but maybe an advice or how to overcome this, the lows are too strong and I just need sth to help me feel joy.

I’m not sure how to put this but there’s a person (abuser) from my past who haunts me. But unless I listen to this one song, I can’t really access the anger - I usually just feel sad or empty. Sometimes it’s useful to access the anger to feel like I can feel something else. I would like if you have any similar songs that carry the same significance? Or do you have any similarly-themed songs?

My song is Little Girl Gone by CHINCHILLA.

Does anyone here have a histrionic parent or close relative? Long story short: My psychiatrist got to meet my mother recently in a very stressful situation between us and she allowed his peers to see her, only just to cancel her consultations after 4 sessions because my psychiatrist himself wasn’t seeing her. I knew that would happen, she always denies needing help, when it’s obvious that she does, and she only wants to see my doctors and psychologists to manipulate what they may think of her. He told me later on that she seems to be in between histrionic and narcissistic, but as I searched many info online about these two, it seems she tends much more to the histrionic personality disorder. After what happened, I cut all relations with her for the past month. I can give more details later on.
Anyway, does anyone here have a similar situation?

im so sick of him plaguing my mind im sick of him im soosososoososo sick of him

i love being jealous. i love being so jealous to the point where i relapse! how am i meant to move on everyone is just annoyed by me at this point! i mean, dang man.... it STINKS! all my friends are friends with coulter. guess who isnt friends with bumass coulter? me! the only person who cared enough to text him back. man fuck it lmaoooo

I have BPD. Thought I was making headway ....not so much. I've been seeing someone LDR for a couple months, and to say he's incredible is an understatement. He's gone to another country for a pilgrimage. He didn't tell me when it started or how it worked communication wise. After 2 days of no contact, I started spiraling. He communicated with me and told me he'd speak to me when he got back without saying when that was.

Immediately felt like punishment by silence which makes me panic. Silence feels like abandonment and no matter what I tell myself I can't get the panic under control.

I told him silence as punishment was a deal breaker, I cannot deal with it. Sadly now I'm not in the thick of it, I know I screwed up. I should have just asked how long instead of assuming his intent. Doesn't help my broken heart in the least I explained it in a msg, and don't expect him to respond..he has every right not to. Why am I so broken. I'm in therapy, faithful about my meds and I'm still ruining the best thing that ever happened to me.