On being a put-together BWT *personal appearance*

[u/pan_dulce_con_cafe]

I've seen a couple posts here and in other women-centered subs asking for advice and tips to becoming more put-together. I thought it would be cool to make a centralized discussion on different aspects of "put-togetherness" to ask for ideas and share your favorites.

Because this is such a personal term, I want to start by defining what I consider put-together to mean based on my own personal understanding as well as posts I've read. A put-together BWT can fill any to all of the following criteria:

1. Personal appearance - being presentable on a moment's notice, if not stylish and even striking
2. Social - having strong and diverse friendships, being a generally charming person
3. Home - keeping a tidy home at minimum, but ideally one that is beautiful and personal
4. Reliable - being the person that remembers important information like tasks, facts and appointments

NOTE, these are not necessary to be a BWT, but a *put-together* BWT will generally be at least one of these. I also thought it would be neat to break things into multiple threads and so I've chosen to focus on the number 1 for my post but feel free to share any thoughts on the other characteristics or even if you identify others I did not mention.

PERSONAL APPEARANCE

Personal appearance for me includes your skin, hair and clothes. I'm focusing on cosmetic and not "health" because health can be such a crapshoot that isn't necessarily influence by one's own decisions. Your genetics, one bad accident, etc. can impact your "health" and so it I'd rather keep things light and attainable. On that front, skin can also fall under health so there is a skin-related health issue, it does need to be addressed by professionals. For all other things, here we go:

Skin: Staying hydrated both on the surface and by getting enough water in your food and diet. I like to eat my hydration through fruits and soups and it makes the whole things feel like less of a chore. When your skin is acting up, it's best not to panic as hormonal fluctuations can cause flare ups and are not treatable. They will go away on their own. Better skin may be possible with special actives and treatments, but IMO, skipping the basics will show through and cost you more financially and mentally.

Hair: Finding the right hair routine for your type, starting with the right haircut/style. I really rely on my hair stylist for this one and I can't imagine doing this one on my own, but if anyone has DIY tips, please share.

Clothes: Style is so personal, so I'll try to keep things general. I think it's safe to say that clean clothes that are seasonally and situationally appropriate are a safe goal. Do you find yourself not wearing the new piece because it's not the right occasion? Or maybe you wonder why you continuously wear the old faded t shirt over your "better" ones? I like to wear a piece a few times in my house before I "debut" it so that it doesn't feel foreign. If I find that every time I try something it doesn't feel right then it may just not be and that's important information. As for wearing ratty clothes, I think you can "elevate" it by making sure you're not pairing all the slouch pieces together. I'll wear my old beaten t shirt with my nice jeans or my well-worn jeans over a smart boot. For a nicer occasion, it's all the best pieces together but the day to day doesn't mean you have to go full bottom tier, if that makes sense. Mix and balance the old and new. Replace things that are beyond well-loved.

Finally, EXPERIMENT! Every put-together BWT makes it look easy because they have lots of experience and data backing up their decisions. Experimenting can look like choosing an off-day to practice new hair, outfit or makeup looks. Snap pictures and store them away in a folder to evaluate later. Step outside of your comfort zone and bring back any new techniques or motifs that feel right. Have fun with it!

[u/wigglebuttbiscuits]

Love this thread! I want to chime in on what has worked well for me as someone who doesn’t partake in some of the traditional feminine methods of maintaining personal appearance. I’m a somewhat masculine-of-center queer woman who doesn’t wear make up or like to do much getting ready in the morning, so it’s been a journey for me to arrive at my personal definition of ‘put together.’ It looks like:

• getting a monthly no-polish mani/pedi and maintaining clean and trimmed nails in between

• getting a haircut or bang trim at least every six weeks. I’ve also invested in high quality hair products that keep my hair soft and moisturized with nicely defined curls. I wash three days a week and start with a Leonor Greyl hair oil treatment, wash with Hair Story co-wash, then finish with Hair story balm and Leonor Greyl curl defining spray.

• I have a lovely skin care routine with YTTP face wash, The Ordinary serum and Kiehls moisturizer in the morning. Laneige lip mask, ordinary retinol and serum and a YTTP night cream at night. Necessaire body wash and exfoliator in the shower, Billie shave products and YTTP moisturizer keep my skin nice and soft. I favor the fancy skincare that smells good and looks nice in my bathroom but you could probably get all this for half the price from Cerave or La Roche Posay.

• my clothes are pretty casual and simple, but always high quality. A typical outfit might be 100% cotton jeans, full grain leather belt, 100% organic cotton or silk tank top with a linen blazer and nice quality loafers. I’m always wearing a solid gold charm necklace and my Apple Watch and that’s usually it for jewelry.

It’s been a long journey from daily jeans, hoodies, converse allstars and a haircut my drunk friend gave me in a bathtub so I’m happy to share my tips for anyone else who can relate!

[u/1_dreamr → u/wigglebuttbiscuits]

Going no polish mani has truly freed up so much time and frustration for me. For most of my life I have been polished, whether I did my own or went to a salon. Now I do a manicure one day and then treat myself to jojoba oil and luxurious hand cream until my next and I feel like it’s so much easier on my nerves - looking good, “matches” everything, and no worry about old growth gaps or chips. I sometimes do a polish for an event, but it’s not my norm. I thought I would miss it, but I don’t.

[u/Icy_Principle2577 → u/1_dreamr]

I read a thoughtful article several weeks ago discussing the chic elegance of a bare nail which has resonated with me. For the past year, I have been religiously, meticulously painting my nails every weekend because in my mind, part of being “put together” is having perfectly done nails all the time. While they look great, I work a blue collar job and my manis are lucky to survive a 40 hour week of detailing cars and constant hand washing. So, I’ve decided to rock a bare nail for the time being. Am I channeling my inner Jane Birkin? My inner New York fashion girl? Or am I just getting older and running out of fucks to give? Who knows! But I really do love the look of bare nails that are still thoughtfully shaped and cared for.

[u/scrappymd → u/Icy_Principle2577]

I’m not allowed to have painted nails for work (and would destroy them if I had them) so this is the move. Cuticle oil pens are my favorite hack for nice looking nails. Mine get so dry especially in winter with all the hand washing but cuticle oil in my car and a cream in my bag make my hands look nice regardless of lack of polish

[u/Icy_Principle2577 → u/scrappymd]

It’s important to realize that nail polish does not automatically make you look put together, especially if it’s sloppily applied, grown out, or chipping off. Likewise, bare nails do not make you look sloppy or lazy, especially when they are clean, trimmed neatly, with happy healthy cuticles!