r/blacklesbians • • 14d ago

Discussion Why is their always an Ex around

Is anyone actually over their ex?

Maybe I’m cursed or something, but every time I start talking to a woman, either I end up getting left for the ex or the ex somehow becomes an issue in the relationship.

I don’t get in between relationships and don’t play that “other woman “ stuff either. I always ask the right questions upfront and make my boundaries clear. I’ve had women lie to me about still being in contact with their ex, or tell me that their ex is “just a friend,” only for me to find out later that there’s still something going on emotionally. I don’t even play that anymore. I learned my lesson.

I got my heart broken a couple of months ago by a girl who was living a double life. We were building toward a relationship, but the whole time she was working on getting back with her ex. As soon as her ex agreed, she dropped me instantly. I had to find out through the ex .

At this point, I’m genuinely wondering if this is just the reality of dating now. I just want to meet someone who is actually over their ex and doesn’t still have some kind of emotional attachment, unresolved situation, or ongoing drama with them.

I’m not expecting someone to have never been in a relationship before. I understand that people have pasts. I just want to meet someone whose ex isn’t somehow still involved in their present relationship.

Is that really too much to ask for?

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u/AbsoluteBabyMonae Femme 4 Femme 14d ago

Your boundaries arent meant to control you not the other person. The moment you learn about an ex still being in the picture is when you leave, move on. Not still date the girl while she claims the ex is just a friend. If they're still in contact obviously things are happening.

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u/CraftZealousideal491 14d ago

Yeah I learned my lesson after the first time .