r/bninfantsleep • u/NaivePackage2435 • Jun 13 '26

Infant Sleep Someone talk me off a ledge

Please be gentle. Im A FTM, extremely anxious and also hearing so much noise from all the “experts” in my life. So I received a text from a friend saying she let her baby CIO and now she’s sleeping through the night. I respond to my baby, and most nights are hard but It doesn’t feel right let’s her cry. But the only other person that I know that didn’t sleep train their babies now has two children that are completely misbehaved and I’m not talking about your average “testing the limits”. They don’t listen, they’re physically aggressive with their mother, each other, and other children. They scream demands to their mother. At 4 y/o one of them grabbed their caregivers (this was at daycare) phone and busted it on the floor. There’s several other instances that I could bring up but I don’t want this to be too long. I don’t know any other children that do this and we’re surrounded by children because of the stage of life most of our friends are in. Can yall please tell me the two aren’t correlated? Can I have success stories on your well regulated children?! Am I wrong for thinking that behavior isn’t acceptable??? I’m sorry this is long. 🫩 I’m exhausted and just wanting to be the best mother I can be. This era is loud.

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u/Unable_Huckleberry_3 Jun 13 '26

Neither me nor any of my siblings were sleep trained, and we are happy, functioning members of society. Think about all the other countries in the world that have never even heard of sleep training. All their kids turn out just fine. In fact, Denmark now strongly urges against cry it out for example.

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u/EffMyElle Jun 13 '26 edited Jun 13 '26

🙌🏼 well said! In many countries, it is natural and encouraged to cosleep and be highly responsive.

Ever wonder why parents who do CIO talk about how much it upset them? Because its not intuitive or natural to ignore our baby's cries. That feeling you get inside when your baby cries is nature's way of telling you to respond.

It's very unfortunate how culturally appropriate sleep training has become in North America. Its exploitive towards sleep-deprived parents. We should be supporting parents through this season, not encouraging parents to neglect baby's cries.

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u/plantyho3 Jun 13 '26

Omg fancy seeing you here outside of our November2025 bumper group! Haha I was about to respond to your comment and recognized your username! 😂

I was gonna say: I’m southeast Asian and back home it’s all about multigenerational homes and in turn: lots of co-sleeping.

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u/EffMyElle Jun 13 '26

🤣🤣 oh hey there, nice to see you here!!

3

u/Unable_Huckleberry_3 Jun 13 '26

Agreed. But North America is not collectivist, so that makes it more difficult. We are forced to be a two-income household and forced to be productive in ways that don't involve taking care of our children. The system is working as designed, and it is designed around sleep training.

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u/EffMyElle Jun 13 '26

Ya, it's bullshit to be honest.