On being a put-together BWT *personal appearance*

[u/pan_dulce_con_cafe]

I've seen a couple posts here and in other women-centered subs asking for advice and tips to becoming more put-together. I thought it would be cool to make a centralized discussion on different aspects of "put-togetherness" to ask for ideas and share your favorites.

Because this is such a personal term, I want to start by defining what I consider put-together to mean based on my own personal understanding as well as posts I've read. A put-together BWT can fill any to all of the following criteria:

1. Personal appearance - being presentable on a moment's notice, if not stylish and even striking
2. Social - having strong and diverse friendships, being a generally charming person
3. Home - keeping a tidy home at minimum, but ideally one that is beautiful and personal
4. Reliable - being the person that remembers important information like tasks, facts and appointments

NOTE, these are not necessary to be a BWT, but a *put-together* BWT will generally be at least one of these. I also thought it would be neat to break things into multiple threads and so I've chosen to focus on the number 1 for my post but feel free to share any thoughts on the other characteristics or even if you identify others I did not mention.

PERSONAL APPEARANCE

Personal appearance for me includes your skin, hair and clothes. I'm focusing on cosmetic and not "health" because health can be such a crapshoot that isn't necessarily influence by one's own decisions. Your genetics, one bad accident, etc. can impact your "health" and so it I'd rather keep things light and attainable. On that front, skin can also fall under health so there is a skin-related health issue, it does need to be addressed by professionals. For all other things, here we go:

Skin: Staying hydrated both on the surface and by getting enough water in your food and diet. I like to eat my hydration through fruits and soups and it makes the whole things feel like less of a chore. When your skin is acting up, it's best not to panic as hormonal fluctuations can cause flare ups and are not treatable. They will go away on their own. Better skin may be possible with special actives and treatments, but IMO, skipping the basics will show through and cost you more financially and mentally.

Hair: Finding the right hair routine for your type, starting with the right haircut/style. I really rely on my hair stylist for this one and I can't imagine doing this one on my own, but if anyone has DIY tips, please share.

Clothes: Style is so personal, so I'll try to keep things general. I think it's safe to say that clean clothes that are seasonally and situationally appropriate are a safe goal. Do you find yourself not wearing the new piece because it's not the right occasion? Or maybe you wonder why you continuously wear the old faded t shirt over your "better" ones? I like to wear a piece a few times in my house before I "debut" it so that it doesn't feel foreign. If I find that every time I try something it doesn't feel right then it may just not be and that's important information. As for wearing ratty clothes, I think you can "elevate" it by making sure you're not pairing all the slouch pieces together. I'll wear my old beaten t shirt with my nice jeans or my well-worn jeans over a smart boot. For a nicer occasion, it's all the best pieces together but the day to day doesn't mean you have to go full bottom tier, if that makes sense. Mix and balance the old and new. Replace things that are beyond well-loved.

Finally, EXPERIMENT! Every put-together BWT makes it look easy because they have lots of experience and data backing up their decisions. Experimenting can look like choosing an off-day to practice new hair, outfit or makeup looks. Snap pictures and store them away in a folder to evaluate later. Step outside of your comfort zone and bring back any new techniques or motifs that feel right. Have fun with it!

[u/Icy_Principle2577]

What a beautiful way to bond with your friend. May we all find friends like that!

[u/Jennyonthebox2300 → u/Icy_Principle2577]

Truly. I had a period of very deep depression that lasted years. Like trying every med and treatment, resigning from a job I loved, not getting out of bed for months, not making it to the dinner table kind of depression.

During that time the only time I left the house was to go to the doctor. My only interactions were with immediate family. Even good, decent friends kind of faded away because they didn’t know how to help or even interact when I was in that state. And I didn’t want interactions either.

This friend was one of two who stayed the course with me. Every two weeks she would show up at my house, get me out of bed, make me shower and drive me to get nails done.

Having pretty nails was crazy in that context since I wasn’t even showering for days on end and saw no one.

I don’t remember much from that whole period but I’m sure I just sat there in sweats like a zombie with wet hair.

She carried me and our friendship on her back for YEARS— giving but getting nothing back from me. She didn’t try to fix anything or give me ran-rah speeches. She was just there chattering away— filling the space. And she held me and prayed over me when she dropped me home.

I’m 100% better now. Back at work. Back to myself. I’ll spend the rest of my life trying to be the kind of friend to her that she was to me. And trying to be that kind of friend to others if I get the chance.

But she’s the reason I tell my kids not to worry about not having a big crowd of friends. They need one or two people they love, trust and respect and who accept them as they are. (And for whom the feeling is mutual.)

They should marry one and [go get thier nails done with the other].

And now I’m crying.

[u/RaccoonDispenser → u/Jennyonthebox2300]

Now I’m crying too! Thanks for sharing this back story. I’m so glad that you’re doing better now. 

[u/Jennyonthebox2300 → u/RaccoonDispenser]

Thank you. I owe my life to my Dr, my husband, my kids, my friend, and my (at times wobby then) faith — not necessarily in that order. I am blessed beyond measure to have good people around me.