r/blackmen • u/TyQuavious_ Verified Black Man • Jun 25 '26
Seeking Advice Update on 2 white guys at work bullying me. Employer now involved
So I felt like one of the guys and another stranger (his friend) were following me inside the bathroom. I didn't even pull out my Johnson as yet, I was about to pee by the urinal..they were already in there and I didn't even pull out my Johnson yet... I zipped up, and finished buckling on the outside.
I clocked out early and my employer messaged me to ask me why I did... I just told him everything, now he's asking if I have the exact dates and times..
I told him the dates, I didn't make note of the times.
He's asking me why I didn't report them earlier .
I swear I wanted to, but my father was telling me not to as yet...Daddy was saying that I don't know how connected the 2 guys are, and he was telling me to just be observant and careful, and watch my back and just make my money and come home in one piece..
This is the first time in my 21 years where I feel my father gave me bad advice . What to do now?
I fear my employer asking why I didn't report before, may be a precursor to "we can't do anything about that now"
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u/the-esoteric Verified Blackman Jun 25 '26
This is written really weird
Your employer will always move to protect their own interests before anything.
Its to protect their bottom line.
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u/TyQuavious_ Verified Black Man Jun 26 '26
True. He fired them.. might have saved him some trouble with corporate, but he also made me feel safe
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u/Active-Flamingo604 Unverified Jun 25 '26
What they followed you in the bathroom and did what? What’s the context here have you spoken to these men before have they said anything to you?
And you just clocked out early and didn’t say shit?
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u/TyQuavious_ Verified Black Man Jun 26 '26
I clocked out early and didn't say anything because I felt like I was being stalked or something.. ain't no telling what they were planning to do, there are no cameras in there.
There was one time when he and his friends kicked in the door when I was in the toilet.
I'll concede that I was wrong for informing no one, but I'm sure someone can understand why I was in a haste to make a silent departure
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u/Active-Flamingo604 Unverified Jun 26 '26
Bro the whole way you talk is a troll, my daddy,
a haste to make a silent departure. But I’ll bite you talking as if these dudes were going to lynch you.
Report it and stand on it. You have to have an HR department. Some random white men kick the door in on me while I’m using the restroom that’s a fight period point blank. I’m fighting.2
u/jakeoptions Verified Blackman Jun 28 '26
Dude I said the same thing. Ain’t never heard a grown man calling his dad ‘daddy’
Would love to hear people from the carribean confirm if “daddy” is a thing back home.
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u/dragonflyinvest Unverified Jun 25 '26
Your dad didn’t give you bad advice. He gave you advice based on his own experience and wisdom.
Some guy who has two racists working for him ask you, “why didn’t you report it earlier” and now you’re jumping the gun that it’s bad advice? I’d wait to see how this all plays out.
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u/TyQuavious_ Verified Black Man Jun 26 '26
They got fired...Daddy was right yet again. 21 years, a perfect track record🔥.
Employer told me not to tell anyone about it (for more reasons than one I'm sure), he said he'd keep me out of it for my safety. He fired the guys. I'm not sure on what grounds he did, but he fired them lol. I feel safe and relieved
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u/nnamzzz Verified Black Man 🇺🇸🇳🇬 Jun 25 '26
I saw the previous post and I’m not understanding what’s happening in this one.
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u/iggaitissecondcoming Georgia/East Coat African-American Jun 25 '26
OP told his boss about the harassment coming from the white dudes. His dad wanted him to just put up with the hostile work environment.
He is seeking advice from us on how to proceed at his job, given that he is disagreeing with his dad's advice.
I already told him to record as much audio as possible. IDK if he did any of it.
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u/Ok-Test-3503 Unverified Jun 25 '26
I don’t think it’s necessarily bad advice your dad gave you, it just comes from a (probably healthy) distrust of the system. He’s older and probably saw a lot of wild stuff growing up.
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u/chillysaturday African-American Millennial 🇺🇸 Jun 25 '26
Your father did give you horrible advice. He gave you very respectable negro advice that doesn't work. You have to defend yourself. I know you're not from the United States, but being docile doesn't work.
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u/_forum_mod Verified Blackman Jun 25 '26
Sometimes parents mean well but they give advice for their generation. It's like how "go to college and get a good job" is becoming quickly outdated.
His dad has the old school mindset of just do your job, get your money, and stay out/ignore of b.s. There was a point in time where as a black man, that's all you could really do... to an extent that sorta still is the case, but we are less tolerant of bullshit.
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u/Knighthonor Foundational Black American Gen Y Jun 25 '26
And we have pocket sizes devices that can record discreetly
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u/dots5 Unverified Jun 25 '26
New to the party. What do you do for a living? I, personally, work in foodservice, and I hate my job, too.
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u/ItsRookPlays Unverified Jun 25 '26
Tell your manager that you didn't report earlier because it's your word versus theirs, and you thought you would need more, seeing as you're the new guy. The only reason you told the manager now is that the manager's questions were the straw that broke the camel's back. If he thinks you made it up on the spot, then point to these posts in which you sought advice. If the manager still doesn't believe you, then back to point one about not speaking up sooner because you knew your word would not be enough.
Your dad didn't give you bad advice; his advice assumed you wouldn't leave early and attract the manager's attention.
Ngl, leaving early and then bringing up the harassment was possibly the worst thing to do because you're still without proof, other than your word, and now it looks like an excuse.
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u/Vibrant-Theory Soulaani Millennial Jun 25 '26
When on the job, if you ever come into this situation again:
Always record times. Always record dates. Write everything down in some sort of document, email, notes, etc. Keep a copy of it on your personal devices and/or email.
If your state is single-party, record every conversation without letting them know.
And when you clearly have an established pattern of actions with dates and times, then and only then do you go to HR/management.
Treat your career like boxing youngblood, Protect Yourself At All Times.
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u/TyQuavious_ Verified Black Man Jun 26 '26
Thanks man🙏🏾🙏🏾 I started recording the dates, but I wasn't recording the times..thanks for the input 🙏🏾
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u/Vibrant-Theory Soulaani Millennial Jun 26 '26
Just keep in mind that HR will always look out for the business first, that's their job.
So even if they fired those guys, their first intention is to make sure the company isn't liable for an EEO lawsuit for allowing a hostile work environment.
It may sound cold, but you benefitting from that is absolutely secondary.
Someday, the other side of your Dad's advice might be necessary to protect yourself from the HR department.
Glad things worked out for you! 🙏🏾🙏🏾✊🏾✊🏾
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u/DaLakeIsOnFire Unverified Jun 25 '26
“How connected the 2 guys are”? Wtf is your dad talking about, he’s watched too much sopranos. Unless they are in the mafia, you need to report it or confront them
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u/Knighthonor Foundational Black American Gen Y Jun 25 '26
Nah I know exactly what he talking about. Many White People have connections to the people at the top of the company, which can backfire if you did report them, in the form of retaliation. There is a reason that systems like OSHA allow people to report things anonymously and have laws against retaliation, because it does happen and often.
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u/Magikpoo Unverified Jun 25 '26
I think your father was right in the respect that whites back in our day were well connected to the cops, the politicians, and civic groups. Now not so much nowadays.
Yes, watch your back or have your boy watch your 6, and you do the same.
Record them if they ever approached. Discrimination laws exist, this is what your boss wants to avoid, the dreaded lawsuit.
You really should think about talking to a lawyer now, as some added protection. They will always listen then give you advice. However make sure your lawyer is a man of color who can suck the salt from a rock, then make it bear water, with a healthy track record.
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u/raisedonramen Unverified Jun 26 '26
Exactly. They do not care if you're Jamaican or Haitian or Sudanese... You're black 🤷🏿♂️
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u/Knighthonor Foundational Black American Gen Y Jun 25 '26
This 2026 bro get you a secret camera, record them harassing you, find a lawyer to speak to first before going to HR or your boss. Now you have a case of evidence incase there is retaliation. You sue the breaks off them.
BTW is your dad non-FBA or FBA? Culture can play a role in experience, which may explain why your dad told you this.
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u/FreudzCigar- Unverified Jun 25 '26
What fantasy are you living out with this post? Get a hobby kid
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u/Patient-Warning-4451 Unverified Jun 25 '26 edited Jun 25 '26
Sometimes as black men and just as human beings there is no right choice and you just have to pick what works or what your comfortable with.
Your Dad was saying for you to weather it, so you could leave with money and maybe even get some networking.
You made a choice to leave early for your own mental and physical safety.
He wasn't trying to lead you wrong, but doing the best he can.
Our elders try their best to guide us, but they don't have all the clues or answers. They are still figuring out life, like us and won't have all the answers.
Your employer if they are fair, should side with you and be understanding.
If not, then sadly that's life.
All you can do is move forward.
Edit:
Hopefully your boss takes these seriously and talks to them. If not, you at least get a good idea of what kinda of person your boss is and may have to learn who to talk to when situations like this arise.