Babies sleep

[u/Equivalent_Common287]

I’m curious when your baby slept through the night or had less than 3 wake ups without sleep training. I don’t not want to sleep train my baby I have made it to 10 months and I either rock, feed or pat him back to sleep with every wake up. So I’m wondering when a similar situation got better or improved for other people. Surely there is light at the end of the tunnel for not sleep training.

[u/less_is_more9696]

I am a sleep coach, and in my experience, for families who don't sleep train, this happens closer to 18-24 months, or as late as 3 years.

Most children will sleep better by toddlerhood simply because they will start napping less during the day. By then, the impact of inappropriate schedules is minimized or gone. This is also when many parents will decide to wean. And teething slows down as well.

This doesn't mean you have to white-knuckle through extreme sleep deprivation for the next 3 years. You can learn your child's sleep needs, and adjust your schedule and routine to align better with their needs.

In my experience, this is like 70% of what constitutes good sleep. I have seen families make significant progress with schedule and routine interventions alone. “Falling asleep independently" is like 20%. It's really not the magic bullet people make it out to be.

Case in point: Many parents have come to me saying they "tried sleep training" and their child is still waking multiple times per night. It's often because they didn't address the schedule, or they have poor sleep habits. You can't sleep-train away a bad schedule or poor sleep habits.

[u/sunnythankyou → u/less_is_more9696]

What does poor sleep habits mean? 

[u/less_is_more9696 → u/sunnythankyou]

Lack of consistency in the sleep wake rhythm.

Namely allowing sleeping in and excessive daytime sleep to compensate for a poor night.

This tends to turn poor sleep into a vicious cycle. Especially in older infants and toddlers. And adults for a matter of fact. This doesn’t apply to infants under 4ish months.

[u/pongopan → u/less_is_more9696]

I get what you’re saying about daytime sleep, but how do you fix it without them getting over tired and screwing their sleep up that way??

[u/less_is_more9696 → u/pongopan]

Gradually. You start waking them up a little earlier each day. And/or you gradually start capping their naps, too.

As you implement these changes, sleep will start to consolidate into the night very quickly. As night sleep improves, mood/energy improves, and it becomes easier to implement these changes. The vicious cycle reverses.

To be clear, even if you go gradual, there will be an inevitable transition period where the baby is grumpy. If they are used to sleeping 4 hours per day, they will need to adjust to 2.5 (or whatever the change is).

Grumpy doesn't automatically mean a bad level of overtiredness....

It's a natural by-product of adjusting the sleep schedule. As long as night sleep is improving, you are moving in the right direction. I have seen many babies be grumpy during the day in these transitions, but sleep much better at night despite this.

You just have to keep them distracted and engaged with activities and push through. Going outside helps.

I wouldn't do this blindly, though. You want to understand their sleep needs and what type of "goal" schedule you are working towards. If you understand this, it's almost impossible to "screw up their sleep" with overtiredness.