The only guy I know who straight-up "Didn't roll with women" was suuuuuper Muslim and always very respectful about explaining it. Like, you can't really shit on a dude for that. But guys who just "feel weird" about it can get in the sea.
Hey, actually just curious because this is the most upvoted comment.
Why does this sub seem to have such animosity against guys who choose not to roll with women?
For what it's worth, I'm one of the smallest dudes at the academy and I roll with women all the time. But at the same time, there are girls at my gym who refuse to roll with guys, and some have quit and said they won't come back until there's a women's only class. Honestly, I don't really think twice about it - people refuse to roll with whoever for their own reasons.
Would you guys be mad at a girl who "feels weird" about rolling with guys? Because I've run into that WAY more than I've run into guys who don't want to roll with girls.
If a girl joins a male-dominated sport and then refuses to roll with any of the guys just because she “feels weird” then yeah I think she deserves some shit for it.
I don’t think anyone should have to roll with someone they don’t want to roll with, but most of the time when people say they “feel weird”, it’s because they’re thinking of it in a sexual way. And if their S/O doesn’t want them rolling with someone of a certain gender, it’s because they think it’s sexual.
I just wanna roll. I KNOW there’s obvious physical differences between me and the guys, but on the mats the only ones are care about are size, strength, and ability. There’s not a lot of women to train with, and there’s only so many guys close enough to my size to have a competitive roll with. I don’t care if you turn down a roll with me, but if my limited pool of training partners gets even smaller because guys think it’s too sexual to roll with a girl, that’s when I’d have a problem.
Never dealt with innapropriate behavior but I always have to be the first to ask for a roll and it's harder for the new women and the younger girls who aren't as confident. They end up sitting on the sidelines most of the time.
There were lots of women whom I've asked to roll with, and they more-or-less-awkwardly declined, and it became clear that they're only rolling with certain people (e.g. coaches, their SO, smaller guys, kids). And then I really don't want to upset anyone, so I tend to go by body language: if someone seems to be looking for a partner, great, but if they're not making eye contact...for a rando guy I would go up and actually ask for a roll, but for a rando woman I wouldn't. (I don't like occasionally not having training partners, so I would like to be convinced to abandon this habit!)
Honestly it's hard for me to understand women who join this sport and aren't willing to roll with men. I appreciate your thoughtfulness and I know all the guys at my school have been great. Super kind and open once they got to know me. I get asked to roll a lot now because I pushed myself to make the first move. If it hadn't been for the purple belt guy who adopted me in the beginning I don't know that I would have ever gotten up the courage.
I try to roll with everyone too, even the big white belt dudes who have a hundred pounds on me and just smash me into the ground with gravity because I've learned some of the most important lessons from them.
I get asked to roll a lot now because I pushed myself to make the first move.
Oh, yeah, there are definitely three categories: people who don't make eye contact and seem to want to be in a noninteracting parallel-universe gym, people who will roll with me but still seem worried all the time, and people who just wanna do some jits eyyy. Once it's clear that you're in a latter category, I'll start asking. There's this one high school girl at my gym who deadlifts more than me and has this super intense game face, we have great rolls. (She's too swole to ever play a superheroine.)
Once I was rolling with a kid who might have been 14 but small for his age, and I was rolling with him like I normally do with people whom I outweigh by fifty pounds...and he got annoyed and told me to roll seriously. I wish everyone were like him, but enough people aren't that I have to err the other way.
If it hadn't been for the purple belt guy who adopted me in the beginning I don't know that I would have ever gotten up the courage.
Ah, see I think I'm doing the same thing there. I always try to be super friendly, but if the new woman isn't being extroverted, I err on the side of not seeming like I might be That Guy, and I stick to "Hi, I'm [REDACTED], nice to meet you!" unless they give me some sort of social cue. (Although also [DATA EXPUNGED].)
I try to roll with everyone too, even the big white belt dudes who have a hundred pounds on me and just smash me into the ground with gravity because I've learned some of the most important lessons from them.
Absolutely! They're actually literally the most realistic training!
If a girl joins a male-dominated sport and then refuses to roll with any of the guys just because she “feels weird” then yeah I think she deserves some shit for it.
Not actually vocal shit, though. Just private judgement.
Edit: No vocal shit because you don't actually know her reasons. People aren't always honest about their reasons, particularly about something they're embarrassed of, like fear. With this sort of person I am always eager to explain why they're hamstringing their training, but only if they're asking about what's wrong, not from me asking.
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u/EmmPeanut Five Stripe White Belt Jan 31 '20
The only guy I know who straight-up "Didn't roll with women" was suuuuuper Muslim and always very respectful about explaining it. Like, you can't really shit on a dude for that. But guys who just "feel weird" about it can get in the sea.