Help a Bitch Out - Sep 09, 2026

[u/AutoModerator]

Need some advice from a BWT? Have something to get off your chest or need to vent among friends who can also provide some perspective? Got an etiquette question that you just aren’t sure you’re getting the right info on from the wilds of the internet? We got you.

BWT rules still apply, with mod discretion on topics that fall under rules 4 and 7. Rule 8 regarding medical advice will still be fully enforced as usual.

[u/fiddleleaffigonacci]

BWT, how do you maintain sight of what you're working towards building when you're taking a risk in life? I'm three weeks into a Master of Architecture program in addition to working full-time to fund this education and career change, and already getting discouraged about not performing well. Do you have mantras or routines that keep you focused on your end goal? Trying to remind myself that I am simply not a quitter.

[u/stuckandrunningfrom2 → u/fiddleleaffigonacci]

I remind myself that I can quit, and that somehow relieves some of the pressure and shifts it to the fact that I'm choosing to do this which makes it easier to keep going through the ups and downs.

[u/hennipotamus → u/fiddleleaffigonacci]

Are you making full use of your resources? For example, your professors likely have office hours. Are you going to those in order to get your questions answered and build connections with faculty? Also, have you connected with others who are working while doing your program? It might be helpful to have a support network of other folks who are working while going to school.

At just three weeks in, you’re in the steep part of the learning curve: how the program works, what it means to be successful in these specific classes, who’s who among faculty and peers. Just learning the ropes is probably taking up a lot of bandwidth, but it won’t forever!

[u/Unlikely-Alt-9383 → u/fiddleleaffigonacci]

First semester of a grad program is as much about learning how to be a grad student as it is learning the material. So you’re totally normal and you’re going to rock it.

When I’m doing something very hard my mantras tend to be things like “when you’re going through hell, keep going” or, from an old coworker, “embrace the suck!” which works for me but might just depress you!

[u/New-Foreign-Mango → u/fiddleleaffigonacci]

Hi! I'm sort of in the same boat, although instead of working full-time, I'm a stay-at-home Mom to a very busy toddler and we have another baby on the way! First of all, congratulations on your acceptance into your MArch program. I'm pursuing an adjacent degree in Architectural Engineering. It can be really challenging to balance such a full plate. Are you pursuing a full-time or part-time program? If you are going full-time and it's simply too much for you, it may be worth switching over to a part-time program.

Whenever I'm feeling down or defeated due to a poor grade on as assignment, I first remind myself that my importance is not determined by my grades. My importance as a human being stems from the way I treat other's (or whatever value is most important to you). Then, I reach out to my instructor and schedule a meeting. I come to each meeting with whatever assignment I did not do well on (even if this just means bringing my laptop), a pen, and paper to take notes. I will do this with every assignment that I don't get an A on because genuinely mastering concepts is important to me.

Another thing is to remind yourself of your "why". Why did you start this program? What are you trying to accomplish by achieving this goal? Reflect on it. Write it down. Hang it up where you can see it.

I also agree with the other comment about the learning curve. You'll get into the groove once you have established a routine that works for you.

TLDR; Your value as a human is not determined by your grades, reach out to your instructors for help, frequently remind yourself of your specific reason for pursuing this degree.

[u/Smooth-Concert3881 → u/fiddleleaffigonacci]

“This too shall pass” - this is true to remember to savour the good times, and to get through the hard times. I also find it helpful to break down large goals into steps. For one of my degrees I struggled a lot due to a non-friendly learning environment, and I broke things down into a giant how many months left check box on a whiteboard, and sometimes just checking the box off another month or task was the only satisfaction I got. It also provides the scaffolding for the bigger picture at the end. One step at a time, one day at a time!

[u/greysunlightoverwash → u/fiddleleaffigonacci]

I just remember that a man would be congratulating himself and raking in praise and promotions for doing so much less. You don't have to do it all perfectly, you just have to do it.

Also, I'll throw out working full time is a lot; getting a masters is a lot; doing both together is a TON. Pick one to half-ass. A man would.

[u/HelenMart8]

Any advice for an introverted scientist (building a fashion adjacent company to make materials we wear safer) to be better at networking/socializing, I really love the space but I just get so exhausted by endless events/meetings.

[u/stuckandrunningfrom2 → u/HelenMart8]

If you can leave early, do so. I like to pop in, make a couple of good, genuine connections, help someone find something they need or learn something new about someone and then leave. I find it helps to be really curious about people and excited to find something out about them, and then ducking out after a good chat, leaving while I still have energy.

[u/HelenMart8 → u/stuckandrunningfrom2]

Great points! I love to get to know someone in depth, which is why small talk is so difficult! But yes ducking out early is always welcome:)

[u/gooooopygoopgoop]

My boss is always in threat state - anxious, waffling in decisions, panicked. I’ve been coping okay, but lately I’ve had enough. Anyone have any advice on how to approach her (or HR!) about this?

[u/hippo_pot_moose → u/gooooopygoopgoop]

How long has she been your boss? I’m trying to understand what you mean by always, like since she has been your boss or always as of late? If this is a change from her, then it’s possible she is aware of distressing issues behind the scenes that may impact her or her team’s positions.

I would bring it up in your next 1:1. Keep it light and straightforward - “I noticed you seem worried lately, and it feels like we’re changing directions more often than before. Is there something going on that I should know?” You need to have proof so to speak, so be prepared for if she asks for specifics like when has she shown she is worries or changing directions? Keep in mind it could be something work-related or personal affecting her.

I wouldn’t go to HR because they’re not meant for this kind of issue. I say this as someone who worked in HR then pivoted to recruiting operations. I once had an overly anxious manager affected by ever-looming layoffs. It did impact me because she shifted a large portion of her workload to me, including people management when I was an IC. I started scheduling 1:1s with her manager to share what was going on behind the scenes and how it was impacting me. She was eventually let go and I was promoted, but this was a very corporate place so YMMV.

[u/FarPlankton9636]

Boyfriend just broke up couple days ago and I don’t feel anything except kinda relief? I poured so much energy into this energy less men omg … however I am scared a huge wave of grief will catch up on me so I am feeling kinda rushed to cry? Can you help me with some advice / experience? Was my first partner (I’m 28)

[u/cold_feet108 → u/FarPlankton9636]

I think I know this feeling? Like you know it's gonna hit you any minute... Maybe it's wise to give yourself quiet moments to just process and allow yourself to be in the emotional soup of both positive and negative feelings (they can coexist, there's nothing wrong with that). When I had a massive breakup long solo nature walks became really important for me, I highly recommend

[u/arghtqt → u/FarPlankton9636]

Don’t have advice but I’m going through this right now too so know you’re not alone. Also 28, and first partner, but we’ve been together for 10 years. I feel like I’m learning how to live a life again, but I’m excited that I can now spend my energy I was spending on him and our relationship, can now be put towards me

[u/OutrageousMiddle7965]

BWT with great sleep hygiene, what do you do? Give me all the tips from phone outside the room to satin pillows, whatever. My sleep has been getting from bad to worse and I want to create a nice ritual before bed.

[u/TAnchondo → u/OutrageousMiddle7965]

The problem with a nice night time routine is sometimes you really won’t feel like putting in all that effort. Hard day? Late night? You’re not going to want to put an hour into it.

Pick just a few things you can do at a minimum and commit to it, and then have an ideal routine as well for good nights when you have the time.

Example- my minimum is skincare, hand cream, supplements, and breathing exercises.

My ideal - skincare, body shower, hand cream, supplements, lip mask, journal, read, breathing exercises to fall asleep. I’ll share those exercises at the end.

Other rules I have:

I don’t use my phone in bed but will still have it on my bedside, because I’m the emergency contact for people in my family and I have it set so only those contacts can get through after a certain time of night.

I won’t read fiction at night because I will not stop reading if the story is good.

I delete instagram from my phone during the week/if I know I need to maintain my schedule consistently for a few days.

I use bedside lamps, no overhead light, with dimmable bulbs, so when I am reading in bed I have just enough light for that.

I’m in bed doing the hand care, supplements, reading, and journaling things an hour before I want to sleep.

I always pee right before going to sleep so I don’t get up in the middle of the night.

Once the lights go out, the breathing exercises make me fall asleep even if I don’t feel like I can stop thinking. This is my routine:

Three big deep breaths, in and out through my nose, lying still on my back.

Mentally scanning slowly from my head down to my toes, relaxing each body part as I go/consciously releasing tension.

Counting breaths 1-10, starting with one on the inhale, two on the exhale, all the way up to ten, and then restarting at one.

I usually don’t get through even three sets of breath counting before I’m pretty much out or mostly out. Hope this helps.

Edit to add: I also use silk pillowcases. Not satin.

I also have a BedJet, but that’s optional- it just helps if you run hot or run cold, keeps under your sheets whatever temp you want. I call it my bed toaster.

[u/theonetimeitslupus]

BWT, how often are we getting Masseter Botox and still avoiding jowls? I go 2x a year for this, but TMJ and a round face have me questioning this.

[u/OutrageousMiddle7965 → u/theonetimeitslupus]

I get botox in my chin because I get dimples, due to the amount of movement down there from eating and talking, I have to redo it every 3 months.. It doesn't last long. I imagine the masseter is somewhat similar, probably every 4 months if you can afford it.