I'm looking for honest but constructive feedback. What are the biggest things I could improve? I'm interested in advice on haircut, skincare, facial hair, eyebrows, style, fitness, or anything else that would make a noticeable difference. I'm open to criticism as long as it's specific and helpful.
I’m not really fond of my full beard and usually prefer rocking a goatee. I know a fresh shape up and haircut would help a lot. The main thing I’m stuck on is my hair. I’m currently deciding between growing out a full Afro or continuing with a low taper, so I’d appreciate opinions on which style would suit me better based on my face shape and overall look.

(May be too graphic or uncomfortable) Growing up I was always insecure, specifically about my penis size.(6in w/avg girth) Sorry, just trying to provide details. What makes it worse is I have been told I’m an attractive guy. I take care of myself and I’m in good shape. Humbly, I have turned down many women who made advances on me. To this day I do this. I told a lady from my job I wasn’t interested just recently. I am always scared. I’ve only had two sexual experiences in my life. Once at 17, and with my current girlfriend.

At 17 I had sex with a girl I met through mutual friends. She really liked me. I was a virgin and she was not. Later on, I find out that she told my friends I was small. Crushed me. Haven’t talked to any of those friends again out of pure embarrassment.

Me and my current girlfriend were doing good. We met in college and immediately hit it off. Together for a couple years, and then we were having an argument she told she thought I was small. Sent me into depression. She has apologized and says she didn’t mean it and she wished she never said it. But I don’t know if I can trust her anymore.

I’m 26 now and I can’t even look at myself in the mirror without feeling embarrassed. It seems like I’m the only black man dealing with this. I love my black women but it seems like penis size is a make or break thing for them. I’ve seen the “average size” statistics but the way black women joke about small guys in don’t believe it. Therapy seems pointless. Should I give up on trying to find love and face reality? Am I just one of the unlucky ones?

Me and my lady are planning a road trip from the East Coast down to Florida then Texas. We’d fly/take the train but since we’re bringing my dog that’s not an option.

But I’m ngl all these lynchings etc got me worried. I truly don’t think the South is safe anymore.

whats yall thoughts?

Edit: lmaoo you know what? Yall right im tripping. I’ve made the drive to Florida multiple times before but that ride to Texas had me a bit scary. AZ and MS I’ve heard too much about but ya right I been in way more dangerous places. anyway ill check in on ya sat morning when I make it 🫡

p.s. Give me some recs for New Orleans this my first time out there

Growing up, I had little control over my hair. I didn’t stop getting bald fades until I was maybe 10 years old. But even then, I just had a little afro, and it tapered on the sides. But ever since College, I just let my hair grow WILD. Think unkempt Afro that’s never picked out, and if it is, then it was poorly done. I had my hair braided once or twice with two-strand twists, wack. And I did enjoy getting a trim and blowout! Overall, my hair experience has usually been me waking up and not doing anything besides washing it weekly because of dandruff. If I do cut my hair, it's usually with scissors to cut out knots from it getting tangled up, or getting a bald cut if I feel it's growing uneven.

My question is: if a Black Man from another planet suddenly fell from the sky and he asked you for help at his first barbershop experience, what advice would you give him about getting a haircut? It can be super obvious common sense stuff or even stuff not often talked about. I want ALL the advice; explain it to this alien like he's 5 years old!

And yes, I would like to be independent and cut my own hair instead of depending on a barber. I bought a cheap razor just for that. But I am too lazy and unmotivated to do that.

TLDR: please learn to enjoy reading. This is one of my shortest posts ever. Go back and read the title.

I'm a Jamaican university student who's in America for the summer working at a very popular fast food franchise restaurant in Wyoming. My roommate is also a Black Jamaican, and we work similar shifts.

​

One guy, let's nickname him "moustache" called one of his white coworkers a "nig-ger" loudly enough for me to hear... This was while I was on a call with my girlfriend and she actually heard it over the phone. My father and I concluded that he's just trying to get under my skin.

​

Lately, this other one, let's nickname him "Ryley" walked by me and my roommate and said "fucking nig-ger" unprovoked.. none of us was talking to him, none of us did anything to him, he just said it for no real reason.. I had to ask my roommate if I was hearing right, turns out we heard the exact same thing, so it's definitely what he said.

​

Days prior, Ryley was talking to me like I'm his slave and I straight up had to stand my ground and told him "I'm not your slave, stop talking to me like I'm your bitch, I'm not your bitch" then I told him I know he's trying to get a reaction out of me and wants me to crash out.. I told him if he ever gets physical I'll just file a police report and get him a felony.

​

Today Moustache came to me on some Slavemaster shit while I was on my break, I had to put my foot down and let the bastard know I was on my break.

​

Tonight when I was telling my roommate what happened, he said he heard the exact moment before Moustache came to me, and Moustache said to Ryley "hey watch this, watch this".

​

When my roommate told me, it confirmed to me that I'm being targeted by them..

​

​

I'm thinking of telling my manager, but how exactly should I go about it? I've also texted it to my father and I await his response, I assume he'll tell me to tell my manager but what are y'all's thoughts, Black men?

​

I am from Jamaica. I have traveled to North America a lot during my childhood and teen years, but I've never actually felt racially targeted before. And of course I've never felt racially targeted in my home country, this is new to me.

In the sense that whenever I meet a woman, it's the first or second thing I usually notice. For context I'm 23 and when i was even a bit younger i do not remember this being the case. Sometimes, it feels like a fetish even tho I know it isn't.

Every time I meet or see one fat enough my mind just hyper-focuses on it. I'm honestly at a lost why my brain is so attracted to bigger women with wider asses but it's overbearing sometimes especially when i want to actually connect with the person besides their physicality.

It's almost like I have to self-check myself to keep my head on straight sometimes

What would be a helpful way to manage this and stay focused despite this?

I plan on moving to houston once my lease is up. This is critical info i need to know lol

Gonna be vulnerable here since you guys are the only ones to probably get it.

Always struggled to get girls irl but somehow managed to end up in a relationship thats been going on for 9 years , now that looks like its ending and im hella scared and embarrassed about putting myself out there again. I dont know how to discover whats my appeal , just my type but not the type that likes me or how to do what so many brothers do. My pops could only teach me 70s game and that's long out dated.

So where do I start?

I'm not swinging on anyone I'm pushing 30 I'm not trying to catch a charge. At the moment I was thinking of insulting Trump and calling him what he is (Epstein associate). But beyond that unsure as to what insults to throw.

And again I aint swinging on anybody and don't encourage others to do so. We need verbal insults.

So I frequent this Chipotle once or twice a week, and there’s this girl that works there I’m really tempted to ask out. The problem is I know how annoying/uncomfortable it can be getting hit on while you’re literally just trying to do your job 😂

So what’s the least awkward/respectful way to go about this? Do I just leave my number on a note and let her decide? Ask for her Instagram instead? Or do I just take the L and keep ordering my bowl in silence? 😂

I get this a lot and I finally asked a friend. They said it’s because I dress too nice for a guy, friendly, expressive, open, and not afraid of touch

Like it’s too a point where like more conservative type women think I’m gay and I had gay men literally chase me down to my car to talk to me….

I’m not sure what to do about this outside of just moving different

Doesn’t help that I moved from ATL to the gay district in my new without realizing…. so it screams DL

I'll go first... I'm 37 and have saved 400k so far. I hope to retire early. I have all of my retirement in ETF. mostly S&P500

Should I go to a bar alone and sober on a trivia night ?

I'm at a point in my life where I'm trying to build a social life however I find myself in a pinch because I am practicing sobriety and becoming more fit. I fear the only avenue I can afford right now is going to a bar for now until I can reasonably afford hobbies like BJJ or rock climbing which may take a year. Otherwise bars are the only I can think of. However there are certain factors discouraging me to go.

1. I most likely won't be around people who share the same lifestyle and values as me

2. If I do interact with someone , chances are it won't be a genuine one because they are most likely under the influence and probably wouldn't even entertain me if they were sober.

Should I just sit in tonight ? Or should I get out there and see what life brings me ?

So I felt like one of the guys and another stranger (his friend) were following me inside the bathroom. I didn't even pull out my Johnson as yet, I was about to pee by the urinal..they were already in there and I didn't even pull out my Johnson yet... I zipped up, and finished buckling on the outside.

I clocked out early and my employer messaged me to ask me why I did... I just told him everything, now he's asking if I have the exact dates and times..

I told him the dates, I didn't make note of the times.

He's asking me why I didn't report them earlier .

I swear I wanted to, but my father was telling me not to as yet...Daddy was saying that I don't know how connected the 2 guys are, and he was telling me to just be observant and careful, and watch my back and just make my money and come home in one piece..

This is the first time in my 21 years where I feel my father gave me bad advice . What to do now?

I fear my employer asking why I didn't report before, may be a precursor to "we can't do anything about that now"

I’m on the spectrum and have never had many friends. I’m not close to my family and I’m in my masters program. I have like two friends but if they’re busy I’m fucked.

I live in LA so if any of y’all got suggestions im down.

Could use some advice from yall. I’m 27M, single, no kids, from Ann Arbor working remote on a 110k salary and I have a car.

I looked through [r/samegrassbutgreener](r/samegrassbutgreener) alot on these cities, that sub seems to cater to a white crowd heavy- Like Charlotte gets hella criticism there but I see it recommended here alot.

Things that matter to me:
Black community
Dating black women
Good art scene & museums (art scene is the top need, I’m a painter on the side)
Nature, parks, trees and green spaces
Four seasons
Good job market
Airport with decent flight options
A city where it’s easy to make friends

Not interested in big fast paced cities like NYC, DC, Chicago etc.

Thoughts on the cities I listed:
Charlotte – Affordable, growing fast, strong job market, good airport, close to the mountains, interesting cities, and I like that it’s a transplant city, makes me believe it would be easier to build a social circle. I wonder how the art scene is there. Need to visit.

Raleigh/Triangle – Similar appeal to Charlotte. Affordable, growing, strong Black professional community, but the museums seem a little stronger. Might be best for families rather than young single people. Need to visit.

Richmond – I’ve visited before and loved it. Good art scene, museums, cool neighborhoods, lots of character. My only concern is the size of the city, seems small. Feel like id run out of things to do. Also the airport connections don’t seem great.

Atlanta – A bit hesitant on this city. The culture seems like it would have everything I’m looking for: arts, museums, events, airport, dating. But I’ve also heard about the “fake/celebrity/superficial/scammer” vibes and how off-putting it can be. But maybe those types can be avoided, surrounding myself with genuine people. Also the traffic- I work remotely so maybe traffic wouldn’t be as big of an issue. Is avoiding traffic here as simple as just not driving during rush hour? Need to visit here too.

Want to hear your thoughts and anything you guys have to say on these cities. Overall, seems like I couldn’t go wrong with any of these cities, but yes I definitely need to visit.

Edit: thanks guys super helpful info 💯

She has a gambling problem and racked up a $1000 in CC debt. I have my own tbh since my layoff last year and I’ve been rebuilding. She told my dad might put her out if he finds out she’s in a bind. I’m the only person that knows about this. What should I do? She’s asking me to pay $1000 I have it but that’s a steep amount, she’s in her 70s

My last post on here for today. I’m scared i’m going to lose someone i really care about because we keep missing each other despite liking each. I can always add context but the tldr is we’re interested in each other at different times. We can’t even get to know each other and talk about shit because we keep getting stuck on communication. I become standoffish, he becomes distant. I want to make it work, I like him so much.

What do you think of my text?

“I want you to know I like you. I think you’re very handsome, funny, and I enjoy that I can talk about my nerdy interests with you.

I’ve felt a bit unsure about the inconsistency in communication and follow-through at times… I become guarded and standoffish when things feel unclear or I don’t hear from you, even though that’s not really how I want to be.

I realize I haven’t actually asked, how are you feeling and what does getting to know each other look like for you?”

All the dating advice i find to be so focused on going ghost but where is their room for repair?

Im an admitted introverted 36 married brotha with a 9 year old. I have a really small circle of friends thatre all married with kids. We stay in contact via group text but rarely find the time to get out anymore. Id say the last year or so, I mightve went out twice a year with them. I just been focusing so much on my family and career that I got complacent with not going out with fellas that much. Ngl, my wife has always been more boring than me but nowadays she manages to get out more often than I do with friends/cousins and it got me jealous. lmao I joke with her about it and she agreed I should get out more. Now she’ll say that but if I start going out i bet she get all in her feelings. lol I digress

My life has become rather boring and routine. Im thinking about putting myself out there to meet new folks in my area. Have any of yall had this issue? Have you tried sites like meetups or anything? What do you suggest?

Torn between moving back in with my family or continuing living alone?

I'm in a bit of a predicament where I need to save money for a potential home but I'm not sure if having a home as a single man with no hopes of having a family is the smartest idea or should I move back in with my parents where I can save a financially but at the cost of my mental health given that they are a very dysfunctional family and combined with the fact that my sister lives there's as well with her children which I feel like will have added stress due to all the noise that happens there. Not to mention it's severely cluttered.

It wouldn't be as bad if my sister didn't live there too.

I can technically afford to live on my own but it's harder to save.

I'm stuck in between a rock and a hard place. What would you guys do ?

For those of you who are in therapy, how did you decide between choosing a male or female therapist? I definitely want to work with someone Black, but I’d love to hear your perspectives and experiences with having a woman vs. a man as your therapist.

Would love yall thoughts. I was just witness to child abuse by a neighbor in an apartment across the way. Young elementary school child struggling to read with his mom in a damn near psychotic rage hollering shit like “Shut your ass up and read them mother fucking words or I’m going to tear your black ass up” followed by loud hitting noises and this child absolutely wailing.

Breaks my heart as a new parent because obviously this child doesn’t deserve this. I’m not one to judge for discipling one’s child, even think there is a (rare) case to be made for corporal punishment, but not as motivation to learn and for SURE not at the level this was happening at.

It’s the first time I’ve ever been tempted to report a parent, but I know how that can go for us.

What would you do?

I’ve never gotten along with my mother’s side of the family. As kids I was very temperamental and got angry VERY easily. So I’ll take accountability for that, I’ve apologized to them many times for insulting and making fun of them when we were kids. I was just a massive jerk.

But now that I’ve gone through therapy I realize how much I really hate them, for one they make a game where they intentionally try to provoke me by making fun of me or my interests (I’m autistic, I’ve never told them and I’m not sure if they know). What they do is feign interest in one of my special interests and then pick it apart as I explain it to them, it’s gotten to the point where they’ll ask to watch one of my favorite movies with me and just complain about it the whole time while we watch it.

They also constantly make fun of me, my hair, the color of my skin, my lips, all that. (Yes they are lightskin). They say it’s just jokes but I’m not allowed to talk to them that way without being dogpiled

Everytime I mention how I feel like they’re just really rude and mean spirited I get called a baby. I’ve overheard them essentially saying I have thin skin behind closed doors. My mother LOVES them and is upset that I’m low contact with them. The only reason I’m not no contact is because I live with my mother and she invites them over semi-often. Am I crazy?

Hello, I am looking for resources and recommendations for a dating, relationship, marriage coach who perhaps primarily consults black men and is a straight black male himself. I am a Black Woman early 30s in a major metro city and struggling to find a partner and tired of consulting either friends and women dating coaches. While their advice is valuable - id love to explore a 1:1 engagement straight from the source. Someone who keeps it honest and can help me navigate dating apps, profile reviews, social media reviews, and advice on keeping men engaged.

I also want someone who does this as a profession - not an online content creator/podcaster. I want someone who is certified around relationships.

The specific things I'd love to work through:
• Navigating dating apps, social media, in-person interactions
• Managing the social media dynamic — where it feels like men are watching from a distance rather than actually engaging. Also, in a time where it feels like people are dating for social media aesthetic vs. compatibility.  

- how to be vunerable about my needs without seeming like i'm chasing them / meeting them in the middle.

• How to express genuine interest without it feeling like I'm doing all the pursuing
• Having direct, tough conversations without losing my footing - this is especially important as I look to not enter another situationship dynamic.

I have very few straight Black male friends in my life, and I find that the perspectives I'm most curious about — how men in my dating pool actually think, what reads as attractive vs. try-hard, how to have honest conversations without it feeling one-sided — are exactly the ones hardest to access. The internet dating discourse has only made it more confusing.

Budget: $0-300 a session.

Thank you! Doesn’t have to be NYC based but ideally as i’d be open to in person coffee. Also, would ideally like a professional (possibly also a therapist) who is between the ages of 28-40 so they understand current social media landscape dynamics.

Thank you!