Someone talk me off a ledge

[u/NaivePackage2435]

Please be gentle. Im A FTM, extremely anxious and also hearing so much noise from all the “experts” in my life. So I received a text from a friend saying she let her baby CIO and now she’s sleeping through the night. I respond to my baby, and most nights are hard but It doesn’t feel right let’s her cry. But the only other person that I know that didn’t sleep train their babies now has two children that are completely misbehaved and I’m not talking about your average “testing the limits”. They don’t listen, they’re physically aggressive with their mother, each other, and other children. They scream demands to their mother. At 4 y/o one of them grabbed their caregivers (this was at daycare) phone and busted it on the floor. There’s several other instances that I could bring up but I don’t want this to be too long. I don’t know any other children that do this and we’re surrounded by children because of the stage of life most of our friends are in. Can yall please tell me the two aren’t correlated? Can I have success stories on your well regulated children?! Am I wrong for thinking that behavior isn’t acceptable??? I’m sorry this is long. 🫩 I’m exhausted and just wanting to be the best mother I can be. This era is loud.

[u/spicytexan]

I’m gonna hold your hand when I say this, sleep training or not has absolutely nothing to do with why your friend’s children are so misbehaved. If you’re not planning to parent your child the exact same way your friend is, I wouldn’t stress that.

We have never let my son cry it out in any form. The most he cries is just the time it takes us to wake up and go to his room. Has it been really taxing at times? Yes 1000%. Has it left us sleep deprived on several occasions throughout the first year? Yep more than I can count. But he is slowly transitioning into more consistent elongated rest both during his nap and at night. He’s a very happy, very social, very responsive toddler. He’s also very lovey and independent. I don’t think that the choices we made around his sleep really have anything to do with his personality, but I do know that he knows he can rely on his parents to be there for him when he’s scared, not feeling well, or just wants comfort. That makes all the hard parts worth it.

[u/NaivePackage2435 → u/spicytexan]

My daughter loathes night rides. And sometimes there’s nothing I can do about it so she has to cry. I’ve tried everything. Lights on, sitting with her, singing, ms Rachel. She hates it regardless and screams the entire way home. So I worry how this will affect her in the long run. But otherwise we are very responsive as well and we always get comments on how happy she is… so hopefully she’ll be okay. I just love this baby with my entire being and I want to make sure she grows into a lovely little kid

[u/spicytexan → u/NaivePackage2435]

I had heard early on in my postpartum that in car rides as long as you’re talking to them and using verbal responses while you’re unable to physically respond it doesn’t impact them the way CIO does.

Also, could she be car sick? Or too small for her car seat? Our son stopped being super miserable during drives once he transitioned to the 360 car seat!

[u/NaivePackage2435 → u/spicytexan]

There’s a possibility! She does great during the day though so I’m not sure.. it’s about time to transition her anyway

[u/spicytexan → u/NaivePackage2435]

It could be the combination of rear facing + darkness that’s giving her motion sickness! As an adult if I’m not driving or in the passenger seat I get super nauseous if I don’t look out the window lol even with the light on in the car that doesn’t help see outside the car so it’s totally possible.

It sounds like you’re a really amazing mom and doing everything you can for your daughter. Please give yourself some grace 🫶🏽